DISCLAIMER: Not our fault.

REN'S NOTES: We promised that we'd write a sequel if TEF hit a thousand reviews, and then it did. This is both very cool and kind of annoying. I wanted to feign ignorance but Missa's still got your backs, so here we are. And the only way you're getting a trilogy is if this gets a thousand reviews, and I am reasonably confident that it won't, so SAYONARA, BABY!

MISSA'S NOTES: OH GOD YOU GUYS IT'S ALMOST FOUR IN THE MORNING (good to know some things haven't changed in the four years since TEF) so if there are any mistakes...they're all Ren's. KIDDING. But seriously, don't judge too harshly, I worked six days in a row and I haven't stayed up until four in the morning in...a scary amount of time. So my brain is like, mush. ALSO, REN AND I CRANKED THIS OUT IN LIKE, A WEEK. WE DESERVE SOME SERIOUS PATS ON THE BACK. (More like Ren does, since naturally she's a trooper and did like, 70% of this story.) Anyway, enjoy everyone!


justcallmeMASTERINO: A pretty thing like you shouldn't be wandering around on your lonesome!

TheDarkestShadow: It gets creepier every time you say that.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Prude.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Also, check out my avatar and admire my new armor. I had it custom made from some genius Chinese dude!

TheDarkestShadow: It looks like you're wearing a bra.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Of course! The support is excellent!

TheDarkestShadow: Oh, god.

justcallmeMASTERINO: You could equip a condom, or something. For a stat boost in protection.

TheDarkestShadow: ...

TheDarkestShadow: Inappropriate.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Heh heh heh!

TheDarkestShadow: Go back to your blog and stop harassing me.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...what blog?

TheDarkestShadow: Your blog.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I don't know what you're talking about.

TheDarkestShadow: It's pink. And yellow.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...Okay, that was just a lucky guess.

TheDarkestShadow: And you have a cult following of weird Irish people.

justcallmeMASTERINO: HEY! I love my Irish people! They send me free socks!

TheDarkestShadow: ...That is so weird.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Uh, excuse me, can you knit a sock? No.

TheDarkestShadow: Yes.

justcallmeMASTERINO: WRONG.

TheDarkestShadow: Don't you know how to knit a sock?

justcallmeMASTERINO: WHY THE HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW TO KNIT A SOCK?

TheDarkestShadow: Because I am highly capable.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Lies.

TheDarkestShadow: And there are many things about me that you don't know.

justcallmeMASTERINO: You've got a stash of tiny toy cars in your underwear drawer, I know.

TheDarkestShadow: ...Why were you even looking around in there?

justcallmeMASTERINO: BECAUSE YOU FOLD SHIT WRONG.

TheDarkestShadow: A thousand apologies.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Seriously! And would it kill you to learn how to use the dishwasher? Because if I have to scrape off one more plate, I'm gonna-

justcallmeMASTERINO: OH CRAP!

TheDarkestShadow: The exclamation points!

justcallmeMASTERINO: WE'RE DOOMED!

TheDarkestShadow: The horror!

justcallmeMASTERINO: NO SHIKAMARU YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU NEVER WATCH QUALITY CINEMA WITH ME!

TheDarkestShadow: I don't see how this leads back to American Idol.

justcallmeMASTERINO: WE'VE BECOME...DOMESTICATED!

justcallmeMASTERINO: Also I play MMORPGs now. And I'm not single. And sometimes I wear underwear!

TheDarkestShadow: I hear they do wonders for support.

justcallmeMASTERINO: AAAAAAH WE'RE GOING TO GET A DIVORCE!

TheDarkestShadow: It happens.

justcallmeMASTERINO: How can you be so calm? At this rate we'll lose our spark and become neurotic losers who yell at each other all the time!

TheDarkestShadow: I thought we were already like that.

justcallmeMASTERINO: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

TheDarkestShadow: There, there.

justcallmeMASTERINO: -hey, by the way, could you grab some tampons on your way home from work?

TheDarkestShadow: Could we go back to talking about our doomed relationship, please?

justcallmeMASTERINO: …It makes me so happy when you admit that we are in a relationship!

TheDarkestShadow: Ugh.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I might even have to send you an e-Valentine!

TheDarkestShadow: But it's June.

justcallmeMASTERINO: SHUT UP SHIKAMARU I'M BEING ROMANTIC!

justcallmeMASTERINO: After all...we have a very special day coming up.

TheDarkestShadow: You're leering right now, aren't you?

justcallmeMASTERINO: You're frantically refreshing your e-mail inbox for that e-valentine, aren't you?

TheDarkestShadow: No, I'm killing trolls.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...how romantic.

TheDarkestShadow: Aw, shit. I gotta go. Tech support stuff. Probably forgot to put paper in the printer or something.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Okay.

TheDarkestShadow: See you later.

justcallmeMASTERINO: WAIT!

TheDarkestShadow: What?

justcallmeMASTERINO: I love you.

TheDarkestShadow: Okay.

justcallmeMASTERINO: "Okay" my ass, you emotionally stunted little jerk.

TheDarkestShadow: Harpy.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I am sending you a list of things to buy me for our anniversary. I suggest you study it.

TheDarkestShadow: And what am I getting?

justcallmeMASTERINO: My charming wit and concentrated sexiness!

TheDarkestShadow: ...Eh...

justcallmeMASTERINO: I am so blogging about this. And one of my loyal Irish men will just swoop in and make me his lassie. So there.

TheDarkestShadow: You have such disturbing fantasies.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Also, I would like to note that my aforementioned blog? Purely hypothetical. Just so we're clear.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Since I have NOTHING else to do, I guess I'll just have to text you. How is the Naruto/Hinata/Kiba situation holding up? I'm trying to make things escalate. It's so awesome when Neji cries.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

WHY ARE YOU NOT IMMEDIATELY TEXTING ME BACK?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Oh, and, I hope you're enjoying your last few days of confinement. Ah, high school. I left so very little behind...


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Speaking of which, you had better send me pictures of you in that dinky little hat/gown thing.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

And pictures of your engagement ring.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

In case I didn't make that clear enough: the ring Sasuke is going to give you as a symbol of his TWU WUB!


