Hey yo people. Deadpool here.

I've decided to do some cleaning up in my story and adjust the A/N's to calm what used to be my over-excited ass down. It never ceases to amaze me that every new year, I look back at what I was like and am utterly disgusted by it. But whatever. All chapters will go through this including the deletion of "Fuck You, Dolphin!", and will end with the edition of Chapter 5. Now the "changes" to the chapters may be hard to notice, but I found them and they were bugging the shit out of me.

So anyway, on with the slaughter.

Thanks go to Archerdood.

Disclaimer: I own only two things here… And they are Jack and Shit.

Hild had been dreading this day for fourteen years. The day that she would finally have to fulfill the wish of one Kushina Uzumaki of Konoha. She could honestly say that she would never make another contract with a dying mother again in her life, considering what this one had cost her... If she ever got another chance to make a contract that is... Today, she was to go to the village that Kushina lived in, and take Kushina's son as her lover... for the duration of his life. Now, that in of itself was not too horrible a thing. A fourteen year old boy would be reasonably easy to manipulate. After all, the only thing they ever thought about was sex. She figured she could probably mold the boy into a source of amusement until his mortal life ran out.

However, this boy was not mortal. Thanks to a seal trapping one of the strongest demons still in existence in the boy's body, a seal she herself applied at the behest of his father, he would slowly absorb the demonic essence of the demon until he completely consumed the fox, effectively making him one of the strongest demon in history! Not as strong as her, of course, not by a long shot, but still, it meant that she would be stuck as his lover and eventual wife for who knows how long. And the worst part was, there was no way out of it! She could only hope that he was bearable, at least until she found a loop-hole in the damn contract. All this thought of said damned contract brought her back to the day of the agreement...

~Flashback Time~

"So let me get this straight," Hild asked the dying woman before her, "You want me, Hild, Daimakaichō of hell, ruler of the land of the damned, queen of all demons, to take your son as my husband until the day he dies? You want me to love some human until his lifespan expires? You have guts... I'll give you that... Alright, I'll humor you. I could use a vacation from this damn job anyway... But first... What can you give me? What can you, a broken, dying demon holder, do for me?

The woman before her used the last of her strength to rise to a kneeling position before the demoness. "I can only offer you one thing in exchange for making my son's life one to be envied. I will serve you in whatever way you desire until you deem the dept paid. Please, please do this for my son, if not for me, then for him. Please give my son some happiness in his life."

The white-haired beauty was taken aback by the offer the dying mother gave her. Few offered their very place in heaven for anything, even their child. Hild stared at the red-head for a long moment before sighing heavily and making a decision. Ultimately the love that this woman showed her newborn son swayed her decision far more than anything else. It reminded her so much of herself... "So be it. I shall grant you your wish and take your son as my lover. However, I have a stipulation. I will not go to him until he is fourteen. Otherwise, he would be more likely to see me as a mother than a lover. On top of that, I would be bored to tears raising a child..."

Kushina, hearing this, fell from her kneeling position and cracked one last, oddly mischievous, smile before the last of her life finally flowed away.

She awoke from her death in a large office, sitting in a chair, with the demoness she was making a deal with directly in front of her.

Hild waved her hand, and a massive sheet of paper appeared on the desk before her and Kushina. It shocked her a little to see the contract just poof into existence, but she quickly shook it off. "Just prick your finger with this," a quill popped into existence between Hild's index finger and thumb, "And sign here on the dotted line." She ran the index finger of her other hand across a long dotted line on the left-hand side of the parchment. The eager red-head quickly pricked her finger, and signed the contract. Hild followed suit and preceded to roll the document up and stick it inside her very revealing dress, where it apparently disappeared.

"Well then Kushina dear," she held out her hand, "All finished, now, I have one final question before showing you to your new place of employment... Who is my husband-to-be?"

The mischievous smile from before snuck onto Kushina's face once again. "His name is Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. The baby who you sealed the fox into."

Hild's face lost every inch of its color as Kushina arrived at the door to Hild's office then turned and winked at the Daimakaichō. "WHAT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!" The red-head giggled maliciously. "You know that you are going to be stuck here working for millennia now, right?" Hild cried.

"Maybe, but few can say they tricked the Daimakaichō of hell? Plus this means my son is guaranteed a happy life..."Kushina giggled out.


Kushina slammed the door on Hild cutting off her scream. "That was like, the greatest plan I ever had." She giggled again and made her way into the place she would now call home. She knew the next few years would be painful, pissing off her boss as much as she did, but hey, it was worth it!

~Flashback Time Out~

With a massive sigh, she summoned a gateway to the mortal plane, and with it the end of her freedom...

