A/N. Okay, so I don't remember the exact details of Henry's background as laid out in the show, so I'm just gonna go with: Helen rescued him from his werewolf tribe for some reason and he could never find them again. So, the conclusion isn't as cracky as the first chapter. Parody is just not my genre, I guess. :) There is however plenty of gore and more Henry in this one.

A Werewolf With Self-Respect

Nikola Tesla was not fun to be around when he was pissed.

Not that Vlad's a bundle of daisies and candy under normal circumstances, Henry reflected. The werewolf was getting more than a little irritated, himself, trying to keep up with the scowling vampire. Finally, he gave up and just settled for keeping the fuming genius within sight. There was one good thing about Nikola's distance. It meant that when Henry's cell phone rang and he glanced down to see a picture of Helen Magnus giving him a stern glare with the caller ID of "Bossman," no one else heard his little squeak of fear.

There was a soft breeze and suddenly Tesla was standing at his side. "Problems, Wolfman?"

Henry jumped at the sudden nearness of the genius. Then he took a precious few seconds of Tesla's patience to study the apparent calm on the vampire's face. "You okay?"

Nikola scoffed. "That hardly concerns you."

Yup, back to normal, Henry thought with a roll of his eyes.

Then he held out the ringing cell phone as if it were a scorpion. "Then you talk to the doc."

Nikola stared at the phone as if it were a moldy banana peel Henry had dug out of a dumpster. But he sighed heavily and snapped his slightly bloodied handkerchief out. Noticing the filth on it, he hissed and replaced it, resigning himself to having to touch the phone with his bare hands.

Flipping it open, his cold aura instantly melted into flirtation. "Hello, my dearest Helen."

"Nikola?" Helen's voice came back. "Where's Henry?"

"You know, a smaller man would be hurt by your apparent lack of interest."

"Where is he, Nikola." It wasn't a question.

"Don't worry your pretty head; he's fine," the vampire muttered. "Not a scratch, exactly as promised. Say hello, Tiny Tim."

He held out the phone and Henry managed a shaking: "H-hi, boss!"

"See?" Nikola said, back into the phone.

"He sounds terrified. What happened?"

"Unfortunately, nothing at all. Turns out, the rumor was only hearsay and we have nothing to show for it except a longing desire to return home. How about you? Been thinking about me during the cold nights in the rainforest?"

Henry had to hand it to the inventor. He'd lied without a blink and then maneuvered Magnus off onto a different topic. And one that would get her dander up, at that. It was a constant source of amusement among the "children" of the Sanctuary, seeing the great Helen Magnus all flustered and off-balance by Tesla's casual flirtation.

"We're still in the Amazon, and no, I have no desires concerning you, Nikola," Helen said. "Listen, could I speak to Henry, please?"

Nikola's eyes darted to the side and Henry's widened in realization. The young werewolf began shaking his head furiously and waving his arms. Without a noticeable pause in his conversation with Helen, Nikola responded with:

"He's driving at the moment."

"Are you still in Forks?" Helen asked.

"Just left," he lied.

"Well, turn around now. I've just gotten another tip for that area."

"How is it you are so well-informed in the middle of South America, my dear Helen?"

"Declan sent some people to take care of the Old City Sanctuary, and they're keeping tabs on incoming rumors. Now, turn around and head for the outskirts of town. Apparently there's a werewolf clan in the forests. Henry will want to check it out, and your promise to keep him safe still stands."

"Yes, milady."

Helen's voice turned teasing for the first time in their conversation. "So good at following orders."

"Only yours," Nikola growled. "Believe me."

Then he hung up and turned to see Henry's expectant face.

"Well?" the werewolf asked. "Does she want to kill us?"

"She seems to waver on that topic with me, personally, but you're in the clear."

Henry frowned. "What was all that talking then?"

"It's called conversation, Dog Breath," Nikola shot back, tossing the phone back to its owner. Henry caught it, barely, and opened his mouth to be insulted at the newest nickname, when Nikola sighed. "Apparently it's your turn to be wildly let down."

Moving for the coordinates Helen had texted, the Sanctuary men were in very different moods than they had been walking to the Cullen's. Back then, Nikola had been reservedly anxious and Henry had been pouty. Now, Nikola was bored out of his considerable mind and Henry was practically bouncing in excitement.

"You know, I think the first thing I'm going to ask is what they do about clothes," Henry piped up, finally.

Nikola swallowed a loud groan and just rolled his eyes. The techie was the talkative sort; it had only been divine provision that he'd remained silent thus far. Nikola resolved to just continue hiking through the damn woods as quickly as possible. The sooner they got the family reunion over with, the better.

"Fascinating," Tesla muttered.

"You're lucky. Vampires don't have to worry about things like that."

"It's true."

"That's half the reason I don't go full-wolf all the time."


"I can't tell you the number of times I've ruined a perfectly good pair of Chucks when…"


Nikola was planning on continuing to pretend to pay attention to Henry, when the young werewolf abruptly stepped close and dropped his chatterbox voice down a few notches.

"Tell me you heard that."

