Spoilers: For Season 10
Summary: She didn't think she was good enough for him. He didn't think that there was anyone good enough for him but her.
A/N: A small cheesy piece that is a result of my musings over the awesome Season 10 spoilers.
"I know Clark,"
The three words echoed in his ears again and again.
He stood silently in front of the window of her room at Metropolis General, watching as the doctor and nurses attended her. He felt angry, frustrated and helpless all at the same time and he really had no idea which one of these feelings dominated his mind right now.
The anger that she hadn't listened to him and that she had put her life on the line for a story yet again.
Or the frustration and helplessness that resulted from the fact that despite of all his 'amazing abilities' he was unable to reach her before she was thrown off the roof of that building like a rag doll.
He shuddered with the mere thought of what would have happened to her if he hadn't gotten there at the last minute and caught her mid-air.
"Lois, Lois," he remembered how frantically he had called out her name as soon as they had landed on the ground.
"Lois, please… stay with me…" he pleaded while untying her hands.
His teeth gritted in anger as soon as he freed her hands and noticed the bruises on her wrists.
He pushed back her hair and saw a small bump on the right side of her head. She must have been hit unconscious before she was brought there, or may be they had tortured her. The mere thought filled his heart with pain and fury.
"Lois," he called out her name once again.
Just then she opened her eyes and looked at him. He felt as if his heart would explode into thousand little pieces as he looked at her face at that moment. She looked so hurt and torn. Her eyes slowly traveled down to his chest, looking at the "S" shaped emblem on his black shirt that represented his Kryptonian heritage. She merely stared at it, and several moments elapsed without either one of them uttering a single word.
She had finally seen him as the Blur.
"Lois… I…" he began, not even knowing how he would be able to explain anything to her.
"I know Clark," she simply said.
What astonished him more than her words was that there were no expressions on her face as she said them. There wasn't any anger, not even a hint of surprise.
He had no idea what to say. Did she already know? Had she known since they had kissed in the alley that night?
Why hadn't she said anything to him in all these weeks then?
She closed her eyes once again and he witnessed a sign of peace and relief on her face, as if she felt safe, as if she felt home in his arms. He pressed her tightly close to his chest, as if she was his most precious belonging.
She was still unconscious and only thing that occupied his mind right now was what would have happened to her if he had run even a millisecond late.
It had all started a few days ago when she had received a tip from one of her very reliable sources about the illegal experimentation going on at some lab owned by a biopharmaceutical group. She had gone undercover as an internee to investigate, despite of all his attempts of trying to keep her from doing so. Then somehow she had blown her cover and almost gotten herself killed… once again.
He thanked God that his instincts had told him to listen to her heartbeat in that very moment when she was being thrown off from that roof. It was as if some unknown force out there had warned him that she was in danger.
Some unknown force of nature who knew that he couldn't live if anything ever happened to her!
He had saved her.
And he had found out that she knew his secret.
She knows the one thing that I have been trying to tell her for months. It means that there are no secrets between us. It means that there is nothing that can keep us apart now.
His heart filled with a strange happiness with these thoughts but a sudden wave of fears washed over his optimism.
What if she doesn't accept this side of me? What if she doesn't want to be with this alien who doesn't belong to her world?
His heart sank with these trepidations, but he was pulled out of the web of his thoughts as the doctor stepped out of the room.
"She's going to be fine," the doctor told him, "The X ray report shows no internal injuries. We can discharge her tomorrow, but I'll advise her to have an MRI done, just to be safe,"
He let out a low sigh. Convincing Lois to have it done would be another huge task, but the doctor didn't need to know that.
"When is she going to wake up?" he asked.
"She's going to sleep through the night because of the pain killer we've given her," the doctor replied.
"Thanks doctor," he said.
The doctor nodded and left, followed by the nurses.
He skulked into her room. She was sleeping peacefully and he felt as if he would never be able to tear his gaze away from her face. She looked so beautiful and innocent, like a little child. He merely stood next to her bed and continued to stare at her, almost mesmerized. In that moment, the only thing he wished was to be able to tell her how much he loved her, how much he cared for her, but perhaps there were no words strong enough to convey his emotions.
