A/N: Hey guys, I know it's been awhile. Like over two weeks, right? I'm sorry. There's just been some…. issues. *sigh* I can't really remember why I hadn't written anything the week before last. I think it was a lack of motivation or just… lack of desire or something. Stress maybe? I don't know. Then last Monday I landed myself in the hospital, since I ended up blacking out and getting a bit too friendly with my bathroom floor, which resulted in seven stitches along my left eyebrow, a bruise under my left eye, a bruise along my nose, and an even greater pain along the top of my nose, and some loosened teeth, along with a split lip. Doctor said I haven't been eating enough, and that my blood potassium was too low. *shrug* I'm ok now though. I got out of the hospital Wednesday, but after that I was fighting exhaustion and now I have a bunch of summer reading to do (it's only two books but my vocab apparently sucks so I'm constantly on dictionary . com looking up words since I take SATs in October and I'm trying to improve it, and I'm dealing with my aunt, who is constantly telling me to eat and asking if I'm ok, and just… yeah. Just bare with me guys, ok? I'm trying, really. I don't know where this idea came from. I think it was from when my aunt and her son were fighting earlier.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I'm a great Sirius/Remus writer and all, I know, but unfortunately, I own nothing related to the Harry Potter series. Sad, isn't it? Haha.
Warnings: Ummm….. Alternate Universe. Arguing parents mostly. I don't really know. Child neglect, I guess you could say.
Genre: Romance. Drama, Family
The screaming and the yelling gets to be way too much for me sometimes, get to be too overwhelming.
I hate to admit that, hate to admit that I have any weakness at all, but hearing Mother's and Father's shouts fill my ears, hearing them curse and emotionally abuse each other and tear into each other and try and rip each other apart is just too much for me to take at times, too much for me to handle.
I want to rush into the room that they are in, to throw myself in between them and to shout at them to stop this nonsense, to just shut the bloody hell up already and to stop acting like spoiled children and to stop trying to shatter each other when they're each already shattered beyond repair. But mostly, I want to scream at them to stop putting Regulus and myself through this because it may just hurt us more than it can ever hurt them.
But I never do.
I never put a stop to it.
I never do anything about it.
Instead, I run off, leaving Regulus alone to fend for himself, to beat himself up over the fact that there's nothing that he can do and that there's no on that can comfort him in this house that's so filled with anger and resentment and cold, bitter contempt. I leave him to face our parents' angry, cruel arguments on his own, with nothing to block out the sounds of curses and accusations that he is much too young to hear, even if he is just a year younger than I am. It seems as if he's always been a bit younger at heart, a bit more in need of protecting. And I've never been able to protect him properly.
I run off instead, escaping, unnoticed by both of my enraged parents, to my lover, who always welcomes me with open arms.
"Are they arguing again," Remus asks me in a gentle tone of voice, looking up from his computer, the essay he had been working on at the little desk that sat in the corner of his room before I came crawling in through his second story window forgotten now that I'm here. Probably something for our English class that I haven't bothered doing yet. It's hard to keep up with school work when all I worry about is my parents screaming and yelling and maybe, one day, taking it too far, adding clumsy, careless limbs into the broken fragments of their lives, leaving them not only with battered, broken souls but with torn and bloody bodies as well.
It wouldn't surprise me if they've already gotten physically violent with each other, slapping and punching and kicking at each other when Regulus and I are not around to hear or see the worse of it.
What does surprise me is how little I care about how much they hurt each other. After dealing with it for almost seventeen bloody years, I just don't have the strength to care anymore, so long as they don't hurt Regulus.
"Sirius," Remus says quietly, after a time, and I realize that I never answered his question, but now I'm distracted by my boyfriend himself as he moves, unfolding himself from his desk chair in a stretch of graceful limbs, his tall, lean body rising up more elegantly than anything I've ever witness, and I'm almost shamed that, for all the worldly, advanced knowledge that my parents have forced into my brain, lessons given by only the finest tutors in the world before I finally convinced them to let me attend public school with all my other friend, I cannot come up with anything worthy enough to compare to him.
I smile at him as he wraps his arms around me, looking up at me with eyes as brown as the chocolate he seems to love so much, and about a bazillion times more beautiful as the sweet, creamy treat. The emotions in their depths, visible even in the darkness of his room, are still enough to take my breath away, even after the handful of years we've known each other. How can someone so wonderful look at someone like me, someone whose so broken, with such love and tenderness and adoration?
