Brock stared at the blonde woman sleeping next to him. Barbara Jean was in a deep sleep and had a smile on her face. That smile made him smile. It was a beautiful smile. He was supposed to be getting married to this woman in a few months because she was carrying his child. The woman he…loved? He continued to stare at her and he chuckled when she snored loudly. He kissed her forehead and scooted into bed next to her, laying his head on his pillow.
Brock closed his eyes but he then shifted and he kept shifting. Brock couldn't sleep. His mind was somewhere else. His mind was focused, not on the woman in his bed but the woman a crossed town, the woman that invaded his dreams almost every night, the woman with the shocking red hair, big blue eyes, and a smile that could cause a traffic jam. He had arrived back from her house this evening when she had told him to go home. That stung. He didn't want to leave but he also didn't want to stay and hear all about how wonderful her date was with that Bill character.
Brock sat up and looked at the clock, it read one o'clock in the morning. He sighed and pulled the blankets back, getting up from the bed. He walked downstairs to the kitchen of condo. He went into the kitchen and unconsciously made some tea. He then sat at the table and brought the cup up to his lips. He took a sip and then made a disgusted face. He looked into his cup and then chuckled. He hated tea. Why would he make it? He supposed he was trying to make it feel like home here. Reba always made tea when she couldn't sleep.
His condo wasn't home though. It was just a place to lay his head and dream about everything he had let go. Everything he had lost. He had lost his kids, sure he would see them and they would act like everything was ok but he knew they would never forget what he did to their mother, to their family. Reba would never forgive him. He had hurt her in the worst possible way. He sighed and looked around the small kitchen. He hated it here. It was too quiet. It was always quiet. If he was at home during the evening there would be noise and lots of it.
He missed that though. He missed the noise. He missed having to argue with Reba. He would give anything to just be able to argue with her about the toaster again and then he would just put it away like he should. Why did they argue about stupid stuff like that? Why did he let the arguments continue? The arguments they had were nothing to let your marriage fall apart from. He should have gone to the sessions with the therapist with her. He should have told her he was sorry and that he wanted to come home. Instead he just had gotten farther away from home and closer to BJ.
He should have done a lot of things to save their marriage but it was too late now. The consequences of his actions were asleep upstairs in his bedroom. He had to deal with it now. Barbara Jean was pregnant and there was nothing he could do to change that. She may not be like Reba but he would grow to love her. He had to move on. Like Reba had said he made his choice. He was with BJ now. Brock sighed and went to the sink to empty his cup but when he tried to empty it he had realized he had unconsciously drank the tea he hated. His mind really was with Reba tonight. He set the cup aside, turned off the light, and went up to bed.
The few months that led up to the divorce being finale seemed to go way too fast for Brock's liking. He wanted to stay married to Reba as long as possible because as soon as they divorced he was getting remarried. He would marry BJ and then shortly after that their baby would arrive. It wasn't even a two weeks after the divorce he would be getting married and then a month maybe a little more than a month his new baby would arrive. What kind of a man would do that, get married and have a baby two months after his first marriage ended. Not a man, that's for sure.
The sleepless nights continued for Brock. He pretended everything was all right and that he was fine but coffee did a lot of that for him. Barbara Jean hadn't noticed anything was wrong. She doesn't notice a lot of things. She was too busy wrapped up in planning last minute details for the wedding. A wedding he didn't even want to attend. Whenever she would ask what he thought he said he would like whatever she liked but the truth was he didn't care. This wedding was a joke. He was getting married because she was pregnant, not because he loved her. The woman he loved was a crossed town in a home that they had built together with their three children. She was probably happier without him though. She deserved more than him.
Brock imagined what she would be doing now as he sat there staring at the pieces of paper before him. She was probably putting little Jake to bed and then she would go downstairs and fall asleep watching the ten o'clock news like she did most nights. She used to fall asleep in his arms when they watched the news together but now BJ fell asleep in his arms watching late night talk shows. It just wasn't the same.