He perched on the corner of the bed, next to her sleeping form. His gaze hadn't left her face even for a moment since he had entered the room. He knew she won't wake up until the morning but he still wanted to sit there, just so that he could watch over her.
"I know Clark,"
Her words suddenly resonated in his ears again and all his worries and fears came back to the surface.
She knows my secret.
What is going to happen to our relationship now?
Everything has changed. How would she take it? Would she be able to understand? Would she forgive me for not telling her the truth for so long?
Minutes turned into hours before his super hearing suddenly picked up on a voice and his head snapped up.
It was a cry for help that instantly multiplied into several screams of panic.
He hesitated for a moment as he looked at Lois who was still asleep. It was 6 a.m. already and she was going to wake up any time now. He didn't want to leave her but he knew he had no choice. Those people needed his help and fast.
He merely looked at her face for a moment before he got up and rushed out of the room.
A cloth factory located somewhere in the industrial estate outside the city had caught fire and many night shift workers and security guards had been trapped into the building. It took him mere seconds to reach the premise. He safely brought everyone out of the building before the fire engines and ambulances reached the place.
When he returned to Metropolis General about an hour later, he was shocked to find Lois's room empty. He rushed out to look for the doctor but luckily spotted the same nurse in the corridor who had attended Lois last night.
"Excuse me, do you have any idea where's the patient who was in this room last night?" he asked.
"You're the same boy who was with her last night right aren't you?" the nurse pointed a finger towards him in an almost accusatory tone.
"Yeah… where is she?" he cautiously asked, alarmed by the signs of thunderstorm on the face of the stout, middle aged nurse.
"She discharged herself half an hour ago," the nurse replied sarcastically.
"Discharged herself?" his eyes widened.
"She turned the ER upside down just because we told her that she couldn't leave without letting the doctor take a look at her, apparently she couldn't wait for the doctor if her life depended on it, something about having to write the story of her life," the exasperated nurse explained.
He let out a sigh and closed his eyes.
The nurse was mumbling incoherently and the only words he could decipher were "young people" "careless" and "irresponsible". He didn't need to hear the rest of it in order to make sense out of what she was trying to say.
"Uh… thanks," he said and rushed towards the stairs.
"Try to put some sense into your girlfriend and tell her to come back for a checkup," the nurse ordered from behind.
"Sure," he said without stopping.
He didn't have to contemplate where she would have gone. There was only one place where he knew he would find her.
It was 7:30 a.m. in the morning when Clark walked into the bullpen at the basement of the Daily Planet, and there was no one there except the one person whom he had expected to find there. She was sitting on her desk, furiously typing the 'story of her life' on her laptop.
She was still wearing her light purple blouse and black pencil skirt from last night and her hair was tied in a loose ponytail. He really had no idea how someone could look as radiant as she did after spending a night at the hospital. For a moment, he almost lost the trail of his thoughts.
"Lois," he called out, trying to put his thoughts back together.
"Hey, good morning," she replied, without even looking up.
"Lois, why did you leave the hospital?" he asked.
He really had to try hard to keep the frustration out of his voice.
"Because I was fine," she replied, still not making an eye contact.
"Isn't the doctor supposed to decide that?" he couldn't hide his sarcasm this time.
"Clark, I know what the doctor would have told me, take it easy for a week, don't get out of bed or you'll die, and then asked me to get a dozen tests done," she replied while typing, "Why exactly should I burn my hard earned dollars on them to tell me something I already know… that I'm fit as a fiddle,"
"That won't be your hard earned dollars, you've got health insurance remember?" he reminded.
"Either way the money goes into their pockets for nothing," her gaze was fixed on her laptop screen as she continued to type, "Yet another exploitation of the innocent public, you know what, I think I should probably do an article on that,"
"Lois do you even realize that you almost died last night?" he asked, trying to hold on to the last strand of patience that was left in him.
"Keyword… almost," she pointed out.
