Note: Some shows/movies are used more than once. And I know that they aren't all less than 23 words, but eh, they wouldn't be as fun that way. ^_^
I've also written a few similar to script, because they worked better
Arthur: So what you're saying is: now that you're human, you have no useful skills.
Merlin: Not so much.
Merlin: [Reading] We're trapped in a tomb with only a day's worth of air. Get us out of here so I can strangle that sorcerer with his own entrails.
He looks at Arthur. "That's definitely your father."
Arthur looks at Merlin incredulously, the armory in shambles. "What happened to 'don't touch anything'?"
"Why do they have to travel in packs? And how are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?" [Merlin stops in front of a group of serving girls, hesitates, then continues walking]
"Gods, Merlin. You've slayed dragons. If you can't get a date, who can?"
"I think I'd take the dragon now."
Arthur slices through the enemy soldier, killing him instantly.
"Two already!" He calls out.
"I'm on seventeen!"
"Huh? I'll have no idiot sorcerer outscoring me!"
Arthur kills another one.
Merlin casts two more spells. "Nineteen!"
"What happened here?" Gaius asked.
Arthur pauses, before answering awkwardly. "I kissed the Lady Vivian...and she broke her hand...punching my face."
Gwen: [In reference to Merlin] "He's a warlock, isn't he?"
Arthur: "Don't use words you don't understand."
Gwen: "You have a lot of love for him."
Arthur: "Don't use words I don't understand."
Merlin (surprised): "You saved me back there."
Uther: "Yes, well I also burned you alive, so I guess that makes us even."
Arthur was quickly regretting his choice to storm out of Merlin's flat. He wasn't familiar with this…future world, and now he was lost – lost with only a small black square…thing. He'd managed to dial the numbers and ask for help but now Merlin was laughing on the other end.
"This isn't funny Merlin," He protested. "The voice says I'm almost out of minutes!"
Arthur: That thing is a damned hazard!
Merlin: It's just a toaster!
Arthur: Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that.
Merlin: You're welcome.
Merlin [stressed]: Fine! When the bells stop ringing, and the sorcerers have been caught, we can have some of that ale you like so much and I'll tell you all my secrets.
[Merlin points his Sidhe staff at Arthur]
Arthur: "Get that out of my face."
Merlin: "It's not in your face, it's in my hand."
Arthur: "Get what's in your hand out of my face."
Arthur (surprised): "How'd you get here?"
Arthur sat on his horse, hands poised and ready to whip the reins, when Merlin suddenly petted the horse's head, stilling the creature in a way only the wizard could do. Merlin looked up to face Arthur from the ground, eyes desperate.
"Emrys is what I can do, Merlin is who I am."
In a distant future...
Merlin: Could you switch off your cell phone? No, seriously, it interferes with my magic.
Arthur: [as he turns it off] You know, no one ever believes that.
Merlin [with a smart-assed grin]: You can't trust a sorcerer. Trust me."
Merlin: Take my arm.
Arthur: I just apparated, didn't I?
Merlin: [Nods and looks amused] Most people retch their first time.
Arthur: [dry heaving] I can't imagine why.
Arthur: "Merlin, you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in Camelot. If it weren't for you people'd be lined up five deep waiting to get themselves buried. Morgana would be the Witchfinder's love slave, and Gwen wouldn't even have a head."
Merlin [to Arthur]: Why do you get a hug and I only get a tap on the nose?
Arthur: Because you're like a retarded puppy.
Arthur: Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a sorcerer.
Merlin: What about side by side with a friend?
Arthur: [Smiles] I could do that.
Gwen: "Yeah this isn't exactly how I pictured our date either."
Merlin: "What do you mean?"
Gwen: "You know what I mean. I'm a human, you're a warlock...we're right back to where we started."
"Merlin, we don't have time for your mental affliction!"