Don't. Even. Ask.

Don't ask me "Where have you been?" or "What took so long?" or "What color is the thong you're wearing?"

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. Life has just been having its filthy, non-consensual way with me. I graduated high school and got a job. That's the end of that story.

Anyway I remember after about a year and a half after the last update that I had a fucking story. So after almost two years the next update is finally here.

Enjoy it.

Hate it.

Whatever.

Also its yellow.

This is what's known as a disclaimer. It's used to inform the readers and owners of both series that I'm broke as shit and more than likely will always be broke as shit, therefore I don't own and can't purchase either of your fucking series. Good enough for ya? If so, good. If not, blow me.


The crazy bitch standing where the doors of the Hokage's office once did, let out a maniacal laugh.

Shit just got real.

"Of course," Naruto cursed his luck, "I get stuck with this psycho. Why am I less than surprised?" Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose as both of his future wives continued to bitch at the the woman that nearly decapitated them. "I drop roughly three hundred and twenty-five pounds of useless crap, only to gain a hundred and twenty-five pounds of pure fucking psycho. Wonderful," he finished sarcastically.

"Actually little man I'm only one fifteen," the woman said suddenly two inches from the left side of Naruto's face. Not expecting this Naruto did the only thing he knew how after being startled like that. Scream and fall over the side of his chair.

"Holy God!" he screamed clutching his chest trying to calm his racing heart. Peorth quickly rushed over and helped the jinchuriki to his feet ensuring he was unharmed. Naruto thanked Peorth before turning back to the psycho woman in front of him. "It figures, it truly fucking figures that of all the Jonin that could have been my sensei... I'd manage to get you."

"Who the hell is she?" Hild asked impatiently having been in the background far too long for her liking.

The Hokage cleared his throat to garner everyone's attention. "Allow me to do the introductions," the old man started, "Peorth, Hild, since Naruto already knows full well who this is, allow me to introduce your Jonin sensei and part time mother figure for Naruto growing up," a shiver of fear ran down Naruto's spine, "Tsume Inuzuka."

Tsume gave the trio a very feral and very sadistic grin. "Hello meat."

Naruto's left eye twitched twice. First for the Hokage's mother figure statement. Second for the phrase Tsume loved oh so much and he was far too familiar with. "Mother figure is wrong old man," Naruto informed from behind Peorth, "babysitter works. Nightmare works. Sexual predator works very well."

Tsume cackled loudly. "Come on little Ruto, don't pretend you didn't like it. But by the looks of it I suppose you're not so "little" anymore are you?"

"I'd suppose so. And I didn't like it," he answered matter of factly. "You scarred me worse than Anko could ever hope to. And that, is truly fucking impressive."

Hild didn't like what she was hearing at all. "Naruto sweety," she began, "Just what in the blue hell happened between you too?"

The blond let out a whimper at the memories. Oh the horror. "I don't wanna talk about it...," he said in a very small and terrified voice.

Okay Hild was intrigued now. This woman in front of her... This Tsume Inuzuka was enough of a bad mother fucker to turn her future husband into a cowering child. She liked this woman. A lot.

Tsume turned toward the Hokage. "So tell me Lord Hokage, where did you scrounge up these two skinny floozies?" Tsume asked. Remember the liking Hild had for Tsume? Yeah, out the fucking window after that floozy comment.

The old monkey cleared his throat to cut off any retorts from the aforementioned floozies. "It is an interesting story actually. I suggest you take a seat," he offered. The Inuzuka woman shrugged and sat on the edge of the Hokage's desk. Naruto also sat down in the chair he fell out of. Peorth was just about to take a seat on his lap when Hild suddenly shoved her out of the way causing her to faceplant on the floor and hopped in Naruto's lap herself. Peorth slowly stood up before turning to Hild and slowly dragging her thumb across her throat indicating Hild was going to die. Hild merely feigned an innocent yawn. Once everyone was seated Hiruzen began the tale.

"... And that's why you are their sensei Tsume," the Hokage finished. "Any questions?"