He let out a sigh and slumped into his chair. He should have known better than to try to argue with her.
She was still fully engrossed in writing her article, completely ignorant of the fact that he sat in front of her, watching her intently.
It wasn't unexpected for him though. Ever since she had returned from Africa, she had become silent and dismissive, not to mention that she tried to avoid his company at all costs.
Now he knew why she had been doing all this.
He merely watched her for some time before he picked up a two-day-old edition of the Planet from his table and started looking at it.
It took him only a minute to realize that he wasn't good with uncomfortable silences when it came to Lois. The only time he didn't like talking to her was when he was kissing her, and even then there was rarely anything such as complete silence between them because she always managed to quarrel with him even while they kissed.
He seriously needed to end this interlude.
But what was he supposed to say to her?
"Lois, how did you find out?"
"Lois, I didn't know that you knew…"
"Lois, I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner…"
There were so many things he wanted to say, yet he felt as if he had lost the ability to put the words together. He had never felt this helpless in his entire life.
"I'm waiting," she suddenly said.
"Waiting for what?" he was taken by surprise.
"For you to ask all those questions that you want to ask," she replied calmly as she looked up from her laptop screen for the first time since he had walked into the newsroom.
"Shouldn't you be the one wanting to ask questions?" he asked, putting away the newspaper.
"I don't need to ask you anything," she replied.
His shoulders slumped. She must be really hurt. She had every right to be hurt.
"I know you're angry Lois…" he started.
"Why do you think I would be angry?" she was surprised.
"Because I didn't tell you the truth about myself," he said as he pulled his chair closer to the desk, "I kept it a secret from you even after we started dating,"
"I'm not angry with you Clark," she said.
He couldn't believe her words.
How could she not be angry after finding out that he had been keeping this huge secret from her?
"Lois… how long have you known?" he asked.
"You know you are the strangest guy on this planet Clark," she slightly shook her head until she realized the irony of her words.
Their eyes met for a moment before she looked away and started rummaging through a pile of papers on her desk.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked.
"Any other guy in your place would be totally offended and possibly embarrassed to think that his ex couldn't tell it was his kiss but you seem to have been pretending for the past few weeks as if it never happened…" she said.
"Off course," a look of realization crossed his face.
"Off course?" she asked disbelievingly, "What did you think?"
"When you didn't say anything after that night…. I thought you hadn't figured out," he replied guiltily.
"Clark did you really think that I couldn't tell that it was you after you kissed me?" She was almost dismayed.
"Perhaps a part of me was relieved to think that you didn't know," he said in a low voice.
"Why did you kiss me if you never wanted me to find out," she suddenly began to feel a lump in her throat and her voice burdened.
"No, that's not true," he shook his head, "I've always wanted to tell you Lois, the only thing I've wanted ever since we got together was to tell you my secret,"
"Then what kept you?" she found it difficult to keep her voice calm.
Suddenly he realized that she had just referred to herself as his 'ex' and his heart sank further. She had put their relationship in past tense.
She didn't want them to be together again?
He couldn't even stand the thought of that. He rose from his chair and walked in front of her desk.
"Lois, I… I know that you're never going to believe me but the only reason I kept you in the dark was because I wanted you to stay away from all this, I didn't want to put you in danger, I didn't want you to put that burden on you," he didn't even know what he was saying, all he knew was that he wasn't in control of his feelings right now.
She didn't say anything. He desperately waited for her to say something, to let out her anger, to tell him that he had betrayed her.
"Lana and Chloe have known," she said.
"You don't know what happened to them after they learned my secret Lois, their lives were never the same, I've always thought that they would have been better off if they hadn't known, and that was the reason why I didn't want the same to happen to you," he almost pleaded.
He knew that none of his explanations were going to work.
How could he expect her to understand all this?
She rose from her chair and walked right in front of him.
"I don't blame you Clark," she said softly, "I understand,"
He couldn't believe her words.
She always managed to surprise him when he least expected it, and she had done it once again.
He expected her to be angry.
