Summary: AU. Dean and Castiel are married and have adopted a baby (Anna). Dean's struggling with his father's abandonment and turns to drink. One Valentine's Day, it all goes so wrong. Based loosely on Kim by Eminem. Please read the warning before you actually read the story. PLEASE REVIEW!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or it's characters, and I don't own the song or lyrics used in this piece.
Warning: Contains domestic violence, bad language, alcoholism, abuse, violence and lots of crying... (I was in a dark place when I wrote this one)
"I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you…"
This Valentine's Day was one Castiel Winchester would never forget. He'd recently married his childhood sweetheart, Dean Winchester and got a lot of shit from his family for doing so. Dean's dad had shunned his son out of his life, but Sam, Dean's younger brother was so supportive, like one of Castiel's many older brothers, Gabriel. Then the couple adopted a baby, Anna, and tried to live a normal family life. Dean however had turned to drink as a solution to his problems, but it just created more particularly for Castiel. So Castiel turned to his best friend, Chuck, who was dating a girl named Becky. Everyone agreed that the woman probably had a screw loose but never said so to Chuck. Sometimes, if Dean was going through a really low time, Castiel would invite Chuck over while Dean was at work to talk about his own issues since he struggled sometimes to be strong for Dean. But living right across the road was their arch nemesis from school, Lilith Winters, who just had to spread her poison no matter what the cost…well…until she found out what happened this time.
It was Valentine's Day and Dean had been drinking again. He entered the house, slamming the door behind him.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Dean." Castiel said, emerging from the kitchen with a rose and a present for Dean, "I've put Anna down for the night, so it's just the two of us."
Dean saw the gifts and burned up inside. How dare Castiel give him a gift? How dare he?
Dean slapped the gifts out of Castiel's hand, leaving his lover stood looking shocked. Those adorable blue eyes reddened a little and filled with tears.
"Lilith told me everything." Dean hissed, pushing Castiel into the living room and onto the sofa, "I wanna know the truth."
The tears escaped Castiel's eyes and he grew fearful for the child upstairs mostly, but also for himself. He stood to try and calm Dean down.
"Sit down, Bitch!" Dean yelled, making Castiel jump, "Move again, I'll beat the shit out of you!"
"Okay, Dean…calm down!" Castiel pleaded, obeying Dean and suddenly realising his voice was more high pitched.
His heart pounded in his chest as he heard his lover's words. What the hell was Dean thinking?
"Don't make me wake this baby!" Dean shouted again, "She don't need to see what I'm about to do!"
Castiel then began to sob both through hurt and fear for Anna.
"Quit cryin'! Why do always make me shout at you?" Dean shouted, anger and hate thundering through his veins like a speeding train, unable to stop.
Castiel had no idea what Dean had gotten so upset about. What had he done that was so wrong?
"How could you just love him and leave me out the blue?"
What? Castiel thought, completely confused and frightened by Dean's outburst.
He couldn't answer Dean, so Dean got cocky.
"Awww, what's the matter, Cas? AM I TOO LOUD FOR YOU?"
Castiel sat back against the sofa, crying his eyes out now because of the look of hurt and anger in Dean's eyes.
"Too bad, Bitch! You're gonna finally hear me out this time!" Dean screamed, moving too close to Castiel for comfort, "When Lilith told me, I was like 'If he wants to throw me out, that's fine!"
"But not for him to take my place, are you insane?" Dean screamed again.
He rested a shaky hand on the arm of the sofa.
"This couch," he hissed punching the arm of it, "This TV, THIS WHOLE HOUSE IS MINE!"
With that he kicked the TV in, and Castiel now grew so scared all he could do was yell.
"How could you let him sleep in our bed?"
"Look at me, Cas! LOOK AT YOUR HUSBAND NOW!" Dean demanded, slapping Castiel's face round to look at him, "I SAID LOOK AT HIM! He ain't so hot now is he? Little punk!"
Castiel finally got up the courage to say something.
"Why are you doing this?" He sobbed, jumping when Dean screamed back at him.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"You're drunk! You can't listen to anything Lilith says!" Castiel cried in desperation.
"Come on! We're going for a ride, Cas!" Dean screamed, grabbing Castiel and dragging him out towards the Impala, the dark haired man telling Dean: 'NO!', "Sit up front!"
"Well we can't just leave Anna alone! What if she wakes up?"