I don't deserve it.
I don't think I'll ever be able to deserve it.
But it won't stop me from cherishing it.
"Remus," I whisper quietly, bringing my hands up to frame his pale, lightly freckled face, tilting it this way and that so that the moonlight coming in through the open window can fall upon it, letting me see him a bit more clearly.
All of the troubles and burdens and worries I had came here carrying are already slipping away, as if they had never even existed, as if they will never exist again. I should feel guilty, for casting thoughts of my brother off to the wind so easily, and part of me does, but I get so tired of having to be so responsible sometimes, of having to be the one to nurture and look after him. I just want to be a kid sometimes. I want my parents to stop acting the way I never truly got a chance to, like a child.
Remus helps me shed the weight placed on my shoulders by a broken, screwed up family, and instead I can be here with him and immerse myself in his presence.
I can't help but smile, again, as I look at him, slowly letting my eyes trail over his form to take in every detail. I laugh softly as I look at his light, messy brown hair. From the state of it now, from the way it's sticking up in at least seven different directions and curling around his ears, I know that he's been running his hands through his hair in aggravation, probably stressing out over school and what not, as he often does. Silly boy.
My smile grows as my eyes trail down to run across his face, taking in his slightly puckered eyebrows, puckered either because I'm just standing here, staring at him (which I really can't help, since he's so fucking beautiful) or because I'm being so quiet, which is rare for me.
My eyes follow the slope of his nose, which is scattered with freckles that I love mapping out with my tongue as frequently as possible, before, finally, my eyes land on his lips, which are soft and pink and upturned slightly.
"You're staring again, Sirius," Remus whispers, bringing his hands up from where they were wrapped around my waist to instead tangle in my hair.
I huff softly in amusement, dropping a gently kiss right below his ear. "I'm not staring," I tell him, talking quietly. "I'm just admiring."Cherishing, I silently tell myself.
Remus snorts out a laugh. "You're just trying to get into my pants."
I gasp dramatically, playing along, because there's nothing I love more than the sound of his laughter. It's so light and carefree and infectious. I drop my head down to nuzzle at Remus' neck, tickling him a bit with my hair, and the way he giggles quietly, almost childlike, is one of the best sounds I've ever heard. "Why I'd never do anything disgraceful to you while your parents are just down the hall! What do you take me for?"
"A slut," Remus mocks, twisting his hips to grind against me rather boldly. I can't stop the moan that fights its way out of my throat as he rubs against me
"Am not," I weakly protest, lifting my head to look Remus in the eye.
Remus grins before pulling my head down, and I groan softly as our lips meet. We both shut our eyes at the same time.
It starts off slowly at first, as it often does, with Remus doing no more than simply pressing his lips against my own, before I open my mouth slightly, angling my head to the side just a little so that I can take his bottom lip into my mouth, sucking at it gently until I hear him moan. I slip my tongue out slowly, running it over his lips, before slipping it into his mouth and barely grazing it against his own.
Remus' fingers tighten in my hair and he bucks against me again, this time with no control over his actions.
I smirk slightly as I pull away, not able to hide my arrogance. It always makes me a bit cocky, the way such a simple kiss can set him off.
"And you say I'm the slut," I ask, teasing him a little.
Remus scowls at me. "Bastard."
I stick my tongue out at him, crossing my eyes as I do so, but he surprises me, again, by lunging forward and wrapping his lips around the moist muscle, pulling it into his own mouth and sucking at it gently.
I feel my knees go weak.
"Bed," Remus commands hoarsely, as he pulls away.
I nod, practically throwing him across the room onto his full sized bed, before scrambling on top of him and sealing my lips over his, kissing him passionately as I do so.
Remus struggles to get me out of my clothing.
And I'm more than happy to help him.
Later, I'll have to go back home, to care for Regulus, and to deal with my parents, who have probably still not stopped arguing.
But for now, I'm with Remus, and not only does he help me forget about all my worries and all those things that often get too overwhelming, but he helps me feel loved, and he shows me how to love.
And these overwhelming feelings, the ones I feel for Remus, are the ones I'm happy to bear the weight of.
A/N: I hope that came out ok, or at the very least, that it made sense.
I know I have to update my three chaptered fics, but like I said before, bare with me, ok? Please? You all love me lots, right? :D