IMPORTANT: This chapter isn't edited. I'm sure it has many, many mistakes and I'm sorry for that. Please tell me if it's too bad.
Alice's bedroom was a little scary in the dark. The sight of the posters that covered her walls and her white lace curtains which swayed like a ghost was enough to keep my eyes wide open. Maybe, they had nothing to do with my beating heart. I was just scared. Scared of the future. Scared of everything.
My wedding day turned out to be a lot different than I had expected. I had expected a stiff wedding day, an awkward wedding night and hopefully a happy relationship with Edward in the end. Everything turned upside down when Rose opened her big mouth. Now, I didn't have any idea about what was going to happen next. It was all messed up.
"Bella, stop tossing and turning, for God's sake!" Alice whispered fiercely and huffed as she punched her pillow.
"I'm sorry I'm keeping you awake. I have a lot in my mind," I whispered back, closing my eyes. " Your room is weird in the dark."
"Yeah, right," she snorted and sat up on the bed. "Look, try to get some sleep, okay. You need it."
That was an understatement. I craved to fall asleep but just couldn't do it. I couldn't relax enough to fall into slumber. Whenever, I closed my eyes and tried to empty my mind, I saw my dad's face, dissappointed, hurt, angry and abruptly opened my eyes again, giving up.
"What's going to happen now? It's such a mess," I mumbled, burying my face into my pillow to stop myself from crying. I did enough crying while we were driving to Alice's apartment from the wedding, causing Edward to freak out. I hated that I kept worrying him when he did nothing but reassure me time and time again that it would be allright.
"Give it some time. Everything will be fine," Alice grumbled back and then sighed loudly, making me feel guilty for keeping her awake with me. She had to work in the morning. "I love you, Bella, and I have to be honest with you about one thing. Okay?"
"Okay," I whispered, gulping. I loved her because of her honesty, but I had a feeling hearing it would hurt.
"You and Edward caused this mess and he seems like he's ready to live with the consequences. He's ready to face everything and everyone. He seems relaxed, happy. You should do the same for him if you love him like you say."
"I thought I was doing that," I mumbled, already knowing that I didn't and feeling ashamed.
"Bella, you called Charlie almost ten times and cried when he didn't pick up. Did you see Edward's face when you broke down in the car? He feels guilty. It's written all over his face."
Alice's words were enough to reduce me into tears and she threw her arm around me, hugging me fiercely. She was right. I wasn't the only one whose family shunned. Carlisle basically told Edward to chose between him and me, and Edward still stood beside me. Yeah, Carlisle was a jerk, but he was still Edward's father.
"I'm horrible. I hate that I'm so weak. I just wanted my dad to listen to me for once," I mumbled, brushing my tears away.
It wasn't like I was calling him to apologize or beg him to take me home. I just wanted him to listen to me, to try to understand why I did this. I wanted to tell him I fell in love with Edward and I was happy with him. I wanted to move on. I just didn't want to leave my family behind when I did that.
"Then, be strong, Bella. You can be strong. You have it in you. The situation isn't ideal, but you have Edward," Alice said, stroking my hair. "Wasn't this what you wanted when you agreed to marry him? To be free and on your own. Now, you're completely free, not dependant on anyone. I'm sure your father will come around. He loves you too much to stay away."
"I'm just scared."
"Of course, you're scared. You never let yourself to live your life with your own terms, with your own decisions. You're going to be terrified, but in the end you'll learn. Just some courage. You can do anything you want to."
"Thank you, Alice," I whispered, snuggling to her.
Hearing her words made me feel a little better, but then I remembered about that damn photo and the tiniest feeling of hope that I was feeling vanished. How in the hell was I supposed to show that photo to Edward after everything that had happened? He would go crazy on Carlisle's ass and the last thing I needed was to cause more drama between Edward and his father. However, I just couldn't bring myself to keep the photo away from him. He needed to see it. He needed to learn about it if he didn't already know. As much as I hated it, I had to give it to him soon.
There was a few seconds of silence before Alice burst into laughter.
"You're spending your wedding night cuddling with me. In the same bed," she said, cackling in between her words and I snorted.
