Omg~! SasoDei crack! It's kind of AU but not really. It's the ninja world + TVs and humor.
I dedicate this fanfiction to Shark Week.
lol spelling errors. just ignore them.
reviews are so appreciated.
"Fuck yeah! It's Shark Week!" Deidara pounced on the couch and made a grab for the remote. Eyes bright, he clicked the TV to on and stared fixedly at the screen. His excited yell enticed me to sit on the couch with him. This was going to be good; Shark Week is the best.
I cheered along with the blonde, "It's Shark Week already? Tobi is so ready for Shark Week!"
We gazed at the screen, waiting in anticipation for the stupid six-minute long commercials to end so we could watch sharks bite the crap out of some random sea creature.
Deidara jumped as I grabbed his arm and shrieked into his ear, "Deidara-senpai, look, the show is on now~!"
"Damn it, Tobi! Don't you think I know that, hmm?" he shouted at me as the credits faded, introducing the show, and we both became quiet.
The narration started for the Shark Week show: Many who swim in the sea are not aware of the dangers of... sharks! Today, we will explore the hidden killers of the deep. This is... The screen darkened and in a flash of colors, a great white shark leaped out of the water, catching a seal in its mouth. ...DEEP SEA KILLERS!
I cheered along with Deidara as the seal was devoured by the great white. Deidara turned to me, differences aside, and we high-five'd each other.
Watch as the baby orca wanders from its pod... Little does it know the blue shark is going to...
And -click!- the TV turned off just before the blue shark's attack on the baby orca was finalized.
"What the fuck, Tobi! I was watching that, hmm!" Deidara looked to me and unleashed his fury. He really wanted to see that orca taken down, I suppose...
I waved my hands in a 'no, it wasn't me' motion as I tried to calm Deidara, "Senpai! I didn't do that!"
"I'm going to blow you up for doing that," the blue eyed man growled and reached for clay in his pocket.
Slipping his hand in his pocket, he freezed as a new voice dared him, "Do that and I'll make you my newest puppet, brat..."
Deidara and I turned slowly to see Sasori looming behind the couch, remote in his hand. I wondered how he had gotten it without Deidara noticing...
"Ne, Sasori-danna, we're watching Shark Week. Cut us a break, the mission's almost complete and we have down time, hmm," Deidara complained.
The red-haired puppet glared at us, even though his face was stoic and void of emotion (he is a puppet after all). But it was definitely a glare. "I don't care. Your idiotic cheering and yelling is disturbing me. If anything, you should be preparing for the next part of the mission."
"Ahaha, Sasori-senpai," I laughed cheerfully and tried to reason with the puppet, "maybe you should watch TV with Deidara and Tobi. Shark Week is so awesome." The intense glare I received from him was overwhelming, but I brushed it aside.
"I don't see why shark week is so... 'awesome'," he rolled his eyes and repeated my words. I could literally see the quotation marks as he said it. "I specifically requested the hotel's suite so we have the living space, plus the two rooms. I shouldn't be able to hear you two brats from my room. Shut. Up." With that, he disappeared back into one of the said rooms.
I glanced at Deidara when I heard him mutter, "He wouldn't know what 'awesome' was if it fucked him in the ass, hmm." His face was wrinkled with anger and his eye twitched as he thought out-loud. I laughed and agreed with him. He told me to shut up and he clicked the TV on once more, but put the audio on mute. Somehow... Shark Week wasn't the same on mute.
The now-silent-show was going to be narrated by me now. Deidara and I watched a surfer lazily swim out to the point where waves broke far out in the ocean. Under my breath I started singing the Jaws theme song. Before I could reach the climax of the song, Deidara hit me upside the back of my head and frowned.
"Don't start that, Tobi," he drawled out.
I chuckled and watched the re-enactment of the surfer's legs being bitten by the 'shark'. The fake blood and shifty camera angles gave way that this wasn't the real attack caught on tape. I'd rather watch the real thing. But... the next film clip showed the shark chewing some flesh of some... sea animal. I smiled and muttered, "Om nom nom..."
"You're so immature, you idiot, hmm!" Deidara was starting to lose it. I bet it was because Sasori made him put the TV on mute.
"Actually, Deidara-senpai, Tobi believes-"
Sasori slammed his bedroom door open and almost shouted; but being emotionless, it wasn't complete top-of-the-lungs shouting, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRATS. DEIDARA. COME HERE."
I could practically see the sweat drops of nervousness showering off of Deidara's forehead. I laughed and remarked, "Haha, Deidara's in trouble!"
But now Sasori's wrath turned to me, "TOBI-BRAT! NO MORE SHITTY SHARK WEEK. GO TO THAT OTHER ROOM."
I have to admit, the smile kind of was wiped off my face. I watched Deidara sulk into Sasori's room and the red-haired man stared me down.
"Sasori-senpaiiii," I whined, "Tobi's room's boring, can't Tobi get lectured with Deidara? Tobi thinks it would be more fun."
A weird light came to Sasori's face as he answered me, "No, this is a punishment just for Deidara for being the most annoying, immature brat."
The puppet master slammed the door to his room and with little hesitation now, hey, Sasori's orders are the law, headed to the room Deidara and I had been sharing for the past few days. Of course Sasori-senpai got his own room just for being the emotionless puppet who would rather get his teeth ripped out than share a room with one of us 'brats'. Sigh.
Unfortunately for me, there wasn't a TV in my hotel room. I sat on one of the double beds and frowned. There wasn't much to do in this room; it was kind of like being in time-out. How unfair of Sasori to do that to me!
