Disclaimer: I don't own Air Gear or its characters. Plain and simple.


What you see in the mirror


Look at yourself. You're a mess. Your eyes once filled with joy, laughter andlifeare now dull and dead. Even if you try to pretend, even if you try to act, you can't even convince yourself anymore. Not when you look like this. Your hair, once as seemingly carefree as yourself, is now flat. Even the once rich colour seems to have faded, dulled. For so long you have ignored the reflection in the mirror, knowing that if you looked, this is what you'd see. You used to be so energetic. You enjoyed life.

You used to be the one that brought others happiness. Your presence could make even the most depressing people smile, laugh. But look, that's not you anymore. Now you are one of the depressing people. No, you're even worse than them. You are in a state where you cannot be know it, and you know that they know it. Most of your friends no longer contact you. They don't speak to you. Maybe they are scared. Scared of the person you've become. The ones who still try are slowly giving up. You know it. You can sense it. 'You know you can't keep this up forever, right? Please tell me you do. I can't – We can't take this much longer.' She said to you. You didn't answer. Her words were empty to you. She had been crying back then and yet you couldn't feel her pain. To you, she seemed to be so far away back then. Her voice quiet and the doorway where she was standing far, her very being, was not in the same world where you were.

Now that you think about it, your vision, or maybe your memory, you can no longer tell the difference, has been hazy. Everything has been covered by a gray veil, blurring the details. The colours have lost their radiance, even if you know they are the same as they were before. But it's not. Not for you.

Your hands are shaking. You feel weak and let yourself crouch. It's just too hard to look into the mirror, to think about those things. Because it's the truth. You can't hide anymore. But that's the only thing you can do now. There's no other choice left for you. You have no one to turn to. You're alone and that knowledge has been slowly eating you alive. You start shaking but you will yourself not to cry. You've cried too many times already and you won't cry anymore. Such a sweet lie you tell yourself, but lies are all you have left. Your lies have clouded the truth and illusions twisted the reality. But today you looked at the truth. You saw the reality. Now you wish you hadn't. Even if your precious dreams died long ago only to be replace by nightmares, it was still better than this.

Another one has come to visit you. They try to talk to you, trying to cheer you up. You hardly even listen to their words. An endless monologue. If anything, this only makes you feel more lonely. You no longer belong to their world. That world seems so bright and warm to you. No, you know that's exactly what it is. A radiant world filled with laughter. Yours is a cold and unforgiving. Dirty and twisted. Despair is what most would call it, but not you. Even now, you are too stubborn to give in to that utter hopelessness.

'Are you listening? Hey… Ikki! Are you there?' You raise your head and look at him. He looks concerned but you can see his fear as well. For a moment you wonder how long will he keep coming back like this and talk to you as if nothing had changed. You weren't the only one to blind themselves from the truth, you figure.

It's silent for a moment. Maybe he expects you to say something, but you won't. What could you say, when you now know that all of your words are meaningless. You know how you look, and nothing you say will change that. Only a fool would think otherwise. He looks down, his face showing defeat. 'I miss the old you.' You barely hear those words he whispers, and yet they ring so loudly in your head. You know he won't be coming back. This friendship has reached its end.

You watch as he wipes his eyes and gets up to leave. When he opens the door, you say your first words since he arrived. 'Goodbye… Onigiri.' Your voice is quiet and void of emotion, but you know he heard you as he turns to look at you one last time. He looks like he's about to cry. You watch him without those feelings. You feel neither sadness nor anger. You knew this was going to happen and now you accept it. He leaves and you stay still.

AN/ Angsty piece of -... Yeah... I felt frustrated so I wrote this piece of depression. Kinda fun if you ask me. :D

This one is AU since I haven't really updated my Air Gear knowlegde for a while. Still, I haven't decided how AU I want this to be. Anyway, I've planned to make this into a 4 chaptered story... Maybe... It could be shorter or longer, I don't know. But it most definitely is a Kazu/Ikki one, so there.

Sorry if the depressed Ikki is too OOC for you, but really, Ikki can get depressed! ...I think...