Mentioned pairings: Kakuzu & Hidan (main), Sasori & Deidara, Madara-Tobi & Zetsu, and Kisame & Itachi ... possibly some Konan and Pain...
Hidan sat on the couch, staring out the window to watch the children play in the street. He booed anytime they dodged one of the cars. Since Halloween, neither him nor Kakuzu had seen the reincarnated Akatsuki. It did not matter to Hidan anymore though. He had Kakuzu even if their daily routine was predictable. He sighed after the children walked back inside, the sun slipping behind the trees.
"We'll have to go shopping, Hidan. We're out of food." Kakuzu appeared from the kitchen just as Hidan slid from the couch.
"Alright, but I want some fucking ribs!" Hidan drawled, throwing on a leather jacket he had taken from his most recent sacrifice.
"Ribs are so expensive though." Kakuzu mumbled, also getting ready.
"Then get one of those job-thingies."
"You know I can't; just look at me." He showed his stitches after locking the door behind him.
"Tch. Damn heathens these days."
"I would tell you to get a job but you're too lazy. Not to mention you'd manage to fuck it up somehow." He sighed, following Hidan on the sidewalk.
"Is it bad that I don't have an argument for that shit?"
"... Yes, yes it is..."
They arrived at the cheapest grocery store (not) nearest to them. Kakuzu ignored Hidan's complaints of the long distance. They were still ninja and, even though times had changed, stayed in shape. Hidan headed straight for the meat with Kakuzu not far behind. They chose the cheap ribs then Hidan had to reluctantly follow Kakuzu to the vegetables after he picked out a few livers for himself.
"I wonder how Zetsu would have reacted to all that fucking meat." Hidan mused along the way.
"If it weren't from animals... I'm sure he would have gone insane." Kakuzu sighed.
"Is it possible for the bastard to get even more insane?" He replied.
Kakuzu shrugged, dropping their conversation at the register. They did a double-take when they saw, you guessed it, Zetsu's reincarnation working. Kakuzu glanced down at Hidan and found his companion looking anywhere but at the green-haired man with light skin. He looked back to the man and found his name tag read Tsu.
"You guys eat liver too?" Tsu asked.
"I do, Hidan doesn't." Kakuzu replied, indicating to Hidan whom was waiting on a bench near the exit.
"My twin brother, Ze, says human liver tastes way better." He laughed, "Don't tell anyone I said that though!"
"I won't." Kakuzu sighed as he reluctantly pulled stolen money from his stolen wallet.
"Would you like some help carrying your bags?" Tsu asked. The cheap store did not provide carts to save money. "I'm off work now anyways."
"We actually walked here." Kakuzu replied, taking two bags to Hidan while he carried four.
"Oh? Well how about I drive you then? The owner, Madara, won't mind." He grinned, taking two bags from Kakuzu.
"'Madara'?" The other two echoed.
"Yeah, the Akatsuki store's owner is Uchiha Madara."
"'Akatsuki'?" They had not bothered to read the store name printed on the door, only that it sold cheap stuff.
"Yep. Tobi, his younger cousin, helped out with the name." Tsu continued until they reached a normal-sized black car.
"You seem pretty close..."Hidan finally spoke up, crawling into the backseat with Kakuzu.
"Um... yeah..." The man was blushing now, "We all live together. We being Tobi, Ze, him, and myself."
"I only live with this bastard here." Hidan smiled, much to Kakuzu's surprise and relief.
"This 'bastard' pays the bills," Kakuzu growled halfheartedly, "and buys you things."
"You don't let me buy the shit that I want though, Kakuzu." Hidan huffed, "Only cheap, generic crap."
"Maybe you should get a job then..." Tsu mused aloud.
"Tch. Like anyone would hire a bum like me." Hidan scoffed.
"You can get a cleaning job here. You don't really have to do anything." He looked back at them from the driver seat then added, "Where do you two live?"
Kakuzu told him their neighborhood and Tsu was clearly surprised that they had walked the distance. He pulled up to the house and rose a brow at their house. His brother and the others had said that a couple of crazy killers lived there. Hidan and Kakuzu headed straight for the door anyways, as though it were just any other house. He hurried after them, grabbing the last two bags. He stepped inside, squinting through the darkness.