He expected her to tell him that she used to believe that he knew her better than that.
He expected her to tell him that he could have trusted her, and that he should have been honest with her.
But she didn't tell him any of that.
Another few moments passed without anyone of them saying anything.
Then without knowing what came over him, he leaned in and kissed her.
As soon as their lips touched, every single strand of his will power and his determination was thrown out of the window. He lost all power and began kissing her furiously.
He immediately felt the surprise and the rush of fear in her uneven voice, yet he couldn't stop himself. It was as if his control over his heart and his body had simply evaporated into thin air.
She tried to put herself out of the trance and push him away, but his hands moved down to her waist and pulled her closer. As he tugged a little on her lower lip, wanting her to invite him in, she realized that she could never win this battle. She didn't know how and when she opened her mouth and let him in, the only thing she could feel in that moment was the heat that exploded inside her as soon as his tongue entered her mouth.
Without knowing or realizing, they were suddenly sent into a spiral of feelings and emotions that neither had any control over and everything else in their universe became insignificant.
Lois could feel as if he had poured all his love, his pain and his desperation in that kiss as his mouth slanted over hers again and again. She merely stood in his arms, encompassed in the warmth radiating from his body as he made her loose all her senses.
Suddenly a thought washed over her.
They were not supposed to be like this.
Her mind told her that she needed to tell him to stop. She tried to push him away again, trying hard to overcome the storm of emotions that filled her heart right now.
Clark's mind meekly told him that he needed to stop, but it seemed like his body and his heart were not ready to comply at all.
He felt that if he would let her go, he would loose her again.
That wasn't something he was prepared to accept. Not today. Not ever.
She was the only thing that he wanted to take from this universe for himself. He didn't care if it was selfish of him. He just wouldn't let her go.
Then he realized that he really needed to let her know why he couldn't let her go.
He needed to tell her the one thing that he had been trying to tell her since the day he had returned to the Planet last year. The one thing he had been trying to tell her since the moment she had put her arms around him and welcomed him back into her world.
She was the reason he came back, she was the reason he wanted to fight, she was the reason he found his life worth living, without her he would be dead.
She was the one for him.
"Lois," he whispered hoarsely as he pulled his lips away from hers for a moment, "Lois I love you,"
As soon as his words reached her ears, she felt as if her universe had suddenly been put to a halt. Her hands that were desperately trying to push him away, suddenly stopped.
No, he wasn't supposed to say this.
He shouldn't have.
He glanced at her face and saw a hint of tears in her beautiful eyes.
"Lois," he felt as if his heart was being torn into pieces.
"No," she shook her head, trying hard to keep her voice calm.
"I know you're angry with me Lois but I am sorry… I really am…" he started.
"I am not angry with you Clark," she sounded almost frustrated.
"Then what is it?" he asked.
She merely watched him, without saying a word.
Her silence was becoming a test of patience for him with each passing minute and for the first time in his life, he wasn't sure if he could endure that.
"Lois, I understand that it is a lot to take in, you… you need time… I'll wait…" he said.
"No, Clark… I don't need any more time to know what you're doing, what you have done," a tear dropped from her eye and fell on her cheek.
Something broke inside his heart as he saw her cry. He slowly freed her from his embrace, suddenly feeling unsure of everything around him.
"I guess part of me always knew," she said, "I don't even remember how many times you've saved me, and I always used to think of you as a hero, as someone who wanted to do the right thing,"
She paused for a moment, as if gathering words. Meanwhile he fought a battle inside his heart, not knowing what she would say next, not knowing what was going to happen to their relationship.
"And then one day when I came to know the Blur, for the first time in my life, I believed that I could do something meaningful, something important, but part of me always felt as if I was betraying you," she said.
"I was the one who put you through all this," he gritted his teeth.
She slightly shook her head.
"No, you didn't, I made my own choices," she firmly said.
A moment elapsed in silence as they continued to stare into each other's eyes, lost into an ocean of emotions.
"When you left me in the alley that night Clark, I was so happy for a moment, to finally know that my hero was the same man I…" she suddenly paused.
