Prince of the Beach

by: a psycho chibi named Wendy

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except a few issues that don't need to be elaborated on. *shifty eyes*

Warnings: Lots of language, innuendo, bad jokes, and forced yaoi for comedic purposes... Or is it? *shifty eyes*

Pairing: ridiculously one sided SanjixZoro ... Or is it? *shifty eyes*

Summary: When a sparkly prize catches a navigator's eyes, a sandcastle building we all will go. However Sanji decides it's the perfect scenario to drive a certain Marimo up the freakin wall.

Author Rant: I was writing this for a challenge that Lolly Dream had issued, but now I don't really care if I win. This is just too much fun. Haha!

Enjoy~

fjfjfjfjfjfjfj

Chapter 1

fjfjfjfjfjfjfj

"Sand castle contest?"

Nami nodded with a broad grin at her gathered nakama. "That's right! Apparently it's an annual tradition on this island. Teams of two or three work on building the best sand castle, and the host of the contest judges it. The host is this eccentric rich guy that has this weird sandcastle fetish." she added with a careless wave of her hand.

That had the rest of the crew staring.

"A... Sandcastle fetish...?" Usopp repeated slowly.

"That sounds gritty... Pfft.." Sanji was forced to cover his mouth to stifle a laugh.

"I don't get it." Luffy stated with a tilt of his head.

Rolling his eyes, Zoro focused on the conniving redhead. "Right, so why are you making us enter this stupid contest?"

The navigator was quick to hold up a poster that showed a chest filled with jewels. "Because first place gets this~!" she chirped gleefully.

"Oh wow! We get a cool poster?!" Luffy asked excitedly.

Robin had to lightly bite at her knuckles to stop her giggles as Nami promptly smacked their captain. It never ceased to amaze her how hilarious this crew really was.

"Not the poster, you idiot! We get what's on the poster!" Nami snapped, shaking her fist at the slow witted rubber boy.

Clutching at the large bump on his head, Luffy pouted. "Jewels? I can't eat jewels. Why can't the prize be meat?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Luffy, I would be able to buy enough meat with one of those jewels to feed you for a week." Sanji pointed out while patting down his pockets for a smoke.

The captain's jaw immediately dropped as his eyes became sparkly at the promise of meat. "No way... Yosh! We are gonna win that contest!" He would have immediately shot off Merry's deck for the beach if Nami hadn't grabbed his ear. It stretched a few feet before the hold drug Luffy back to the navigator with a snap. "Oooow... Nami... I thought we were going!"

"Not right this second. We need to form our teams, then register. Not to mention gather any tools we'll need." Nami explained in a firm, yet slow, tone.

As Sanji was in the midst of lighting a cigarette, a thought struck him. "Nami-san, what's the name of this island again?"

"Hm? It's Sanolo."

"Sanolo..." Sanji was silent for a moment before a bright grin suddenly formed on his face. "Nami-san! May I pick the teams? Please please please!" he pleaded with his hands waving wildly.

Zoro immediately snorted loudly. "Hn. This should be rich." he muttered with an unimpressed glare.

Feeling the same, Nami was about to say no when Robin spoke out. "What teams would you pick, Cook-san?"

Sanji was immediately beaming as he pointed to the pair of ladies. "Robin-chwan goes with Nami-swan." He moved across the deck to the sniper and slung an arm around his shoulders. "I go with Usopp, and Chopper goes with those two." he finished with a careless wave of his hand at the remaining members.

The moment he was finished, everyone was at a loss of what to say. "That... Actually sounds good." Nami said in astonishment.

The blonde grinned and tapped the ashes off his cigarette. "I'm glad you approve, dearest Nami-swan~! Come on, Usopp! I've got a bag full of worn out kitchen utensils I haven't had the heart to get rid of yet. Maybe we could use them for our castle." Before anyone could protest, Sanji was dragging the surprised sniper away to the galley.

"Wha? Sanji! Slow down!" Usopp yelped as he came close to tripping over his own feet.

Within seconds they were in the galley and Sanji was shutting the door behind them. "Heh.. This is perfect.." he chuckled to himself.

Now that they were hidden away in the galley, Usopp faced his new partner curiously. "Wow, Sanji... I didn't know you liked sandcastles so much."