"Where's the light switch?" He asked the retreating figures.
"Don't fucking bother. This mother fucker won't even buy light bulbs." Hidan shouted from the kitchen.
It took Tsu a little time to find them. Candles were lit along the counters and the fridge was open. Its light showed Kakuzu putting away their food and drinks. Tsu set the bags near the others and joined Hidan at the table. He was a bit unnerved by the penetrating look given by those magenta eyes.
"You and Madara are fuck buddies, am I right?" Hidan asked out of the blue, causing Tsu to turn bright red.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah... I take it Ze fucks Tobi too." He smirked now.
"Er... have we met before?" Tsu rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Perhaps in a past life." Kakuzu sat next to Hidan now.
"Are you two also in a relationship then?"
"Haha. You guys argue like Sasori and Deidara." Tsu laughed.
"You know Sasori and Deidara?" Hidan stopped glaring at his partner.
"They work for us part-time. How do you know them?"
"Just a run in at a club." Kakuzu shrugged.
"Yeah..." Hidan glanced at a clock, drawing Tsu's attention to it.
"Oh shit. I gotta go. Listen, Hidan, I got some applications in my car if you two are interested. I can pick them up tomorrow around this time to pick them up."
He stood and was followed to the front door. Kakuzu and Hidan waited for him to return with some paperwork. They waved farewell to their old/new friend.
Later that night, Tsu returned home to an aggravated Uchiha and annoyed brother. They lived in a two bedroom house just behind the store so Tsu would never have an excuse to not be there right after work. He usually did not disobey the curfew rule Madara had set but those two men were interesting. He followed the older man into the house, head bowed, and his brother at his side. His brother left when they reached the master bedroom.
"Why weren't you here when I returned?" Madara began when Tsu plopped on their large bed.
"I was helping a couple with their groceries." He replied calmly.
"I don't know..."
"Your brother did the same with Sasori and Deidara, Tsu. Who are our new potential employees?"
"... Kakuzu and Hidan. They live in that supposedly haunted house."
"Welcome back, Tsu-san!" Tobi, the store's greeter, shouted enthusiastically.
It was the next afternoon and Tsu had picked up Kakuzu and Hidan for a quick interview. The two immortals smiled at each other, silently admitting how good it was to hear the giddy boy once more. They followed Tsu to the back of the store, into a room where Pain sat waiting. Kakuzu and Hidan's eyes widened a bit at this but took their seats. They wondered if everyone from the original Akatsuki worked here.
"I'm this store's manager, Pain. I'm sorry if the piercings unnerve you but we don't hire based on looks... Just look at Ze, Tsu, and Kisame." He took their resumes from Tsu and looked them over.
"Someone good with money... good." He mused quietly, glancing at Kakuzu.
"I can't really do much." Hidan yawned when Pain looked at his resume.
"Hm... you can help bring in customers, clean, and perhaps you can act as security. There are quite a few shady characters snooping around when the sun starts to set."
"Fucking great!" Kakuzu tried to clap his hand to his partner's loud mouth but Hidan saw it coming and had no problem dodging it.
"You'll have to excuse my roommate's mouth..." He apologized, returning Hidan's glare.
"Not a problem. Ze can be a bit... well..." Pain shrugged, "You'll meet him in a moment. Kakuzu, you will take the register for today. Hidan... you can-"
"We need more—Who are they?" Konan's reincarnation entered, gazing at the two new employees.
"New employees. Take Hidan," Pain motioned to him, "outside and try shaker-boarding. After Deidara got hit on that one time, Sasori scared off half our customers."
"That was so cute." She giggled, holding out her hand. "Name's Konan. Come with me, Hidan."
"See ya Kuzu-chan~!" Hidan smirked, blowing a kiss.
"Jackass." Kakuzu flushed; Hidan's mission: Embarrass Kakuzu – Success.
He followed Tsu back to the front of the store to a register where a darker-skinned version of Tsu was talking to a cactus. Kakuzu guessed this was Ze since Tobi waved eagerly when he passed. Ze looked up from his plant when he sensed his brother approaching.
"Who's the big guy?" He asked a bit rudely.
"New employee, Kakuzu." His twin answered, "We're supposed to show him how to work the register."
Outside, behind the store, Hidan and Konan met a lovely sight (sarcasm... depending on who you are...). Hidan and Konan went unnoticed by the 'occupied' couple until Hidan, unable to resist the temptation, hugged Sasori. The redhead jumped away from where he was on top of Deidara, glaring at the interruption.
"You!" Deidara and Sasori accused.
"You two haven't changed one fucking bit." Hidan cackled.
"First you hit on my man, then you try and kill my buddy Kisame, and now you interrupt alone time with my Dei-chan?" Sasori glowered, pulling Deidara to his side.
"Oi! The bitch hit on me fucking first!"
Hidan defended himself, biting his tongue to prevent a smart ass retort about him being a better lay than a puppet. He could not blow his cover though and could not reveal his immortality. If they were to find out, Kakuzu was sure there would be experiments. Hidan did not like experiments and shuddered visibly at the thought.
"You okay, Hidan?" Konan asked him, voice sweet and laced with concern.
"Er... yeah. So what the fuck were we doing again?" He recovered with the shake of his head.
"Shaker boarding. Sasori, where'd you put the sign?"
"The old one's in the trash. We made a new one yesterday and it's somewhere at the front of the store." Sasori answered, still holding his Deidara.
"Damn. Come on, Hidan." Konan sighed at having to walk all the way back and Hidan felt the same.
At the front of the store Hidan snickered at seeing Kakuzu arguing with the register. The funniest part was that Zetsu was doing absolutely nothing to help the poor elder. He branched away from Konan, glanced at the register, and then pressed a button. The drawer opened and Kakuzu gaped.
"How the hell'd you do that?" He growled.
"Dunno." Hidan shrugged then walked off with a smirk when Konan beckoned him over.
"Just for that I'm making you sleep in another room!" Kakuzu shouted after him.
"And you'll still be right fucking next to me when I wake up in the morning." Hidan cackled before the door closed behind him.
"B-Bastard..." Kakuzu's eye twitched.
"Just can't resist him, huh?" The twins sneered together.
"You'd think I'd be able to after all these years." Kakuzu grumbled, "Yet instead I've grown attached. It's sickening." He gave a shudder then turned back to the register, "Now tell me how to work this piece of shit..."
After work the immortal couple were driven home by Zetsu. Kakuzu mastered the register before closing and Hidan had pulled in a large amount of female customers. Hidan headed striaght for one of the extra bedrooms upstairs, knowing Kakuzu still had not forgiven the embarrassment with the register. The older man headed for the kitchen and made a small dinner for Hidan and a snack for himself. He sensed Hidan's chakra coming from the room at the far end of the hall and knocked on the door. Inside was very few furnishings; a small bed which Hidan was sitting on and a desk leaning against one of the many walls.
"Here's your food. Good night."
Kakuzu left no room for Hidan to make a comment and slammed the old door behind him. He munched on the apple he had gotten for himself and plopped down on the main bed. He looked intently at the core until something caught his eye on the bedside table. It was one of Sasori's old sketch books. He tossed the core in a trash can and picked up the book, flipped to a random page. He thought back to the time when he had fooled the Konoha shinobi and Kabuto then hurried to dig up his partner...
Kakuzu was sitting at his desk while Hidan occupied the bed when someone burst into their room. Kakuzu cursed at losing his place and shot a deadly glare at Deidara. He stopped glaring when he realized he was crying... and missing his arms. He glanced at Hidan whom was still napping. He headed over to him and kicked him off in order to get his attention.
"What the fuck man?" He snapped, jumping to his feet.
"Deidara needs a patch up, move." Kakuzu motioned for the blonde to sit on the bed.
"Whoa, what happened to you, bitch?" Hidan cackled, completely unaware of the tears.
"S-Shut up, slut of a money whore, hm!" Deidara snapped, choking on his sobs.
"Tch, if I'm a slut then so are you, puppet-lover." Hidan shot back defensively.
"P-P-Puppet?" Hidan and Kakuzu started when the blonde fell onto Kakuzu's lap, drenching his pants with his tears.
"What did Sasori do to you, Dei?" Rarely did Hidan show a protective side.
"He's d-d—gone damnit!" Deidara's scream sent chills down Hidan's spine while Kakuzu was unappreciative of the odd feeling the action caused.
"What?" Hidan gaped while Kakuzu took the arms Deidara had in a bag that was left at their door when he entered.
"He said Sasori's dead." Kakuzu spoke bluntly, earning a very painful nip from Deidara. "Oi, get up damnit. You're not only ruining my pants but embarrassing yourself."
"You heartless bastard, hm!" Deidara snapped, sitting up abruptly, narrowly avoiding a collision with Kakuzu.
"I am not heartless, I have five." Kakuzu scoffed, roughly starting to reattach his arm, "Seriously, who cares if he's dead. Move on."
He had not noticed Hidan tense at this as he edged back to the door. He slipped away unnoticed, feeling nauseous. After Kakuzu had repaired Deidara the blonde stormed out, slamming the door behind as hard as he could without straining the stitches. Kakuzu exhaled and stood, looking around the room for his stress relief. He scowled when Hidan did not appear in his sight and left the room to look for him. He found him in the bathroom, door unlocked.
"Let's go back to our room, Hidan." Kakuzu crossed his arms over his chest.
"No." He mumbled, still sitting in the corner, back facing him.
"What's wrong?" Kakuzu sighed, sitting on the toilet seat near Hidan.
"Deidara's right." He uttered; Kakuzu knew he was fingering the rosary.
"What are you talking about?" He scoffed.
"I'm immortal, you're not. Do the math; you seem to love it so much more than me." He replied bitterly, still refusing to look at his partner.
"There's no such thing as immortality." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.
"See? You really are a heartless bastard!" Hidan snapped, finally whirling around, glaring with watery eyes.
"Hidan, you're acting ridiculous."
"No, I'm not, you are. I don't like being alone and you know it!" He snarled.
"You'll never be alone, Hidan."
"I will when you're gone."
Kakuzu flushed a bit but cleared his head, dragging Hidan back to their room. He slammed the man on the bed and climbed on top. He gazed into his eyes and spoke clearly.
"I swear to all my money that I will never leave you alone, Hidan."
"... Ha... haha!" In only a moment Hidan was rolling around on the bed, laughing. After Kakuzu held him down, Hidan gained composure enough to lean up, place a kiss on his exposed lips and murmur, "I love you, Kakuzu."
As their final day was approaching, Kakuzu prepared a clone and a heart in order to fake his death. Hidan would just have to wait for Kakuzu to dig him out of whatever grave he had dug for himself. He did not expect that to be literal as he shoveled dirt, searching for a valuable limb of his beloved partner.
"Oi, fucker... it's over there."
"That's a stick, Hidan. Stop insulting yourself; that's my job." Kakuzu grinned halfheartedly.
"Oh... Good thing Deidara wasn't here to see that." Hidan laughed.
"Yeah. He's dead. Done in by Itachi's baby brother." Kakuzu let out a triumphant exclamation when he found the final piece of Hidan.
"What? B-But Dei-Dei-Deidara said... said he would stay with us..." Hidan bit back a moan when Kakuzu reattached his remaining part.
"If it makes you feel better..." He finished his job and tilted Hidan's face up, "He went out with a bang."
Kakuzu smiled, delicately brushing his fingers over his lips, remembering the kiss they exchanged after. It would have gone farther if the damnable deer had not shown up. He glanced down at the page he had flipped to and saw Hidan and himself wrapped in each others' arms on the couch. He rolled his eyes and rolled out of bed. He shuffled down the hall and into Hidan's room. He smirked at his blissful expression and crawled in besides him, placing a kiss on his cheek.
"Busy day at work for me tomorrow, Hidan..." He whispered.
Everyone was interested in a sequel so here it is. This is the first of multiple chapters. Updates will be slow but I hope you don't mind it too much.
Wonder what Kakuzu has planned...
... Lol... they got jobs now... Jashin help their customers... -_-;