His heart started thumping inside his chest as he waited for her to say the words that he desperately needed to hear.
"And when that moment passed, I was so angry with you for keeping it a secret, I felt like a fool, knowing that the guy I had been talking to for months was you, I was mad at you Clark," she continued, "But then I found you lying on the street in the rain, with that dagger…."
She left her sentence incomplete once again as her voice suddenly sank into the flood of emotions that took over her.
"You were the one who took out that dagger…" a look of realization crossed his face.
"I realized that there was so much more to it than my own self," she said, "Every thing you had been doing, it was so much bigger than us, so much bigger than the issues between us, I suddenly felt… petty,"
"Lois you saved my life, if you hadn't found me that night I would be dead right now," he couldn't believe how she could call herself that after doing what she did for him.
She found nothing but an unmistakable affection as she stared into his eyes and perhaps that gave her the courage to gather her words again.
"I stayed there until the sunrise, I had no idea what to do, I couldn't even call anyone for help, I didn't know if you would survive or not," she felt the rush of emotions taking over her as she recalled the moments, "And then the sun came out and… your wound, it started to heal… and then everything suddenly started to make sense, why Zod made me believe that he was you, who he really was… who you really are,"
"I died that night Lois, and I came back because you brought me back," he said.
"No you came back because that was your destiny Clark," she stated.
"I thought you didn't believe in that word," he found it hard to even put the words together amidst the plethora of emotions that filled his heart right now.
"All my beliefs changed that night," she told him.
He tangled his fingers into hers and the only desire left in his heart at that moment was to have her hand in his for the rest of his life.
As soon as his hand touched hers, she felt as if her body was set on fire once again. Her heart told her that there was nothing stronger than her love for him. There was no determination in the world that could stop her from loving him, from wanting him. She suddenly began to feel a lump in her throat but at the same time she dared herself that she won't let her tears fall once again.
"And what about your faith in us?" he suddenly asked.
She looked at him, surprised for a moment. It was a simple question, yet the answer was so complicated.
"Clark ever since that day I left you on that street, the only thing I've been doing is reassessing my life, trying to figure out where I fit into all this… the truth is… that I don't fit in," she said.
"No, that's not true Lois, I know what you're thinking, that I would leave you behind, that this calling will become more important to me than you are, trust me that's never going to happen, I promise you," he had no idea what he was saying, the only thing he wanted was to make her believe that their relationship would not fail because of who he was.
"Clark this isn't about me, I can't even think of making this about me," she said.
"Lois… I know when you and Oliver…"
"That was different Clark," she interrupted, "I hated the truth that my destiny could never be bigger than my dad or Oliver, it was as if I almost wanted to show them that I could also make a difference in this world and that's exactly what I have been trying to do at the Planet for years… but then you changed all that,"
"Lois you do make a difference in this world, every day, with the words that you write," he said, "I've never wanted to take that away from you,"
"You didn't," she said, "Instead you gave me a purpose, a chance to do something good, but then you also made me realize that I can't share your life Clark, because I'm not that strong, I'm not that great, I can't make all those sacrifices,"
"And what you're trying to do right now? What do you call that?" he asked, folding his arms on his chest.
"Please don't try to complicate it Clark," she said.
"No, you didn't come to me when you learned my secret, you didn't tell me that I owed you the truth, you don't want anything for yourself, and now you're telling me that my destiny is bigger than our happiness," he said, looking straight into her eyes "And then you say that you can't make sacrifices Lois?"
"Don't try to turn me into a hero Clark, I've never done anything extraordinary in my life," she suddenly started to feel a lump in her throat again, "I don't know if I'd be able to keep your secret, if I'd ever be able to become your strength, just like…"
Her sentence was left incomplete as his lips came crashing on hers once again.
This time she didn't even have the power to move let alone stop him. She merely let him kiss her, let him make her more helpless than she already was.