"It isn't funny. It wasn't like I was going to have a real wedding night," I muttered. Alice was never the one to be known with her tactfullness. Of course, she would laugh.
"Oh, my God, it's hilarious. You're next to me while your husband is in the living room, sleeping on the couch."
"Okay, Alice, I'm going to try to sleep now, so please shut up," I said, laughing myself a little and turned to stare at her creepy curtains as she shook the bed with her snickers.
After a few hours of restless sleep, I woke up to find Alice's room empty and not that scary. Maybe it was me who wasn't scared anymore. I didn't know for sure. All I knew was that what was done was done and I had to move on. With Edward. Time and time again I told him I believed in him and now was the time to make him believe in me.
My make up was smudged on my face and my hair looked horrible. Braiding it sloppily, I opened Alice's closet doors to find something to wear for today. Since all of our clothes were in our apartment, I had to sleep in a pair of pijamas that I barrowed from Alice. I couldn't even complain since Edward didn't even have the opportunity to change into something more comfortable. Not finding anything more suitable, I decided to just stay in the pijamas. They weren't that bad, apart from the tiny shorts, but it was okay. We needed to go to the apartment and take our clothes and belongings soon.
"Good morning, Alice," I said, walking into living room as Edward snored loudly, startling me.
"Good morning. Your husband is snoring like crazy. You have some fun nights ahead," Alice said with amused eyes and I had to roll my eyes. She loved to remind me that I had a husband. I didn't know what was funny about it, but she found it hilarious.
"Going to work?" I asked, sitting next to her as she nodded her head with a morose look on her face. She didn't have much sleep thanks to me.
"I just have a meeting and I'll be at home at five. I'm going to put on some make up and leave. Help yourselves, okay?" She said, gesturing around the kitchen.
"Thank you, Alice," I said, kissing her cheek and she gave me a hug before going to her room, leaving me alone with a snoring Edward.
"Edward, wake up," I gently whispered to his ear once the breakfast was ready and he stirred, opening one eye and looking at me.
"What time is it?" He groaned, trying to sit up.
"It's nine," I answered and sat down next to him, feeling somewhat shy. It was the first time we were truly alone ever since yesterday's mess and I had a lot to say to him.
"God, I have to go to the hospital," he said, throwing off the blanket and rubbing his hands over his face.
"Hospital? I thought you had a couple of weeks off."
"Yeah, I have the next two weeks off. I just need to talk to my chief about my working arrangement. The mighty Carlisle Cullen found me that position and I don't know if his pal would be willing to have me working in his team after yesterday," he said bitterly and looked at me for a few seconds, his gaze softening. "How are you, Bella?"
"I'm better," I said, feeling guilty that I worried him yesterday night by acting like a fool.
"I'm glad," he whispered, giving me a smile and scooting closer to me. "Look, I know all of this is my fault, but-"
"It's not your fault, Edward," I cut him off. I never wanted to hear him say it again.
"No, it's not just your fault. Stop it. I agreed to do this. You didn't force me. We're going to deal with everything together. I trust you and I'm sorry I behaved like an ungrateful bitch last night."
"Ungrateful bitch?" He snorted. "You just wanted to talk to your father. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Yeah, I just wanted to tell him that I didn't fool him like he thought because I like you so much and that I'm not sorry that I married you," I said, grabbing his hand.
"I like you too. So much, Bella," he whispered as he scooted even closer to me and I leaned into him as his lips touched mine.
I had been kissed before, but it never felt like this. My stomach ached with excitement as my whole body tingled with warmth. When he kissed me, all random thoughts vanished from my head and all I could see and think about was him. There was no other worry in my head aside from being closer to him.
"How's your jaw?" I asked, touching his face once we stopped kissing. We put some ice on it yesterday night, but the bruise looked pretty nasty.
"It's okay. It's nothing," he mumbled distractedly and made a move to kiss me again, making me giggle.
He grabbed my waist, lifting me up as we kissed, my hands tangled in his hair. Throwing my left leg over his, I sat on his lap, relishing the closeness while his lips moved to my neck, driving me crazy. When I felt his hands moving to my legs from my waist, I lost all coherent thought because of that weird dizzy feeling and the fire his hands left behind. I needed to be closer to him. I made a move to get closer to him as I heard Edward's groan and Alice's voice at the same time.
