hey, hey readers! i present to you, 'BOSTON'. . .based on the potential break-up of Takuya and Zoe in 'I am Your Life'. I hope you like it, ENJOY!
In the light of the sun
is there anyone? Oh, it has begun
She reached the edge of the pool light and steeped through the last fringe of fern into the loveliest place she had ever seen. The park was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers—violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, she could hear the bubbling music stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. She walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. She spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm.
Oh dear, you look so lost
your eyes are red, the tears are shed
this world you must have crossed,
She cried on her knees. A cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it.
Zoe scrambled to her feet, backing away even though the wind brushed harmlessly past her. Stumbling in pain, she turned and ran headlong into the trees.
The next few hours were agony. It took her three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow. At first she paid no attention to where she was headed, focused only on what she was running from. She was deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest. Her hands were shaking so violently.
The call of a jaybird made her leap back and fall into a thick stand of young spruce, scraping up her arms and tangling her hair with sap. She screamed without her knowing, her scream echoed inside the forest.
At last there was a break in the trees ahead. She came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where she came from. Exhausted as she was, she jogged up the lane until bumped into someone. She was sobbing again. She fiercely shoved the hands that were supposed to help her stand up. It helped her control the tears.
you don't know me
and you don't even care, oh yeah
"What are you doing here, Zoe?" Takuya growled.
She stared at him in blank astonishment.
There was darkness in Takuya now. Like Zoe's sun had imploded.
"Takuya?" she whispered.
He just stared at her, his eyes tense and angry.
She realized they were alone. Nobody near them.
She wanted to hit Takuya.
The violent desire caught her off guard and knocked the wind out of her. It was the most forbidden of all wishes—eve when she only wished it for a malicious reason like this. The future was lost to her forever, had never really been within her grasp. She scrambled to gain control of herself while the hole in her chest ached hollowly.
And you said, you don't know me
and you don't wear my chains,
"What do you want?" Takuya demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across her face.
"I want to talk to you," she said in a weak voice. She tried to focus, but she was still reeling against the escape of her taboo dream.
"Go ahead," he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. She'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity—a physical pain, stabbing her head and heart.
Zoe took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know."
He didn't answer. He just stared at her bitterly.
She stared back and silence stretched longer. The pain in his face unnerved her. She felt a lump beginning to build in her throat.
"Can we walk?" She asked while she could still speak.
He didn't' respond in any way; his face didn't change.
They started walking down the street. Her feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound. She felt better when Takuya went beside her. As they walked, she struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. She just got more and angrier at Takuya…he had allowed this…he broke his promise.
Takuya suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of her easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face her, planting him in her path so she would have to stop too.
She was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Takuya had been nearly as klutzy as her. When did he change?
"Let's get this over with," she said in a hard, husky voice.
Takuya waited. He knew what she wanted.
"It's not what you think." His voice was abruptly weary. "It's not what I thought—I was way off."
"So what is it, then?"
He studied her face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left is eyes.
Her jaw tightened, and she spoke through her teeth. "I thought you love me."
"But you don't need me anymore," she said sourly.
"What? You know, Zoe—you're so stubborn."
"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."
"Where are you getting at?"
"You know exactly where I'm getting at!" Zoe yelled. "Where's the Takuya I know? The Takuya I love?" Her voice turned brittle and she looked at Takuya, rage burning out from her eyes. She was already crying. "I thought I can count on you…you promised that you would never ever hurt me!"
"What's the matter? Too coward to talk?" Zoe punched Takuya's chest. "What's happening to you, Takuya? Do love someone more than me already?" Zoe grabbed Takuya's collar and kept shaking him off.
"Answer me!" Zoe yelled. "Is. There. Someone. You. Love. More. Than. Me?"
Takuya didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.
Essential yet appealed
you carry all your thoughts across an open field
"Takuya, please," Zoe whispered. "I'm sick and tired of being alone. All day and night long, alone in the house."
Takuya was lost with words.