He had received the papers a week ago. These papers changed his life. He was no longer married to Reba and it was his entire fault. He wished he could turn back time. But even if he could he didn't know if he wanted to. She had already moved on. She went out with Parker. He knew it wouldn't work out when she told him who she had gone out with but it was the fact that she was so eager to get out in the dating world so soon. It nearly killed him.
Brock sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He really needed some sleep. Tomorrow he would be getting married to Barbara Jean and his life with Reba as part of her husband would definitely be over for good. He felt hands on the back of his neck and for a moment tried to imagine it was Reba but it just wasn't the same so it just wasn't possible to imagine her. Brock turned and gave a weak smile to BJ. "Are you ready for bed?" she asked running her hands down his chest and kissing the side of his neck.
Brock tried not to push her away too hard and shook his head. "You go up. I'll be there soon. I just want to clean up."
BJ looked at him strangely and nodded. "Ok, I'll be upstairs." She looked at him one last time before she disappeared through the swinging door.
He watched her leave and continued to watch the swinging door until it completely closed. Tomorrow he would be closing the door on his relationship with Reba. Something he truly didn't want to do. If he hadn't spent that night with Barbara Jean in the x-ray room, none of this would be happening. His marriage would have had a chance. He knew it would. If he hadn't been so stupid he would be with Reba right now, sitting on that couch with her or in bed asleep. He would love to be in that bed with her, whether it was cuddling up to her or back to back. He didn't care, as long as he was with her. Brock sighed and decided he needed to at least try and sleep. There was a lot to do tomorrow.
Brock went straight up to the bedroom and he saw that Barbara Jean was already asleep. That was a good thing because he didn't know if he would be able to sleep and he wasn't in the mood to hear her questions. He would try to sleep but he sure did have a lot on his mind, like how marrying the woman next to him was a bad idea, a very bad idea. He felt terrible because he told Barbara Jean he loved her but he never meant it. She seemed so happy about getting married but was it even fair to pretend to be in love with her when he wasn't?
Brock got up from the bed and went downstairs. He grabbed his coat and keys. He needed to get out. Brock always went driving when there was something bothering him. He did it when he and Reba started having those little fights, he would then come home, tell her he loved her and carry her off to bed. It soon started not to work anymore. She wanted them to talk it out. She wanted to not just put the problems aside like he did. She wanted to work it out before things got truly out of control but he was dumb enough to think that they didn't need that. He thought they were fine.
He then realized they weren't fine when she told him to move out. He didn't like living alone and soon after that Barbara Jean moved in. That was a big mistake, moving her in because he felt lonely. He should have worked things out with his wife. Brock sighed and turned the corner. He then realized he had unconsciously gone to Reba's home. He stopped in front of her house and got out of the car.
He had no clue what he was doing but his feet seemed to drag him up the driveway and to the back door. He stood there, looking in the window. He could tell the living room light was on and Reba was probably in there watching TV or reading like she did every night before she went to sleep. He wished he could see her but the window to the living room was closed. He sighed in disappointment when he seen the lights turn off. He was about to turn and leave when the kitchen light sprang to life.
He suddenly became nervous when he watched her walk into the kitchen and to the refrigerator. He knew she was getting a bottle of water. She always had one beside her when she went to bed. She couldn't sleep without one. It was one of her many things he loved and hated about her. When they were married if she had forgotten a bottle of water she would ask him to go and get it. She always used her lips and big blue eyes to try to convince him and he always gave in. She also always sometimes had to have the window open. It was another thing that drove him crazy but he wouldn't care if she had the window open all year round as long as he was right in bed beside her.
He continued to stare and didn't notice she noticed him until she was opening the door. "What are you doing here?" She demanded. Brock knew he should say something he couldn't find words. Her sudden presence had rendered him speechless. Reba rolled her eyes. "Come on in." she said opening the door more. He moved into the kitchen and for once he felt utterly shy about being there. "What is wrong with you?" she asked as she handed him a water bottle. Brock shrugged and opened the water bottle to take a long swig from it. "Aren't you getting married tomorrow?" Brock nodded. "Then shouldn't you be at home sleeping?"
