Title: The Different Between What You Want and What You Need
Author: KouenTaisa [on ] Chedders
Pairing: Gibbs/Shannon, Gibbs/Wives, Jibbs, Gibbs/Other Females, Gabby
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Relationships
Spoilers: general NCIS
Summary: Sometimes what you want isn't exactly what you need.
A/N: This popped up into my head last night, but I was way too tired to write it, but now I am not so tired.
Shannon had been something he needed in his life, ever since he first laid eyes on her at the Train Station in Stillwater. Something about her made him relax. It made him light up and smile. It made him more of a man to have her around, because she inspired him to be better with just a glance. He had loved that about her. He still loves that about her.
Kelly had been another need. At first he had been uncertain about bringing a child into the world while he was a Marine, but Shannon's easy confidence about how great he would be as a father slowly turned his unease into excitement. Holding her in his arms just seconds after her birth had been… incredible. That was all it took to have him hooked on the little girl they named Kelly Gibbs. She had him wrapped around her finger from day one, and even now, the hold she had on him was tangible.
His first wife after Shannon, Diane, had been more of a want. He wanted company. He wanted someone to fill the hole in his life that had been left after Shannon and Kelly were taken from him. At the time, he had always thought he needed her. That he was in love with her, but he wasn't. He loved Diane, but he was not in love with her and the divorce had hurt less than he thought it would.
Wife number two or three, depending on how you looked at it, was a short stint. A red-headed beauty that had entranced a certain part of him that wasn't anywhere near his heart. Once again, he thought he had needed her because she helped fill some kind of emptiness in him, but it only lasted for a few months and then she was gone. Looking back at it, she was perhaps the wife that was definitely more want than need, but he had still loved some part of her.
Paris. The City of Lights and of Love. Jenny had been good for him. He had honestly thought that she would perhaps be his final wife if he ever got the courage to ask her to marry him. After two failed attempts, he decided that waiting was the best course of action, and he had been right. For all that they had had in Paris, it was just that. Their love was only in Paris, and even though he hadn't been in love with her, he had been well on his way before she left him. She was always fifty-fifty. Half need and half want. More like a fantasy.
Stephanie was wife three or four, once again, depending on how you looked at it. She stayed with him during his time in Moscow, but the strain on their relationship was too much in the end. He was too driven by certain things and as much as she admired him, it wasn't really what she needed in her life. He wasn't what she needed. He made her feel safe and cared for, but not loved, and so after many arguments and fights and silent nights he wasn't really surprised when the divorce papers came.
By this point, he didn't really want another wife, because they never seemed to work out.
Short lived relationships came and went. There was Hollis Man and the red-head he had been casual with during the time Kate was apart of their team. There had been a few others who he didn't really remember. Faces and names became a blur after so many attempts at finding something that felt more like a dream than a reality.
Then, there was Abigail Sciuto. His feelings for her didn't just appear over night. They slowly surfaced over ten years of heart break and laughter. Ten years filled with tears and smiles and threats and late nights drinking bourbon and vodka in his basement while they worked on his boats. It felt natural to have her around. Unlike his other relationships, he didn't compare her to Shannon. He didn't worry that his first wife wouldn't approve of Abby, because she made him happy and that would have been enough for Shannon.
Having her stand in his basement, aching for some confirmation of what they were, felt like a knife being driven into his chest and he remembered the painful moments directly after learning that Shannon and Kelly were gone. To have something that he needed just as much as air be taken away had almost killed him.
Staring at Abby, knowing that this could break them, felt much the same. He needed her in his life. He needed his girl to be around, because she was just as essential to his being as Shannon was. Standing there, blue locked with green, he was surprised that he still had the ability to smile.
"I need you, Abs."
It was more of an I love you than anything else and the sad smile she directed at him made him relax just a bit.
"I need you too, Gibbs."
For the first time in almost eighteen years, Gibbs was getting what he needed, and it was so much better than getting what he had wanted.