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Actually, I have sort of planned out your entire future. So, you guys are going to get married in like a year, and then have roughly eight children. So, you will be enormous and cranky all the time. Congratulations.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I forgot to mention the part about you constantly smelling like diapers.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I would also like to mention that while all of this is going on, I am somewhere on a beach with a pretty alcoholic beverage. One with the little umbrellas. And Mr. Butters. PH can...I don't know, fetch my towel or something.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I get to be maid of honor at your inevitable, looming wedding, right?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

"Sakura, drink your tomato juice! Our clan must be strong!"


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I suppose I forgot to mention that there's always the chance of you eloping with Lee.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

WOMAN HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SPAM YOU BEFORE YOU REPLY?


To: Ino
From: Sakura

I was at the park with the kids, though I'm not sorry I missed your little mental breakdown.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Also, Sasuke-kun and I are not getting married in the foreseeable future.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Neither are Lee and I.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Remind me to tell PH to take away your phone before you do any more damage with it, crazy cat lady.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Hi Sasuke-kun! Um, I can't come over today. Liverpool's having a REALLY important soccer match and I want to watch it. Sorry! Love you! :D


From: GreenEyed07
To: valentineSTAKER
Subject: Re: Hey, you

Hi Gaara! E-mailing you to see how your record deal is going...and also because I heard the song you wrote about me on the radio earlier. It was...interesting. Very, um, deep. Also, I need a favor from you. When Ino goes in to work later, can you do something torturous to her? Thanks!


Welcome to G R I N D I N G!

Homeland of justcallmeMASTERINO.

Dear minions,

Today has been very upsetting.

And not just because of the underwear thing. Although it did boost my defense (among other things) like crazy, so many thanks to XiaoLin!

Anyway. PH is a butthead, and if he blows off our anniversary, I am seriously going to go all Japanese horror-movie on him. Fer realz.

Sincerely,

Master Ino

P.S. Brett, thanks for the socks. Well, sock. PH accidentally burned one of them when he was trying to use it as an oven mitt. He's a pretty dumb genius. But anyway, the leftie's still good!


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Sweetie...

When you leap out of the bushes on your little assassination crusades, it can be traumatizing to the bystanders. Seriously, think of the poor, crying little freshman!

You monster.

She-who-illuminates-your-world-like-tomorrow's-sun,

Tenten


From: NHyuuga
To: HHyuuga
Subject: Focus on your studies!

Listen. From now on, if either one of those philanderers even looks at you, IGNORE them and TELL ME.

And no, being their lab partner does not constitute as an excuse for idle conversation. And I don't care how many times Uzumaki manages to set his head on fire, it will never be a justified means of socializing! Remember what dating him did to your health? Don't go back to that.

Please, Hinata. Consider your future. You hardly have time to be fooling around with some boys.

Sincerely,

Neji


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Sorry

I have re-evaluated my current priorities and come to the conclusion that my time spent with you is a distraction from my other goals. Please do not cry over me for too long.

Fondly,

Neji


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: Sorry

Neji, sweet,

Aliens took over your e-mail again! You should really do something about that virus. It's not terribly amusing. I suggest violently purging it from your system. Do you need my help?

Consequently, I was visiting with my large cousin today. He's a bouncer. His name is Tiny. He told me that if you every broke my heart, he'd break your face.

God, he's funny.

Sweet-as-the-song-of-small-birds,

Tenten


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Re: Sorry

Are you THREATENING ME?


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: Sorry

Silly boy.

When I threaten you, you'll know.

Resplendent-as-a-moonlit-waterfall,

Tenten


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Re: Sorry

Let me take you out to dinner.


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: Sorry

You're such an M!


From: NHyuuga
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: Tell me

What's an M?

P.S. Also, we're battling to the death. Tell Kiba to come.


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: You suck

Neji wants to know what an M is.

Ninjio!

Naruto


From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: You suck

...how could he possibly not know about that?

Wait, more importantly, why does he need to know?

Also, don't talk to me. You're my enemy.


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: Re: You suck

TENTEN, you moron. I heard she was born with a whip in her hand!

And you're not my enemy. Acknowledging you as my enemy would be admitting that you are on the same playing field as me when, in fact, I have already vanquished you. And Neji. And all her male family members.

Ninjuuuuu!

Naruto

P.S. Neji says he's going to kill us.


From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: You suck

You do realize that if Neji catches us making sexual speculations about his girlfriend, he'll bury us?

And don't be a moron. A whip? That's just tacky. Riding crops are more cutting edge.

YOU FOOL! I'm her best friend! And you've given her a medical condition.

P.S. Kill you, maybe. I am playing by the rules.

P.P.S. Also, bugger off. She's already dated you and dumped you. IT'S OVER.


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: You suck

Kiba says Tenten was born with a riding crop in one hand!

Ninjan,

Naruto


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: Re: You suck

I just told on you.

Sucker.

Also: It's NOT A MEDICAL CONDITION! She's swooning.

Ninjette!

Naruto

P.S. "Playing by the rules?" What the hell is that supposed to mean!


From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: You suck

Oh.

You.

Little.

Bitch.

P.S. It means that I'm having dinner with her father tonight, loser.


From: NHyuuga
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: What?

I don't understand your little jokes, Uzumaki. Tenten doesn't even like horses.

Cordially,

Neji

P.S. Prepare to die, scum.


From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
To: Angel4awhile
Subject: Please?

I need you to kill Naruto for me.

And for the love of god, tell Neji what an M is.


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: Re: You suck

Neji's relapsing. He called me scum again!

P.S. Sweet. Free food!


From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: You suck

Oh, PERFECT. Now he's gonna try to sacrifice us to the gods of chaos or something.

P.S. Yeah, for ME. You don't get to come!


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Question!

Dude, you have to let me come to dinner with Kiba. It's not fair! It's not! I won't tell you what an M is unless you let me come!

Ninjed,

Naruto


From: NHyuuga
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Re: Question!

Don't be an imbecile. These dinners are reserved for singular clientele.

And I am perfectly capable of finding out what Tenten meant on my own. All I need do is ask her.


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Wait

I would ask you clarify what you meant by an "M."


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Heh.

I'd be more than happy to show you.

Elusive-as-the-first-blossom-of-spring,

Tenten


From: xxRamenNinjaxx
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Hook me up?

I need to make an appointment.