Brock nodded again. Why couldn't he form words? What was wrong with him? He looked at Reba and she was waiting for an explanation. He wondered why he was here but he believed he kind of already knew. He wanted to scream it. He wanted to yell it to the world that he still loved her and he didn't want to marry Barbara Jean. He wanted to come back to her. He took another swig from his water and even though it wasn't alcohol it gave him the courage to express his feelings but not through words but with action.
He saw her eyes widen when he snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her into a deep longing kiss. He wanted to do this for a long time. He wanted to show her that he didn't believe their relationship as a couple was not over. It wasn't until he felt her pushing on his chest that he came back to reality. He pulled away and she smacked him a crossed the face.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked wiping her mouth.
Brock couldn't believe he just did that. He was getting married tomorrow. He had already hurt her once and here he was doing a swell job of hurting her more. "I…" He finally started to speak.
Reba smacked him on the back of the head. "Are you crazy? Go home Brock, go home to your pregnant fiancé." She said in the coldest voice she could muster up.
Brock looked up into her eyes and for the first time he saw a glimpse of something. He didn't know what it was but it gave him hope. He stood firm and didn't move. "I am not going anywhere."
Reba rolled her eyes and sat down at the table. "Brock, what are you doing? BJ is probably wondering where you are."
Brock moved over to her and pulled his chair close to her. "She is fast asleep at the condo. I wanted to talk to you."
Reba glared at him. "You weren't doing a lot of talking. Now go home. You're drunk or something."
Brock shook his head and took her hands into his. Reba tried pulling them away but Brock held onto them as best he could. "You need to listen to me. I don't want to marry BJ."
"Brock you've just got cold feet. Now stop this and go home before BJ realizes you're gone." Brock held her face into his hands and attempted to kiss her again but she smacked him away. "Stop this ok! You're getting married tomorrow Brock. You're confused and scared. This is not what you want."
Brock held on tight to her hands again. "I know exactly what I want and it's you ok. I want to work things out. I don't believe our relationship is over. We can give it another try and I know it would work. Just please, give me another chance."
Reba shook her head and pulled her hands away from his. She got up from the chair and Brock thought she was thinking it over. His heart sank when she opened the back door. "You should have thought of this when you had an affair. I gave you plenty of chances Brock. Please go."
Brock saw the tears in her eyes and realized that he was putting her in a difficult situation. She didn't need this. She didn't need him. No matter how much he wanted her back he just couldn't do that to her. He didn't deserve her. He walked to the door and paused in front of her. "Just to let you know I meant it when I said I would be sorry forever. I am sorry and I want you to know that I love you and I will continue loving you whether you want me to or not. Whether you think it's wrong, I don't care. I. Love. You." He kissed her cheek gently and walked out the back door.
Brock, for the first time in…never really, cried silent tears. He was so sure they could work things out but he was stupid to think that she would even want to try after what he did. Why did he believe she would just give in so easily to him? It wasn't like when they were married and she needed him for everything. She just became so independent and he didn't feel like he belonged there but he was stupid for feeling that. He belonged at home with Reba and his kids. He didn't care if she didn't need him. He loved her and he wanted her back but that wasn't going to happen now. She had made that clear tonight.
Brock awoke the next morning and groaned. He didn't want to get up. Not because he was tired, although that was a contributing factor, he didn't want to get up because today was his wedding day. Today he would remarry a woman he never loved. He looked to the clock and realized that if he didn't get up now he would be late and if he was late he would never hear the end of it from BJ. Of course, if he was late, there wouldn't be a wedding…no…he couldn't do that. He had to get up.
They had arrived at Reba's early that morning to give the kids their clothes and Brock had to say the clothes were ridiculous. He had gone along with it because it was what BJ wanted and he didn't really care. He just wanted to get through this wedding and go back to the pain existence of not having Reba in his life the way he wanted her to be in his life. When he saw her he saw the pain in her eyes and he knew she was thinking of last night when he showed up at her door. He also heard the pain in her voice when she refused to come to the wedding. It's not like he expected her to.
