Rosario to vampire BoyFriend to Vampires Mother chapter 10 Counting Coup

I do not own the movie Piranha 3D am simply spoofing it.

Directed by

Alexandre Aja

Produced by

Alexandre Aja
Mark Canton
Marc Toberoff
Grégory Levasseur

Written by

Pete Goldfinger
Josh Stolberg
Alexandre Aja
Grégory Levasseur

I am just spoofing it for fun.

Also I make referencing to the book Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter written by Seth Grahame-Smith. It's a funny book you should read it.

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.
- Bill Nye

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.
- George Bernard Shaw

Two hours later.

Inside the mansion Tsukune didn't have want to picture the scene going on inside nor the look on Moka's fathers face even as Tsukune briefly heard the angry moans and flush sounds of the toilet as he walked beside Moka's fathers room even now as he stood inside of Moka's Mothers room with a guilty look on his face. His imagination betraying him by painting a picture of the proud lord and head of the house of Shuzen knelting at the porcelain toilet with a deathly look on his face as the dangerous food that Tsukune's mother had gotten most of the house of Shuzen to ingest forced them to get sick and in doing so vomit and void their bowels in a sickly disgusting manor that was unbecoming of any vampire of their stature and class.

Tsukune remembered a few hours ago how the servants had looked on in shock and disgust as the head of the house and the rest of the house of Shuzen suddenly look to be sick and took on a green color around their faces and then vomit onto the floor. The servants were shocked to see their respected leader and his house get sick when, for a fact that all of them knew that vampires did not get sicknesses of any kind, yet the sight of their leaders suddenly convulse and vomit all over the floor of the room was a shocking and disturbing sight leaving each one to wander what had happened to make them sick and could it happen to them.

"Akasha san I am sorry I did-" Tsukune began his apology to Moka's mother only be silenced by her sad smile at Mikogami, The Bus driver, and Tou Fuhia.

"Tsukune I know what this situation was not directly your fault only partially so, so to speak. What's done is done, now we have no choice but to accept it. However that does not mean that you are off the hook." Her green eyes narrowed dangerously.

Tsukune swallowed as another vampire servant opened the door and said.

"My lady Lord Shuzen and the others are demanding to speak with the boy Tsukune."
"Very well tell them that we will be along shortly."Akasha said softly.

The servant bowed and left.

"Come along boy time to face up to what you've done." The Bus Driver smirked darkly as he pushed Tsukune out the door fallowed by Moka and her mother.

A servant quickly opened another door and The Bus Driver pushed Tsukune inside only for Tsukune to flinch as he saw Miyabi's mother inlaw, Miyabi, Kahula, Akuha, and Moka's father all looking sweaty with a unhealthy green upon each of their faces. Every vampire precent looked like they would like nothing more then to skin Tsukune alive because of his mother putting them in such a sickly weakened state that all of them had long since identified with seeing upon humans and never on member of their proud noble race. To let a servant see them in such a humiliating state made all of them want to murder Tsukune.

Yet despite the circustancess The Board Chairman had a smug look upon his face as he The Bus Driver, Touhou Fuhai, Moka, Akasha and Tsukune sat down in the chairs that had been provided.

"Well I have good news I spoke to Asumi and Kasumi and they agreed that the little joke that they played went too far and as such they have agreed to send an emersary to the mansion to give all of you the cure. She should be arriving as we speak."

A single red sports car shot through the dimensional and skitted to a halt in front of the majestic Shuzen manor. A men in a dark suit got out from the passenger side of the front of the car and quickly opened the door for the woman in the back seat.

The woman had dark hair and was dressed in a sleek black business suit.

"Suspicious." She murmured to herself having a stern, and mean look on her face as she approached the mansion. The two men in dark suits and sun glasses opened to trunk and carefully took out two large square containers covered in black cloth. The dark haired woman strutted confidently up to the front door to the mansion and without so much as a knock at the door to announce her presence she entered fallowed closely by the other two men.