"What's wrong with you?" Zoe demanded, tears collecting in her eyes.
"Everything," he whispered. "Every part of me hurts."
The pain in his voice was nearby tangible.
The stupid tears had escaped the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, and folded her arms across her chest.
He reached out to her, as he had once before, stepping forward with his arms wide.
This time Zoe cringed away, holding his hands us defensively. "Don't touch me," she whispered. "Because you have Lilith. Isn't that nice—you've always looked up to her so much." She clapped her hands together.
Where flowers gaze at you
they're not the only ones who cry when they see you
"Will you stop?"
"Who should I blame? Lilith?" She retorted.
"You should be thankful that you still got your Dad."
"You don't know anything about my past," Zoe fought. "So don't change the subject!" She snapped. "Now if I want to blame someone, why don't I put my finger at your filthy, reekingLilith that you love so much?"
He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.
Takuya's mouth fell open and his breath came out with a whooshingsound. He was frozen in place, stabbed through the double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through his body, the jagged hole ripping him open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of their thoughts. Takuya couldn't believe that he'd hear her correctly. There was no trace of indecision in her face. Only fury.
His mouth still hung wide.
"I don't understand who you mean," Takuya whispered.
She raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it again, are you?"
"I don't understand who you mean," he repeated mechanically.
"Lilith," she said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing his face as she spoke it. "I saw that—I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say her name. The one you made out at the meadow these past few days."
It took Takuya too long to come up with the correct response. He shook his head in confusion. "You're being ridiculous," he told her.
"Fine," she answered, breathing deeply. "I don't wanna argue with you anymore. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."
She didn't flinch as he shouted the words in her face.
You said you don't know me
and you don't even care, oh yeah
"Leave me alone. There's nothing more to say, I've already told you everything I wanted to."
He gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"
"You're the one who haven't said anything yet!" She yelled back at him.
"I'm sorry, Zoe," Takuya said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong him.
"You broke your promise, Takuya. You lied to me!" The blank emptiness of her life before—before Takuya brought some semblance of reason back into it—reared up confronted her. Loneliness choked in her throat. "Stay away from me. I don't wanna ever talk to you again."
The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. Zoe's tears welled up again. "Are you…breaking up with me?" The words were all wrong, but they were the best way he could think to phrase what he was asking.
She barked out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. I think I am."
"Zoe…why? I know I've hurt you but I didn't mean to. Please, Zoe. I almost broke my promise to you. I need you!" The blank emptiness of her life before—Takuya brought semblance of reason back into it—reared up and confronted him. Loneliness choked in their throat. "I'm sorry, Zoe," Takuya said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him.
"Almost? You just did!"
Zoe heard her voice escaping in a whisper.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't…before…" she was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into a shape of a lie."Maybe…you and I changed," she whispered. "I gave you time…you quit on me when I gave you time, Takuya. I can't take that."
His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached toward her and she slapped it away from her.
"No. Don't think like that, Zoe, please. I blame myself for this, this is my entire fault. This one is allme. I swear I'll make it up to you."
"It's not you, it's me," she whispered. "There won't be a next time."
"I mean it, Zoe. Don't do this…" he struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotion. His eyes were tortured. "Am I not good enough to be your boyfriend anymore? I'm good."
"You were good. But not anymore to me." She stared at him, confused and appalled. "What are you saying? You were much better than I am, Takuya. You weregood. Now, I'm telling you that you aren't anymore. Takuya. It's not a vicious lie, Takuya! Let me tell you that!" She was suddenly yelling again.
Takuya's face went hard a flat. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."
"Good to know, because what I think is what you are! Takuya—liar, cheater, what else? Does liar and cheater make a difference?"
She was backing away from him.
"I'm sorry, Zoe," he said again; this time it was a broken mumble.
"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." She repeated. "Sorry won't change anything—from now on; Takuya doesn't exist in my world anymore."
Zoe turned and almost ran away from him.
Takuya was unable to move from where he stood. He stared at Zoe, walking away. There was no reaction inside. No flutter ay the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced him vacantly.
Well you said you don't know me
and you don't wear my chains,
The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against their skin. Would any of them come back? Do they have to?
The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. She could smell the brine from the ocean. Her hair whipped in her face, stinging to the wet places and tangling in her lashes. She can't take it.
Zoe didn't comment. It didn't matter. She was already soaked.
Not as bad! Not as bad!Their mind tried to comfort them. It was true. This wasn't bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what a little peace there was left behind. That was all.
Not as bad,they agreed, and then added, but bad enough.
She'd thought Takuya had been healing the hole in hers—or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting so much. She'd been wrong. He'd just been carving out his own hole, so that she was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. She wondered why she didn't crumble into pieces.
She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
Zoe waited patiently as she could. When it was dark again, she opened the window to stare out the flat black that was no better than the window shade.
She was grateful that she'd had so many months' to practice with controlling her thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the terrifying possibilities that, no matter Koji said, she did not intend to survive, she concentrated on lesser problems. Like, what she was going to say to Nathan if she got back? That was a thorny enough problem to occupy several hours. And Takuya? Would she forgive him and forget everything she saw, what Takuya did, what they both said? Would Zoe end up home alone in Shibuya, with no one at all? Maybe she didn't wantto survive, no matter what happened.
I think I'll start it over
where no one knows my name
Zoe sprinted down the stairs with her last baggage behind her. Hostility rolled off of her in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when she broke up with Takuya, and she felt her chin jerk up defensively in response.
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
Zoe threw the padlock as far as she could to the beach. Zoe kept her eyes closed. And felt the guilt of throwing away the padlock.
I think I'll get a lover
and fly 'em out to Spain
She was calmer, but still a mess when she looked up meeting Koji's eyes. She hadn't realized it was him. The sky was already dusky.
"Zoe?" Koji asked when Zoe accepted Koji's help now.
"Yeah, it's me." Her voice was unsteady.
"Are you crying?"
"Nope…of course, not, why would I be crying?" Zoe lied.
Zoe can't help it. Her tears burst slowly. Zoe walked towards Koji to hug him.
"What happened?" Koji demanded.
"Nothing…I thought I got lost at the forest," still, lying. She tried to say it calmly, but her voice was high and shaky.
Koji's eyes grew round with curious. He grabbed the tops of her arms.
"Are you sure?"
Her head bobbed in a weak nod.
"I panicked which making me falling down a lot."
He let go of her shoulders and wrapped his arms around her. For a long moment, he didn't say anything.
"Do you want me to walk home with you?" Koji murmured.
Zoe was silent as the wind until she got home.
"Thank you so much," Zoe finally said.
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I was tired
She lay down on her bed, but she was shaking too hard to hope for sleep. She curled into a cramped ball under her quilt, and faced the horrifying facts.
There was nothing she could do. There were no precautions she could take. There was no place she could hide. There was no one who could help her.
She realized, with a roll of her stomach, that the situation was worse than ever that. Because all those facts applied to her. She was just hairsbreadth off the heart.
The tremors rocked her until her teeth chattered.
Zoe cried herself out.
Her good boyfriend, her Takuya, will he come back to her? How soothing it was to imagine that Takuya could also disappear.
She squeezed her eyes tight together and waited for unconsciousness—almost eager for her nightmare to start.
She pressed her fist against her mouth to keep from screaming.
I think I need a new town
to leave this all behind
Zoe sat back against the car's seat, folding her arms across her lap. The familiar city began to rush around her, but she didn't look out the windows.
I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of Sunset
Zoe remembered when Takuya and she used to sit near the water as they watched the sun setting down.
I hear it's nice in the summer
some snow would be nice,
"Now. Explain." Zoe folded her arms across her chest.
"There's more than one reason I'm here, Zoe. I wasn't supposed to cheat on you, and that's a bad thing. I know you're mad…upset—"
"Why are you here?" Zoe interrupted.