Ninjood,

Naruto


From: NHyuuga
To: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: Excellent

I look forward to tearing you apart with the others.


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Wait

Just promise me you won't break anything.


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Scratch that

Wait, I know you. Of course you'll break something. You break everything.


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Sorry

I think we should see other people. I shall think of you often and fondly. Though I am certain you are above such acts of pettiness, please do not break all my stuff as an act of revenge.


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: Sorry

Your little panic attacks are very sweet.

I'll be right over with the scrabble and the tea!

Doting-as-an-early-spring-hen,

Tenten


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Re: Sorry

No! I just told you! We aren't together anymore! And I'm not having a panic attack!


From: PoInTy
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Re: Sorry

We can do this the hard way.

Rigid-as-deep-sea-coral,

Tenten


From: NHyuuga
To: PoInTy
Subject: Re: Sorry

Could you bring those little cakes too? I like those.


From: Angel4awhile
To: ShikamanXX
Subject: FYI

Hey, lump. Anniversary. Tomorrow. Dazzle me. I mean it. Make a note in your planner or something.


From: Angel4awhile
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: Re: Please?

I'll think about it. What're you doing for me, lover boy?


From: Angel4awhile
To: NHyuuga
Subject: Something you should know

M stands for Malleable. Better shape up, Neji. Tenten's gonna walk all over you.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

WHO ARE THESE KIDS YOU TOOK TO THE PARK?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Also: how dare you. Ditcher. I hope Sasuke throws up on your shoes when he proposes.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Dude, check out the Hinata/Kiba/Naruto drama when you get a chance. It sounds amazing. Ten bucks says Hinata has a nervous breakdown and makes a mad sprint for the nearest nunnery.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Also, hey, how was Sasuke's soccer game? Was he the disgustingly competent ace as usual?


From: valentineSTAKER
To: GreenEyed07
Subject: Re: Hey, you!

Record deal would be going better if the people managing it were dead.

I'm glad you liked it. Kankuro wrote the lyrics. Except the part about razor blades and setting small furry things on fire. That was me.

Sorry, but the last time I did something mean to Ino she ground antidepressants into my food for a week.

Watch yourself.

Gaara


To: Ino
From: Sakura

My SIBLINGS, you moron. I took my siblings to the park. I think working so often has turned your brain to mush.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Also, Sasuke is not proposing to me. We've been over this. He's too emotionally stunted for that.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Fifteen bucks says Neji tries to attack both Kiba AND Naruto.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

I, um, I don't know how Sasuke's game went. I kind of, er, missed it? I may have a slight new obsession...


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Known as Spain's National Team. (It DOES have to do with soccer, though!) IN MY DEFENSE, LOOK UP: Fernando Torres; Sergio Ramos; and Gerard Pique.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

And they were on TV playing at the same time as Sasuke's soccer game and god only knows I've seen Sasuke's games enough so I stayed home to watch the game!


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Another reason why Sasuke isn't proposing is because he is Not Amused with my newest obsession. I think he feels neglected. I would feel bad...except I think Spain has a chance of winning the World Cup. So I don't.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Speaking of love, your and PH's anniversary is tomorrow, yes? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S GOTTEN YOU YET?


From: GreenEyed07
To: ShikamanXX
Subject: True love!

Hi, Superman!

So yours and Ino's anniversary is tomorrow, yes? WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN HER? I'm surprised you haven't e-mailed me yet to ask, since I am The Best Friend and would, therefore, know what Ino likes.

And this is the first one-year anniversary, so it's a big deal, most ESPECIALLY to Ino.

But no pressure.

-Sakura


To: Kiba
From: Sakura

Kiba, what's this I hear about a love triangle between you, Naruto, and Hinata? Ino is most amused, and I think several betting pools have started up.

Not that I'm partaking in any.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

Uzumaki Naruto, if you do anything stupid and piss Neji off by fighting with Kiba and upsetting Hinata, I will not bail you out of jail. SO DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Hi, Sasuke-kun! I'm really sorry I missed your game, but, um, I had prior engagements. I'm sure you did wonderfully, though!


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Also, since you are Naruto's best friend (don't try and deny it, we all know how close you two are) I was wondering if you knew anything about the Kiba/Hinata/Naruto triangle?


From: GreenEyed07
To: ValentineSTAKER
Subject: Fight hard!

Yeah, management is very dumb. I'm sorry they're giving you problems.

Gaara, dear, don't you know the meaning of the word 'subtle'? BE A NINJA OR SOMETHING. Do something, but make it subtle, so she'll never know it was you!

And whatever you do, don't tell her it was me who told you to do it. She will make my life HELL - even from miles and miles away.

-Sakura


To: Tenten
From: Sakura

Hey, Tenten! I need a favor from you: since Neji tends to listen to you, can you make sure he doesn't kill Kiba and Naruto? Stupid as they are, I'm a little fond of them and would be upset if they were dead. Thanks!


From: Tenten
To: Naruto, Kiba
Subject: Good news!

Sakura says she'll take whoever Hinata passes over. Fight hard, boys!

Benevolent-as-the-summer-winds,

Tenten


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

Look, I know you think you're being sneaky and all, but if you've gotta stalk us to the restaurant you could at least stop FALLING OUT OF THE TREE.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

I'm watching you.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

I swear to god, I will hurt you. Okay, her dad's coming back from the bathroom now, so I'll talk to you la...

a;lksdfjadk;lsfj


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Dude. Why is he holding a sword?

And you look like you're about to wet yourself, by the way.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

It's the special sword they use for ceremonial circumcision.

I feel like I'm about to wet myself!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Bet you wish I was in there now!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

No, I don't. I can do this. His overgrown butter knife doesn't scare me. And Neji doesn't either. But if he keeps kicking me under the table, I swear I'm gonna smash a pie in his face.


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

HEY YOU! I woke up, and you were gone. Which is kind of lame, but whatever. So, anyway! I give up. I've looked everywhere, but I still can't find it. Where'd you hide it?


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Find what?


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

My present! For our anniversary!


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Wait, you were serious about that?


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

What.


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

WAIT YOU MEAN THERE'S NO PRESENT?


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

OH THAT IS IT. PREPARE YOURSELF, BUDDY.


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Look, calm down. I'll talk to you after work.


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

Get down to the lobby and help me get through security so I can kill you.