The feral woman sat silent for a moment. "So...," she started, and pointed at Hild and Peorth, "Pigtails is the 'Queen of Hell' and the brunette is a goddess, and both are engaged to little Ruto?"

The old Hokage just nodded.

"And little Ruto himself is the son of the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki, and has completely absorbed the Kyuubi's power?"

"That would be correct," The old man confirmed.

Tsume just nodded. Normally, Tsume would have laughed maniacally and called major bullshit on the story she just heard. Normally. But the proof was in front of her. Naruto's birth certificate and everything else proving his lineage as well as his contracts to the two deities.

Tsume just sighed, then proceeded to walk over to Naruto. She then leaned down to get face to face with the now cowering boy who was trying to hide inside the chair. She then gave him a small, kind smile before kissing his forehead and ruffling his hair. She walked over the doorless office entrance. "Alright meat!" she yelled turning around. "Tomorrow! 7 A.M.! Meet me here! We begin missions as Team 13!" She threw them one last feral grin. "Don't be late." She then left but not before scaring the shit out of the Hokage's secretary. Anybody that treated her little Ruto bad was on her shit list, and they never came off that list. Ever.

"Why does everyone do that to my secretary?" The Hokage pondered aloud.

"Tsume did it because she hates her guts for treating me like shit," Naruto said calmly while standing up.

"Do what now?" Hiruzen asked somewhat shocked.

"Gramps, you have no idea how many beatings I went through just because she wouldn't let me in to see you," Naruto informed to the now shocked Hokage. "She would cover my mouth and throw me to the mob so they could perform their "Divine Retribution" on the demon child. It was quite painful to say the very least. Well, see ya later Gramps!" And with that the trio took their leave also scaring the secretary on the way out.

The Hokage covered his face with a shaking hand. He was so blind. So deaf. So... stupid. He looked at his secretary, Miku. She had worked for him for a while now, she seemed like a sweet and kind woman. But it was an act apparently. The Hokage wrote a note and whistled for a messenger bird. The bird flew in and landed on the old geezer's hand. He tied the note to the bird's foot. "To Ibiki," he ordered and the bird flew off. An act huh? Two could play at that game. "Oh, Miku," Hiruzen called out in his sweet old man voice, "could you come here for a moment?"

The fairly young woman strode into her boss's office. "Yes, Lord Hokage?"

"Let's have a little talk," he told her still in his sweet, smiling old man voice. When she nodded his smile grew. "A little talk about... Naruto." At this the woman paled. She was fucked. Majorly so.


"Bullshit."

"No, I swear!"

"You don't expect us to buy that do you?"

"Girls I know it sounds weird, but it's true! Our little Naruto has two future wives!"

"Whatever Kurenai."

Kurenai let out a big sigh before downing her wine to keep herself calm. She knew they wouldn't believe her but goddammit, she didn't know it would be this frustrating! The girls not only didn't believe her but had the nerve to suggest that she mentally off and stupid. Kurenai was about to choke not one, not two, but three bitches.

Said bitches were sitting across from the red-eyed beauty at their usual table, at their usual watering hole. On the outside was a beautiful young woman with her brown hair tied in a ponytail with two bangs hanging in her face. On her cheeks were two upside down, red triangles symbolizing she was apart of the Inuzuka clan. She was dressed in the standard medical ninja outfit. She was the youngest of the group at only eighteen. She was Hana Inuzuka.

Sitting next to Hana in the middle, was a woman with long, straight purple hair. On her right arm was a leaf village tattoo that was standard issue for all ANBU. Speaking of which she was still in her standard ANBU uniform. She was twenty-two year old Yugao Uzuki.

Sitting next to Yugao against the wall was another purple-haired beauty. Unlike Yugao however, her hair was was spiky and tied into a ponytail. She had a long overcoat over a mesh bodysuit and a very short dark orange skirt. Modesty was obviously not in this woman's vocabulary. She was twenty-two year old Anko Mitarashi.

All three were young and beautiful. Unfortunately if they continued to taunt and try Kurenai's patience, they would dead as well as young and beautiful. "Look," Kurenai started through grit teeth, "I know Naruto is horribly oblivious and not exactly a "ladies man", but I know what I saw and heard."

Anko snickered at that. "Would you explain to us what they looked like again?" the snake user asked with a grin.

Kurenai's eyebrow twitched violently. "One had long, white hair, she had tan skin and a very revealing dress." The three women giggled trying their best to hold it in. "The other one had short brown hair, pale skin, and a top with a hole cut in it and a bikini bottom." The women were barely holding their laughter back.

"And what *giggle* were their *giggle* names?" Hana pressed.

Kurenai was grinding her teeth hard. "Hild and Peorth respectively." That was it. The group burst out in laughter. The genjutsu mistress downed another glass of wine to keep herself calm.

"What's so funny sluts?" Kurenai looked over to the owner of the voice. Who she saw was the oldest of their little group Tsume Inuzuka. Kurenai stood up so that the Inuzuka woman could sit on the inside where she liked.

The laughter slowly died away as the women wiped away their tears. "K-Kurenai is trying to convince us that little, orange jumpsuit wearing Naruto... has two future wives." Anko managed to tell without bursting into laughter again.

"One has white and tan skin and the other has brown hair and pale skin," Hana informed. "And their names are-"

"Hild and Peorth," Tsume finished. All laughter died immediately, and all wide eyes were on Tsume.

"W-what?" Yugao asked.

"Their names are Hild and Peorth, and they are Naruto's wives-to-be," Tsume informed matter of factly. "And little Ruto isn't so little anymore, he's taller than all of us. He also ditched that god awful jumpsuit for a nicer getup. He's also the son of the Fourth Hokage and big bad Kushina Uzumaki." Tsume then reached over and downed the whole bottle sake with a happy sigh. "Oh yeah, his girls are the Daimakaichō and a goddess respectively."

Dead silenced reigned. For about three seconds, before the three women continued their laughter. Unlike Kurenai however Tsume just smiled and downed another bottle of sake.

"Goddess and Queen of Hell?" Kurenai asked suspiciously. "You're joking right?

"No little Nai-Nai, I most certainly am not," the older woman replied working on another bottle of sake.

"Him having two wives is farfetched enough but that is just ridiculous," the red-eyed woman continued.

"That is exactly what I thought dear, but the proof was in the pudding and all my doubts were firmly shut the fuck up," Tsume informed finishing off the bottle. "Today, I have officially decided is the strangest fucking day of my life."

"You're telling me," Kurenai retorted. She then looked at the laughing women in front of her. "They're laughing at you you know?"

Tsume just shrugged. "I wasn't aware that I was suppose to give a damn. Because frankly I don't."

"Sometimes I truly, truly admire you lady," Kurenai admitted.

Tsume grinned. "Of course you do. I am greatness defined after all."

"What's so funny?" a new voice asked.

"Hello Naruto," Tsume greeted sweetly.

The laughter died down as the women looked over to greet Naruto, but when they saw their loveable knucklehead they froze and were speechless. Even Kurenai.

"Lord... M-Minato...?" Yugao asked, stunned.

The blond once again facepalmed at being called his father yet again. "Try again Yu-Yu."

"N-Naruto?" Kurenai gasped out.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" Naruto joked. The blond laughed a little before quickly becoming uncomfortable with the staring. "Uhhh, is there a problem?"

Hana stood up slowly and cupped his face with her hands. "N-Naruto? Wh-what happened to you?"

Naruto began to sweat some. "Growth spurt?"

Yugao stood up next to check if this was really her Naruto. "My... god... I don't believe... what I'm seeing." She placed a hand on his chest making sure he wasn't an illusion.

"Well believe it lady, and I'd appreciate it if you two took your hands off my fiance," an annoyed voice called from the entrance of the bar. Hana and Yugao looked toward the entrance to see a woman with her arms crossed and her foot tapping the ground. It should be noted that this woman also had white hair and tan skin. She was also wearing a revealing dress. They saw the woman that they were, not even five minutes ago, laughing at the mere suggestion of her existence.

Anko poked her head out from around and her eyes were then replaced with dinner plates. "You must be-"

"Hild," the Queen of Hell answered. The women just stared. This only further agitated Hild. "Is there a fucking problem here? And I won't tell you again to take your hands off my man." The tan woman strode over pulled Naruto away from the stunned women and holding his arm possessively.

"Thanks Hild," the former jinchuriki said giving his fiance a kiss on the cheek causing her to blush. "Say, where's Peorth?"

Hild just shrugged. "Dunno. She said she saw something she just had to get for you and then ran off."

Naruto smiled at the thought. "She really is a loving one isn't she?"

Hild just scoffed at the comment. "More like trying to make me look bad. Upstaging bitch," she finished with a pout.

"Be nice Hild," Naruto warned. Hild just huffed.

The blond ninja just smiled before turning his back to his "big sisters". "Oh yeah, I guess I should introduce everyone." Naruto cleared his throat. "Hild," he started, "these are the women that took care of and helped raise me." He pointed at Yugao first. "That is Yugao Uzuki, also known as Yu-Yu." He pointed to Anko. "That is Anko Mitarashi, or Ko-Ko." Naruto dodged the incoming kunai and pointed to Kurenai. "This is Kurenai Yuhi, or as I call her, Nai-Nai." Kurenai just smiled. She always loved her name unlike Anko who despised it. Naruto then turned his attention to Hana. "This is Hana Inuzuka, daughter of the mighty and utterly terrifying Tsume Inuzuka who she takes after more than she'd like to admit." He received a bonk on the head and an "idiot" from Hana. "Everyone this is the beautiful Hild."

Hild smirked at his compliment. "Yo."

"So... where's the other one?" Anko wondered aloud.

As if on cue Peorth burst through the entrance with a huge smile on her face. "Naruto monchere!" she called out in a cheery sing-song voice that made Hild and Anko cringe.

"Ah, there you are Peorth," Naruto greeted with a kiss on the lips, making Hild growl. "So where have you been love?"

Peorth giggled and shook her head. "Sorry monchere but it's secret until tomorrow arrives," she informed him with a giggle.

Naruto simply shook his head. "Well let me introduce you." Naruto repeated the introductions and dodged another kunai from Anko much to Peorth's horror. "Everyone this is the gorgeous Peorth."

Peorth blushed and bowed. "Hello ladies."

Silence took over for a few moments before Naruto broke it with a cough. "Okay, so um... yeah," he said trying to put the words together. "Well, I'll see you all later we've got to get home and be up bright and early tomorrow. Right sensei?" The blond then shot Tsume a thumbs up.

"Damn right!" Tsume responded with a thumbs up of her own.

"Later!" Naruto called out as he and the two deities left.

For a few minutes nobody spoke or moved, except Tsume to grab a bottle of sake from Anko's stash. After that few minutes everyone took their seats.

"Holy... shit..." Anko started.

"Yep," Tsume agreed calmly.

"I-I still can't believe it..." Hana admitted in a zoned out voice.

"Believe it sugar," Hana's mother replied.

"It's so bizarre," Yugao said staring at the table.

"Sure is," the older Inuzuka confirmed. "You know I always thought that he wouldn't be able to get a girlfriend and finally lose his virginity to Anko."

"Tsume!" Kurenai yelled. "What is wrong with you? How could you say-"

"Chill out Kurenai, it's okay," Anko assured. "To be honest I always thought I was going take his virginity too. I think we all did." She received nods from the Inuzukas. "Hell I would have loved to get him in the sack."

"Anko!" Kurenai screamed utterly horrified.

"What?" Anko wondered while cleaning out her damaged ear. "Have you seen what the boy is packing? For a fourteen year old he has a massive co-"

"You know," Yugao started not realizing she had just interrupted Anko," I always thought it was going to be Hana he lost his virginity to."

Hana looked at the woman next to slightly stunned. "You really thought that?" Hana asked curiously. She received a nod from the cat ANBU. "Huh. Yeah, I can see that. Thanks Yugao."

Kurenai nearly fell out of her damn seat at that. "What the hell is wrong with you lot?" she yelled. "How long have you been discussing this?"