With another heavy sigh, Nikola stopped walking and listened carefully to the forest. After identifying and discarding several animal noises, he found nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hear what?" he asked, finally.

Before Henry could open his mouth, the faintest of howls broke the normal sounds of nature. Nikola and Henry both stiffened as the call was returned multiple times. The howling echoed completely around them, still very far in the distance, but unnervingly well-organized, even for a generic wolf pack.

Henry's tension melted into glee. "That's them! It's gotta be them—hah!"

He was so ecstatic, he slapped Nikola on the back without thinking. The imperious vampire coughed half from the impact and half in indignation, but Henry didn't notice. The techie allowed his animal side out only partially as he tilted his head back. His face reconstructed, eyes going acid green as his mouth and nose lengthened and melded together into a snout. Fangs protruded as he opened his jaws wide and howled as loudly as he could.

Nikola winced at the volume on his sensitive ears. After a momentary lull, the distant howls came back. Excited now, Henry howled again and paused to listen.

"Do you actually speak the language, or are you just making noises and hoping for the best, hm?"

Henry paid him no mind. Moments later, there was a rustling in the nearby branches. Tesla and Henry had only enough time to fall into a defensive position before they were surrounded by what looked to be a gang of Chippendale dancers.

Wisely, Henry snapped his werewolf face back into human appearance. "Er…hey, fellas."

"Which one of you is a werewolf?" one of the men snapped.

"Were-what?" Henry asked, innocently.

Nikola's eyes narrowed as he studied the men around them more intently. They all appeared to have the same heritage—possibly Native American—with caramel skin, black hair, and perfect sets of washboard abs. Each wore cut-off denims and each had a tattoo on their shoulder.

It didn't take a genius to figure it out.

"Oh no," Nikola groaned.

"What?" Henry asked, nervously.

"It's like a nightmare. The vampires are pansies and the werewolves are underwear models." Nikola groaned again before gesticulating widely. "At least the vampires were a different abnormal; these freaks are probably just a gay brotherhood or something."

The gang all started growling in a way that sounded very canine.

"We are werewolves," the first speaker said.

"Really?" Henry looked confused. Then a little let down. "Really?"

Without a word, the man transformed into a wolf. It was not at all a transformation, though. It was more like: one second it was a man, the next second it was a rather large wolf. Henry's disappointment faded to frustration. Before anyone could speak, the man transformed back into a human. A very naked human.

"Aaugh!" Henry covered his eyes. "I will never see again! I need my eyes!"

"Well," Nikola said, thoroughly amused. "You wondered what they did with their clothes…"

"Someone lend him something, please!" Henry called, still with eyes screwed shut behind his fingers.

The naked man sniffed as if insulted. "I didn't want to come anyway. Jacob, you take over."

A younger kid stepped forward. "Which one of you is the werewolf we heard earlier?"

Nikola was very amused now, glad that someone else had to endure the hell of having one's species insulted. "He's the one you want."

Henry looked crushed at this point. Once again, the rumors proved false and he was left with informing another group of imbedded abnormals that they weren't who they thought they were.

"Listen, fellas," he began, with his best disarming smile. "I've got some bad news. You're not actually werewolves."

They stared at him, wide-eyed and unblinking.

"It seems God spent a bit too much time on their torsos and not enough on their brains," Nikola muttered, wryly.

There was a beat of silence and then one of the wannabe-werewolves in the back processed the insult. "Hey…!"

"But," Henry said, whipping out another Sanctuary card, "the good news is, you're still special. Just like…shape-shifters or something. You seem to have everything you need here, but if you're ever in trouble—"

One of the other men snapped into wolf form and slashed at the proffered card with a growl. Henry stared in shock at his hand, where thin lines of blood were beginning to form. His eyes flashed that vibrant green again as he lifted his gaze.

"Hey, hey, I'm on your team, dude!"

"You're not a real werewolf," Jacob growled.

"What? Yes I am!"

"No, real werewolves are tan and run around with their shirts off. What do you do that's so impressive?"

Henry didn't often get mad; he was too laidback for it. But now, his teeth gritted as he spat words. "Me? I'm a genius. I invent weapons, hack computer systems, take care of the security of a souped-up cathedral, bust through the occasional door or bad abnormal, and manage to keep a smile on through most of it. Plus, I'm not half-bad in a firefight."

Nikola applauded sarcastically. Henry didn't even think that was possible, but the vampire pulled it off.

"You're trespassing and we can't let you get away with our secret," Jacob went on.

"Déjà vu," Nikola said in a singsong voice from the background.

"And who are you?" Jacob snapped.

"Moi?" Tesla asked, all innocence. "Why, I'm a genius inventor as well, but I'm a more…elegant sort."


"Meaning vampire, you idiot," Nikola snapped.

"Well, today's your lucky day," Jacob said. "We can't kill vampires because of the truce."

"That is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've heard today," Nikola said. "And believe me, if you knew what kind of day it's been…"

The other "werewolves" transformed into wolves and began growling and barking. Henry backed up to where Nikola was lounging.