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Wait, you're HERE?


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

I haven't mastered the art of long-distance decapitation.


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Very funny.


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

If you don't get down here in two minutes, you are going to be very, very sorry.


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

I think I'll wait until you've calmed down, thanks.


To: Shikamaru
From: Management

S. Nara, please deal with the screaming young lady in our lobby. We've already gotten noise complaints from the pizza parlor four blocks down.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

PH IS A BUTTMUNCH AND I HATE HIM.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I did almost get him fired, though. WHICH HE DESERVED.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

HE DIDN'T EVEN FORGET. HE THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING. ABOUT CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY, I MEAN. WTF.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Also, Sasuke's not going to marry you if you're spending all your time ogling other soccer players.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Not that I blame you or anything, because, damn. Still. I bet he's sulking.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

LIKE ME. I AM SULKING. YOU KNOW WHY I AM SULKING? BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND IS A BUTTMUNCH, THAT'S WHY.


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

I hate you. And your avatar is stupid. STUPID!


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

Also, I am leaving you and moving in with Sakura. Because you are a buttmunch. And your avatar is stupid. WHAT KIND OF GIRL JOKES ABOUT HER ANNIVERSARY, MORON!


To: Sakrua
From: Ino

Seriously. Just. How could he have not taken this seriously? I'm his girlfriend!


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Oh. My. God. Sakura. WHAT IF HE HAS A SECRET LOVER?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

That's gotta be it. He must. I mean, I always thought that PH was too much of a lazy ass to have a secret double life but I BET IT WAS ALL AN ACT. That scoundrel. This necessitates some investigation.


To: Choji
From: Ino

I know.


To: Ino
From: Choji

Know what?


To: Choji
From: Ino

About Shikamaru's secret wife.


To: Shikamaru
From: Choji

You have a secret wife and you didn't tell me?


To: Choji
From: Shikamaru

I'm working.


To: Shikamaru
From: Choji

OH MY GOD!


To: Choji
From: Shikamaru

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT I HAD ONE?

To: Shikamaru
From: Choji

No reason. Just checking.


To: Ino
From: Choji

If you learn anything, tell me.


To: Choji
From: Ino

Wait, what?


To: Shikamaru
From: Ino

You are not the man I thought you were!


To: Ino
From: Shikamaru

Oh, for the love of god...


To: Temari
From: Ino

Shikamaru has a secret double life complete with a fat little wife and two children!


To: Ino
From: Temari

Is that some sort of code? I don't get it.


To: Gaara, Kankuro
From: Ino

I have a problem.


To: Naruto
From: Ino

So, how does one go about being a ninja, exactly?


To: Ino
From: Management

Ino, I don't pay you to stand around texting people! Go flip some patties or something!


To: Management
From: Ino

But you just texted me! It would be rude if I didn't text you back!


To: Ino
From: Management

GET OFF YOUR PHONE!


To: Management
From: Ino

WAIT! First tell me how to fix my love life! You're The Burger King! You know everything!


To: Ino
From: Management

I'm confiscating your phone.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

LOL WAIT WHAT. HE THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING?


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Oh my god. Your boyfriend is even more emotionally stunted than MINE. I didn't even realize that was possible.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Speaking of which, I haven't talked to him in two days. He really MUST be mad at me. Huh.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

It's very uncool of you to give me the cold shoulder, Sasuke-kun. Very immature. Almost Naruto-like. Actually, he would be more mature about this than you are.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Which is why you should talk to me about this. Like an adult.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Or at least let your beautiful and amazing girlfriend know that you're not lying in a ditch somewhere?


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

You have until tomorrow to talk to me. If not I'm sending Naruto out to find you, and there WILL be repercussions, young man.


To: Shikamaru
From: Sakura

Wow, you are in some deep trouble. Right about now would be the appropriate time to inquire from The Best Friend how to make things right.


To: Shikamaru
From: Sakura

Because I've already called godmother to all of your children, so really, it's just easier for all of us if you apologize to Ino.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Why are none of the men in my life answering my texts? Naruto's ignoring me, Kiba hasn't answered me, Gaara hasn't replied to my e-mail, and Sasuke's mad at me.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

Road trip to Spain?


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

I'm winning.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Shut your face, you are not.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

Oh yeah? I've gotten daddy's approval.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

FFFFFFFFFF


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

So actually, my previous statement? That I was winning? Forget that. I've already won.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

I wouldn't be so sure about that, buddy.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

What's that supposed to mean?


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

It means I just bought you on e-Bay.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

And for five dollars, might I add.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

I'M GONNA KILL SHINO.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

I knew he was on my side!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

WHAT THE HELL. HOW IS THIS EVEN LEGAL? THIS IS HUMAN TRAFFICKING!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Hey. Don't shout at your new master.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

OH SCREW YOU.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

Wait, dude, you're on e-Bay too!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

I just bought you for thirty cents!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

CURSE YOOOOOOOU!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Actually, wait! It doesn't even matter! I owned you first!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

THEN I'LL JUST BUY MYSELF BACK!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

NO STOP IT YOU AREN'T FOR SALE!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

OH CRAP SOMEONE JUST BOUGHT ME AND IT WASN'T YOU!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Wait, seriously? Why didn't they buy ME?


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

They spent five hundred dollars! I can't buy them out! Naruto, hurry up and buy me back!


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

WHO IS THIS PERSON?


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY BOUGHT YOU AND NOT ME!


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Neji, you're twitching.


To: Tenten
From: Neji

I bought myself a present.


To: Neji
From: Tenten

I thought you didn't believe in presents.


To: Tenten
From: Neji

I don't. Presents are for the weak.


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Your logic never fails to impress me.


Welcome to G R I N D I N G!

Homeland of justcallmeMASTERINO.

Okay, listen up.

If you see a moron with a pineapple head, stalk him. Don't let him out of your sight. Make note of everyone he interacts with, and what he does with them. If you can get pictures, that's even better. Report back here with your findings.

That will be all. Dismissed!

P.S. Brett, thank you for the long underwear. I mean, it's June right now so I can't really wear them without suffocating, but they're very warm!

P.P.S. Also, if you see a dumbass McDonald's Manager with a cowlick and a grumpy face, mob him and get my phone back for me! I can't wait a full day! That's just crazy!


