"Nothing To Say"

She didn't really say anything. And even if she had, it wouldn't have had the same impact on him as the look in her eyes did. He could see it, he could see that she was lost. He could see that the passion, the love, and the devotion was gone. It broke his heart, much more than any words or gestures could have.
But he wasn't surprised. He'd seen this coming. They had been dating for three years, but they had been friends for much longer. He knew her so well, and yet, ironically, he had no idea how to hold on to her. He was angry at himself for losing the best thing that had ever happened to him, and angry with her for not trying harder. She'd said she was feeling insecurities, and he'd told her that it would pass. He had no idea how wrong he was.

So here they were, standing in the moment. Letting their world collapse around them as they stood in a bitter yet somber silence in the centre of the apartment that they had made their own. It had been their home, for so long. Now, in the moment that would change their lives, she, flanked by two suitcases that held her life's possessions, struggled to find a way to tell him that it wasn't his fault. That it was her decision, and her heart, and that she was sorry that she had to leave. But none of that came out, and she knew that really, none of it mattered. She could see it in his eyes. He was letting her go. Letting her go because he loved her with all his heart, and that fact alone was killing her. She reached out to him, but he backed away. He looked at his feet, as his toe scuffed the rug nervously. He wanted her to leave, and end the moment. Or stay, and try again. He heard her sigh, letting out a shaky, tensed breath, before picking up her suitcases and walking out of his life. There was nothing more to say. It was over.



Days can be lonely
Night lets you down
Wonder and wander
There's no one around
Nothing to say now, nothing to do
I can feel my heart breaking
And it's all 'cause of you

Nothing to say now, nowhere to hide
I can feel my heart breaking
All the love left inside


It was Christmastime. The time of year when you are supposed to be with the one's you love. It had been two months since that fateful day, yet he still found himself thinking about her constantly. He walked the streets of New York, watching miserably as bundled up families hustled down the snow-covered sidewalks, their eyes sparkling with merriment, as they paused to gaze at the twinkling lights and the elaborate window dressings of the large department stores. Children giggled, and couples cuddled, as light flakes of snow danced through the air. Yet through it all, he only saw her. That night, in a moment of blind passion, he called her, to wish her a Happy Holiday, and perhaps to see if she was miserable too. But from the sound of her voice, he could tell that she wasn't. And before he could control it, he told her he loved her still. She sighed, and said she knew, then said she had to go.

It was the third time he'd called her. She knew it wouldn't be the last. She wanted him to move on, and yet, it was somehow comforting to know that someone still loved her so much. She didn't want to admit how much she missed him in her life. She was too stubborn to let her heart rule her life choices. She was the one who had walked out, she was the one who had given up. She had to leave that life behind. She had to let go.


Each time I've called you,
You said we were through
All that I wanted is to be with you
There's nothing to show now, nowhere to go
Nothing to tell you,
You don't love me no more
Nothing to say now, nowhere to hide
I can feel my heart breaking
All the love left inside

But if in your heart, you could love me too
Let me come back home
I can change for you
If you ever find, that you miss me too
If you want me back
I'll be there for you
Days can be lonely
Days can be lonely

She sat in Central Park, watching as children played with their parents under the new Spring sun. Spring was her favourite season. It symbolized a rebirth, a new beginning. The dead of winter falls away, and new life begins. Over the past few months, she'd found that her stubborness was the reason she was so miserable. She'd hidden her feelings well from her friends, friends that she knew still saw him, too. They'd told her, not long ago, that he had finally let go, that he had finally moved on. They'd said that her name was Alicia, and that she was beautiful. That was when she had realized that she had made a mistake. She had walked away, because she was afraid of the intesity of the relationship, and afraid that perhaps, the whole thing would self-destruct. She hadn't trusted herself, or him, enough to see that the love they had for each other, it was all that they had needed, and all that they ever would need. She had freaked out, because she was always afraid that someday, he would. But he didn't. He was always the one pushing the relationship forward, begging that they take it to the next level. He was the one that insisted that they could make it work, and then, later, he had been the one that had wanted to move in together. He was everything she had ever wanted, which was why she was just as shocked as he was when she had said 'no' to his proposal. It was her gut reaction, but it wasn't one either of them had been expecting. But now, she realized that her own fears and insecurities were the only reason that she was alone now. It wasn't because he didn't love her enough, nor was it because he loved her too much. It was because she hadn't let herself love enough, or maybe she hadn't let herself be loved enough.
She realized, at that moment, that she still loved him, she still needed him. But she couldn't have him, because now his heart belonged to someone else.
Or did it?

Daytime is lonely
Night gets me blue
Nothing to say now, nothing to do
Nothing to say now, nothing to show
I can tell you don't love me, you don't want me no more
Nothing to say now, nothing to do
Oh, my heart it was breaking
I've been praying for you
So if in your heart, you can find a way
Just to take me back, let me try again
Oh, if in your heart, you could say it's true
Let me come back home, I'll be there for you
Days can be lonely
Days can be lonely
Days can be lonely
Days can be lonely

~*~
Did this make sense? There will be another part, with another song, soon. And I promise not to write the entire fic in the third person. Please review!
"Nothing To Say" Words & Music by Chris Isaak