"Okay, guys, you can use the bed if you really have to. I don't really mind as long as you change the sheets afterwards and leave no proof. Just don't do it on the couch."
With Alice's tinkling laughter, my daze was broken. I was pissed at Alice for interrupting us as Edward removed his hands from my legs, crossing them behind his head.
"We just… no," I mumbled, looking at Edward as Edward snickered softly, looking sheepish.
"Good morning, Alice and thank you for your offer, but I don't think we need the bed. Not yet," Edward said to Alice, beaming at me the whole time.
Not yet, huh? I found myself musing over the idea of a bed and Edward together and I kind of liked it. Yeah, sex was unknown to me and I had never thought about it that much. Alice liked to say that I was asexual since I never showed any physical interest towards Tyler. After we broke up, I started to believe Alice. I actually never looked at a man and claimed that he was sexy or hot. All men were cute or handsome until I met Edward. He made me feel things I never thought I would feel and the anticipation of what was to come was thrilling.
"I'm going to work now. Make yourselves at home but don't do anything on my couch, okay?"
With that Alice left, leaving me gaping and blushing after her as Edward snickered.
"It's not funny," I huffed, scrambling off his lap and glaring at him.
"You should have seen your face when she walked into the room," he said, grinning and pulling me to him.
"Yeah, have fun on my behalf when I'm mortified," I whined, stomping to kitchen and he followed after me.
"Hey, you look so hot right now. I'm sorry if I offended you," he murmured in my ear in a soft voice, circling my waist with his arms, making me melt. I swear he was dangerous.
"Okay, whatever. You want some toast?" I breathed out and he smiled, nodding.
I watched him as he ate his breakfast, reading the paper that was next to his plate. He was so giving, so trustworthy when it came to me. Alice's words came into my mind. It was in my hands to be strong.
"I'm going to look for a job," I blurted out all of a sudden and he looked up at me, smiling, making me feel instantly better about myself.
"Yeah, I mean I can't let you carry all the weight," I mumbled, averting my gaze from him.
"Bella, look at me," he said and I turned to look at his beautiful eyes. "I think it's great that you want to work, but don't do it just because you feel like you have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
My heart soared with his words and I leaned in to kiss him, earning a big smile from him.
"I want to work," I said, grabbing his hand. "I want to do something with my degree. It stayed in that drawer long enough."
After Edward left for the hospital, I was alone in Alice's house and bored to death. Grabbing my phone and seeing that I didn't have any missed calls from my dad, I swore to myself that I wouldn't make a fool out of myself to make him talk to me. I wouldn't beg. The way I did it could be wrong, but in the end I did nothing wrong.
I spent the rest of the day looking at the employer ads in the paper and surfing the internet for a suitable job. I wasn't picky and I was realistic enough to know that I had no chance of finding something great with my inexperience. This time I was determined though. There had to be something for me out there.
It was nearly five and I was in the kitchen, cooking some pasta when I heard Alice come inside.
"Hi, honey, I'm home."
"I'm in the kitchen, Alice," I yelled back and she appeared in the kitchen a few seconds later, looking tired.
"Wow, are you cooking? I didn't know you had it in you. You're such a good wife," she teased me as she perched on a stool and eyed the pasta with appreciation.
"It's just some pasta, Alice," I said, rolling my eyes at her eager expression.
"Well, I still appreciate it. Thank you. Where's your husband?"
"He went to work to talk to his chief," I said as she stood up and grabbed a few tomatoes. "Alice, I want to find a job. Do you think you can look around as well?" I asked and watched as her face lightened with her wide smile.
"Of course! I can ask around work. Don't worry. We'll find you something," she said excitedly as the doorbell rang.
"It must be your husband." Alice laughed as I ran to answer the door, eager to see Edward.
My grin vanished when I saw Jasper standing there awkwardly. What the hell he was doing here?
"What the hell are you doing here?" Alice asked loudly, coming and standing beside me.
"Hi, Alice. Bella," Jasper greeted us, smiling as if it was perfectly normal that he showed up to Alice's door. "Is Edward here?"