Meanwhile, the object of Hild's dread, Naruto Uzumaki, was sitting on the top of the monument of the fourth Hokage, sobbing uncontrollably. Why was he crying his heart out? Because earlier that day he had, in a desperate attempt to spend time with his crush, Sakura, trapped Sasuke (his crush's crush) in a bathroom and used a henge to masquerade as him. It had worked well... perhaps even too well.

When he asked what Sakura thought about him (Naruto), she told him that he was "a loud, obnoxious, stupid twit with no talent." She then apologized to him (thinking him Sasuke) for having to put up with the idiot (him). Naruto's heart just shattered when he heard that. After spending his entire life at the academy trying to make her like him, she still thought of him as a useless fool. That, combined with his recent discovery of being the holder of an evil fox demon, along with his life of abuse and neglect, forced him to conclude that no one would ever love him. And so he just ran to his only real sanctuary, to the only place that made him feel at peace, to the top of the stone head of Minato Namikaze, the Forth Hokage. There, he let out years of pain tumble out in a stream of pain and tears.

"Why?" he screamed to the heavens. "Why will no one love me? Why can I never have a friend? No one loves me... no one cares about me..." He continued to talk to himself about his woes, dragging himself deeper into depression and a certainty that he will always be alone. "No one will ever love a demon br-"

Suddenly, as if the heavens were answering his cries, the sky began to darken. Black clouds began to circle above the Hokage Monument. Lighting arced in the sky, and a massive bolt struck the ground mere feet away from the sobbing boy. He looked at the smoke, and slowly stopped crying, overcome instead by curiosity. For as the smoke cleared the form of a woman became visible. And not just a woman, but the single most amazing woman Naruto had ever seen.

At first he could only see her stunning silhouette from within the smoke, but as it cleared and he was able to see her completely, he became more and more fascinated. She had rich, golden-brown skin, long white hair that was held by a golden band along with two long tales of hair that reached her hips, red-gold eyes, and a strange star-shaped tattoo on her forehead. She also wore on of the most revealing outfits Naruto had ever seen a woman wear, a long dress of deep purple with pink trims. It also had a large opening in the front that revealed a large portion of her breasts and part of her stomach. The look was completed by her white high-heeled shoes.

While Naruto was taking in the vision of beauty before him, Hild was also looking over her soon to be fiancé. He was a tall teen, a few inches taller than herself, with messy golden blond hair and deep blue eyes. All in all, he looked like a perfect clone of that damn Minato, the man who helped in forcing her into her current position. The only differences were the whisker marks on his cheeks that would slowly form the boy's tattoos as he aged and the atrocious orange jumpsuit he was wearing.

'Well, at least he's good looking, although his taste in clothes is beyond terrible... Hmm? He appears to have been crying...He also appears to like what he sees...' She moved a bit to give the boy a better view of her breasts, and gave him a wink and a smirk, to which his response was a massive blush and averting his eyes from her. 'Still got it!' She silently cheered.

They just sat there, staring at each other, for (what seemed like) a long time (for two people with very short attention spans) after that. The boy never making eye contact, and Hild was considering what to do next. Ultimately, she got tired of waiting after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and spoke up.

"Hey, cutie. You're Naruto Uzumaki, right?" He nodded his head dumbly. "Oh, good! I found you already! Well, Na-ru-to," she cooed, slowly sauntering towards him, "My" she emphasized herself by pressing her breasts against Naruto's back "name is Hild, Daimakaichō of Niflheim. I'm here to grant your mother's last wish." Naruto spun around at the mention of his mother. "This is not really the place to talk about such... personal things, though". She moved to his side and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her breasts on his arm, and making his already red face turn scarlet. "Would you take me somewhere bit more... private, Na-ru-to," she whispered into Naruto's ear, drawing a circle on his chest with her finger. Poor Naruto had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that his body was getting really hot and his pants were starting to get really tight...

He shook her off and stuttered out, "M-my apartment is n-nearby, will that w-w-work?"

"Oh, taking me home already? What a daring guy you are, Na-ru-to." She grabbed him again. "Lead the way cutie!" Hild chirped. She then wrapped her arm around his causing the red blush that graced his face earlier to deepen.

"Y-ye-yes ma'am," he managed to get out. He then led her to the pathway down Hokage Mountain until she stopped him. He turned to her confused. "S'matter?"

"I've never been a big fan of walking."

Naruto raised a brow to that. "Well how do you propose we get to my place then?" he asked confused.