"Tesla…what do we do?"

"I know you're a peace-loving sort," Nikola began, "but think of this as self-defense."

"You're not going to help?" Henry squeaked in disbelief.

Nikola smirked. "I've had my fill of bloodshed today and I really don't like fighting other people's battles." He made little shooing motions with his hands. "Go on. Have fun."

"But Tesla!" Henry's cry bordered the line of panic and whining.

"Puppies have to grow up sometime," Nikola replied.

Then the first giant wolf lunged at Henry and the techie went down with a yelp under the big mutt. Nikola experienced a split second of regret that he hadn't intervened, but his worries were assuaged when the big wolf was suddenly launched across the clearing to hit a tree.

Nikola looked back where Henry had been, and instead saw a hulking creature brushing off scraps of designer T-shirt. As he was now, Henry stood nearly eight feet tall, with shoulders that would give him trouble going through most doorways. Muscle rippled under the fur. His hands and feet were more paw-like, with razor-edged claws, and his head was fully wolf now, only the barest hints of humanity left in the shape.

Acid green eyes blazing, he gave a warning roar at the fake werewolves. Unfortunately, Nikola was correct in his assessment about their brains, and they attacked when they should have run to their mommies.

The first shape-shifter was batted into a tree, its skull caved in. The second got a werewolf foot through its wide-open mouth, ripping through the muscle to do permanent damage. A quick slash took care of the rest of its life. The next received a closed fist to the top of its head in midair, and the cracking, crushing sound was impossible to miss. Two leaped on Henry next, and the transformed techie grabbed a clawed fistful of each one's hide, smashing them into one another.

Nikola watched the ensuing gore with a growing fascination and admiration for the kid he always picked on. Henry was no longer Henry. He was an animal now, and saw no problem with taking out the threat to his life. Nikola wasn't one for violence, but the sheer power was beautiful.

Almost as much as a vampire. Almost.

After literally tearing through a dozen-plus wannabes, Henry came face to face with the Jacob one from before. Panting, muscular shoulders heaving, Henry managed to rein the animal in just enough to speak—albeit brokenly.

"Go. Now."

Instead, Jacob leaped at him, wolf jaws wide. Henry was ready for him, and swung his arm around, catching the wolf in midair with claws in its throat. With a quick rip, Jacob was no more. Finally, after releasing that last carcass to the ground, Henry collapsed next to it.

The fur and muscle faded to reveal the slightly scruffy, not-so-tan techie once again. Nikola scanned the carnage as one observes the results of an experiment. Finally, he uttered a thoughtful "Hmm" into the silence and took off at a vampiric sprint. Usually, he didn't use the full potential of his super-speed, because he hated getting sweaty, but he didn't want to leave the vulnerable werewolf alone for too long.

It took only seconds for him to get to the Cullen house, grab random clothing, and sprint back. Tossing the clothes aimlessly over the nude werewolf, Nikola set about waiting for Henry to wake up, amusing himself by investigating the sheer damage done to the wolves.


Nikola looked up. He hadn't noticed Henry wake, but the kid was standing up, fully-dressed in the borrowed clothes, and looking a bit worse for wear. He was barely standing straight and had obvious circles under his eyes, but at least he was up and around.

"Yes?" Nikola said.

"Promise you won't tell the doc about…this?"

Nikola smirked. "As long as you don't tell her about my little episode earlier."

Henry held out his hand to shake. "Deal."

Nikola sneered at the extended appendage. "I don't shake hands, Henry."

"Oh right. I think I read that somewh—waaaait! You just called me Henry!"

"Yes? And?" Nikola began walking away. "That's your name isn't it?"

"But…you don't call any of us by our real names except the doc! Is it like a sign of respect or something? Does this mean you're going to stop messing with me?"

"Shut up!" Nikola snapped. "Dear God, shut up. Has no one ever told you silence is golden?"

Henry obeyed, but his lips were pressed in a very proud-of-himself smile as he followed Tesla back the way they'd come. For a few moments, they walked in silence. Then Nikola abruptly spoke.

"You are aware of my plot for world domination, yes?"

"Er, only a lot."

"Well, when I succeed—"

"Not 'if'?"

"Shut up."


"When I succeed, how would you feel about werewolves being a sort of elite police force for the ruling vampires?"

Henry legitimately thought about it before shrugging. "Alright."

Nikola blinked. "Really?"

"Sure." Henry grinned. "If you ever actually succeed in taking over the planet—meaning you got through me, the entire Sanctuary Network, and Helen Magnus herself—then I'll be your secret police."

Nikola eyed him for a moment before nodding. "Deal."

Henry stuck out his hand again, for a shake, but remembered halfway through and pulled it back. Nikola smiled.

"Brilliant. It learns."

Then he quickened his pace, eager to leave the hellish city. Henry hung his head with a deep sigh at the insult, but then lifted it with a smile again. It would be too weird if Tesla started being nicer to him. This was fine. This was their dynamic. Worse things could happen to him.

He could be one of the many cooling corpses in Forks, for instance.