"No, he isn't," Alice said with narrowed eyes.
"Bella, hi." He turned to me, giving me a confident smile, puzzling me even more. What was he trying to pull? "I wanted to talk to Edward. He's staying here with you, right?"
"Yeah, but he's not here now," I managed to mumble, throwing a curious look to Alice who was too busy to glare at Jasper.
"Can I wait inside until he gets here? It's kind of important," Jasper said in a calm tone with that confident smile.
"I don't know," I said as Alice gestured him to go inside.
"What do you have to say to him?" Alice asked once Jasper was inside the house.
"I'm sorry that I came here like this, but Carlisle is going nuts, trying to reach Edward. He took your adress from Charlie. He was going to come here himself, but I offered to come instead. He is too upset and emotional to have a normal conversation with Edward."
"So, you volunteered to come. What's in it for you?" I asked, knowing that something was off with what he just told. He wasn't close to Edward. Why would he care if Carlisle came here and argued with Edward?
"Believe it or not, I like Edward and I don't want this shit to get messier than it already is. I just wanted to stop another argument. I told Carlisle I could go and tell Edward his message. That's all." Jasper's eyes looked sincere as he talked, but I wasn't naive enough to believe him that easily.
"Wow, what a great step brother you are." Alice's voice was sarcastic as she motioned Jasper to sit.
"Look, I know how Edward sees me, how you see me," Jasper said as he sat down. "You see me as some kind of leech who mooches on Carlisle, but that's not true."
"Excuse me if I'm being rude, but you're living in your step father's house while his son makes it completely clear that he doesn't want you there. It doesn't make sense why you live there if it isn't for money."
"Alice," I hissed in panic, but Jasper looked completely at ease.
"What, Bella? I'm just stating a fact," Alice said, sitting down across from Jasper and crossing her legs.
"Alice, well, I don't know if you know that, but I have a daughter, Mia. She's three," Jasper said, looking directly into Alice's eyes as Alice nodded with narrowed eyes. "After Mia was born, I wasn't in the condition to look after her for a long time and Mom helped me a lot. When I was able to gather myself together, I thought about getting my own place, but Mom insisted that we should stay with her until Mia starts kindergarten. She's like a mother to Mia, and I couldn't bear to seperate them. I'm saving up to get a place, though. It was enough to live there for two years. Mia's going to start kindergarten next year and I'm finally going to get my own place," Jasper told as Alice listened to her with a weird expression on her face.
"I've seen Mia at the wedding. She's cute. Looks like you," Alice said in one breath and Jasper smiled at her. "What happened to her mother?" Alice asked, her cheeks getting red. Even she realised she was getting far ahead and personal with her questions.
"She died," Jasper said softly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Alice whispered, looking at the floor. "It must be hard."
"Yeah, it was. Thank God, I had my mom," Jasper said, smiling. "I have no intention of causing Edward any more stress. I hoped that we could be friends when I first met him, but understood completely when he didn't want that. He was in a hard situation as well. I know how hard losing someone you love can be and I'm not blaming him."
The doorbell rang once again before any of us can say something, and I felt my heart leap into my throat. I opened the door, revealing Edward's smiling face. His smile froze on his face when he saw Jasper behind me.
"Why the hell are you here, Jasper?" Edward asked, irritation oozing out of his voice as he stepped inside and closed the door loudly without even giving me a second glance.
"Hi, Edward. How is it going?" Jasper smiled, taking a step towards Edward, but Edward's furious expression was enough to make him stop.
"Cut the crap. Why are you here, Jasper?"
Apparently, what I had to go through yesterday wasn't enough since now I was seeing Jasper standing in the middle of Alice's house, asking me how it was going. Asshole. I was sure my father sent him here. I was sure he was playing a game. There could be no other fucking reason for Jasper's presence here. Sure, he was a better person than Emmett, but we weren't exactly the best of friends.
"Carlisle contacted your family lawyer, told him that you're getting a divorce," Jasper said as my mouth dropped open in shock.
"I told him I'm staying married," I groaned, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I had to stay calm.
"Yeah, I know. Carlisle thinks you're under Bella's influence. He was going to come here today to discuss the divorce, but I told him I could come and tell you. He was tired and pissed and somehow he agreed."
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, not even believing Jasper's sincerity for one second. There was no way Carlisle would drop the chance of an argument with me. He loved irking me. I was sure he would like to annoy me to no end with divorce papers in his hands.
"I guess Mom was more convincing when she told him to stay at home. The thing is I think he's being ridiculous and I just wanted to prevent another argument between you. You'll have to talk sooner or later, but I thought it would be good to have some time to cool of. For both of you," Jasper declared like it was the most normal thing for him to do. He never tried to do anything like that before and Carlisle and I certainly argued a lot.
"Look, Jasper, I don't know what is in it for you, but tell him I'm not getting a divorce," I said with a stern voice as Jasper nodded. "He doesn't need to follow me with papers or lawyers. I'm not fucking doing anything he tells me anymore."
"Okay, I'll tell him that."
"Okay," I breathed out, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Don't rob him the pleasure of arguing with me the next time. Let him come to me. You don't need to suck up to him. He is already in love with you."
"I'm not trying to suck up to him. I never tried to suck up to him and deep down, you know that. I'm not Emmett and you know that too. I just want to help you, that's all," Jasper said, almost making me believe at him right then and there. I knew better though.
"Mia asked about you this morning," he said, all of a sudden, catching me off guard.
"Yeah, she likes to hear you play the guitar. You know how many times I caught her in front of your room, listening," he said with amusement and I had to crack a smile. His daughter was adorable. "I have to go now, Edward."
"Tell her I said hi," I said without even thinking.
Ten minutes after Jasper left, we were eating dinner. Alice and Bella were talking about something but my mind was somewhere else. Falling asleep on Alice's couch last night, I thought things wouldn't get worse than this, but I realised I was wrong the moment I saw Jasper. My father was once again testing my patience. Jasper's visit left me paranoid yet somewhat grateful. If he didn't have any ulterior motive like he said, he actually did me good. I didn't know how I would react if my father sent a lawyer to talk to me or came to me with papers. I would probably be caught off guard and make a bigger mess.
He kept calling me all through the night, annoying me without even being near me. He even sent me a text, saying that there was no way I could live without the financial security he provided for me. He gently reminded me that I couldn't go on without the privileges I got used to growing up.
You can't do anything without money.
Yeah, I always had someone to do things for me. I always had Carlisle to pay things for me. My wage was spent on books and music albums most of the time and I relied on Carlisle for other things. Now, I was disgusted with myself that I let him have that power on me. I had a job that most people were envious of. I was healthy. I had no reason to not to make it out there by myself. I was ready for earning my own life.I was anxious for it.
The only thing that bothered me was the guilt I felt whenever I looked at Bella's crying face. She cried so much during the night, almost making me run to Charlie and beg him to forgive Bella. I couldn't stand to see her so heartbroken. Thankfully, the first thing I saw this morning was her smiling face. That and her words gave me the hope I needed.
My morning was going spectacular until Alice interrupted us, embarrassing the hell out of Bella. I didn't know I would find shyness as such an atracttive quality, but Bella's blush made me go crazy. I tried to reign myself in in an effort to not to scare her off, but she didn't seem to mind. Hell, I didn't mind if she didn't mind. I could barely keep myself from grinding into her on the couch.
"So, Edward, how was your talk with your chief?" Alice's words interrupted my thoughts and I shook my head.
"It was good. I actually learned that my father wasn't the reason I got hired. It felt good to hear that. Mr. Green says he hates my father," I said and Bella's eyes grew as a tentative smile spread across her face. "I got the job because Mr. Green thinks I show promise. Whatever it means."
I tried to play it cool now, but hearing it from my chief was amazing. Carlisle, that asshole, didn't stop bragging about how he made sure I got the greatest job possible after med school. I hated working there, thinking that everyone knew I was just some idiot whose father got him a job. Knowing that wasn't the case was refreshing.
"I don't like your father, Mr. Cullen and I would never do something just because he told me to," Mr. Green had said with a straight face when I told her about my argument with Carlisle and how I would understand if he wouldn't want to work with me since Carlisle was his friend. I made it clear to him that I wanted nothing from my father and would rather starve if my father was the reason he was keeping me employed.
