Well then, I haven't really written much in a long time, no? I'm starting school soon, but I wrote this piece a few months ago. I don't think it's my best work, but I like it, so I decided, "What the heck, I'll upload it anyways." It was written while watching Carla Fracci perform Giselle. It's supposed to be Giselle's point of view from the mad scene, where Giselle, the title character, goes crazy and dies because the man she loves is engaged to someone else.
I wanted to write something for the Fireplace Alliance Writing Challenge (write a character cliche), but I didn't feel like I had any motivation for it. But anyways...
Disclaimer: I don't own Giselle; the libretto is by Jules-Henri Vernoy de Saint-Georges.
According to wikipedia, affannato is a musical term for anguished.
No, no no no no no. How can this be? He said he loved me, he told me he wanted to marry me, only me, for the rest of his life. But no, he is with her, not me, he does not care for me. I am just a toy, a play thing. Am I?
Mother, oh Mother, where are you? I see them, flying, cackling like mad men, like murderers, sick twisted murderers. Oh, Mother, I do not wish to be like them. Maybe if I hide, if I cover my eyes, they will leave me alone. Who is this holding me in his arms? It doesn't feel right, it is not Albrecht, not my love. Where is he, where has he gone? What is this wetness on my cheeks, cool and harsh against my skin?
None of this makes sense. Oh, if only I could go back to when he loved me! I remember, I remember walking into him, and I looked up and he smiled down at me like I was all he needed. And then, then he said that I was beautiful, and that he loved me. He swore to it, he promised! I couldn't believe it, didn't believe it, I had to check. I remember, playing with the girls, we picked flowers and tried, "He loves me, he loves me not," until there were no petals left. I must check, I must see…
He loves me, yes, but no, no he does not, he is engaged, to a beautiful countess who will be everything he needs, everything he wants, not some poor village girl like me. No, not again. I see them; moving swiftly through the forest, through the trees as they haunt me, taunt me with their words. "Come with us, child, come with us, he will not last the night!"
I can't be with them, I must hide, I need to flee. Where am I to go? Where will they leave me alone? I can see something, from the corner of my eye, the edge of my vision… It sparkles, it shines like jewels, what is it? Oh, if I could see it. I must walk slowly, slowly, I feel faint, what if I fall down?
There it is, so close, a few more steps. I feel it, underneath my feet, and I glance down. It is sharp, pointy, so dangerous and beautiful. I touch the cool edge with my hands, feeling the dull part of the blade, and I see them again. Maybe I can save myself from this madness, purge them from my life. There is a handle; I pick it up, and everyone around me seems to draw back in fear. They think I will attack them, plunge the blade into their heart, but they are wrong. They are all wrong. I place the handle furthest from me, the blade close to my chest. I am ready, I cannot stand this insanity any longer, but no, the sword is ripped away from me in a moment.
Oh Albrecht, my Albrecht! No, not mine, for he is another's, but how I long for him to be mine. He took the sword from me, his sword, I know. Could he not have spared me? Why did he not let me die as I wished? But no, they are there, right behind him, the horrible jilted brides. They stand there, in their stark white dresses, pressing me to join them. I turn and run, I try to escape, but they are there, still there. Everywhere I look, they are there. Why can they not go? Why must they torment me so?
But no, what am I doing, who is this holding me again? Is it Hilarion, my dearest friend, who I have never cared for in the way he wishes? Oh, my dear, if only I could, if only I could, then we both would be spared our horrid fates! For I still see them, watching intently, hiding from everyone else, and I know that they will get you, too, for their endless hatred strips them of their humanity.
And so I run, I run to my mother, who stares at me in bewilderment, and then to Albrecht, who can only look on in horror. Do not be afraid, my love, for this is truly what I want. I remember, when we danced together, you tucked my arm in yours and told me you would always be with me, that you would take care of me forever. I cannot stop myself; I dance, if only to relive the joy I felt. A leap here, an arabesque there, but there is pain. My chest, my heart, it hurts so much, I feel as if something inside of me is broken! I stumble, but I cannot stop dancing. No, no! This is their influence, this is what they do to any young men they see, they make them dance until their deaths. No, I cannot, I cannot stand it, my legs fail me as I hit the ground, my heart gasps painfully as it shatters.
Albrecht, my love, oh, my dearest! Where are you? I cannot find you, but they are blocking me, I cannot see anything… How terrible it seems, to be condemned to a life without you, oh, but where are you now? There are so many people, so many faces passing me by, but I cannot see you. I feel myself start to fall, as if in a dream, and I fall into the arms of Nerissa, one of my dearest friends. She tells me something, but I don't understand her. I see her arms move, she gestures towards something, someone, and I turn. My Mother; oh Mother, how much anguish I must have caused you! If only to feel your embrace once more, before I take leave of the living, for I can feel my heart slowing, I know that I shan't be here much longer. It's so warm, Mother, so safe in your arms, the only time I've ever felt this safe was with my love… I see him now, he still stares at me, shocked and appalled, but he is so handsome and I remember, I remember running into his arms while we danced. He is all that matters now, only him, I cannot live without…
So I hope you liked it, and it wasn't terrible. XD Thanks for reading!
Also, I'm not trying to romanticize suicide at all. But that's how it goes in the ballet, and madness is strange to write, because I don't understand it. XD