You didn't think I could ever stop writing the Huntzberger family did you? This is the latest installment of the Kissmet series. However, its slightly different. There is no cohesive story here, just a bunch of random moments in the Huntzberger household. Anything I want to write from the time of Kissmet to Déjà vu will go in here. So that means there might be more baby Jake and (for those of you who wanted to see it) baby Cody. Yay! So sit back, enjoy my randomness. This is just the first idea to pop in that weird head of mine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls (Otherwise it would have ended a lot differently.)
Summary: A collection of moments in the lives of the Huntzbergers. Part of the Kissmet series. Rogan. Slightly AU.
In Which Rory and Logan Go on a Diet
Bills, bills, bills.
It was ironic. Rory could remember in the days of her youth how excited she would be about running out to the mailbox to look through the mail, waiting with baited breath to see if anything was for her. Her mother's system of opening her mail once a month simply did not go over well with Rory. The idea of waiting a whole month to see if she received anything was simply too much. Every once in a while she would find a postcard from her Grandparents, sometimes even her father; those were the best. Mail was just so much fun.
She could remember as a child thinking the grown-ups were so lucky. They got piles and piles of mail every single day. She couldn't wait until she was grown up and she would be so important that she would get mail every single day. And why shouldn't she be excited when nearly every time she did receive a letter she got a nice ten-dollar bill, even more if it was from her grandparents. Now it seemed every time she got something in the mail it was someone wanting to take money away from her.
It was just one of the many disappointments of age. Getting all that mail was not as cool as she thought it would be.
"Anything interesting?" Her husband asked from his seat at the kitchen table.
"Cable bill, water bill, electric bill, credit card statement, Pottery Barn catalogue. Actually I guess that is kind of fun," Rory responded with a smile.
Logan rolled his eyes. "Don't you think you have enough candle sticks already?"
"Blasphemy!" Rory said before dropping the bills in front of her husband.
Logan laughed. "Oh. I see how this relationship works. I am to pay for everything, including whatever it is you order from Pottery Barn this month."
"Well of course, darling," Rory teased.
"Hey, Ace?" Logan beckoned as he flipped through the bills.
"What?" Rory asked. "Cody isn't using his credit card to buy out the entire stock of Borders is he?"
Logan laughed. "No. Nothing like that."
"Well this isn't a bill," Logan said. "This is a piece of fancy paper cordially inviting us to the 25th wedding anniversary of Doyle and Paris McMaster."
"Let me see that!" Rory said, snatching the invitation from her husband.
"Can you believe it's been twenty-five years since they got married?" Logan asked, getting up from his chair at the kitchen table and walking over to the freezer for a late night snack. As he perused through its contents his wife continued to stare at the invitation.
"No…" Rory said, looking at the picture of Paris and Doyle on their wedding day twenty-five years ago. They were so young. "It'll be us next year you know?"
"Hard to believe," Logan said, taking out a carton of chunky monkey ice cream and opening a drawer to find a spoon.
Rory broke out of her trance and shrugged. "I'll call Paris and R.S.V.P. tomorrow."
"Alright then," Logan said just as he was about to take his first bite. His wife turned around, took one look at him standing there digging into the ice cream carton and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Nothing," Rory said. "It's just…"
"Well…" She paused. "Are…Are you sure you want that?"
Logan looked down at the carton of ice creamy goodness in front of him and raised his eyebrow in confusion. Of course he wanted it. It looked delicious.
"Why wouldn't I want it?" he asked.
"I don't know," Rory said awkwardly. "I just thought….maybe you'd rather have an apple instead – or yoghurt. Yoghurt is good. If you freeze it it's just like ice cream!"
"But…But why would I want to freeze yoghurt when I have ice cream?"
"Well I just…"
"What are you trying to say?"
Rory took a deep breath and sighed. "You've put on a few pounds. There. I said it."
"What?" Logan asked.
"Lately, I've noticed that you're getting a little bit of a…. gut… "
"You're clothes are a little tighter and you just… look…. a little heavier."
"I wouldn't have noticed it at all if it weren't for the other morning when you accused me of shrinking your pants and then this morning…"
"What about this morning?" Logan asked.
"In the shower… I just noticed that you were a little….um…..squishier."
"Squishier?" Logan asked, dropping his spoon. "Let me get this straight. This morning, in the shower, you were just thinking about how fat I was while we were having sex?"
"Logan, I did not say fat!" Rory insisted. "It's no big deal. You've just put on a few extra pounds and you could probably go without the chunky monkey for a while. That is all I said."
"I can't believe this!" Logan said.
Rory groaned and shook her head. "Logan, please don't make a bigger deal out of this than it is."
