This little story is the translation of "Kleine Brüder und große Taten". In original this story is in German. But one of my readers – the amazing ArielButtercup - thought that it needs to be translated :D … so one day, she wrote me a message with this wonderful surprise.
I have to tell you it's very hard to translate German writing and especially my writing. Sometimes it's a little poetic *g* Believe me she did a great job. Thank you so much Ariel ! *hugs*
Huge thanks too to my two beta readers Favour and Mystery. They've done their best to find hidden mistakes or to erase the strangest formulations. Sorry if some sentences sounds weird - it's totally my fault. ó-ó
But these three girls rock :D
I hope you enjoy a little – and please tell us what you think about all of this.
Disclaimer: All rights to Eric Kripke, the CW and WB - nothing belongs to me I just wanted to play a little ;)
Little brothers and big actions
Softly the leaves on the tree behind the house rustled in the wind, whispered messages travelled with it through the night. The starlight was reflected on the tiny drops of dew that lay like tears on the world's face. The sparkle in the sky was like a heart beat that never stops an the lights of the city below were the lifelines.
A seemingly never-ending rhythm in which Dean was lost. He sat on the steps of the little porch of the house, a house in which the occupants gave him shelter. His gaze slid into the distance, a distance that wasn't a place it was a time, a long forgotten past. There had been more than enough times in his life where he was on his own, lonely swimming in a fish bowl, but he always knew that there was someone who thought once in a while at him.
So many times he was sitting on the hood of his baby in the middle of nowhere, a cool bottle of beer in his hand, watched the stars above and remembered how Sam normally filled the space next to him. Just as he did now, he clutched to this thought and imagined with all his heart, he could nearly feel his brother next to him again.
A star fell from the sky, glowing in the atmosphere and sending Dean a silent message: "Don't forget me!"
How could he? All what he had, was his family – it was his life, his job.
„Look after you brother Dean!" – was dads demand so many years ago.
Unconsciously his fingers curled in the air, again wrapped protectively around the tiny bundle in his arms – so helpless, tiny and fragile. Past interfaced with the present and Dean fell into the swirl they formed.
After the violent death of their mother it was almost every night the same. Dean was tormented by nightmares and cowered in his bed, eyes wide opened so that he just won't fall asleep again. Sam had already a feeling if the elder one didn't feel okay. So he started to complain in his crib until finally he was at Dean's bed and kept Dean company nestled at the chest of his great guardian, who was still a tiny tot himself. Often they were secretly outside in their warm PJ's and a thick blanket, which Dean had wrapped around him and his little cargo. Sometimes the view out of the window had to be enough to watch the glittering lights up in the wide night sky.
The nice lady with warm eyes and soft long hair – Aunt Ellen – had told them that their Mom is up there. An angel that watched over them. He
thought if he tried hard and long enough he would see her – he believed that as a child.
He knew better today.
Whenever he felt the sadness of his brother Sam mumbled in his baby language which gave Dean more comfort than anything else on the world. The little one told him whole stories in his own language only for Dean. Just a whisper so that dad didn't wake up.
The baby became a little boy and over the years a man; Dean's nightmares had changed the horror he had seen everyday gave them new pictures. Everything had changed just this ritual they kept silently and still as adults. They sat so often hours outside together just enjoying the silence. Sometimes they even were lucky not to be on a hunt, which gave them peace and time.
Today, the big brother had to handle his demons alone. The protection of the little one robbed.
Dean swallowed hard. The desire pinched his chest together, robbed the air out of his lungs and his heart struggle in pain.
He had promised Sam. He would never forget it, never. But the place next to him was empty – and would remain that way. He sighed deeply and fought for control, as he leaned into the soft touch on his back.
A hand stroke soft over his hair, before a familiar smell of old leather tickled his nose and the heavy jacket was placed on his shoulders - so well known.
Without a word she leaned against his side and gave him some of her body heat - silent comfort in difficult times. Dean's cheek lay on her soft hair; he enjoyed the feeling and lost himself for the moment in it.
Sam had known it, had known the only way not to let his brother lose his mind and going crazy - that to survive it all was to cling to the anchor, that Lisa and Ben would offer him.
„A normal life- ..."
Sam had not given in an inch.
But stubbornness was no opponent for the younger Winchester.