"Carlisle was never my friend and never will be. We tend to disagree on almost everything. I accepted you to my staff because you graduated from a great school and you show promise. The only thing you need is passion for your job and you'll be a great doctor," he went on, causing me gape at him. "I don't understand how you get that idea anyway. Everyone knows Carlisle and I don't get along."
At that second I wanted to scream in frustration. My father led me to believe that I was nothing without him. As a doctor or as a person. Was that so hard for him to give me credit for getting this job by myself? What did making me feel worthless give to him? I couldn't understand how he managed to look me in the eyes and say that he got me a job while knowing that he had nothing to do with it.
"I didn't know that," I mumbled, trying to recover from my shock.
"One of your professors from med school, , is a friend of mine. I asked him about you when I saw where you attended to med school and he had nothing but good things to say about you. Carlisle had nothing to do how you got this job. You've got the potential. Don't let anyone say you otherwise."
Bella was beaming when I finished telling them the story. She knew how much it bothered me thinking that I was under Carlisle's shadow even at work. I couldn't lie, knowing that it was all me who got that job made me feel a lot better about working in the hospital. It wasn't like I was all in love with my job all of a sudden, but it felt familiar now. It felt like it was really mine and I liked the feeling.
"I spent all day browsing the net for a job, but so far, nothing," Bella said, sighing and I grabbed her hand.
"What kind of a job do you have in mind?"
The rest of the dinner was spent in discussing possible jobs for Bella and I was able to relax when she joked along with Alice and looked happy. Money would be an issue and we would struggle , but I could do anything as long as she was happy and smiling.
"You know, I never heard you play the guitar," Bella said as we were lounging across the couch. It was one in the morning and Alice was already fast asleep in her room.
"I'll play to you soon," I said, grabbing her hand and helping her lie on top of me.
"What else do you play? Are you any good?" Bella asked, grabbing my shoulders as her legs fell in between mine. I loved how close we were.
"Piano. My mom used to play with me. She taught me how to play," I mumbled, trying to reach to her lips and she laughed.
"I really want to hear you sometime," she said and I finally captured her lips and grabbed her hips to make her stay still. She didn't have any idea that having her on top of me gave me so many ideas.
"Edward," she sighed and squirmed as I was kissing her neck. My eager hands immediately went to her bare legs and I couldn't contain my groan inside.
"These shorts are Alice's. She wears a size smaller than me," she whispered, closing her eyes and tilting her head.
"Yeah, I'm aware of that and I'm not complaining. Your legs are amazing," I mumbled, kissing her lips again. We didn't talk for a long time until I really had to stop for the sake of our new relationship.
"We need to stop before I ruin my boxers and embarrass you," I said as her eyes widened.
"Oh,"she said, looking in between us and I had to laugh at her curious expression.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I thought you could tell. I was just being honest."
"What?" She said, looking at me with a furious blush on her face. "No, I'm good. It's okay. I don't mind that you get excited. I just didn't think-" she stuttered and bit her lip. "Anyway, being honest is great," she mumbled, gulping and putting her hands on my shoulders and I had to laugh at her shyness.
"Yeah, honesty is great," I said absentmindedly, stroking her hair as she cuddled closer to me. Then, she suddenly raised her head to look at me with determined eyes.
"You're always so honest and open about everything and I can't hide it from you any more," she whimpered, closing her eyes and made a move to stand up.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to keep her on top of me, but she was already on her feet.
"I need to show you something, but first you have to promise me that you'll listen to me and don't do anything reckless."
Now, she had my full attention and I sat down as she stood up and went into Alice's bedroom. She came with her purse in her hands and sat down next to me.
"Promise?" She asked once again, looking at me with scared eyes and I nodded shakily, feeling scared without even knowing what was going on.
She dug into her purse and thrust a photo in my hands. The first thing I noticed was my mother's beaming face and then I took a closer look and realized two things at the same time. My father and Esme.
"What the hell is this?"
I know I'm a horrible person for making you wait this long for an update, but I was really busy with real life problems. I'm really, really sorry.
I want to thank to everyone who reads and reviews this story!:) You don't know how much that means to me!
Have a great day!