"I think this movie just killed a huge portion of my brain cells."

"Don't worry, there were never that many there to begin with."

"Oh, ha ha ha." Duncan muttered dryly, as Courtney crouched over the DVD player in her bedroom, pulling the DVD from the slot and placing it carefully back in it's case.

"I thought it was romantic," The brunette spoke up as she took a seat next to her boyfriend on her bed, as he began munching on the leftover popcorn in the metal mixing bowl beside him.

"He fucking sparkles in the sunlight. Why don't they just tattoo douche bag on his forehead?"

She scoffed, but he continued before she had a chance to interject.

"He doesn't even have fangs!" The Punk threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "What kind of lame-ass vampire doesn't even have fangs?"

Rolling her eyes, she took a handful of popcorn and thew it at the ranting boy, and received a, "Hey!" and a dirty look, before she spoke."Well, what kind of vampire would you have been interested in, then?"

The boy pursed his lips, eyes shut, mulling it over. "He'd have to have fangs, definitely. And drink human blood. None of this animal blood, shit. He'd burn up in the sun, sleep during the day, you know, your typical vampire." Suddenly, he smiled, and looked at his girlfriend, who shifted away from him apprehensively.

"Duncan... I don't like that look on your face..."

"And he'd like drinking the blood of girls, the best." As he spoke, punctuating each word, he began leaning closer to her, cupping her cheek in his hand, now. "He'd lightly tilt their head to the side," He did so as he said it. "Then would lean in," His mouth was over top of her neck, now. "And very carefully, sink his fangs into her skin." She felt his teeth prick her neck, and she shuddered. "Then he would drink until there was not a drop of blood, left." His teeth disappeared from her neck, and was replaced with his lips, that softly kissed the faint teeth marks he'd made there. "He'd be very gentle with the girls he drank from, and made sure they felt no pain, only pleasure." He whispered the words, his lips still pressed to the base of her neck, and her eyes fluttered shut at the contact. With an almost smug grin, he leaned upright, once more. "That would be my idea of the perfect vampire."

Courtney nodded once, mutely, face flushed. "H-He sounds nice..."

Chuckling, the Bad Boy dipped forward and pecked the pink-faced girl's lips. "So, what have we learned?"

"That Edward Cullen is a douche?"

"That's my girl."


AN: Aha, very short, and random. I do like Edward, but I can see how Duncan-and any sane male- would not. Duncan's vampire certainly sounds better, doesn't he? And, erm, Edward fans, if any of you happen to read this, I hope you aren't angry with me. Review~