Dean actually saw logic in Castiel's statement and grabbed his arm again, dragging him back into the house and locking the door.
"You really fucked me, Cas…You really did a number on me." Dean sobbed, pacing and shouting at Castiel before shoving him into the living room again, "Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me!"
What's he talking about cheating…I haven't cheated!
"But we were kids then Cas, I was only eighteen!" Dean shouted, "That was years ago, I thought we started over!"
That incident had been forgiven and forgotten…until now.
Dean and Castiel had been together for four years when Dean met Castiel's brother, Michael and cheated on Castiel with him just once. It broke Castiel's heart and it took them months to fix it, which included Michael moving to Chicago through his own choice. They'd made up a week later, but it took months for Castiel to be able to trust Dean again. Castiel's logic stated: "If I hated it so much when Dean did it to me, why would I do it back? That wouldn't make sense…"
"That's just fucked up!" Dean hissed, sobbing as he did.
"I LOVE YOU!" Castiel screamed, not knowing what else to do.
Dean punched Castiel hard, causing his eye to swell and a small cut to appear above his eyebrow.
"Does this look like a big joke to you?" Dean asked, Castiel wondering what the fuck Dean was talking about.
"NO!" He screamed, screaming becoming the only decent reflex he had now.
"You loved him didn't you!" Dean accused.
"Who?" Castiel asked, not knowing who Dean was talking about…Castiel's been around no-one else to…
It sunk in…
Lilith's being telling Dean about Chuck visiting and turned it into Castiel having an affair…that's what this was all about. The fucking twisted demon! Castiel was gonna have serious words with that bitch later.
"Bullshit, you bitch! Don't fucking lie to me!" Dean screamed, grabbing Castiel by the collar of his shirt and pulling him so close Castiel could almost taste the whiskey Dean had clearly being drinking that night. He couldn't look at that face anymore…not anymore. Dean had become an animal…a monster!
"Cas…CAS!" The monster screamed, "Why don't you like me?"
Castiel turned and looked prepared to tell Dean the truth, that he did like him, he did love him.
"You think I'm ugly don't you…" Dean said, catching Castiel off-guard slightly.
How pathetic and immature did this situation just turn?
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU!" Dean cried, breaking down against Castiel's now shuddering form, "Oh my God I love you…"
Dean was sobbing now, sounding so desperate. All of this over a bunch of lies…Castiel couldn't believe it…couldn't believe that Dean thought it was all true.
"How the fuck could you do this to me?"Dean whispered, so quiet Cas didn't quite catch it.
"Sorry?" Castiel asked, terrified.
"HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"
"Dean, please…" Castiel begged.
"Fuck you! You did this to us! You did it! It's your fault!" Dean yelled again.
He turned away and growled to himself.
"Oh my God I'm cracking up…Get a grip, Dean!"
"I should've known better when you started to act weird…" Dean scolded himself.
He then kicked Castiel in the gut and then punched him in the face, bruising that beautiful face. Castiel fell to the floor, crippled with pain and sobbed in a heap on the ground. Dean bent down and pulled on Castiel's gorgeous dark hair, lifting his lover's face up to meet his own.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME!"
He punched Castiel again and left him to shiver on the floor.
Then the sound of a baby crying rang out from upstairs, and time seemed to stop. Dean looked at the room and then at Castiel, and reality sunk in, almost completely sobering him up. He'd just beat his husband, and as he thought over the situation for a few seconds he realised he'd not even given Castiel a chance to defend himself. Now his lover lay on the floor bruised, bleeding and broken, the three things Dean should never let him become, let alone inflict upon him.
"Oh God…" Dean sobbed, putting his bloodied hands to his head, "Cas…?"
Dean went forward to pick Castiel up, but his lover just shrugged his hand off.
"I'm going to see to Anna." Castiel cried, trying to wipe the blood and tears from his face.
"You can't see to her looking like that, you'll terrify her." Dean said, talking a lot calmer and softer now.
"Well don't think I'm letting you up there yet." Castiel said, another sob escaping his bleeding lips.
He struggled up the stairs to Anna's bedroom and picked the little girl up into his arms.
"Shhh, baby…Daddy's here." He whispered, rocking the little girl back off to sleep despite the pain in his stomach, "It's all alright, my darling. You're okay…"
He rocked the child until she fell asleep, and then Castiel placed her back in her crib, shut the door and made his way back downstairs.
