All right, here's my first try at a parody. I thought it was time for a light one-shot of fun.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Titans, or Karen and Rosario from Will & Grace, who Robin's long lost sister and her maid are based off of.
It was a normal day at Titans tower. Cyborg and Beast Boy were in a massive fight over meat and tofu.
"Dude! I have been all of those animals that you eat! Dude!" Beast Boy's face turned red, making him look like a christmas tree.
"Yo dawg, I ain't eva eatin' that tofu shit. It's grim." Cyborg threw away Beast Boy's blob of white unedible 'food'. "Time fo' some bacon ya'll!"
Beast Boy about crapped his pants. "You wanna see what you're about to eat metal man!" He turned into a rather fat pig. Cyborg looked over hungrily.
"More bacon for me!" He chased around the rotted-looking pig. Raven looked up from her book, while meditating by one of the many large windows that really any villian could crash through. But everyone knows the villians in Jump City are stupider than a bunch of rocks. Her rage decided to show, with her four red eyes piercing the two boys souls.
"Shut the heck up before I send you both to hell. I have that power, you know. My daddy gives me whatever I want when it's for evil." She lifted her nose in the air, knowing she shouldn't bother herself with such inferior mortals.
"Please Robin, will you tell me about this 'sex' of which you speak of?" Robin and Starfire walked through the door, smiling happily. Starfire twirled in the air around him, happy just because it was another day, despite the fact she was brutally tortured and molested by the Citadel, experimented on by the Psions, and then captured by the Gordanian bounty hunters when she was younger. She's such a lucky girl, so obviously we can see why she's so happy.
"Well Starfire, it's something a male and female do. It's like a game..a pleasure game." He smirked up at her, taking in her womanly figure. Superhero or not, he was definitely going to get turned on by that revealing costume.
"Oh how wondrous boyfriend! Please, I wish to play this 'sex'. How many people may participate?" She landed next to him.
"Oh, you can have a lot of people join in, but how about I just demonstrate it for you in my room?" She smiled naively. Because we all know, despite the fact Starfire can do math in her head that humans most likely couldn't comprehend, and she is quite knowledgable of pace and other sciences, she is way too out of her league to know what sex is.
It is now later in the day, Robin and Starfire coming into the common room after their 'game'.
"That was a wonderful game Robin! I cannot wait to play it with Cyborg, Beast Boy, Aqualad, Speedy, Mas y Menos, Gnarkk, Red Star, Red X, Slade-"
"What?" They stared at each other for a while. All of the sudden..
WEOW WEOW INTRUDER ALERT
Robin lept and rolled very secret agent-like.
"Titans! I bet it's Slade! Don't stop searching until you find him!"
"No buts! Go!" Raven smacked him.
"Robin, we already found who it is. It's a girl that oddly looks like you, with your blue eyes even though you have never showed us."
All of the sudden a woman with a dark Chanel pencil skirt, red Hermes sweater, and Louis Vuitton bag jumped in the room. She looked exactly like Robin, with her flowing black hair, shining sapphire eyes, and glowing pale skin (really, they're that white). She had a martini in her hand.
"Hello everyone, I'm Noelle. Robin I am your long lost-" She stopped when she saw Robin, and walked over to him. she raised a finger and pointed to him.
"Honey, what-what's this. You look like a traffic light." She laughed loudly, sounding almost a little witch-like.
"This is my superhero costume! It's based off of the costume our parents gave me to wear for their last show!" She looked at him skeptically.
"Honey, I don't care if it was given to you by our dead parents, it's hideous. And I thought you fought for justice.." He glared at her, which we can somehow see through the mask. Uncanny.
"What do you mean by that?" He hit his fist into his other palm because he thinks it makes up for his height on the intimidation scale. She smirked.
"Go out in that outfit and I guarentee you'll be arrested." She laughed that wonderful laugh again and took a swig of her alcohol. He rolled his eyes, which crazy enough, we could see under the mask as well.
"Well let me introduce my team. This is Raven," She walked over to the dark girl.
"Honey, you need to get some color on! Come on! Do all you superheros have bad taste?" Raven rolled her eyes like she always does.
"This is Cyborg-"
"Honey you're all metal! Here, take some of my drink. It's makes life more fun!" She laughed and put a hand on her hip.
"Next is Beast Boy-" Her face lit up.
"Oh Honey I have the perfect date for you! His name is Jack-"
"I'm not gay!" She looked confused.
"Oh..are you sure?" He just crossed his arms in response, acting like a four year old as always.
"And this is my girlfriend, Starfire." Noelle walked up to her, face stoic for a minute and then smiled.
"Honey! I love you already. The hair is great. Will you two be giving me any nieces soon? Can you fly me to the pharmacy? I need to pick up a couple pills."
All of the sudden Slade popped up on the screen. Who would've guessed.
"Slade." Robin pounded his fist into his palm again, walking over to the screen in that position.
"Hello Robin. I have come to tell you I will be taking Starfire hostage so you will become my apprentice again. I am telling you my plans because I know you will never find me as I am much too crafty for you to keep up with."
Robin growled and pounded his fist into his palm again. This is obviously his signature move. Beast Boy walked over to the screen. His hand waving like a girl's does when they dismiss their girlfraaand. But of course he's not gay. Purple is a very common color for a spandex wearing boy to wear.