The woman in the dark suit swiftly made her way to the room where Tsukune and the others were opened the door.
Tsukune recognized her at once as soon as she entered.

"Kyouko! What are you-"

Kyouko glared at Tsukune in a manor that shocked Tsukune.

"Silence Tsukune…..I have better things to do with my time than to waste it here playing errand boy for Aunt Kasumi and Uncle Asumi. I am supposted to be sitting on a beach right now worrying about my tan! But no I get a call from Aunt Kasumi saying she got a call from Mikogami sama demanding that we send someone over to fix your mess! Well I have the cure to Aunty's food poisoning here. Oh also Aunty Kasumi sent over a peace offering. But that can wait until later." Kyouko reached into her purse and grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to The headmaster and said.

"Oh yes before I forget Mikogami sama my father head of accounting of the House of Aono has a back bill for you. He claims that you still owe us forty acres and a mule plus interest for the work we did for you from Feburary 12, 1809, to April 15, 1865. Of course Father was sure to take out any youki that we killed with the help of Abraham Lincoln you remember him the human that we trained…Anyway Father told me to pass on a message to you. My father says and I quote, "Tell the senile old bastard Mikogami that he needs to open up his wallet with the jaws of life and give us the money he owes us. What did he do spend it on succubus prostitutes? Then again I don't see how considering his dick is about the size of peanut. Our help doesn't come cheap and we are not his usual help who bow and scrape kissing his large pimply covered ass day and night. Than again if you want your ass kissed from sun rise to sun set you have to hold your ass very still. I hope he gets a sexually transmitted disease, dies of prostate cancer and rectal trama. Then when he goes to heaven he doesn't any virgins." End quote." Kyouko smiled.

"Now then oh wise and illustrious First DarkLord, Hades King, keeper of the Rosario to Judgement, Mikogami sama I would like to take this moment to say that my father's view doesn't represent the view of the entire house and coven…..In my Fathers defence he has money madness and loves accounting and it aggravates him when the numbers don't add up. Please remember all the good he has done for you." Kyouko said quickly as she said.

" Remember last year the dummy accounts for your business and Youki Academy that you set up got audited by the Japanese government. My father found out that the Japanese government owed you fifty thousand U.S dollars which he transfered into Yen. Please Mikogami sama take pitty on him, he just needs to get the books to balance, so soon as you pay him the money he will be happy and smile again. So I beg of you honorable Mikogami sama to please disregards what he told me to say." Kyouko smiled lowered her head in submission.

The headmaster smiled a blood thristy smile and said as if amused at something. "Ah Kyouko your father never changes, every year he always says that he will quit my employment and every year he does not. I will overlook his words and chalk it up to stress on the job….I am in too good a mood to have it spoiled…"

'What the hell is going on here? Kyouko doesn't wear things like that and what the hell happened to my parents? This whole time the headmaster refused to tell me….' Tsukune thought as it seemed like his normal family had been turned upside down since he made that deal with the headmaster.

Tsukune's cousin turned and watched the two men in dark suits bring in a large tank from Tsukune and looked at Miyabi the same way a cat looked at a rat who was too big and fat to get away from it as she smiled and said.

"You Moopy the one with the horrible hair on his head that makes you look like a bad Elvis impersonator, come here." Kyouko commanded. Not waiting for Miyabi to protest or vomit Tsukune watched shocked as Kyouko rushed forward and grabbed onto the weakened Miyabi giving him a punch to the face breaking his jaw before dragging him forward Kahula to weak to protest her actions. One man who had accompanied Kyouko brought in a large square glass tank covered with a black covering keeping what was inside it impossible to see sat it on the floor. The second man brought in the same large tv on wheels and laptop that
Tsukune had used to contact his mother if indeed the woman he had talked to was indeed his mother.