To: Choji
From: Shikamaru

Ino's stalking me.


To: Shikamaru
From: Choji

I'm sure you're just imagining things.


To: Choji
From: Shikamaru

Oh, I see how it is.


Dear Ino,

I am leaving this note for you and watching you as you read it. Yeah, I mean right now. Look up. See me? I'm drinking my coffee over there. Well, I should be. I guess it's possible that I'm still waiting for the barista to get her act together.

Anyways, stop following me. I can cross the street by myself.

-Shikamaru

P.S. We're out of milk.


From: Angel4awhile
To: GreenEyed07
Subject: !

THAT COCKY SON OF A BITCH LEFT ME A NOTE TAPED TO A LIGHT POLE.

WHEN I WAS STALKING HIM.

ASKING ME TO GET GROCERIES. LIKE I'M HIS MAID OR SOMETHING.

IT IS SO ON.

Also, if you sent me a text message and I haven't replied yet, it's because The Burger King took my phone away. Stupid jerk. I bet he's looking through all my pictures like some sort of pervert.

Ugh!

Anyway, yeah. Thinking about something other than myself for a moment: Let me know how things are going with Sasuke. Apartment or house? Two or three kids? Keeping or changing your last name?

P.S. Monitor Tenten. She is being fiendish and encouraging Neji's violent behavior. I suspect Hinata is on the verge of snapping.


From: valentineSTAKER
To: GreenEyed07
Subject: Re: Fight hard!

I got The Burger King to take her phone away. Happy?

Also: why does she have so many pictures of that singing guy with the Mohawk? He looks like a pansy. I could nail that sucker.

I doubt you know anything about this, but have you heard anything about Temari? Word is she's dating some guy I hate. And I don't hate him because he's dating my sister. I hate him because he has a stupid face.

Make sure to check under your bed. A lot of serial killers like to hide under people's beds.

Gaara


2sexxy2c: ino i think the troll is dead

justcallmeMASTERINO: I know. I was just ripping off its arms for fun.

2sexxy2c: omg

justcallmeMASTERINO: WHAT

justcallmeMASTERINO: I AM ALLOWED TO BE A LITTLE UPSET

2sexxy2c: look maybe he will take u out to dinner or someting

justcallmeMASTERINO: HA!

2sexxy2c: or...not

justcallmeMASTERINO: HE HAD ME PICK UP SOME MILK FOR HIM!

2sexxy2c: wait

2sexxy2c: u actually went and got it?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Well, yes. It's for the cat. Mr. Butters does not deserve to suffer just because his owner is defective!

2sexxy2c: maybe i should come back later

justcallmeMASTERINO: What? Why?

2sexxy2c: bc your cutting up its dick and it makes me squeamish

justcallmeMASTERINO: You're. Not your.

2sexxy2c: eeeeeeee

-TheDarkestShadow has signed on-

TheDarkestShadow: Ino.

justcallmeMASTERINO: SO THE EVIL SPAWN CAN TALK!

2sexxy2c: ok yea iiiiiii'm outta here

justcallmeMASTERINO: NO. YOU STAY RIGHT THERE.

2sexxy2c: or i could stay here

TheDarkestShadow: I think you're over reacting.

justcallmeMASTERINO: "OVER REACTING?"

2sexxy2c: oh jezus

justcallmeMASTERINO: ARE YOU GENETICALLY INCLINED TO SAY THINGS THAT'LL PISS ME OFF?

TheDarkestShadow: It was just some milk.

2sexxy2c: dude, u aren't supposed to talk

justcallmeMASTERINO: NO. AND IT IS MY MILK. I PUT A STICKER ON IT. AND A LABEL. SO GUESS WHAT, SHIKAMARU? YOU STILL HAVE NO MILK.

2sexxy2c: well this is uncomfortable

justcallmeMASTERINO: AND FOR CHRISTS' SAKE, WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO JUST BUY ME SOME CHOCOLATE?

2sexxy2c: she has a point

TheDarkestShadow: But you said eating chocolate made you fat.

justcallmeMASTERINO: GOD DAMMIT SHIKAMARU THE WORD FAT DOES NOT EVEN BELONG IN A SENTENCE WITH ME

2sexxy2c: i don't think you're fat, ino

justcallmeMASTERINO: THANK YOU. I COULD USE A LITTLE SUPPORT RIGHT NOW.

TheDarkestShadow: I think I'm missing something. Look, if you want chocolate that badly, we have some in the fridge.

2sexxy2c: srsly y am i even here

justcallmeMASTERINO: I AM A WOMAN WRONGED!

justcallmeMASTERINO: AND I CAN'T EAT CHOCOLATE, REMEMBER? IT'LL MAKE ME FAT.

-justcallmeMASTERINO has signed off-

2sexxy2c: my condolences

-2sexxy2c has signed off-

TheDarkestShadow: ...

TheDarkestShadow: Bothersome girl.

-TheDarkestShadow has signed off-


To: Kiba
From: Sakura

I get it that most ex's ignore one another, but I never thought WE would. Your lack of communication makes me sad. SEE? I AM WIBBLING RIGHT NOW. TEXT ME BACK, DAMMIT.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

Have you seen/talked to Sasuke-kun? He is ignoring me. I am beginning to veer into Pissed Off Girlfriend mode.


To: Hinata
From: Sakura

Okay. So since your, mine, and Ino's boyfriends are all being respectively stupid, I vote we FORM A PISSED OFF GIRLFRIENDS UNION OR SOMETHING.


To: Hinata
From: Sakura

Because really, boys are very stupid. They must have a death wish. Can we run them over in Neji's car? That would seriously be some sweet justice.


To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: I hate men

I THINK WE NEED TO TAKE A ROADTRIP TO SPAIN. BECAUSE THE MEN HERE ARE CLEARLY RETARDED. AND THE SPANISH MEN WILL NEVER FORGET ANNIVERSARIES OR IGNORE THEIR GIRLFRINDS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE SULKING AND CAN'T TALK IT OUT WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND LIKE A LOGICAL ADULT.

Ugh. Men.

Sasuke is lucky I don't rip every shiny, pretty strand of hair out of his STUPID head. I may very well kill him. I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM IN TWO DAYS BECAUSE HE'S TOO BUSY SULKING AND GIVING ME THE COLD SHOULDER. I am Not Amused. If this is how he wants to behave, then whatever.

(But still! I mean, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE'S OKAY? HE'S JUST ACTING LIKE A GIANT BABY AND AVOIDING ME, BUT WHAT IF HE'S GETTING HI-JACKED ON A BUS AND GETTING SHOT AT?)

P.S . Have you been giving Tenten ideas?

P.P.S . If The Burger King took away your phone, then how are you e-mailing me?


From: GreenEyed07
To: valentineSTAKER
Subject: re: FIGHT HARD!

No! I MEANT SOMETHING LIKE - oh, never mind. We are both respectively depressed.

Gaara, why are boys so stupid? Seriously. Stupid boyfriends. MORE TROUBLE THAN THEY'RE WORTH. I SHOULD HAVE JUST HOOKED UP WITH YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. You're cool with my obsession with Spain's National Team - soccer, by the way - right? RIGHT?

No, I had no idea! But I'm sure he's very, um, stupid and uh, repulsive. NOT THAT HE WOULD BE TO DATE TEMARI, BUT HE SHOULD BE TAKEN DOWN. Because he's stupid. BECAUSE MEN ARE STUPID.

Also, that guy's name is Noah Puckerman, and he is amazing. I'm sure you're a better singer, though!

...I will be sure to check my bed tonight in paranoia every few seconds. Good night to you too, Gaara.

Sakura


To: Lee
From: Sakura

Hi, Lee! I need your help. Sasuke is being stupid. And I can't find him ANYWHERE. Because he's ignoring me. Can you help me make him...not ignore me?


From: Lee
To: Sakura

Yosh! Anything for the beautiful Sakura-chan!


From: Lee
To: Sasuke

Sasuke-kun! Your Cherry Blossom is most distressed! You must be a proper boyfriend and rest her fears!


To: Lee
From: Sasuke

How did you even get my number?


To: Sasuke
From: Lee

Gai-sensei gave it to me!


To: Lee
From: Sasuke

...how did Gai-sensei get it?


To: Sasuke
From: Lee

Shino sold it to him! Such is the dedication of Gai-sensei, to make sure he has your number in case you feel the urge to contact him in your time of need! Gai-sensei is so thoughtful like that, ne, Sasuke-kun?


To: Lee
From: Sasuke

Yeah. Wonderful.


From: Angel4awhile
To: GreenEyed07
Subject: Re: I hate men

ROAD TRIP? IT IS OFFICIALLY HAPPENING.

HE CALLED ME FAT. WELL. NOT REALLY. BUT BASICALLY. AT LEAST, HE DID NOT FALL OVER HIMSELF TO ASSURE ME OF MY NOT-FATNESS.

CARDINAL SIN? I THINK SO.

So for our road trip: All we need is a car. And some way across the Pacific Ocean. BUT PSHT, LIKE A LITTLE WATER EVER HURT ANYONE.

Seriously. Seriously. And I will be ready to go just as soon as I take out some garbage. If you know what I mean.

SAKURA, HE KEEPS LEAVING ME LITTLE PRESENTS. When I'm stalking him, I mean. In an attempt to find his secret lover. Did I tell you about that? I don't think I did. Anyways. I think PH has a secret lover. Probably a little squat woman with enormous breasts. I mean, he's gotta go back to her sometime! So, yeah, I'm stalking him. Naruto gave me tips and everything.

BUT HE ALWAYS KNOWS I'M THERE! AND IT IS PISSING ME OFF!

I mean, he could at least pretend not to notice me. I even put on wigs and big glasses and hide behind newspapers and stuff! How does he know?

Plus, the little presents he's leaving me? ARE NOT CUTE OR ROMANTIC. What the crap am I going to do with a bouncy ball!

And his little notes? Are grocery lists. Well. First he tells me how stupid I am. And then he tells me to buy some milk.

I AM NOT BUYING THE GODDAMN MILK, OKAY? I HAVE MILK. I JUST DON'T WANT TO SHARE. THAT MAKES IT HIS PROBLEM. HE CAN BUY HIS OWN FREAKING MILK.

Mr. Butters has noticed that we are fighting. He totally threw up on Shitamaru's foot this morning. It was awesome. Although now that I think about it, I should probably take him to a vet.

...okay. Calm. I am calm now. Calm like Ghandi calm. That is how calm I am. I am freaking yen.

I'm sure this is the last thing you want to hear right now, but: Sasuke sulking? I TOLD YOU SO. However, this does not make it your fault. This is him being unreasonable about the demigods we see on TV. Like PH! PH gets annoyed whenever I watch Glee. He says the music is stupid.

Like either of us seriously care about the music.

Sakura, if Sasuke is, in fact, on a bus and getting shot at, you are allowed to bust in there and save his sparkly ass. UNTIL THEN, shun him! We have a pact. A no-guy pact. And it is effective as of RIGHT. NOW.

P.S. I get my phone back today! I'll text you later. And I was e-mailing you with my laptop, dork.
P.P.S. I would just like to say, here and now, that I am not responsible for what Tenten might do. I tried to make her see reason! I really tried. Well. Not very hard. But, still.
P.P.P.S. Tomorrow's your last day! MY BAAAAABYYYYYY!


From: valentineSTAKER
To: GreenEyed07
Subject: Re: Fight Hard!

If you want, I could kill him and make it look like it was an accident.

...I'm not kidding.

Look, I grew up with Temari. What happens between you and the television is not my problem until the cable breaks and I have to fix it. I get it.

I looked him up. He's an artist. It's disgusting. I tried sending him a letter bomb but something went wrong and I ended up burning off my eyebrows. Now I hate him even more.

Good. Be careful. Also, I think you might be getting a letter from me in a few days. Don't open it. And don't try to burn it, either. I think I might have switched some envelopes.

Gaara


Kiba,

Haha, you're going to die.

Ninjinga,

-Naruto


Naruto,

Shut up. I have A Plan.

-Kiba


Kiba,

If your plan is to grab Hinata and run, I am here to tell you: IT DOESN'T WORK.

Ninju,

-Naruto


Naruto,

Maybe it didn't work for you. And that's a stupid plan, anyways. MY plan is to be teeth-achingly polite. They'll HAVE to like me!