"I'd like to see you try to fit into your wedding dress, Miss You've-put-on-a-few-pounds."
"Hey!" Rory said. "Low blow. And you didn't birth three children, mister!"
"We both could stand to loose ten pounds or so," Logan said.
"You're probably right," Rory agreed
"Right so…" Logan said, walking over to the pantry. "So if I can't have chunky monkey then you can't have your pop-tarts!"
"We're doing this together or not at all, Ace."
"Fine," Rory agreed reluctantly. "We will diet together. But you're crazy if you think I'm going to a gym with you!"
Logan rolled his eyes. "It'll be hard to beat me if you refuse to step foot in a gym, Ace."
"Beat you?" Rory asked. "When did this become a competition?"
"When I realized that I obviously have the upper hand in this situation and I can use it to my advantage."
"And what exactly makes you think that you have an advantage over me?"
"Well…" Logan said lifting his hand to being ticking off his fingers. "I do not have any ridiculous food addictions. I actually like vegetables. I don't have an aversion to exercise. And I'm a man."
Rory scoffed. "Oh, you're a man. Right I forgot. Men are naturally better at everything. Excuse your poor little wife for her common lapse of memory."
"It is a common fact, Ace, that men lose weight faster than women."
"You….sexist little butthead…"
Logan shook his head. "Butthead…" he murmured under his breath.
Rory stood up and grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table. "I accept your challenge! And I will make a little wager with you that whichever one of us loses the most weight by the end of the month will have to be the other's slave for a whole day."
"I accept that wager, Ace."
Rory nodded. "Fine then. Bring it," As she threw a defiant look her husband's way she brought the apple to her lips and took an enormous bite out of it. Logan watched on as her face contorted in distaste but she continued to chew never breaking their gaze.
"Those apples are about a month old," Logan said. His wife just nodded at him and continued to chew. "I bet it's pretty mealy, isn't it?" Rory nodded again. "You can spit it out. I won't tell anyone."
Rory pulled out the trashcan beneath the built in desk in the kitchen and spit out the old fruit with a disgusted look on her face. Logan turned around and walked out of the kitchen laughing all the way up the stairs.
The only logical conclusion that Rory could come to was that Ellie must have been switched at birth – not that that was a bad thing. Fate had obviously wanted her to raise this girl for some reason or another and she was sure that the girl that had sprung from her loins was probably happy with Ellie's true biological family as well. The fact that there was no possible way that Ellie could be genetically connected to her did not make her love her any less.
"Mom, you're not supposed to clank the weights every time you do a rep," Ellie scolded as the entire gym seemed to be sending them dirty looks at all the extra noise that Rory was making.
Rory rolled her eyes at the daughter. She was standing in front of her with her arms crossed over her chest, looking thoroughly embarrassed. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a perfect little ponytail and she was wearing a light blue little gym outfit. The kin hugging tank top she was wearing matched the light blue stripe on her pants perfectly and her little gyms sneakers were completely immaculate. She had gym wear. She couldn't be Rory's daughter.
"Well excuse me for not knowing proper gym etiquette!"
"You need to start pushing forward again right before the weight hits the bottom. It's less noisy and it's a harder work out for your muscles."
Rory let go of the little handlebars she had been pushing over and over again with the loudest clank yet and rose from the seat. "I think I am done with the muscley machines now. What's next?"
Ellie took a deep breath. She had already tried to get her mother acquainted with every other piece of gym equipment here and she hadn't taken to any of them. She acted as if she had never seen a treadmill before in her life.
"Are you guys done?" A man in a sweaty white tee shirt asked as he pointed to the machine Rory had just stepped out of. Rory just raised her eyebrows at the buff young blond man and nodded.
"Yeah, sorry," Ellie said, pulling her mother out of the way.
"Why don't we just go walk around the indoor track?" she suggested.
"Oh, that sounds nice," Rory said, following her daughter. As the walked out of the doors of the weight room Rory pulled her close and whispered in her ear. "I think that guy was checking you out."
Ellie rolled her eyes and blushed. "No, he wasn't."
"He was not!" Ellie insisted. "Besides I'm engaged now. I'm not interested in bug sweaty men ogling me anymore."
"Honey, I've been married for almost twenty-five years and I'm still interested in big sweaty men ogling me. Especially after my husband called me fat."
"Daddy did not call you fat!" Ellie said, defending her father as she and her mother stepped onto the indoor track. "He claims that you called him fat."
"Well… he got back and me and said that I wouldn't be able to fit into my wedding dress cause I'm so fat now."
"He never used the word fat and you know it!"