Miyabi blinked his eyes dully having a out of it look in them, as well as having the green taint to his shin giving him a look that said that the lights were on but no one was home.

Kyouko smirked evilly as he grabbed Miyabi's right hand and opened a little section of the black covering quickly shoving his hand inside and letting go. Any dull and sickly expression on his face was quickly erased as Miyab's eyes widened as he tried to screamed in pain as first feeling his arm and hand plunged into a tank of pure water fallowed by a feeling of several small somethings with razor sharp fangs biting into his skin of his hand and arm ripping at them with a vicious eager gusto.

The dark haired vampire yanked his arm out of the water only to make several moans and howls.

"Why is he not screaming?" The old blond vampire narrowed her eyes at Kyouko. Kyouko showed no fear as she smiled and said.

"Oh Miyabi would scream but he is finding that a little hard to do right now considering I broke his jaw." Kyouko smirked eviliy at the old blond vampiress.

Miyabi's arm and hand was stripped clean of its flesh and several bits of his arm were missing leaving only bone and a bloody mess along with several blueish brown evil looking fish which still clung onto his arm sinking their little teeth into it with dark enjoyment. Horrified he yanked the covering off the tank to revel submerged in a tank of bloody water were several large blueish brown fish each one about the size of Miyabi's hand happily devouring the flesh and chunks of muscle that had once been on Miyabi's arm.

"Miyabi!" Kahula cried out scared for her bloodmate/husband as she leaped from her chair and sank her fangs into Miyabi giving him her blood to help him heal.
Kyouko smirked as if she was seeing a someone pull a practical joke on someone unhindered by the horrified looks on the other vampires faces as well as Tsukunes.

"Oh does that hurt Miyabi?" Kyouko sneered as she quickly pulled the fish off of what remained of his arm and dropped them into the tank.

"Kyouko what are those things?" Tsukune demanded.

Kyouko smirked ignoring Tsukune's demaned as she slapped Miyabi across his face and said to Miyabi as he and Kahula cradled what remained of his arm.

"Just calm down you big baby suck it up and take it like man." Kyouko said smugly as she reached over and slammed her fist into Kahula's head ripping her fangs from Miyabi's neck while renduring her unconscious due to how weak she was. Unhindered Kyouko reached into her purse and pulled out a small needle and jammed it into the bloody remains of his arm.

The injured vampire began to twist and thrash about howling in pain to busy to notice that his missing flesh and muscle was growing back. He finally gave one last gasp as he passed out on the floor.

"Pathetic he can't even stand a little tissue regeneration." Kyouko raised her nose smugly as she looked down at the vicious fish and said in a loving voice.

"Aren't they cute? They are a very rare breed of Piranha, more specifically they are the first Piranha and they have been extinct for almost two million years. I picked them up while in the U.S in Lake Victory AZ while I went to spring break there. An earthquake opened up an underground cavern setting all of these little darlings loose on the poor stupid humans who were drunk and partying. They hunt in packs and are aggressive. The first bit draws blood, the blood draws the pack…The humans never suspected a thing.

Most of the humans were eaten alive and only a precious few survived the attack unharmed and weren't maimed by it. Those that did survive I erased their memories of the event and covered up the whole thing from the human law enforcement. One thing I find funny is that eight humans who were involved seem to have some form of memory of it. However they don't know that it happened to them they just think that it was some form of idea that got into their heads.

The eight of them ended up making a movie of it called Piranha 3D unaware that the idea they had was based off real events. It was quite funny, now then as I was saying, afterwords I unfortunately was forced to kill most of the piranha's however I managed to save a few of them and breed them as pets. They are perfectly fine as long as you keep them fed and don't reach onto the tank as our dear friend Mr Mippy found out." Kyouko sneered slapping Miyabi's unconscious form across his face once more.

"However I don't feed them that often only two live cows twice a year thus forcing them to resort to cannibalism to survive the rest of the time. That way only the strongest survive to breed. Isn't that great?"