-Kiba

P.S. The person who bought me? Neji. I don't actually know what this is supposed to mean but I'm still terrified.


Kiba,

HAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOL THEY'LL NEVER LIKE YOU HAVE YOU EVEN MET NEJI!

Ninjar,

-Naruto

P.S. Here rests Kiba: beloved son, okay friend, sad virgin, and unfortunate slave.


To: Tenten
From: Neji

Tenten. Get the car.


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Try again.

She-who-guides-like-a-compass,

Tenten


To: Tenten
From: Neji

Get the car, please.


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Yeah, we're going to have to work on that. Anyways! Where to?


To: Tenten
From: Neji

I'm kidnapping Hinata and taking her somewhere safe.


To: Tenten
From: Neji

Also, I don't think you should be dating a criminal. Goodbye.


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Oh, cool! I get shotgun!


To: Tenten
From: Neji

DO YOU EVER EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING?


To: Neji
From: Tenten

Yes, dear.

She-who-smiles-like-a-preying-mantis,

Tenten


To: Tenten
From: Neji

I'll just get the car, then.


To: Kiba, Naruto
From: Tenten

Neji's kidnapping Hinata and taking her to a convent. Just thought you might like to know!

She-who-plots-like-a-map,

Tenten


Naruto,

Off topic, but...I'm not sure Neji's the one we should be worried about.

-Kiba


Kiba,

Dude, women are cracked. Like this is news.

Ninjii,

-Naruto


To: Sakura
From: Kiba

I'm not ignoring you, dorkus. I'm just a little busy right now. How've you been?


To: Sasuke
From: Naruto

You know, Sasuke, you might have had the Crimson Crayon for a while. But eventually, the bond between the two of you weakened. And you know who got the crayon then? ME!


To: Sasuke
From: Naruto

That was a metaphor, by the way.


To: Sasuke
From: Naruto

In case you didn't get that.


To: Sasuke
From: Naruto

I know you can be a little slow.


To: Naruto
From: Sasuke

I understand perfectly. Crimson crayon is headed right over.


To: Sasuke
From: Naruto

WHY IS YOUR CRAZY STALKER IN MY BED GET IT OUT GET IT OUT EEEEEEE I HATE YOU!


To: Sakura
From: Naruto

Sakura-chan, your boyfriend is mean. ALSO, I SAW HIM COMING OUT OF A JEWELRY STORE TODAY. I would say he was buying an engagement ring, but robots don't do such things.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

...well, Christmas is coming up! Maybe he was buying gifts for then!


To: Sakura
From: Naruto

...Christmas is five months away.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

Never too early to start!


To: Sakura
From: Naruto

...I give up. WHEN THE TWO OF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, SAKURA-CHAN, DO NOT BUY THEM THE 64-PACK OF CRAYONS. WE DO NOT NEED ANOTHER GENERATION OF UCHIHA CHILDREN KEEPING THE CRIMSON CRAYON TO THEMSELVES.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

OH MY GOD WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS.


To: Sakura
From: Naruto

SAKURA-CHAN, THIS WAS A VERY BIG DEAL.


To: Naruto
From: Sakura

Oh my god. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. LET IT GO, MAN.


To: Sakura
From: Naruto

NEVER.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

So, um, apparently Naruto saw Sasuke coming out of a jewelry store.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

AHAHAHA WHAT DID I TELL YOU?


To: Ino
From: Sakura

STFU. It probably means nothing, we're still fighting.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

He's totally doing this just to get make-up sex.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

DO YOU EVEN THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK OR -


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

ALRIGHT, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, SASUKE. EITHER YOU TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW OR I BREAK UP WITH YOU.


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

What?


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

YAY YOU FINALLY ANSWERED!


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

...you weren't being serious?


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Of course not! You're stupid, but I do love you. EVEN IF YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING ME FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. You know, I am Very Upset With You.


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

For what, ignoring you?


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

NO, FOR YOUR SECRET OTHER GIRLFRIEND!


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

...what.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

That's right! Naruto saw you carrying a bag from a jewelry store and I mean, my birthday already passed, we're fighting, and it got me to realize that if Shikamaru can have a secret wife then why can't you have a little thing on the side too!


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Your little game is up, Sasuke-kun. You need to come clean.


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

You moron, I wasn't buying jewelry for my secret girlfriend. You're MORE than enough for me.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN. ARE YOU GETTING TIRED OF ME, SASUKE-KUN?


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

STUPID, I WAS BUYING YOU A PROMISE RING.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

You...you were what? REALLY?


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

Yes, really. Now come over here you dummy so I can put it on you.


To: Sasuke
From: Sakura

Wow, Sasuke-kun, I am totally swooning right now.


To: Sakura
From: Sasuke

Stop texting me and get over here so I can apologize to you properly.


To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: News!

KAY SO SASUKE-KUN DIDN'T PROPOSE TO ME. HE DID GET ME A PROMISE RING, THOUGH.

Just thought I should inform you that YOU WERE WRONG.

This is so much better than an engagement.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

So I just read your e-mail - excuse me, I need to go throw up from the cuteness.


To: Ino
From: Sakura

SHUT YOUR FACE, HATER.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

I can't believe both of us lost.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. NINJAS DON'T LOSE. I AM MERELY BIDING MY TIME.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

Suuuure you are.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

By the way, did you hear about the newest Tenten and Neji drama?


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Did she kill him or something?


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

...not far-fetched, actually. But no. Supposedly when Neji went to go pick up Hinata to drive her to the covenant to be a nun, Tenten knocked him out and flew him to Vegas - she befriended the pilot of his private jet, apparently - and they pulled a shotgun wedding.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

Apparently, Hinata's father is now drugged up to his eyeballs with Xanex because of it.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

WHY DOES THIS THOUGHT PLEASE ME SO MUCH?


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Finally, something we agree on.


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

You know, this means Hinata will be needing some TLC.


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

FOO, IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!


To: Naruto
From: Kiba

What the hell does that even mean?


To: Kiba
From: Naruto

Figures you'd be too dumb to know. PREPARE TO EAT MY DUST.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

IIIIIII HAVE MY PHONE BACK! Oh god, I feel like...dancing!


