Based on the super fantastic episode where Scotty gets accused of murdering women on a pleasure planet! You should all SERIOUSLY watch it! lulz
It has so much win compacted into it! XD
It's season 2, episode 14 and called Wolf in the Fold
How Wolf in the Fold Should Have Ended…
The day had been a total success. Scotty had been acquitted of murder charges, they'd saved a valuable port for Starfleet, they'd prevented future killings, and…
And, best of all, they had sent a demon into deep space where it would, as he'd just explained to the giggling Dr. McCoy and Mister Scott, eventually die. I smiled, listening to Bones giggled explanation on how long the effects of the sedatives he'd given the entire crew would last. "I gave 'em all a pretty big shot!"
My entire crew, save myself and Mr. Spock, were babbling, giggling fools. What a glorious day for the U.S.S. Enterprise. "Yes, I can see that." He and Scotty had immediately fallen into fits of laughter.
I looked over at the Vulcan, thoroughly amused. "Well, Mister Spock, for the next five or six hours, we're gonna have the happiest crew in space. Of course, we won't get much work done…" Which was fine. My crew deserved it after the terrifying thing that had nearly occurred. Scotty especially.
"Captain, since you came to Argelius to rest, I suggest you take advantage of the opportunity."
That had my eyes lighting with excitement. I strode off the transporter steps as I spoke. "That's a splendid idea, Mister Spock!" I leaned against the transporter station, hands heldup to emphasize my point. "I know a café where the women are so–"
Bones interrupted me with an excited gleam in his eyes. "I know the place, Jim!"
Scotty looked intrigued. "Let's go see!"
I glanced over my shoulder at them. "You, gentlemen, in your condition? Don't be ridiculous." I looked back to Spock, wanting to sell this to him. "Mister Spock, this café has women that are so…" I trailed off, let my hands fall. I was definitely not getting anywhere with him. He looked just as stoic and… well, Vulcan as ever.
"No, well, I guess not…" I turned, studied the two giddy, eager men behind me. Scotty had a grin as large as I had ever seen across his features and Bones was trying to appear serious, knowing full-well that I would never take two inebriated officers to such an… exotic place. "Alone?" With a sigh, I walked to the door of the transporter room, it slid open.
I looked back; everyone stood just where they had been. I held out my hands in invitation. "Gentlemen." We strode out, Scotty and McCoy cackling like fools, and left the young engineer behind.
As Scotty and McCoy were sent to their rooms, along with just about everyone else on the ship, Spock and I made our way to the bridge. In the elevator, he reached over and stopped it. "Jim."
"You realize that we have five to six hours with ourselves being the only sober persons aboard ship and you wished to spend it ogling women."
"Not ogling, Spock, admiring their… talents." The look he gave me had my half-smile widening into a grin. "Why, Mr. Spock, you're not jealous, are you?"
The elevator was abruptly started again. "Of course not, Captain. Jealousy is a human emotion."
"So… You're half-jealous." And with that little barb, I strode off the lift and blinked when I saw the state of the Bridge. It was empty but for a shirtless Chekov and a pantsless Sulu, each sitting at their respective places.
"Keptin!" Chekov greeted, grin wide.
"Chekov, you weren't on the Bridge earlier. You requested the day off, did you not?"
"Yes sir! But Hikaru… Sulu… Dis guy said that ve needed to get Vite Castle! So ve came here to put in a course!"
"White Castle?" I asked.
"I believe it is just outside of Moscow, sir. Great food. Tiny burgers are Russian inwention, of course."
"Ohhh, my! Pavel, you are a crazy devil!" Sulu cackled, kicking back in his chair.
I shook my head. "All right, we'll go to White Castle as long as the two of you return to your quarters immediately."
Sulu jumped up and I was thankful that he was wearing underwear, even if they were golden and… very tight. "Right away, Captain!"
Chekov stood, his salute sloppy and his posture even sloppier. The only reason he didn't fall to the floor was because Sulu's arm came around him in the nick of time. Giggling and singing an old song about… beets, of all things, the two of them managed to get into the turbolift and were gone.
I sank into the captain's chair – my chair – and shook my head. "Mister Spock, I want that chair sterilized. Both of those chairs."
"Yes, Captain, though I believe a more efficient approach would be dirtying up the remaining spaces before beginning the cleaning process. Namely… the captain's chair."
I looked over my shoulder, saw the bulge in my first officer's uniform pants, then his stoic expression. "The captain's chair."
He nodded. "We only have five to six hours, Captain."
I kept my eyes on his, lips curving slowly. "Computer, block all turbolift access to the Bridge until I personally change the command."
"Working… All turbolift action to the Bridge blocked."
"Lights, thirty percent." The room was immediately dimmed, but I could still see that eyebrow of his wing up. Mm… I really wanted to lick that eyebrow. "Well, Mr. Spock, five to six hours, was it? We'd better move quickly."