I fell backwards on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Even if Deidara was being yelled at, it was human interaction and that was socialization I was missing. And the truth really was it'd be fun if I was there being yelled at, too. Poor Deidara-senpai was having to face Sasori's anger just by himself. Somehow, it wasn't right! I was watching Shark Week, the most awesome week in the world, with Deidara, too.
That was it! I was going to barge into the puppet master's room and demand to be yelled at along with Deidara-senpai!
Soundlessly, I crept to my room's door and turned the handle all the way before pushing the door open slightly. Still without making a noise, I crossed the suite's living quarters to stand in front of Sasori's door. I reached out for the handle until I heard a sound:
Ahh...! No, please don't, Sasori-danna!
I stared at horror at the closed door. The lecture Sasori was giving Deidara must be really harsh. Did I really want to be punished, too? I gulped and wrapped my fingers around the door knob. I decided I'd scope out the situation first before jumping in and helping Deidara face Sasori's wrath.
Cracking the door just an inch, I shoved my face into the crack between the door-frame and door. And... and...
Holy God shitting fuck...!
What kind of... lecture was that...? I was stunned and couldn't look away. It was a bad car accident; horrible but you can't take your eyes off of it.
Here I was, trying to save Deidara from Sasori's lecture but instead they were... Oh Dear Kami...! I was staring at the naked bodies of my senpai's instead. And they were... doing it...!
Again, I can't stress, it was like the worst car accident; damn it, but I couldn't look away.
Their feet stretched to the headboard of the bed and Deidara was under Sasori. His head hung off the opposite side of the bed and his long blonde hair pooled slightly on the ground. His eyes were closed tight and a pained expression stretched across his face. The sound I heard once more wasn't distorted by the hotel walls; it was a full out moan.
"Sasori-danna... it hurtsss..." he hissed out in pain as Sasori slammed into him, full force.
My throat went dry and I tried to look away, I really did. My eyes were burned with the image of Deidara on his back with Sasori's jointed fingers spreading his legs, ramming himself into Deidara's asshole.
I felt scared as I watched Sasori's face now. The victorious, gloating, evil... smirk? I don't even know how to describe the look on his face, it was that of a sex fiend! He seemed to relish the squirming fight Deidara put up underneath him.
He chuckled lightly and gripped Deidara's thighs thightly and parted his legs further. He moaned out as he thrust his hips forwards, burying his cock deep into Deidara. "Of course it hurts. It's punishment, remember?"
I tried once more to close the door; but I only watched, as if under a spell. The blush on Deidara's cheeks was bright red and he struggled to speak, "I... ngh! Ow!... just don't... Sasori, it fucking hurtsss!... understand!"
Sasori-senpai's voice was soft but even I could hear the underlying evil tone as he responded, "You don't understand? We're in the fucking hotel suite. I could hear everything you and the other brat were... saying." As the last word left his lips, he pulled out of the blonde man and pressed his member against Deidara's butt cheeks. He thrusted his hips slightly, just rubbing himself against Deidara's heat. I almost puked.
How was this happening? Sasori was a puppet and... my mind was totally blown. I didn't understand any of it.
"Let me quote you," Sasori's voice lilted as he stopped his movement. He leaned his body close over Deidara's and pressed his face against Deidara-senpai's neck. "Let me quote you," Sasori's voice lilted as he stopped his movement, "'He wouldn't know what awesome was if it fucked him in the ass', ne? I am quoting you correctly, aren't I?"
Deidara's face contorted with many different emotions. I'm pretty sure my mind was, too. I didn't know what to think of any of this. His answer was only, "How are you... still lecturing me...? Nn... ahh..." He tried to relieve himself of his problem, reaching out for his erection, but Sasori only swatted his hand away.
Sasori-senpai's dark smirk was clearly visible from my location at the doorway. I shivered, and not in a good way. This guy was really freaking me out. I was wondering the same thing as Deidara, how was the guy carrying out a normal conversation while fucking?
I blinked and, it seemed that in that moment, Sasori had flipped Deidara over and wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist. I could see that Deidara had now opened his eyes. He stared vacantly at the floor, eyes clouded over with lust and things like that. I wasn't really fond of seeing Deidara, or Sasori for that fact, looking like that.
Sasori's abdomen pressed against Deidara's back and in one swift motion, he rammed himself back into Deidara's entrance.
I was startled as Deidara screamed out from this motion. Well... duh, it was painful but I didn't expect Deidara-senpai to scream in such a girly manner.
Sasori's eyes were clenched shut as he savored the Deidara's tightness. Without warning to my blonde senpai, he pushed himself in and out hard and fast.
"Come on... Sasori-danna, hmm..." Deidara cried out slightly and arched his back, "I'm sorry just... please... I wanna cum..."
Finally relenting, the puppet master reached for Deidara's hardened member and stroked up him up and down.
And yes, I still stared in horror at the situation. In complete and utter horror. In no way was it turning me on.
...Actually, who was I kidding? The front of my pants felt sort of tight. I might have gotten a hard on from watching the two.
I cracked the door open slightly.
And god damn if the crappy hotel door had to squeak open. It was only an inch or two, just to get a better view, but it still made the loudest creak.
And their heads snapped up in the direction of the door.
And they spotted me.
And... we stared at each other in complete and utter horror. Sasori's hand was in mid-stroke on Deidara's cock. He was still inside of Deidara.
I cleared my throat and tried to clear the silence, "So, uh... Tobi is going back to his room."
I'm pretty sure they're going to kill me.