"Pretty much ever since we took Naruto in," Anko answered.

Kurenai just gaped at the answer. She wanted to say something, but just couldn't. She knew she should, but she supposed it really wouldn't matter. Not with these psychos. Kurenai merely stood up, downed her last glass of wine, put her money on the table, and walked out without another word.

Her friends watched as she left without a word. They looked at one another before shrugging. "What a psycho," Hana commented.

"Yep," Anko agreed.

"Totally," Yugao confirmed.

"You said it sugar," Tsume finished. And with that the remaining four went back to drinking.


Walking down the street was more awkward than the conversation Naruto just had with his "sisters" somehow. The younger men stared at Hild and Peorth with looks of open lust. A couple even tried to hit on them. Those poor children that will never be. The younger women did the same with Naruto. Those poor teeth that will never chew again. The older villagers however, stared in shock and awe. They recognized the demon child, but were left speechless by the fact that he looked like a carbon copy of their late, great Yondaime. What threw them off even more was the fact he was flanked by two gorgeous women. What imbecile would associate themselves with that abomination? Of course they were thinking this, so needless to say the mind reading deities were quickly losing their patience. Then came the straw that broke the camel's back.

An older man, looking to be in his sixties and completely smashed, walked up and stood in the way of the trio. He looked them over and took a swig of his drink. As he sloppily wiped his mouth, he pointed at Naruto with a look of disgust on his face. "You! Demon boy! What have you done to these beautiful women?" the old drunk demanded. "Using those demon powers of yours finally huh? You disgusting piece of trash. Why aren't you dead anyway?"

The old drunk continued to rant on. "I thought you would have taken the hint and killed yourself, but I guess you were too stupid." The drunk finished the remainder of his drink and threw the bottle at Naruto. Instead of the bottle smashing into the blonde's face and causing him serious harm, like the old drunk and the crowd would have liked, Naruto caught the bottle much to their surprise.

Naruto grinned and began balancing the bottle on one finger. "So you though I would kill myself did ya?" Naruto questioned. "Thought I'd just give up and admit you all were right? Thought I wouldn't set out to prove you fuckers wrong? You actually thought you'd fucking win? Tch! And you have the balls to call me stupid."

The old drunk was not about to take that from the demon child. He reared his fist back and swung at the former jinchuriki. Of course being old and drunk also meant he was sloppy and slow. Naruto easily dodged the sad attempt at a punch which sent the old man on a collision course with the ground. Before the drunk could hit the ground however, Naruto grabbed him by the sleeve and yanked the man back smashing the bottle against the side of his head, causing the bottle to shatter and slice up his face as well.

The old drunk hit the ground screaming and clutching his bleeding face. Naruto spread his arms out. "Anyone else wanna go?" he challenged. No one responded. "I thought not." With that, the blonde turned and walked away from the scene with his wives-to-be close behind.

"Naruto? Are you okay babe?" Hild asked.

"No. Not really," he answered calmly and honestly. "I'm hungry, pissed off, tired and worst of all, horny. That's a horrible and slightly contradictory combination."

"W-well I'm sure we could solve th-three of those four problems." Peorth stuttered out while blushing madly.

Hild grinned and slung an arm around Peorth. "Now which one of those problems are you leaving out, Peorth?" Hild inquired. She leaned in closer to Peorth's ear. "It wouldn't happen to be... horny, would it?"

Peorth began to sputter uncontrollably making no sense whatsoever. But Hild wasn't done. "You don't happen to have a problem helping a man relieve some stress through his... penis, now do you?" Hild whispered sensually into the brunette's ear. "Taking his full rock hard cock into your mouth. Bobbing it up and down until the point of ejac-"

"HILD!" Naruto yelled, getting both fiances attention. "For the love of god stop! I can hear everything you're saying, and its not helping AT FUCKING ALL!" Naruto rubbed his temples. Holy shit he didn't know how much longer he could last.

Hild smirked. "Liking what you're hearing babe?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" he shot back. "Of course I like hearing about sexual acts between me and Peorth."