A smirk was suddenly curling the cook's lips as he held a finger over them. "Shh..." He motioned for his comrade to come closer. When Usopp warily complied, he leaned in to whisper into his ear. "I think we're due for a decent prank war. Care to play along?"

Usopp's eyes grew wide, but soon an evil grin was plastered across his face. "Prank war, you say? I think I might be willing to participate."

Sanji mirrored the expression as he clapped his hands on his nakama's shoulders. "Yosh! Gather up everything you think might be useful and meet me back here. We'll start planning then. I trust you can be discreet."

"Ha! When it comes to pranks, I am the master. That's not me just bragging either." Usopp added with a wink.

"That's what I'm counting on. Go on. I've still got a bit of prep work to finish."

"Yosh! Haha! This is gonna be awesome!" Usopp nearly squealed with glee as he hurried out of the galley.

Sanji watched the sniper leave with a pleased smirk. "Excellent... I'll have that Marimo tearing out his hair and kick his ass at this contest." He took a drag from his cigarette and let it out with a content sigh. "Mmm... This is gonna be a good day."

"Maybe worth writing home about."

fjfjfj

-"WELCOME TO THE SANOLO ISLAND 56TH ANNUAL SANDCASTLE CONTEST!"-

"Iiieee!" Chopper yelped in alarm when the loud speakers crackled into life. "My ears..." he whimpered as he tried to block out the grating voice.

No one had the chance to check on the little doctor when a figure suddenly leapt atop the stage that was set up on the beach. -"Welcome! Welcome! One and all! I see we have some new faces this year, so I shall go over the rules for this year's contest!"-

"Damn.. This bastard's loud.." Sanji grunted as he stuck his fingers in his ears.

-"Rule #1: You must make a sandcastle! I don't care how you decorate it, as long as it's a castle~!"-

"Zoro...?"

Zoro glanced down to see Chopper shifting uneasily on the sand. "What is it, Chopper?"

Chopper hesitated for a moment before pointing at the man on the stage in front of them. "Why is that guy dressed up in a pink sandcastle costume..?"

"Because he's a twisted little perverted freak."

The little reindeer blinked for a moment. "... Oh..."

The walking pink sandcastle slapped a large sundial that was set up on the stage. -"Rule #2: The contest will last ten hours! When this sundial's shadow reaches this red mark, the contest is over! All work must stop when I give the signal! Anyone that doesn't will be disqualified!"-

"His head reminds me of a tomato." Luffy stated with a resolute nod.

"It is rather red and round.. That costume can't be comfortable." Robin commented on seeing how tight the inflated rubber suit was.

"Maybe he's a masochist in addition to being a sandcastle perv." Usopp offered, unable to look away from the bouncing pink castle.

"Eh, as long as the prize is legit, I don't care what he looks like." Nami stated while adjusting the shoulder straps to her red bikini top.

-"Rule #3: Anyone that has any devil's fruit powers are not allowed to use them during the first half of the contest! I will give a signal for when it will be allowed. Any fruit users caught using their powers during the first half will be disqualified!"-

That rule surprised the strawhats. "The hell... So there are other fruit users here?" Zoro hissed as he glanced around at the crowd they were in the midst of.

"There must be, or there wouldn't be need of such a rule." Sanji mused as he pulled his cigarettes out of the front pocket of the unbuttoned white shirt he was in.

The sandcastle man moved to the front of the stage and gave a huge grin. -"There will be a break period at the middle of the contest when a food cart will stop by each team's area! I will give you time updates throughout the contest, and I shall be overseeing that all of the rules are followed! As the host and judge, I will be judging each castle based on construction, creativity and size! So the bigger and flashier the better! Alright! That does it for the rules! Everyone go to your designated areas and await the start signal! Good luck~!"- he seemed to coo before skipping off the stage.

There was a silent pause as everyone attempted to process what they had just seen.

"Did he just skip away...?"

Luffy readily nodded. "Yes. Yes he did."

"Hey, anyone else notice Nami and Robin are the only two women on the entire beach?" Usopp asked as he glanced around at all of the rough looking men leaving for their team areas.

Sanji took a deep drag of his fresh smoke only to let it out in a depressed sigh. "I know.. I'm so disappointed... But! Seeing Nami-swan and Robin-chwan in their stunning swimsuits more than makes up for it!" he chirped, ogling the scantily clad women shamelessly.