Rory grumbled. "Well….at the end of the month he'll see who the fat one really is."
"Tell me again why you forced me to come do this with you," Colin panted as he rapidly placed one foot in front of the other over and over again as he tried to keep up with his best friend on the treadmill next to him.
"Because you're fat, Colin," Logan explained as he wiped a bit of sweat off his face. "You need to lose some weight."
"I'm fat?" Colin asked, looking down at his perfectly trim body. "I'm not the one with the jiggling gut over there…"
Logan looked down at the stomach beneath him. Ever sense Rory had mentioned the few pounds that he had put on he had become increasingly aware of the missing six-pack under his shirt. It wasn't like he was on the way to becoming John Goodman, but he was on the way to becoming his father. And while his father was never what someone would call fat, he certainly wasn't thin either.
"You should consider divorce, buddy," Colin said. "That was the best diet plan I ever went on. Gotta impress the ladies once again."
"You're an idiot," Logan said. Colin always spoke about his divorce as if it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Though, Logan thought that on some level it honestly was. His wife Cynthia had been just about the worst thing to ever happen to him. But Logan and Rory could only sit back and bite their tongues until the divorce papers were drafted. It was one of the longest decades of his life. "I have no interest in getting rid of my wife. They're not all psychotic, you know."
"Gilmore? Not psychotic? What planet did you grow up on?" Colin asked. Rory Gilmore was one of the craziest women he had ever met in his life and he would place his hand over the Bible with that statement.
"She's crazy in a completely different way, Colin," Logan said. He reached down to the little cup holder in front of him and took a sip of his water. "Remind me how I got that six pack in high school…"
"Oh that?" Colin asked with another pant. "That just required a few simple crunches and the testosterone and energy of a seventeen year old boy. Easy." Logan sighed. "You know what you should have done is asked Cody to come here with you. Then I wouldn't have to go through this torture."
"Cody…at a gym?" Logan asked. "He's the most unathletic boy I have ever met in my life. When he was two I tried to get him to play catch with me. I threw the ball, it hit him in the chest, and then he picked it up and just walked it back over to me. And when he was five he was playing midfield on his soccer team and he got tired of running so he just sat down in the middle of the field and started watching bugs. I swear to God he's not my son. He was probably switched at birth or Rory must have cheated on me. He doesn't even look a thing like me."
"He wasn't switched at birth," Colin said.
Logan laughed. "Thanks for the reassurance."
"He looks too much like Gilmore's dad. There's no doubt he's hers. It's whether or not he's yours that's the issue."
With one last chug of his water Logan decided that the treadmill had enough of him for one day and it was time to move on to the bike.
Rory had no idea what she was doing. She wasn't the best cook in the world to begin with. Sure she had grown a lot since she had gotten married and had children. Sure she had come a long way since the days of her youth where all she knew how to make was Pop Tarts and tater tots. However, that did not mean that she knew how to handle this kind of food. She didn't think she had ever even come this close to food this healthy in her life. Even when she was pregnant she ate crap and her kids turned out just fine, thank you very much.
"What's for dinner?" Cody asked his mother as he walked into the kitchen with his backpack slung over his shoulder at around six o'clock in the evening. There was no point in asking where he had been. She already knew the answer. He had been with Alex all afternoon and decided to come home just in time or her to feed him.
"Baked tilapia with, peas, carrots, and wild rice," Rory said as she read the directions on the back of the rice box.
Cody simply stared at his mother unamused. "No, seriously, what's for dinner?"
"Baked tilapia with, peas, carrots, and wild rice."
"Mom…" Cody said, agitated. "I'm serious. What is for dinner?"
Rory sighed and pointed her plastic spoon in his face. As if she wasn't irritable enough as it was, she did not need her sixteen year old son coming in and mocking her current state of deprivation. "Your father and I are on a diet so if you are uninterested in eating what I cook then you can either eat with your friends or make your own dinner. But tonight we are having baked tilapia with, peas, carrots, and wild rice."
Cody looked over at the fish fillets thawing on a plate on the counter and the vegetables waiting to be chopped by the stove. His sixteen year old stomach recoiled just at the thought of eating what was on the counter in front of him. It was supposed to be taco night for crying out loud.
"I thought it was taco night," he wined.
"It used to be taco night. Now it is baked tilapia with peas, carrots, and wild rice night."
"You're seriously going to eat that?" Cody asked in disbelief.
"Oh get out of my kitchen!" Rory said, shooing him away. She had to say her son was a boy after her own heart. He knew as well as she did that the thought of eating this dinner tonight was making her sick. But she wasn't going to let Logan win. That was just unacceptable.