When arriving at the church Brock was immediately ushered away from BJ so he could change. His daughter had refused to come as well and he couldn't blame her for not wanting to be there. He didn't want to be here himself. When he was dressed he was left alone and he had a right mind just to bolt but he didn't. He stayed. He stayed till he was up at the front of the church and watching his daughter eldest walk down the aisle. He smiled when he saw that Kyra showed up. He was happy she was there. Even if he wasn't happy he was.
His breath caught in his throat when he realized that his ex-wife was walking down the aisle. He thought for a moment she was there to object. His heart soared and he wanted to take her in his arms and away, far away for them to reconnect as a couple but his dream was short lived when he realized she was attached to his future wife's dress. He was unhappy when she walked out of the church. He turned back to BJ and she was smiling widely at him as the preacher started.
He looked into Barbara Jean's big brown eyes and knew at once he couldn't do this. They weren't blue. He wanted blue but not just any blue. He wanted Reba's blue eyes staring back at him. He tried to open his mouth. He tried to say something before any of this could continue but it was the fact that Barbara Jean was carrying his child that he couldn't get the words out but would it be fair for the child to have parents in a love-less marriage? He would be there for his kid. He would help BJ in any way he could so why was he doing this?
Before he changed his mind he spoke up. "I'm sorry…" he said dropping Barbara Jean's hands. She looked at him confused. "I can't do this." He felt a pain in his heart when he saw the tears in her eyes. She would always be a good friend but he just didn't love her that way. "I am so sorry."
Before anything else happened he ran out of the church. He left to find Reba. He had to find her. He wanted her to know he didn't get married because he wanted her back and he would wait. He would wait for her whether it took two years or twenty, he would wait.
He went straight to their home and he burst through the door to find her on the couch watching television. She looked up in alarm when she saw him come in. "Aren't you supposed to be at you're wedding."
"No…" He said walking towards her. "I am right where I am supposed to be." He knew that sounded corny but it was the truth. He didn't belong with BJ. He belonged with her. He belonged with his family.
Reba sighed. "Not this again." She said as she stood up. "Brock, go back to the church. You're not thinking clearly."
Brock nodded and took her hands into his. "Yes I am. For once I am thinking straight and no I am not drunk." He said with a small chuckle. He noticed her small smile. "I am thinking about us and what you mean to me. I don't want this relationship to end and I know our divorce is finale but I don't want to give up and I won't. I don't care what you say. I didn't marry Barbara Jean today because I don't love her. I love you. I want to make things work. I know I am coming a little late but I believe it's better late than never and last night I was not having cold feet. I knew what I wanted and I know what I want right now. I want you and the kids. I will help Barbara Jean and be apart of my child's life but I just can't be with her because she is pregnant. I don't expect you to forgive me so easily. I know it will take time but if you think about it you will know that what we have going is right. I don't care how long it takes. I will wait for you. I love you." He kissed her hands and let them drop to her sides.
He waited for her to respond but she just stood there in shock. He thought it was best if he left and he turned around to walk out. He got as far as the door when he heard, "You honestly think we can make it work?" she said a harsh tone.
Brock turned around and nodded. "Yes, I know I should have done this…"
She interrupted him. "You honestly believe that we can make it work with being a couple and Barbara Jean and the baby and everything?" He again nodded. He stood there for a second hoping she would give some indication of where she was going with this. She sighed and rubbed her temples. "If you for one second even think of cheating again, I will make sure you will not live to eat your next meal."
Brock nodded and approached her. "I would never do anyth…" He stopped and paused when he realized what she said. She looked up and he smiled. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" All Reba could do was nod. He smiled big and he brought her into a kiss. This time she didn't push away. She didn't smack him in the back of the head. She kissed him back.
Reba broke the kiss and stepped away. "That will not be happening so much. We are taking this slow and we are seriously working on this. This means going to therapy and talking out our differences."
Brock nodded. "Whatever you want."
Reba shook her head. "No, you can't do this just because I want it. You have to want it too. That's the only way this is going to work." Brock nodded understanding the situation more. Reba looked up to him. "And one more thing." She said approaching him a bit with a small glare.
Brock sighed. "What?"
Brock braised himself for some big lecture about Barbara Jean and the baby or the counseling or something of that nature but she surprised him when she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you too." He smiled big and SHE brought him into another kiss.