"I can't do that if I don't know that you are alive and won't cut any capers Dean and I am sure that's what you are going to do when I don't look out for you! Will you do that for me – please…"
And this was enough; to take this burden from Sam was his duty if he wanted or not even if it shattered him in pieces.
"You and me against the rest of the world." – with this words and a nod it was sealed and Sam was ready to do what needed to be done.
"Dean?" A whisper.
Lisa moved away, turned to him and looked in his eyes. A worried smile played around her lips as she reached into her pocket of her sweater and pulled hesitantly a little envelope out of it.
"I found it under the newspapers -..."
Silence and a puzzled look.
"It is addressed to you."
No one knew that Dean was here – not even Bobby.
All of a sudden it dawned on him and the helplessness was replaced by a shocked understanding. Trembling he took the little envelope and recognized Sam's gently curved writing on it. His lips opened and closed though he wanted to say something but no sound left his throat – there were no words that could say what he felt. But Lisa understood him anyway she gave him the space he needed. Cautiously she leaned forward and kissed him gently, ran her hand over his pale cheek before she got up and left him by himself and his emotions.
For minutes Dean simply sat there with dropped shoulders and stared at the letters which formed his name – Dean Winchester – there were the small loops Sam made at the end of their name and the slightly elongated 'I' point. All this was typical Sam. Dean would have recognized these characteristics under thousands as he had exactly the same.
He started to open the glued seal on the back. His lips pressed together and taking a deep breath he opened it and stared in the envelope.
Lisa had switched the outside light on when she went back inside so that he wouldn't sit in darkness. Waves of thankfulness run through him. His legs wouldn't have carried him an inch at the moment.
The first thing he pulled out was a neat folded little piece of paper – white and spotless. He took all his courage together and unfolded the paper and started to read through the veil before his eyes.
Hey big brother,
I think if you are holding this in your hands we did it. If not well
whatever then this letter will never reach you and I have failed again. Hell
would be then our smallest problem.
I'm sitting here since two hours and try to figure out what I'm supposed to
write and I would try much longer if the time wouldn't run out so mercilessly.
I know a simple apology is not enough for all the years of sorrow, all the
sacrifices you had to make because of me and especially for all of my
stupidity I made.
I am sorry Dean – I understood everything too late. I understood you too
Think now and then of your pain-in-the-ass brother when you throw with Ben
some balls in the garden, just like we used to do in Bobby's field.
Ben can be proud when you raise him – I was - there is no one better for
I cross all fingers for Lisa that she tolerates you moron. I have to say it:
she has a massive lack of good taste. But to say the truth I would have liked
to meet her, the girl that makes you happy. She must be something very special
and unique. I see your face right in front of me sitting there with a massive
grin in your face – no Dean, I'm not talking about yoga!
Even though I have never really said or showed it…
Thank you that you were always there for me even when I did not always
appreciate it – a mistake that I regret bitterly now.
Thank you that you were like a father for me.
Thank you for covering my back and all the scars you have on your body which
I should have on mine.
PS: It is not worthless to me Dean.
Four times he read the letter and each time it hurt more. If only they had had more time. But they had – only none of them had been brave enough to take the last step. Too many bridges had been burned.
Frowning Dean read the last sentence again and again but didn't understand it until the moment it made – click – and he felt again as if someone had hit him with a wood board.
Tentatively he fumbled and only now Dean felt the little thing in the bubble wrap of the envelope. He poured the content slowly on his hand and started to tremble without foundation; he closed his fingers around the treasure in his hand and let the tears freely run down his cheek.
"Oh, Sammy-…" he whispered with a broken voice.
For several minutes he just sat there and grieved for everything that he had lost, all the things he couldn't say and all the things he couldn't put back in place.
Then as he took all his strength he put the leather band back around his neck and felt the well known weight above his heart; he had missed it so dearly.
He laid his hand protectively over it. He closed his eyes and saw the little boy who had fallen out of his bed with messy brown hair sitting next to
him on the sofa and giving him a tiny package wrapped in a comic page.
"I want you to have it!"
For the second time Dean took the gift and would only take it off again when death himself would command it from him.
- The end -
I missed the amulet so much especially when Jensen told us in Rome that "someone was still in the room to rescue it" ;)But maybe in season 6 *crosses her fingers*
Thanks for reading and please review...
*hugs* Lia :)