"Pshh, that's been done thousands of times. Can you say cliche?" Slade narrowed his one eye, it being shot out by his crazy ass wife. Oh, sorry, crazy ass ex-wife.
"It is not! I have come up with this completely on my own. It is-wait, who the hell is that?" He stared at the richly clad girl standing over to the side, drinking her martini like it was her last taste of liquid in her life time. She looked back at Slade. She looked his up and down menacingly.
"What are you looking at copper head?" He kept his eye on her.
"You." They stared at each other in the same manner. Noelle shifted her wait on one foot and brough her hand up to her hip.
"You know, you're kinda cute." All of the titans eyes widened. Slade rose an eyebrow, which was of course visible for this purpose.
"I shall see you another day Robin." The screen went blank.
"All right Titans, you all go out and put yourselves in danger by trying to find Slade and fight him off yourselves even though if I find out he was put behind bars by anyone except me I will personally torture that person, while I go in my room to look over year old articles on him and try to find his whereabouts. Titans, go!" Robin stomped to his room with determination, while the other four filed out to find Slade. Noelle stood in the middle of the room, looking around and then at her empty martini glass. She pulled out a cell phone, punching in a number, and putting it up to her ear.
"Catalina! Get your mexican ass up here with my liquor!" A few minutes later the latina woman came bustling in with a full sized suitcase full of alcoholic beveerages.
"Lady, how many times do I have to tell you I'm Puerto Rican." Noelle rolled her eyes.
"Yeah yeah tomato tomato, now get to work on that cosmo!" She swatted at Catalina, hurrying her on the drink. Once the drink was done, she decided to go find her long lost brother.
"Hey Catalina, why don't you go cook up a taquito for yourself."
"Lady, you need to teach yourself some geography!"
"Yeah, well you need to teach yourself the difference between Gucci handbag and a burrito!" They gared at each other.
"All right sweetie, take care." She smiled at Catalina.
"You too Miss Noelle."
Robin was in his room obsessing over a mask of Slade's, thinking for some reason the inanimate object will give him answers as to Slade's whereabouts. I mean, you would think he was gay for Slade or something seeing as how much he obsesses over the villian. But of course he's not, ya know, because he's dating Starfire.
"Hey! Whatcha working on?" Noelle popped into the room with her new drink.
"Do you ever not drink?" He raised an eyebrow, hoping she would leave so he could brood some more.
"Honey, I don't do sober, okay?" She laughed her laugh. "All right, I'll catch ya later!" and she was gone. Just like that. Mostly because I'm sick of writing about her.
"Slade, where are you? Even though your own first name is your alias name, I still don't know who you are!" He punched the wall, because he did that kind of stuff when he was angry. Another thing to get off of the issue of his height. His communicator rang.
"We have located Slade. He is at warehouse 23" He closed the communicator and slammed it on the floor.
"I have to do everything myself for any work to get done around here! Fine, I guess I'll go search for Slade since my team is way too incompetant. I'll start my search at warehouse 23." And with that he was out the door.
Enter scene at warehouse 23, a dark place with gears. Slade always has gears, it's just his thing. He's a part time mechanic when he's not killing people.
Robin walks in the room, and notices his team already there. He walks up to them, surprised and angry.
"If you knew Slade was here then why didn't you call to tell me!" They looked at him oddly
"No! Save it! You are all obviously not trustworthy. I will take care of Slade myself since you all will just mess it up!" The rest sighed.
"Hello Robin." Robin looked up to see the man he had dreams-er, I mean had nightmares-of since the first time of his brooding.
"Slade! What do you want!" Slade just stared at him.
"I already told you what I wanted at the tower." There was a pregnant pause.
"..you want a cherry pie?" Slade smacked the boy blunder.
"No, dumbass, I am taking Starfire so I can make you my apprentice again!" Robin smiled as he remembered.
"Oh yeah! I remember!..Wait, you won't get away with this!" He casually walked past Robin and to Starfire, grabbing her and pulling her to him. She didn't struggle. Slade raised an eyebrow.
"Robin prefers it when I am a damsel in distress. It makes him feel more 'manly'." Slade nodded his head in understanding.
"It's the height thing, isn't it?" She nodded. Out of nowhere Robin came crashing down on Slade to fight him. Slade must have been too focused on capturing Starfire that he didn't even notice Robin going in for the attack, because we all know the scientific studies that men can't multitask.
(enter amazing fight scene)
Of course we know that Slade lost the fight, because he's the bad guy. I mean, why do bag guys even try when everyone knows the good guys always win? We'll leave that for another time.
Anyway, Slade was knocked out against the wall, and Robin walked over to Starfire, who was laying on the ground.
"Starfire! Are you okay? I'm so glad I saved you." She looked up at him, confused.
"But..Beast Boy was the one to knock him unconscious." There was a pause.
"Yeah..but..you're my girlfriend, so by default I saved you." She shrugged and got up to straddle him.
"Oh thank you my dear boyfriend Robin! I would never had been saved if it wasn't for you! How can I ever repay you? With my never-ending love, perhaps?" Robin contemplated.
"Eh, how about just sex?"
And then everyone lived happily ever after with Robin and Starfire playing another round of 'the sex'.
All right, there we have it. Humor isn't exactly my forte, but hey, I tried. Read and Review people!