The other vampires looked at Kyouko like she was crazy including Tsukune.

"Well I can see my Aunty's idea of me giving a few of my Piranha as a peace offering wasn't such a great idea. Oh well." Kyouko shrugged and gestured for one of the men to take the tank back and put it in the car.

Kyouko smiled once more in deterred by the recent events as she said.

"Now then the cure to the food poisoning that Aunty Kasumi gave you. But first I have a little interesting bit of information that all of you will find very interesting. A group of humans known as native Americans have a tradition they call counting coup. It involved touching your opponent on the battlefield. The object was not to do damage but to establish your superiority as a warrior.

What my Aunty Kasumi, my Uncle Asumi did with the food poison and I have done with the piranha's is similar. Its our families not so subtle way of saying "hi where not here to hurt you and we have no fight with your house but we could hurt you badly if we chose too. So lets all be friends and get along shall we? Anyway would all of you have excepted anything less of Mikogami chief servants. Now that, that is out of the way," Kyouko paused and walked over and grasped Tsukune's shoulder hard and said to the room full of angry greenish sickly looking vampires.

"Gods willing my cousin Tsukune with grow a spine and a bigger set of balls and mate with Moka. Such a child would be a vampire among vampires and that is something we can all agree that we all want right?" Kyouko smiled seemingly unaffected by death glares shot at her from all around the room full of angry vampires.

Kyouko reached into her purse and pulled out a bottle of large green pills about the size of a jaw breaker and a piece of paper. She passed out a single pill to the sickly vampires and began to read from the piece of paper in her hand.

"Dear Tsukune,

I am sending Kyouko with the cure to the mansion. Curing the food sickness can be achived by the fallowing. Having the vampires swallow the pill-" Kyouko paused for no sooner had the words left her mouth did she see all of the sickly green vampires quickly swallow the green pill that her aunty had given her,"

"Is not one of them and will immediately result in them getting sicker." Kyouko paused once more only to see Miyabi's mother in law suddenly fall on the floor and begin to violently vomit along joining Miyabi and Kahula. Moka's father looked like he was on the verge of vomiting but was hold it down.

Kyouko growled at her aunts intrustions as she continued.

"These pills are not the type that can be taken orally. Instead have each of them take one pill and shove it up their anus and it will dissolve in minutes. A few minutes later the symptoms will dissipate, the vomiting, nausea, heart burn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea that all of them have will begin to get better, granted they will still be weak for two days afterward but they will get better. Now then if they don't believe you play the tape I gave.

Oh yes and Tsukune remember what I told you about Moka….

I hope that we can put all this behind all of this and be friends.

P.S I am not joking about the pill.

Sincerely Kasumi Aono.

"Well that was interesting wasn't it. Well I will just distribute another pill to all of you and leave all of you to it. Ha ha!" Kyouko smirked as she quickly gave out another green pill to all the sick vampires.

Kyouko seeing the angry looks of the vampires quickly put in the tape and onto the tv screen appeared Tsukune's mother.

"Hello everyone! I assumed that Kyouko read all of you the note and to that end yes I am not joking about the way you take the pill. So grit your fangs and bare it." Kasumi chuckled darkly before her image disappeared.

Kyouko clapped her hands happily and said. "Well cousin my work here is done. Just so you know Tsukune please take Moka off the market before some other arrogant asshole of a noble tries to take her from you. To that end when you give me a niece or nephew I will happily babysit for you whenever you and Moka want. I'll charge you a small fortune but I'll do it and I'll be sure not to drop the baby. We'll I have to be going bye."Kyouko smirked and strutted out of the mansion leaving Tsukune still facing the hoard of angry vampires.

Hello everyone! Class has been a pain so I will update when I can. I hope that all of you liked this chapter! As always review please! A review will help me to get the next chapter done faster and it give my writer brain a boost as well as my ego! So say again review please it only takes a minute!

Cheers Dogsfang