A/N: Taking a break from writing humor.
Thanks to Reyna, Tama (Hime-Koi), and Righty (Rightside Reflection) for beta reading.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
I hate you.
"I hate you," I spilt these words like a broken faucet, unable to stop its running water. Drop pouring with my hate.
Knowing that my words would never hear a reply, my bitter smile loosened to a grimace.
I wish you understood me, but I realized it's too much to ask for.
I hated wearing a mask around you. A mask that rarely showed my true feelings.
I truly detest myself. As well as I hate you.
Nothing would change that.
My eyes lingered to the side, as my elbow was propped on the desk. With my hand pressed against my cheek, I let out a long sigh.
Dark clouds began to swirl together, painting the grey sky with its darkness. I wondered to myself.
I guess it's gonna rain today… The weather person lied. Pfft. Thirty percent chance of rain, my ass.
"Hey! Leenn!" A voiced called me to reality. My unfocused eyes snapped towards the side. Oh. It was only Rin. I stared blankly at the blond teen.
"…What? Class finally over?"
She grinned. "Yeah. Dude, you were outta it. But," she put her hands out in a shrug, "it's not like you missed anything."
"Eh, well, there's nothing to miss much in this class. Just King Moron ranting on and on about his personal crap…"
I stifled a snicker.
"Oh!" Rin shuffled her stance. She began to pick at the lone threads hanging from her uniform. And I knew what she was going to say next. "Is it okay if we hang out some other time? I have to meet someone…"
I heard that phrase from her more than I heard my own name.
"Yeah. But I promise we'll hang out later!"
"Sure. Whatever." Grabbing my backpack that hanged on my chair, I started to get up from my desk that enclosed me in this horrible classroom. I didn't want to be near her anymore.
Starting towards the door, I heard a voice waver towards me. "A-are you mad?"
I stopped in my tracks. Not bothering to look back, I said, "What's there to be mad at?"
"Just have fun." Without another word, I left the room.
I wasn't mad. She always said that phrase to me. Ditching me. I got used to it.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I opened a text. Directing a message to Rin. I wrote the first thing that came to my mind: I hate you.
But I never sent the message.
Shading my eyes from the harsh sunlight, I glanced at the two in front of me. Who had been ignoring me the whole time.
Hearing her giggles and laughter with the guy she's with, made my heart cringe. I bit my lip to harden my expression. I couldn't show her how I felt.
Rin finally turned around, acknowledging my existence. "Len!" she grinned at me, and pointed at the teal teenager beside her, "this is Mikuo. My best friend."
I thought I was your best friend.
"Yo," he smiled politely at me, giving me the most simplistic greeting.
I nodded. "Hey."
In a brief moment, the two turned on their heels again, consumed in their animated conversation.
I was a nobody.
But I had always been a nobody around you.
Sunlight flooded the classroom with its' rays. The glass window reflected off, blinding me. I awkwardly turned on the side in my seat.
"Hey Len," Rin said, turning around from her seat to face me.
She grinned. "Aren't you happy class is over?"
"I guess." Answering in short sentences, hoping she'd get the hint I didn't want to talk.
"I am," she smiled, and put her elbows on my desk. "Wanna hang out with me and Mikuo today?"
I flinched on the inside. No way in hell am I gonna… "Uh, no thanks. I'm kinda busy."
"Oh? With what?"
Nothing that concerns you.
I wanted to say that, but I didn't. "Stuff."
"I see," she looked away, her eyes clouded with thoughts. "Do you like anyone, Len?"
I was taken aback by her sudden question. "Uh, do you?"
She shifted herself in her seat, and grinned. "I asked you first."
Do I? Yeah, I do. But the girl in front of me won't return my feelings. "Yeah, I do. But she likes someone else."
"Really?" Rin tilted her head. "Well, I'm sure the idiot girl will return your feelings! You're an awesome guy, Len."
I smiled bitterly. "You think?"
"I know. It's a fact, Len. Trust me."
"I-I hope you'll remember that in the future…"
She looked surprised at first, but then a grin had spread on her lips. "Of course."
I knew she said this, but it was impossible. She liked someone else, didn't she?
"I think I sort of do…" Rin said.
I slightly widened my eyes. "You do?"
"Why? Don't think I have the heart to love someone?" She teased me.
I flushed, embarrassed. "I didn't mean it like that…"
Rin chuckled. But she always giggled around Mikuo. Does she like…?
As if she read my mind, she said, "I think I like Mikuo."
"Why do you keep on saying, 'Oh'? Can't I get a better reply from you?" She poked my cheek.