Hild didn't miss that statement and nor did she like it. "Hold up! What the fuck do you mean you like hearing about sexual acts between you and Peorth?" Naruto merely gave her a shit-eating grin.

Peorth had regained her bearings long enough to hear the exchange and giggled. "It means he just has excellent taste in women," she put in. Hild glared at the brunette before she skipped ahead and linked arms with her future husband.

Hild stood in place boiling mad with one thought running through her head. 'Must. Kill. Goddess. And. Strangle. Husband.'

She was brought back to the real world when she noticed Naruto extending his hand toward her. "C'mon Hild, I'm sure you both taste equally as good."

After a minute, she huffed and took his hand. "I'm still mad at you," she informed. The blonde just smiled and continued walking home.


After another ten minutes of walking the trio finally reached their home. Naruto undid the blood seal at the gate and proceeded to the mansion. Once inside, Naruto plopped down on the couch with a happy sigh. "Well that was an annoyingly informative day," he stated.

Hild just nodded and sat down next to him while Peorth headed to the kitchen. "Where are you going?" Hild asked.

Peorth turned to the white haired woman. "I'm going to make dinner of course," the brunette answered. "You know, like a loving wife would."

Hild sneered at that. "Fine then be a stereotype. See if I care."

"It's not a stereotype if you actually want to," Peorth informed. "Or maybe its just because I actually know how to cook an edible meal unlike you."

Hild just waved her off. She didn't really care about knowing how to cook. It wasn't necessary. The Queen of Hell doesn't make her own food! She has others do it for her. "Oooh look at me, my name is Peorth and I like being a tasteless stereotype," Hild mocked.

"Are you two ever going to get along?" Naruto asked.

Hild grabbed the blonde by the head and pulled him to her chest, stroking his whiskers. "Oh Naruto. So young. So innocent. So naive," she stated calmly. "Of course we won't. Not only because, I'm a demon queen and she's just a no-name goddess, but also because I'm great, laid back and very sexy, while she's a hideous, uppity bitch. We can never get along."

Naruto just let out a long sigh before relaxing into Hild's chest. The blonde was enjoying the moment and feeling of Hild stroking his whiskers before a thought crossed his mind. "Hey, where is Mara?"

The thought hadn't crossed the fair-haired beauty's mind. "You're right. Where the hell is that worthless trash?" Hild stood up and looked around. "MARA!" Hild yelled. "MARA! Get your ass down here or suffer the consequences!"

In no time at all Mara appeared from the kitchen wearing an apron. "You summoned me, Milady?"

Hild looked her up and down. "Yes, I did. What were you doing in the kitchen?" Hild questioned.

Mara blushed a bit. "I was, uh, just helping M-Miss Peorth with dinner," she answered truthfully. "I figured I'd try to make myself somewhat useful around the home."

Hild looked at her with a critical eye. "Yes. It's about time you really did make yourself useful. You're dismissed."

Mara bowed to her superior and returned to the kitchen. Hild returned to her seat and resumed cuddling with her man. Half an hour passed before dinner was ready. Dinner went down without much commotion. Peorth thought Mara should eat elsewhere, while Hild thought she shouldn't eat at all. Both caved however, when Naruto told them that like it or not Mara was apart of the "family" and would therefore eat with them.

After dinner Naruto took a quick bath before turning in early. Mara took her spot on the couch, while Peorth and Hild took a dip in the hot springs together.

"Why does he continue to insist that Mara should be treated well?" the dark-skinned woman wondered aloud. "She's twice as bad now since she's also half Kyuubi. Worthless demon to me and the reason for his suffering for all those years."

Peorth stretched before responding. "It's just the kind of person he is. He's never been one to hold a grudge. Even against the villagers. They put him through so much but he still doesn't hate them."

Hild gave her a questioning look. "And what about the old man he messed up today?" she asked. "No hate there? And how would you know he's not one to hold a grudge? You been watching him his whole life or something?"

"Yes, I have been watching him his whole life," the goddess answered without a hint of shame.

"Creepy," Hild whispered.

Peorth's eye twitched slightly. "And there was no real hate against the old man. Anger, yes. Hate, no."