"I came to apologize."
"I don't accept!" She walked away from him. Before she opened the door, Takuya grabbed her wrist.
"We're not yet finished."
Zoe slapped her hand away from Takuya's hold on her wrist.
"What you saw, what I did was pretty stupid of me. I should have a better hold on myself. I swore it would never happen, no matter what. I…don't want to lose you…when are you going to accept my apology?"
"What would happen…if I said after one zillion years?" she whispered.
"So be it," he whispered back.
She rolled her eyes. Then she sighed, and was serious again. "I can't take care of myself. I can keep a special eye on myself—I won't let anything happen to myself. Why don't you do the same? For Shinya and your friends?"
Something very, very obvious, something he should grasped at once—but he'd been so distracted by Zoe's words, that he'd come so completely missed it at the time—occurred to him only then, when Zoe used the present tense again.
I can take care of myself.
It wasn't over.
"Sorry," he gasped, and Zoe's entire body went ice cold.
"Sorry?" Zoe asked anxiously. "Is that all you can say? Sorry?"
"See!" Zoe pointed, interrupting him. "Sorry!" She punched Takuya's shoulder. "Why do you keep saying sorry even though I'm not accepting it?"
"Because I have to…so I'm sorry."
"Sorry." She repeated. "Everytime you say sorry…ugh!" she groaned. "You just make me so…you make me so…MAD!"
"Hey, are you okay?" Takuya asked, worry creasing his forehead.
She looked up at him, the tears running down on her cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Takuya?"
Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. "Right," he agreed, and took a deep breath. "Crap. Well…I—I'm so sorry Zoe." The apology was sincere, no doubt about it, though there was still an angry twist to Zoe's features.
"I didn't ask for you to apologize, Takuya."
"I know," he whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did. That was horrible. I'm sorry."
She shook her head wearily. "I don't understand anything."
"I know. But before I go would you even turn to say I don't love you?" His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; he couldn't make out the individual words anymore. Their forehead dewed with sweat and their stomach rolled.
Zoe turned away from him quickly, and leaned at the door. Her body convulsed with useless heaves, her empty stomach contracting with horrified nausea, though there was nothing in it to expel.
Her head spun sickeningly.
"Takuya," she gasped as soon as she could catch her breath around the nauseous spasms. "I don't love you," she said "Like I loved you yesterday…like I loved you the day I first met you…like I loved you the day you confessed!" She shouted. "I sick and tired of your apologies," she explained in a whisper. "Now, leave me alone," she demanded, frantic. "Get out!" she hissed.
She pushed Takuya away from her without him fighting. She pulled the door and shut it closed. Zoe shoved herself into the wall, into the floor. She could hear her own sobbing, loud as it was, until she could go no farther into the crowded and the sound of her thrashing stopped. Tears gasp of agony.
She was horrified at herself, at the violence she'd allowed to flow through her body, whether consciously or not, but that was not why she was sobbing. She was sobbing because she was lying, and, stupid, stupid, stupid they were, and she lied.
You don't know me
and you don't even care, oh yeah
"I lied," She railed at herself. He wanted her pain to stop. It was too much, the extra burden of her agony. Hers was enough.
She sobbed, beyond control.
Boston, where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name, yeah
When Zoe opened the right door leading to the grand piano, her eyes wandered to the beautiful instrument. She remembered her childhood memory with her Mom; they were playing the grand piano together. They were both really good—they played for themselves during they have time and during special occasions—they loved to watch their hands play. They were happy, absorbed—they both seemed like a new, mysterious being to themselves then, someone outside the "mom and daughter" persona they took for granted.
Zoe rubbed the grand piano before she turned to the keys.
Boston, where no one knows my name
The song she was almost done playing, Takuya's song, drifted to an end. The last note hovered poignantly in the silence.
She realized there were tears in her eyes. She dabbed at them. She laughed, taking herself away from the piano.
i really love this song, it's so peaceful and calming :). Tell me the best part in this song fic, okay?