"I've been listening to the other contestants." Robin stated just after an ear disappeared off of a passing man's shoulder. "From what I've gathered, these contests are known to get violent in the second half when the devil's fruit users are allowed to use their powers."

That had the navigator frowning. "Wait.. From this entire set up, it seems like the first half of the contest is building the castles, and the second half is protecting them..."

"What? Then why didn't the castle freak say something?!" Usopp yelped.

"Who cares?" Zoro eyed the competition and smirked wide. "That only means this stupid contest might be interesting after all."

With all of that revealed, Chopper looked to Sanji in concern. "Should I go with your team, Sanji? You and Usopp don't have devil's fruit powers."

Sanji was immediately grinning at the offer as he slung his arm over Usopp's bare shoulders. "Don't worry about us. Me and Usopp can handle whatever happens." He nudged the sniper and gave a sly wink. "Right, Usopp?"

Usopp was about to protest, but on seeing the wink he was reminded of their plan. A grin was soon on his face as he slapped his own arm around Sanji's shoulders. "That's right! Not only will we handle everything, but we're gonna win too! Hahahaha!"

"Besides, we've already registered. There's no team changes after you've been assigned a number." Sanji added and pointed to the numbered armband he was wearing.

"He's right. We better get to our areas so we can be ready for the start signal." Nami reminded them when she caught sight of the pink castle lurking. The way he seemed to be leering at everything made her uncomfortable, but she kept her mind focused on the prize.

Luffy clapped his hands together eagerly and grinned wide. "Yosh! Do your best, everyone! One of us will win!"

"Wow, Luffy, that actually sounded captainly!" Usopp applauded, very impressed.

"Of course!" Luffy folded his arms over his chest and nodded. "And after we win, Sanji will buy meat!"

A collective groan was heard before Zoro grabbed his idiot captain by the back of his black tank top. "Just promise not to eat the stupid sandcastle." he grunted while dragging the rubber boy off across the beach.

"Will there be meat in it?"

"Doubt it."

"Then I probably won't eat it." Luffy stated confidently.

Zoro rolled his eyes and kept moving. "Wonderful. Come on, Chopper. Maybe we'll get to beat someone up later."

Chopper blinked, but was quick to follow. "Um.. Yay?"

Just as the two ladies were about to take their leave, Robin was stopped by a hand resting on her shoulder. She glanced back to see a blue eye fixed on her. "Yes, Cook-san?"

Sanji gave his best charming smile as he leaned in to whisper to her. "Just wanted to let you know that things may liven up a bit, Robin-chan. You might want to keep an eye out."

Catching the playful tone, Robin offered a sly smile. "I see.. Thank you, Cook-san. I'll be sure to watch for anything interesting." she replied before leaving to catch up with Nami.

"You're more than welcome, my lovely Robin-chwan~!" Sanji lingered a moment to admired the way the slinky purple one piece swimsuit hugged the woman's curves. "Kyaaa~! So lovely.."

"Oi! Sanji! Hurry up!"

Turning to his partner, Sanji chuckled and waved a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry, Usopp. Just stick with our plan and we'll be fine."

The pleased expression on the blonde's face made Usopp worry. A lot. "Why are you so confident about this?"

The question had Sanji placing a finger to his lips as he gave a wink. "Secret. You'll find out after we win."

Usopp fixed a bland glare on the blonde before letting out a defeated sigh. "Every time you get like this I feel like I'm making a deal with a demon."

Sanji gave a low chuckle and pulled the black sunglasses resting atop his head down to perch on the bridge of his nose. "Really? I don't know what would give you that impression."

"I think it's the horns and the way you occasionally laugh maniacally to yourself when you think no one is watching." Usopp grabbed hold of Sanji's rolled up sleeve and pulled him along. "Let's go. I snuck out ahead of everyone this morning and stashed that bag in our area. We've got everything we'll need."

"Fabulous." Sanji allowed himself to be pulled and happily smoked his cigarette. "I've got a good feeling."

"Just don't forget I'm on your side. I expect protection from any charging swordsmen."

"Ha, you just leave Marimo to me. I already know how to deal with him.

"Suddenly I'm thrilled and terrified at the same time."

fjfjfjfjfjfjfj

TBC

Where do you get a pink rubber sandcastle costume?

Later~