A fanfic by Mike Breslau
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my dandruff. My pun!-
Akane was cooking again. Wisely, the other Tendos and Saotomes had snuck out to Ucchan's
to avoid poisoning or worse. Naturally, Shampoo had joined them lest Ukyo gain an edge over
her with Ranma.
"This is delicious!" exclaimed Ranma again, licking his lips.
"I have to agree," added Kasumi. Enviously, she continued, "You know, I could not
equal your okonomiyaki even when I use the same recipe."
Ukyo smirked. "You're probably using store-bought yamaimo (Japanese mountain yam). I have
a secret source that my father passed down to me."
"A secret source and a secret sauce too," wisecracked Shampoo.
Nabiki looked up. "Ukyo, would you mind if I took a bit of this to the school labs for analysis?"
"Okay with me, Sugar. Just take some of Kasumi's too for comparison. Who knows, I might
learn something useful."
The next day after school Ukyo had an unexpected visitor. The nerdy young man seemed to
be quite excited.
"Kuonji-san, I'm Jiro Fujimori, president of the Chemistry Club," he introduced himself.
"Jes' call me Ukyo, Sugar," replied the chef.
Jiro tried to settle down. "As you know, between Kodachi's poisons and Shampoo's potions
the club has become quite skillful in analyzing strange substances..."
"You're not comparing me to those two, are you?" glowered Ukyo.
Jiro made warding gestures. "No, no, Ukyo, nothing like that. I have good news - actually,
Ukyo raised an eyebrow.
Jiro continued, "We ran the samples through all the standard tests, and then continued on
to gas chromotograpy and mass spectrometry, among others. The mass spectrometer
revealed something so astonishing that we couldn't believe it! But, we rechecked and
confirmed it - the sample of your okonomiyaki contains traces of element 179!"
Ukyo looked blank.
"It's very rare for a new element to be discovered, and there were no known elements
beyond number 120 until yesterday. Most of the elements beyond number 100 only last
a small fraction of a second, but your element appears to be stable!"
Ukyo still looked blank. "What does that mean for me? It's not toxic, is it?"
Jiro looked sober for a minute. "We don't think it's toxic. Ukyo-san, as the discover of a
new element the honor of naming element 179 belongs to you! What would you like to call it?"
Ukyo thought for a minute, then a wicked, gleeful expression appeared on her face.
"I'd like to name it Yumium."
-Author's Note: Please don't hit me...