"Fine," Cody said. "I'll just order a pizza."
"You know, if you keep eating nothing but junk like you do you are going to be in the same boat as your father and I one of these days," Rory shouted after him. "It wouldn't kill you to eat something healthy!"
Shortly after the arrival of her son, her husband came sauntering in. He looked tired and haggard as he dropped his briefcase on the floor. With a deep sigh he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist as she stirred the pot full of vegetables in front of her.
"Long day?" she asked.
"You have no idea," Logan answered. "What's for dinner?"
"Baked tilapia with, peas, carrots, and wild rice."
It was extremely important that he did not wake his wife up. Now, Rory normally would have the capacity to sleep through a circus coming through their room, but in Logan's experience, it seemed that whenever he wanted her to stay asleep she woke up and when he wanted her to wake up she always stayed asleep. He was just an unlucky son of a bitch really. But that is why he needed to handle this particular situation with extreme care.
He had managed to successfully slip out of bed. The hardest part was behind him. Now he simply needed to make it into the closet, and close the door behind him so that she would not hear him changing his clothes.
A few moments later he had achieved another success. He tiptoed out of the closet and toward their bedroom door. As he moved Rory shifted in bed and let out a sigh. Terror filled him and he froze immediately on the spot. He stayed that way for what felt like five minutes before realizing that she was still sound asleep and moved out of the room, closing his door behind him as if the slightest jolt would set a bomb off in the house.
Rory didn't wake up until a half an hour later. Her stomach rumbled almost immediately and she thought for a moment that she was in such desperate need of food that he body must not be letting her sleep through the night. This whole diet thing was not working out the way she wanted it to. Her only solace was at least she was not going through this torture alone.
She rolled over to look at her husband but was startled when she didn't see him lying next to her. The bathroom light was not on so he was not in their room at all. The sheets next to her even felt slightly chilled so he had been gone for a while. Gathering herself out of bed and putting on a house robe, Rory made her way out of her bedroom and down the stairs. As she was walking down the stairs, she heard the garage door open and slam close and quickened her pace to the kitchen in order to find out just what the hell was going on.
As she turned into the living room and walked through the door to the kitchen, she saw her husband standing in the doorway, looking guiltier than she had ever seen him in her life. She had been having these suspicions for a long time, but she hadn't said anything in the hopes that she was falsely accusing him of something that he would never do – that it was all in her head.
"You're sneaking out in the middle of the night. You're lying to me," Rory said, heartbroken. "Let me see your phone!"
"Logan, let me see your phone!"
Logan reluctantly handed the device over to his wife. He stood there, his gut wrenching as she clicked button after button. He knew what she was going to find and he wasn't going to be able to explain it to her.
"I knew it…" Rory said. "Why did you call Marie at eleven o'clock at night, Logan? Why did you get out of bed at eleven o'clock, get in your car, and drive down to Marie's at eleven o'clock? You've been cheating haven't you?"
Logan took a deep breath but said nothing.
"You've been cheating! Admit it! You think I'm fat. And now you are cheating! You're meeting up at Marie's at eleven o'clock every night, and you are cheating!"
"I never called you fat! I-"
"What's in the bag, Logan?" Rory asked, looking down at the brown paper bag that had been clutched in her husband's hands the entire time she had been there.
"Give it to me!" Rory demanded. Logan, defeated, handed the bag over to his wife. She peaked inside and nodded, biting her lip. She dumed items out of the bag and onto the kitchen table. She sat down at the table and began unwrapping one of the items.
"What are you doing?" Logan asked, surprised and shocked by her actions.
"Well, if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too!"
Fifteen minutes later, Rory and Logan sat back in their chairs at the kitchen tables, hands over their stomachs, and eyes closed.
"That Marie sure knows how to make one mean taco," Rory said.
Logan nodded in agreement, "We're just lucky her restaurant is open as late as it is."
"How….how is it possible that we both gained three pounds?" Rory asked, looking down at the scale in astonishment.
"I dunno, Ace…" Logan said. "I was just asking myself that same question.
Rory stepped down off the scale and scoffed. "Well…that'll teach me to never go on a diet again."
"Excuse me…" Cody said as he walked into his parent's bathroom with a slice of pizza in his hand and brushed them aside to step on the scale.
"Are you going to try to get in on this deal?" Rory asked her son, slightly amused by his sudden presence. "Because it's not going to work..."
"I'm just curious." He looked down at the scale and tilted his head to the side before taking a bite of his pizza.
"Huh…" he said. "Lost five pounds."
And there you have it, the first moment of randomness from our favorite fictional family. Hope you liked it! Please review!