A/N: Don't know why I wrote it, but the idea was bugging me until I typed out. Please enjoyed this everyone!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. When Dean/Cas is canon then I'll most likely own it.
Summary: After being attacked by witches, Dean believes Cas is giant pie and is set on eating him. With Sam left as the only remotely sane one, he has to find a way to fix Dean or more than likely find a way to bleach his brain. Slash! Dean/Cas
It was supposed to be a regular routine hunt. Find the witches, kill the witches, and maybe get vacation time while they were at it. It was not supposed to involve the witches zapping Dean through a door with some kind of weird spell right before Sam and Cas ran in and killed them, but of course, that's what happened.
"Dean! Dean!" Sam shouted as he ran over to where Dean was sprawled in front of the impala, "Are you alright?"
Dean sat up dazedly, blinking to clear his head. "I'm fine." he muttered. "Besides the whole spewing bodily fluids thing, this is just another reason why I hate..." As he trailed off a goofy grin replaced the scowl on his face and he stared blankly toward where Sam and Cas were standing.
"Dean? What are you looking at?" Sam asked.
There was no reply. Why would he even think of taking his attention off of something so beautiful? Dean had never seen anything like it. It was a bit under six feet tall. It was in the most perfect circle he had ever seen. The crust was a nice golden brown and had a bit of filling on the center and it was already sliced, but it was still perfect. The scent wafted towards him, as if it was calling his name and he walked toward it, completely spellbound.
"Sammy! I didn't know you brought some pie up here with us. Where did you find one this big?" He walked over to his pie and held it, nuzzling his face against the crust.
Sam couldn't say anything. He just looked at his brother as if he had grown a second head. He had seen him on the verge of insanity before, but this was a whole new level of crazy, and coming from them that was saying something.
Cas was confused. He knew there was something wrong with this picture, but he didn't know what it was, so he broke the silence. "Sam? Why is Dean hugging me and nuzzling my hair?"
"Well Cas, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe you should come over here just in case Dean...tries to eat you."
"Eat me? What are you talking about? Humans haven't used each other for sustenance for hundreds of years. Trust me, I would have known if they had suddenly started again."
Sam groaned. "Cas, just don't ask. Let's just try to get Dean to let you go for right now." As he reached out to pull the angel away from his brother, his hand was hit heard an he was met with Dean's pissed off glare, and Sam was wasn't completely sure, but he think he heard growling.
"My pie!" he said possessively. "Get your own!" He inhaled deeply and the scent of cherries hit his nose, bringing back the goofy grin again. "Cherry. The second greatest kind of pie after apple." He noticed the small dollop of filling on the crust and began licking it up. "Mmm. I don't know where you found this one, but you have to find some more!"
"Dean, come on. You can't really be serious." Sam pleaded. "You of all people should know that pies can't grow to human size!"
"With all the things that we've seen as hunters do you really think that it's not possible for there to be extremely large pies!" He said between licks.
Now Cas was beginning to get nervous. The things Dean were doing were reminding him of that whole brothel escapade. Even though he could easily overpower Dean and get away from him, Cas found that he really didn't want to. Mainly because he was slightly worried about what Dean might do if he thought his "pie" was trying to escape and there was the fact he was beginning to enjoy the soft, catlike licks of Dean's tongue on his neck. Which he was enjoying so much he didn't hear Sam calling his name.
"Cas! Damn it Cas! Are you still with us?"
"I'm fine. I was just thinking that maybe it would not hurt to leave Dean like this. It might just take some time for this to get out of his system."
Sam sighed. "I'm not taking any chances." He grabbed his cell and began dialing the familiar number. "I'm gonna call Bobby. Hopefully he'll have some intel on how to fix Dean." As he waited for an answer, all he could do was shake his head and wish he had some ear plugs or at least his Ipod.
Dean had moved on from licking his neck to nibbling on his ear while mumbling about flaky and sweet the pie was. Which in turn was making Cas moan continuously. The angel was trying hard not to move and from where Sam was standing, it looked like he was really enjoying being Dean's pie. After being forced to watch that, Sam almost jumped for joy when he heard Bobby pick up.
"Bobby! Thank God!"
"What have you two idjits done now?"
Sam looked back over Dean who had now gotten Cas' coat off and was nibbling on his neck again while working on his shirt. He really was wondering what Dean was seeing , but he left it alone. Dean's pie habits were something he did not want to know about.
"Well...we were hunting some witches and Dean got hit with some kind of spell."
"And?" Bobby asked.
"...And now he thinks Cas is a giant pie and is currently trying to eat him."
"Idjits! Something like this could only happen to you two." Bobby sighed. "Well are they dead?"
"No, but if this keeps up I think Cas might overheat a bit."
Bobby really wished he could get out this chair and go hit them in the head a few times, but since he couldn't do that, he had to settle for yelling. "I was talking about the witches Sam!"
"Damn Bobby take it easy. You're not the one watching Dean grope and kiss Cas while listening to him say how good his pie tastes!"
Bobby shuddered. "Well at least Dean isn't actually trying to eat him, but anyway did you find any hex bags in the house?"
"No. We didn't find anything. It was like the entire house had been cleaned out."
"Well if the spell didn't wear off after you killed the witches, then there must have been some serious juice behind it. I'll have to do some research, but I'm thinking that you'll have to let the spell run its course."
"Great. This is just great. Thanks for all your help Bobby." Sam grumbled as he hung up the phone. He glanced back over at Dean and twitched. Dean had worked the angel's shirt undone and was currently feasting on his chest, nipping and licking every patch of skin he could reach.
Cas had flushed a nice shade of pink and was well on his to looking like a cherry...or a tomato for that matter. He had his hands braced on Dean's back and his head tipped straight back as he moaned with every touch of Dean's lips on his skin.
Dean wasn't sure why Sam kept looking at him like he was crazy. Can't a man enjoy a perfect slice pie with his brother thinking he had snapped? He had taken bites from at least three different slices of pie, but he couldn't finish them off. It seemed like a crime to make something that perfect disappear.
Even though he was in heaven with his pie, there was one thing that was beginning to nag him. He saw his brother staring at him and twitching, but he couldn't find his angel anywhere and it was starting to bother him. "Sam! Where's Cas?"
Sam, who was seriously contemplating taking the car and leaving them both out there, was surprised that Dean had noticed he was still there and was also struck with an idea. "I haven't seen him since we came out here to check on you." he said slyly.
"You two did kill all of the witches right?" He asked as continued to nibble at Cas' stomach.
"Yeah. At least I think we did. We never found out how many were in that coven." Sam had to grin as he saw Dean slowly lose his focus on eating his pie and began to pay more attention to him. "And with Cas losing his mojo, who knows if he can handle them."
Sam hoped his plan would work. Dean seemed to be only a few minutes away from completely stripping Cas and claiming the rest of his pie, and while Cas looked to be enjoying it, that was definitely something Sam didn't want to see. If he could get Dean worried enough about the angel, maybe this would break the spell.
"Cas hasn't lost that much of his mojo." Dean said as he began working on another slice of pie, which was really him undoing Cas' pants. "He still has enough juice to whack as many demons and witches as he wants."
"Are you sure?" Sam said hurriedly. "He barely has enough juice left to zap us anywhere, let alone enough to kill demons!"
Luckily, that finally got Dean's attention and he stood up and walked towards the car. "Grab what's left of my pie and stick it in the car. We have to go find him."
Sam sighed. At least he had gotten the spell to weaken a little bit, but the fact that he was willing to stick a human sized pie in his car and have it travel with them wasn't getting his hopes up any. He walked over to Cas, who was still flushed and panting and trying to fix his clothes. "Cas, I think I got the spell to weaken. He might actually be back to normal soon."
Instead of an answer, Sam was promptly punched in the jaw. "Cas what the hell was that for?" he shouted from his place on the ground.
Cas tilted his head and gave Sam his best attempt at a glare. "I felt it was the appropriate thing to do after you stopped Dean from ravishing me."
All of the commotion had brought Dean running back to the two of them. He looked at Sam and then he looked at Cas. He did this for a few more minutes before finally focusing on where the angel was standing. "Cas? When did you get back? Are you alright? What happened to you?"
"I am fine Dean. I have been here the entire time and you are what happened to me."
Sam finally got up from the ground and stared at his brother in confusion. "Wa-wait you're telling me that you actually see Cas now?"
"Well yeah." Dean chuckled. "What else should I be seeing right now?" He walked over to Cas and began looking at all of the bites and hickeys on his neck and shoulders. "Damn! What have you been doing?"
"You don't remember? You are the one who did this to me."
"No away. I really I would remember doing that." he smirked. "Especially to you."
"Well what do you remember Dean?"
"Well, I remember being sent through the door of that cabin and you two coming to see if I was alright. Then I remember seeing...it!"
"And what exactly is it Dean?" Sam asked.
"Dude! It was the most perfect cherry pie in the history of all cherry pies! It was good as hell too."
"Ok but did you notice anything different about it?"
"Well...It was this perfect golden brown and it was already sliced up. There was was a tiny bit of filling right in the center, and it was delicious!"
Sam really didn't understand how Dean could be so great at hunting, but so dense in almost everything else. "Work with me bro! Did you notice anything about the size?"
"Take it easy Sammy. It was the largest pie I have ever seen in my life! It was actually about Cas' height...holy shit!" He stared at the love bites again as a look of realization crossed his face. "I really did do that..."
"Finally he gets it!" Sam shouted. "That damn spell had you thinking that Cas was a giant pie and you kept trying to eat him. I thought was gonna have to blind myself from watching you with him. Not to mention that when I finally got your attention off of him, he punched me!"
Dean almost fell to the ground in laughter. "That's my angel! He knows when he's being cheated out of a good thing!"
Sam just gave Dean one of his patented bitch-faces and stomped his way back to the car, mumbling something about ungrateful brothers and their evil angel sidekicks. As Cas watched the younger Winchester walk away, he looked back at Dean who had finally stopped laughing and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Since Sam has left can you continue to ravish me now?"