"Lois, I told you that I'm stronger when I'm around you," he whispered hoarsely while his lips still hovered over hers, "And it's because you are my strength, and there's no one I can trust more than I trust you,"
As she heard his words, there was only one feeling left inside her.
There was only one truth in her life.
She loved him with all her heart and soul.
"Lois, I've stopped running from myself, I know what I need to do and what I want to become," he said, "I still don't know where this journey will take me but the one thing I know is that wherever I go, you're going to be with me,"
She realized that he was not going to let her win this battle, because he was more determined to win than she was. She wasn't used to giving up, yet she had no choice but to admit her defeat.
A defeat for which she did not feel any regret at all.
"You've brought me back to life once again Lois," he said, "And the only person I want to share this life with, is you,"
She merely looked at him and all those emotions that she had been trying hard to bury deep inside her heart for the past few weeks suddenly came rushing back to the surface once again.
"I always used to believe that I was going to end up alone, but I guess it was only because I hadn't found the one I really wanted to be with," his voice was soft yet his tone was evident of his determination, "But ever since we've gotten together, I've realized for the first time that I'm not destined to be alone,"
"I don't know if I can become that person for you Clark," she said.
"You don't have to become anything for me Lois," he said, "If it weren't for what you are, I wouldn't be here right now, you already are everything that I can wish for,"
They merely gazed at each other, in an almost trancelike state, neither of them having the strength to move, let alone utter a word.
Several moments elapsed in complete silence.
"And I used to believe that I was the one with all the answers," she let out a resigned sigh.
A playful grin appeared on his lips.
"Well, you usually have them but just this one time let me be the one to reassure you," he said.
She wanted to say something but couldn't.
"You don't have to worry Lois, trust me, everything will turn out right," his fingers gently cupped her face.
She suddenly realized how much she really needed to hear those words. If there was one thing she had always wanted, it was for someone to tell her that everything will be okay. She had been carrying her own burdens for years, braving the storms, putting up the façade of a strong and iron willed woman, but beneath it all, the one desire that she had been secretly keeping hidden deep inside her heart was to find someone who would share that burden, someone who would tell her to take it easy and that everything would be fine.
That she didn't need to worry.
Once again, he was the one who had come to her rescue.
"I guess you saved me again," she said.
Her words suddenly reminded him of something and his smile was quickly replaced with a frown.
"Yeah, about that," he said, "Didn't I tell you not to risk going into that lab without any backup, but you didn't listen to me and look what happened,"
She was surprised for a moment, and then a mischievous glint returned to her beautiful hazel eyes.
"I ended up with a headline that's going to stir the entire nation, that's what happened," she replied, placing a hand on his chest, "So even though you get to be the hero for saving my life, it still doesn't mean that I'd listen to you,"
"I figured that out a long time ago," he said dryly.
"Good for you Smallville," she said and then paused, "I guess I shouldn't be calling you that anymore,"
His hands dropped down to her waist and he pulled her closer once again.
"I don't care what you call me, nothing is ever going to change between us Lois," he said softly.
"Hmm…. but I think I may have a different name for the Blur after all," a small playful grin found its way back to her lips.
"Please not Superman," he quickly said.
"Are you kidding?" her eyes widened, "It's on everyone's lips ever since I wrote that article two weeks ago, the Blur is fast becoming obsolete,"
"But it's ridiculous," he protested.
"More ridiculous than the 'Blur'?" she quirked her eyebrow.
"Lois, I don't think…."
"It's very catchy," she winked, "Don't worry, you'll get used to it,"
He let out a loud sigh, knowing that he wasn't lucky enough to win every argument with Lois Lane. Yet at the same time, his heart filled with a strange feeling of happiness and contentment as he saw her smile again.
He had no idea what happened to him then. All he knew was that he lost all control over his emotions as he leaned in and kissed her once again.
This time, she fully returned it with fervor of her own.
She kissed him back with all the passion, feelings and emotions that she had kept hidden deep inside her heart till this day.
"I love you so much," she whispered breathlessly as their lips parted for a moment.
"I love you too," he declared once again, knowing that he would continue to tell her that for the rest of their lives.