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I got yelled at for dancing again. Or for humping the ice cream pole, which is what The Burger King referred to my smooth moves as. What-ever.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Okay, off work. Back to stalking! This shit is intense. He hasn't left me any presents yet, so I think that means he hasn't noticed me.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Why is PH just randomly walking around the city anyways?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

OKAY THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. I AM HALFWAY UP A MOUNTAIN. A FREAKING MOUNTAIN. ARE WE TURNING BACK ANYTIME SOON?


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Okay, so it's a hill. Not a mountain. But still. STILL. I HATE NATURE!


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Oh my god.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

SAKURA.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

SAKURA, HE LEFT ME A CARTON OF MILK.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

WAIT, WHY AM I SO HAPPY.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

THIS IS LIKE THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING, EVER.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

I mean, it's milk. I don't even like milk that much.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


To: Sakura
From: Ino

Oh, wait. Right. The Pact.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

The Pact, self. Remember The Pact.


To: Sakura
From: Ino

WELL YOU ARE MARRYING SASUKE SO WHATEVER WE WERE GONNA HAVE TO BREAK IT AT SOME POINT ANYWAYS!


justcallmeMASTERINO: Ahem.

TheDarkestShadow: Hey.

justcallmeMASTERINO: You bought me milk.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...that is so twisted.

TheDarkestShadow: It's what you wanted, isn't it?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Actually, I wanted you to take me to Italy and say "Ino, I love you, let's get married and have lots of fat children!" or something.

TheDarkestShadow: I hope you aren't too attached to that fantasy.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Well, I'm not NOW. I mean, our anniversary already passed. And you're an insensitive creep.

TheDarkestShadow: Huh.

TheDarkestShadow: I can live with that.

justcallmeMASTERINO: So can I, apparently.

TheDarkestShadow: I have a question for you.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Oh, yeah?

TheDarkestShadow: Yeah. Did you tell your minions to stalk me or something?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Nnnnnoooooooooooooooo?

TheDarkestShadow: Ino.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I...might have...suggested...erk.

TheDarkestShadow: Yeah, well, call them off. It's freaking me out more than you know.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Meaning?

TheDarkestShadow: Meaning that the guy who knits you shit? Is my boss.

justcallmeMASTERINO: NO WAY.

TheDarkestShadow: How do you think I feel about it?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Wait, how did you even find out about this?

TheDarkestShadow: I would rather not say.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...Ew.

justcallmeMASTERINO: HEY WAIT! WAIT. I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM LETTING YOU GET AWAY WITH YOUR SECRET DOUBLE LIFE!

TheDarkestShadow: Say that again?

justcallmeMASTERINO: You! And your dumpy little wife and two fat children!

TheDarkestShadow: ...Wait, I thought you were joking about that.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I WAS NOT JOKING.

TheDarkestShadow: HOW COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE ANOTHER LIFE.

justcallmeMASTERINO: I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE SMART, YOU COULD FIND A WAY.

TheDarkestShadow: INO. YOU ALREADY TAKE ALL MY MONEY.

justcallmeMASTERINO: SHUT UP SHIKAMARU LOGIC DOES NOT APPLY IN CIRCUMSTANCES SUCH AS THESE!

TheDarkestShadow: WELL, APPARANTLY NOT!

justcallmeMASTERINO: WAIT STOP YELLING AT ME THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE FOR BLOWING OFF OUR ANNIVERSARY

TheDarkestShadow: Ugh.

justcallmeMASTERINO: No! Not "ugh"!

TheDarkestShadow: But it's so sappy.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Shikamaru. I'm kind of a sappy girl.

TheDarkestShadow: Not really.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Okay, let me rephrase, learn to be romantic, moron.

TheDarkestShadow: I can be romantic.

justcallmeMASTERINO: NAME ONE TIME.

TheDarkestShadow: I bought you milk!

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...SHITAMARU!

TheDarkestShadow: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

justcallmeMASTERINO: MILK = WHITE PICKET FENCES. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

TheDarkestShadow: Why does it have to be some big gesture, huh?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Because that's how it's supposed to happen, okay?

TheDarkestShadow: No.

justcallmeMASTERINO: THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY UP FOR DEBATE, MISTER.

TheDarkestShadow: But it's contrived.

justcallmeMASTERINO: No, actually, it isn't. It's sweet.

TheDarkestShadow: I shouldn't have to make a show every time our anniversary comes up. It should just be a daily thing.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...

TheDarkestShadow: Seriously, don't make such a big deal out of it.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Uwah!

TheDarkestShadow: What?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Nothing. I just like you.

TheDarkestShadow: Yeah, yeah.

justcallmeMASTERINO: It's all good, PH. I know you like me too.

TheDarkestShadow: Woman.

justcallmeMASTERINO: EEEEEE wait till I tell Sakura!

justcallmeMASTERINO: Oh, man, she's gotta be freaking out by now. Tomorrow's graduation!

justcallmeMASTERINO: I mean, because I've been psyching her out all month. Telling her that Sasuke was going to ask her to marry him at graduation.

justcallmeMASTERINO: And she is, like TERRIFIED of the idea.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Of course, that's all kind of null now that he gave her a promise ring, but I can scare her some more and tell her that now that Sasuke knows she's cool with his promise ring he's gonna pull out THE BIG GUNS on graduation day.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Oh, man. It's gonna be so great. I bet she'll punch him in the face if he gets within three feet of her.

justcallmeMASTERINO: ...

justcallmeMASTERINO: HAHAHAHA! OH, YOUTH!

TheDarkestShadow: Are we gonna kill those trolls or not?

justcallmeMASTERINO: Fine, fine. You should appreciate me more, you know. I became a nerd for you!

TheDarkestShadow: Shut up and save me.

justcallmeMASTERINO: Fine, fine.


Welcome to G R I N D I N G!

Homeland of justcallmeMASTERINO.

Okay, you can stop stalking him now. Thanks, everyone! Although, I'm a little suspicious that ninety percent of the photos were ass-shots. Really, ladies (and gents!), control yourselves!

But, anyways...things have worked out now. Kind of. Enough for the moment, anyways. So, thanks.

P.S. Dude, Brett, knitting me underwear is sort of crossing a line.
P.P.S. But they are very comfortable.
P.P.P.S. BUT IT'S STILL DISTURBING, OKAY?