"Cas…I'm so sorry…"
"Don't you dare." Castiel growled, closing the living room door and standing against it, "You didn't even let me explain, Dean…"
Dean hung his head in shame and guilt. Damnit he should feel fucking ashamed and guilty after what he'd just done.
"I bet Lilith told you she's seen Chuck coming here regularly." Castiel said, staying as far away from Dean as humanly possible in their trashed living room.
"He's been visiting because I've been concerned about you and needed someone to talk to! You've had so many problems recently, Dean…what with your dad shunning you out like that. And you've started drinking and I'm worried sick, Dean Winchester! Because I love you!" Castiel broke down into sobs again, "I wouldn't cheat on you in a million years! I love you far too much!"
Dean could tell from the look on Castiel's face that he wasn't lying. How stupid had he been to believe Lilith of all people…
Probably the alcohol's fault, then again, the alcohol issue is his own fault…It was all his fault, not Castiel's!
Dean didn't know what to say. What could he say? Nothing would fix this mess. Nothing at all.
"I want to help you through this, Dean." Castiel said, love and devotion apparent in his wide blue eyes that were still leaking tears.
"I'm so sorry, Cas…I had no idea…"
Castiel cut him off by moving closer and wrapping his arms around him.
What's he doing? How can he stand to look at me, let alone hold me?
"We're going to get you some help, first thing tomorrow. I'll take you to a clinic and we'll find some help, Dean. I promise. I'm not gonna run out on you, not like your dad did…"
Dean held Castiel tightly to him and ran his fingers through the dark hair he'd almost ripped out.
"Let me clean you up, Cas…let me clean up the mess I've made."
Castiel shook his head.
"No." He said, his voice authoritative, "You are going to go up those stairs and apologise to our baby for screwing up. And then you are going to get in bed and sleep the alcohol off. In the morning, we'll go to the clinic and then I'm going to see Lilith, okay? Sort the entire situation out. If the clinic advises rehab, that's where you're going. Anna and I will manage perfectly fine as long as you make the effort to get off of the alcohol, because one more outburst like this ever happens I am taking her and we are leaving."
Dean didn't even argue. Castiel kissed his lips but not for too long because his own hurt, the splits still bleeding slightly and the surface of his lips bruising. Dean headed towards the hallway and saw the broken rose and ruined gift Castiel had bought him, and looked across into the kitchen and saw a table set out with a meal ready for them to eat. Then he felt even worse.
"By the way," Castiel said from behind him, "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dean made his way upstairs into Anna's room. The little girl cried when she realised her other Daddy was there, but Dean picked her up and shushed her.
"I'm so sorry, Anna…I'm sorry for being an awful Dad. I'm sorry for hurting Daddy. I'm sorry for hurting you, my little angel…"
The baby seemed to calm a little at that and then fell asleep in her other Daddy's embrace. He kissed her forehead and laid her back in her crib, tucking her in and then leaving her to sleep.
He did as Castiel instructed, climbing straight into bed and sleeping the alcohol off. The sound of Castiel's sobs were the last thing he heard before he fell asleep, and fuck, if anything in the world could break his heart, it was listening to his lover crying his heart out.
Rehab wasn't necessary thankfully, but seeing a therapist about the alcohol dependency was, so Dean went to his sessions every week to get himself away from it all together. Castiel and Anna stayed to help Dean make it through, all the time building their relationship as a family, and for Dean and Castiel building up trust and love again.
As for Lilith, well Castiel found her on the doorstep the morning after Valentine's Day. She said she'd heard everything the night before, and seen Dean ragging Castiel about. She felt terrible for making up such a rumour, but Castiel couldn't forgive her. Neither could Dean, who almost hit her, but Castiel pulled him back and told him to leave it. Castiel ordered her away from their house and told her that if she so much as stepped towards the gate ever again he wouldn't be holding Dean back.
Six months down the line, Dean and Castiel were living normally again, like nothing had ever happened. Dean stayed T-Total and Castiel remained supportive. They watched Anna grow and develop over the months. The day she said her first word was wonderful, but the event which led to her learning that word would never be forgotten.
A/N: I'm so damn grateful that this didn't turn out like the song, 'cause if Dean had killed Cas I would have hated myself for writing it. Please review!