Hild gave him an evil grin before she pulled him to her, effectively stuffing his face between her massive mounds. She felt Naruto go completely limp before letting out a loud howl and vanishing in a puff of smoke and appearing in front of his apartment. "Well, here we are!" she chirped happily. Naruto did nothing nor did say a word. Hild looked down confused and nearly jumped out of her skin at the sight.

Naruto was still limp but now a shade deep blue. She quickly pried him from her breasts to hear him mumble something about softness, suffocation and heaven.

Hild began to shake him back to the world of the living before she latched on to his mouth breathing life into him. Then it suddenly dawned on her. Why in the holy hell was she trying to revive him? He dies, she goes free!

But alas, it was too late and Naruto once again joined the land of the living. 'Damn! I was so close too!' She berated herself in her head. "You okay kiddo?" she asked not in slightest bit worried.

Naruto must have sensed this as he lowered his head and turned to the door. "Yeah… Just fine." He replied in a somewhat cold tone. He unlocked the door and stood aside to let Hild in first ignoring the semi-shocked look she gave him.

She looked around his home as he locked the door. The place was pathetic. It looked like a war was fought in their followed by a yearlong rainstorm, but then again Hild did have a tendency to over exaggerate. The floor and walls looked worn and the former was incredibly creaky with nails sticking out of it. But the worst part was that the place was tiny and there was only one, count 'em, ONE bed. "Jeez kid," she started, "this little rinky dinky shithole is your home?"

He scoffed and stomped another nail down before flopping on the couch. "Yep," he started with a scowl on his face, "this place is only place that they would let the 'Disgusting Demon Brat' have."

Hild grew a scowl as deep as Naruto's. She knew humans feared and hated demons and accepted this, but that doesn't mean she had to fucking like it, or that she couldn't still get pissed off by it. "Ignorant swines."

"Pretty much," Naruto spat out. He softened up a little and patted a spot on the couch next to him. "Now if you would Miss Hild," he started politely, "please tell me what exactly is going on."

She sighed and sat next to him, pulling his head to her letting it rest on her left breast. She then began to rub his earning a gentle purring from him. "It's a long story, so let's hope you're comfy." When she received a gentle nod and continuous purring, she began to tell the entire story.

After about an hour of explanations, questions, crying and acceptance, Naruto had the whole story. His mother, Kushina Uzumaki, made a dying deal, trading her service and place in heaven to ensure he would have Hild as his wife and have a happy life. Also learning that Hild helped the Yondaime Hokage in sealing Kyuubi inside of him, though he was disappointed to know she had no information on his dad. But, it was quickly pushed aside by the thought of his mother sacrificing so much for him, thus proving that she loved him even in death.

Naruto sighed and looked Hild in the eyes. "Hild, I know you're not happy about being stuck with me, hell who would be?" he said in a dead serious tone. "So know this, you don't have to do this. You can leave me be and carry on with your life. I could never live with myself knowing I'm keeping someone from happiness." It was true. Naruto hated making people unhappy. Unfortunately, he did that by merely existing.

Hild was genuinely surprised by this. He was letting her go! He was nullifying the contract himself! 'Take it girl! TAKE IT!' She was screaming inside her head to fucking take it! But for some reason she wasn't jumping on it. She was… thinking about it?

"N-no thanks…" What the hell did she just say? No? "I'm staying right here."

"But why?" he asked severely confused. "I thought you would jump at the opportunity!"

Quick-witted as ever she came up with an excuse. "Normally I would. But human ignorance has gone on too long. These people think you're useless and that no one would want you." She gained a smirk. "And if there's one thing that never gets old… it's seeing idiot humans' faces when they see how wrong they were. I will turn you into a total powerhouse and a complete fox… uh, no pun intended. Not to mention I made a deal and I never break a deal."

Naruto smiled brightly and took her hands. "Thank you so much Hild! You won't regret staying with me!"

Hild actually had to fight back a blush, this kid may have horrible fashion sense but all be damned if he wasn't kind and had a big heart. Usually Hild didn't do kind but with this boy… she would make an exception. She just rubbed his head and pulled him close to which he turned blood red. "Now then," she cooed seductively, "let's take this moment to... seal this deal...

Naruto flushed as Hild began to drag him into the bedroom before a sudden pink light came down from the ceiling and with it a… woman?

"Greetings Naruto monchere!" the voice called out.

Hild glared at the new arrival as she touched the ground...

Can someone say cat fight?

So there we go. Fixed some mistakes and made some adjustments. I'm sure there are a few things that eluded my eyes but if I find them, I'll fix them.

Once again thanks go to Archerdood.

Until next post this is DP saying Peace, Love and Gore.