"Whatever you say goddess." The two of them then exited the hot spring and dried off. Once they were dry, they headed to their bedroom where their sleeping lover awaited.


The morning that came was uneventful one. Showers, dressing, moaning and groaning about not wanting to get up. The usual. Mara had prepared breakfast that, wasn't bad, but wasn't good either.

After forcing down breakfast, Hild gave the former demon a list of chores to do before heading out with her 'team'.

"Y'know," Naruto began, "I think we should do something about our stature."

"What do you mean?" Hild asked.

"Well, its just that we're pretty... tall for a Genin team. I think we should do something about it. After all, deception is a ninja's greatest weapon... or ally... or whatever." Naruto could never remember.

"Fine, fine." Hild huffed as cast a spell reducing their stature to that of the average Genin, while still being a bit taller.

Naruto locked up the house, and the trio headed off for the training grounds. The walk was filled with small talk and ignoring the villagers' looks. Just as it seemed the walk would go off without a hitch, as Naruto was turning a corner, a speeding Sakura collided with the blonde knocking them both to the ground.

"Ow!" Sakura wailed being the first one up. She looked to see who it was she ran into. "Dammit Naruto, you idiot! Watch where you're going!"

"Dammit Sakura, you loud-mouthed skank! Watch where YOU'RE going!" Naruto shot back dusting himself off.

The pink-haired banshee was shocked. Since when did this moron talk to her like that? Before she could retort Sasuke and Kakashi walked up. "Uh, hey Naruto," Kakashi greeted somewhat uneasy. "You headed off to meet your new sensei?"

"Not that its really any of your business, but yes, I am." The blonde brushed the last bit of dirt off. "I take it they know what's going on?" Naruto asked motioning towards his former teammates.

"Yes, I filled them in about what's going on," the cyclops confirmed.

"What's wrong loser, couldn't keep up so you're bailing?" Sasuke tried to taunt.

"Nope," Naruto answered.

Everyone waited for the rest, but it never came. Instead he saluted his former team and continued toward the training grounds.

This didn't sit to well with the last Uchiha who was expecting the blonde to retort with an insult of his own so he could turn it around and put the class loser in his place. "C'mon you two, we need to go meet your new teammate," Kakashi announced.


When Team 13 reached the training ground they saw that Tsume was waiting.

"Evening meat," she greeted

"It's 7 A.M.," Hild pointed out.

"Afternoon Teach," Naruto returned the greeting.

"It's 7 A.M.!" Hild repeated.

"How are you lot doing this beautiful summer night?" Tsume asked.

"It's 7 A.M. and fall!" The white-haired queen yelled.

"We're doing fine this wonderful spring evening," Naruto answered.

"FUCK IT!" Hild shouted.

"Alright, enough bullshitting around," Tsume started, "welcome to your first day of true hell." With no warning whatsoever Tsume charged the group with kunai drawn. "BEGIN!"

Playtime was over.


And that's that. Not my best work, but better than nothing. Oh my god its been a while. I'm 20 years old now. I'm employed. I'm making my own mother fucking money now. Shit's pretty fucking cool. Still deciding whether or not to go to college soon. But whatevs.

Okay, so like 20 months ago, I told you fuckers to guess who the 'mystery sensei' was. All but one of you were wrong. And holy shit did I laugh. The one and only winner is:

ranma hibiki!

Congratulations dood. You guessed it right and here is the reward you asked for, THE NEW CHAPTER! Yay.

Anyway I should wrap this up now. Not really much else to say. Became addicted to TF2 for a few months before stopping before I went totally broke. Became a Brony. Anybody that has a problem with it can get over it. Learned that my house is haunted which is pretty cool. But that's about it.

As you can see Chapter 4 is mostly untouched. I still fixed a few things but yeah.

You're so fucking close you can taste it can't you? Chapter 5... Up next. How stoked are you? Very? Not really? You're a sadistic asshole Lord Deadpool how could you do thid to us? In any case, you'll just have to wait. It will be within the next few days. It'd be sooner, but I'm working all weekend.

Anyway Deadpool gives you his love. Later gators.