A/N: These are drabbles that I've written up for various prompts on LJ. They were all written very fast (two hours or less) and had little to no editing - hence the rough feel of it all. I wasn't that big a stickler about keeping them in character. And many are frankly very silly. In other words - they're definitely not perfect. I kind of like them that way.

QUEMBRY. DONE / hmmm, what about Bella playing strip poker with Jake and some of the pack members? / Quill and Embry invite Bella to play a new game, Bella totally pwns them.

[standard New Moon AU - Cullens never come back. set in the future. Humor. Rated G.]

When Jacob comes home, he's not surprised to see Embry at the refrigerator. Embry and Quil sort of drop in whenever they feel like it, because Bella has taken over as Pack Cook since Emily is now too pregnant to reach the burners on the stove.

What does surprise Jacob is that Embry is stark naked.

In his and Bella's home.

With Bella giggling in the next room.

Jacob is not known for the most rational reactions when it comes to his fiancee, and finding one of his best friends at home with her, naked, rooting through his refrigerator, does not inspire cool, collected thinking. Which is why Embry is instantaneously slammed against the wall, held a foot off the floor by his neck.

"You're dead," Jacob growls. Embry, even while being choked, manages to roll his eyes. The noise he sputters through his closed throat is sarcastic.

Quil's voice from the next room. "Aw, come on!"

"Don't blame me if you can't bluff." Bella.

Jacob lowers Embry back to the floor, thoroughly confused. "What the fuck is going on here?"

"Not what you're thinking." Embry rubs his throat (the bruises heal almost instantly) and glares. "Dude, didn't anyone ever tell you that when you assume you make an ass out of you and me?"

"You don't need my help to be an ass," Jacob replies automatically, walking around the corner to look into the dining room of their apartment. Bella is sitting calmly at the table, watching an annoyed Quil pull off his pants, revealing tighty-whities. "Uh, Bells?"

"Oh, hey, Jake." Bella smiles as though Quil and Embry are just over for a piece of pizza and a chat, rather than getting naked. "How was work?"

"Fine," Jacob replies, now completely operating on autopilot. "Hey, Quil."

"Your girlfriend cheats," Quil grumbles as he tosses his shorts into a pile of clothes.

Embry frowns. "Hey, why doesn't he get thrown against the wall?"

Bella glances from Embry to Jacob, then shakes her head. "Oh, Jake, you didn't think that, did you?"

"What else was I supposed to think?" Jacob says defensively as Embry hands Quil a beer. "And if not that, then what the hell is going on?"

Bella gestures to the table, to the stacks of playing cards. "They thought they could beat me at poker. Strip poker."

Jacob looks at Quil and Embry, who are drinking their beers, in underwear and naked respectively, and starts to laugh. "You guys are idiots."

"We know that now," Embry says, scowling. "She didn't lose so much as her hoodie!"

"She cheats!" Quil adds. "She has to cheat! No one can win that many times in a row!"

"I just have a very good poker face," Bella says blandly, shuffling the deck. "Jacob, do you want to be dealt in?"

"I'll pass," Jacob says, grinning. "I know how good you are." He, in fact, knows that she does cheat at cards. He decides not to share that tidbit of information.

"I'm going home to lick my wounds," Embry says. He is now actively pouting. "I don't care what you're cooking for dinner, nothing is worth this."

"It's lasagna."

Quil and Embry both pause.

"With sausage," Bella adds.

The boys glance at each other, shrug simultaneously, and sit down on the couch. "Fine," Quil says. "But you're evil. Just so you know."

Jacob raises his eyebrows at Bella, and she winks at him. And he presses his lips together to keep from laughing again.