I wanted to slap her hand away, but decided against it. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize! Friends don't apologize because of something stupid like that. I was just teasing you!" But I didn't pay attention to the last part.
Are we just friends?
I hated you more after that.
As soon as I got home, I stumbled to the bathroom to wash my face. Thoughts were clouding my sense of judgment.
Twisting the faucet open, the rush of cold water gushed on my hands. It numbed them. I crouched my head towards the sink, splashing the refreshing water on my face.
I hate you and I hate myself. I told myself this everyday.
How she used me to just impress the guy she liked. Not even glancing at me once she's with him. I was just an old throwaway doll to her.
I hate myself for falling for her. I hate myself for being like this. I despise myself to the point of insanity.
Feeling warm drips descend, rolling down my cheeks, I unconsciously brought a finger to wipe it away. I snorted. "Can't believe I'm even crying over you," I muttered to no one.
It's not worth it.
Why is love so painful?
Say do you even know what pain is, Rin?
The next couple weeks was a week I regretted the most.
"L-Len!" Rin chocked on her words, wiping her tears away on her sleeve.
"What's wrong?" She collapsed on the classroom floor, drowning herself in her tears. I sat with her.
My eyes narrowed when I heard his name. Not that I hated him or anything. Maybe I did because he took her away from me. But I thought she'd be happy with him…
I waited for her to continue.
"H-he b-broke up with me."
"Oh," was what I wanted to say, but I caught myself. "…I'm sorry, Rin." I didn't know how to reply to her.
She sat there, crying to herself, while I just sat dumbly, like an idiot.
Time flew by, and her tears slowly ceased to flow. She whimpered, and dried her tears. Well, attempted to. "I-I'm sorry you had to listen to my problem."
"What are friends for?" I mocked back from what she had said before. But she didn't catch how sarcastic I was being. I felt a pang of guilt after.
I hate myself for being like this.
"You're a r-really good friend, Len."
"You are!" she continued to insist. Rin tried to laugh through her tears, but it sounded forced. "I should have fallen in love with you instead!"
That did it. My eyes widened from the shock. I didn't know whether I should be happy or sad from her statement. But…
I know I hated you more after that.
Feeling drops from my lashes, I thought it was in my head, but then a voice confirmed it was tears.
"You're crying." Rin brought her fingers up to wipe them away, but I looked away.
Instantly, I brought my hand forward to confirm. They were tears. Wiping them away, immediately. I stepped away from her.
I gotta get away from her.
Why am I the one who always apologizes?
I stumbled out of the room, but a hand was wrapped around my wrist.
I didn't dare turn back. "…What?" It came out harsh.
I could tell she was hurt by my tone of voice. But she had hurt me more. She made me hate her and myself. "You hate me, don't you?"
I do. I hate you so much, I could die.
"What I said, was inconsiderate. I'm sorry."
"That's what you're apologizing for?" I raised a brow, but she couldn't see me.
After all these months, waiting for an apology. I'm tired of waiting.
"I'm sorry. For everything…"
I snorted. But she'll never apologize for stealing my heart and not giving it back.
Knowing that she'll never realize my feelings, I said, "…Can you just-?" But it came out as a hoarse whisper.
"I was gonna say let go of me…"
But she continued to plead. "Len, please hear me out?"
I'm tired of waiting. It was pointless. And I was done. Sick of putting up with this…
And yet, I couldn't say 'no'. That's how much I hated myself for being like this.
"I know you can't accept my apology, since I just ranted on and on about my feelings."
I wish you knew. Just know that this heart that loved you, now turned into hate.
I smiled bitterly. But apparently, she never heard me. Never listened to me. "Can I leave…?"
"Len. I-I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing for the wrong thing."
Her grip on my wrist loosened and I walked towards the doorknob. With my clammy had grasping the brass knob. I stood there. What was I waiting for? For I didn't even know the answer to that question.
But I did…
I wanted a reply.
"Len," my shoulders stiffened when I heard my name being called. I waited for her to continue, my fingers slowly twisting the knob open. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
Hearing that, my hand dropped to the side. Why was I such an idiot to think otherwise.
My hand formed a fist in a matter of seconds, fingernails digging into my skin. With my free hand, I finally twisted to knob open. I muttered, "Yeah…"
Walking out the door, I closed it shut. I knew after I walked out like this, it would be the last meeting with her. I wasn't going to see her tomorrow, or next week. Never.
I hate you enough to go crazy. I hate myself for being like this…
A/N: Uh, I dunno if I should continue this or just leave it as an one-shot... Any thoughts?
Reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated!