Pairing(s): Zoro x Sanji, hinted Ace x Sanji

Summary: Sanji reflects on how possessively stupid Zoro can be. ZoSan

There were many things about Zoro that pissed Sanji off. Like taking a nap anywhere he felt like it, even if it was blocking people's ways. Or how he refused to bathe father a hard work out, which left the man sweaty and smelly. He also hated it when the dumbass marimo would 'come-to-Sanji's-rescue' when he didn't even need the help, then gloat on how the "ero-cook can't survive without me!" However, the worst of all that pissed him off the most was Zoro's possessiveness.

Nami said it was cute. Robin softly chuckled behind a book and said it was sweet. Luffy laughed and called them both funny. Usopp sighed and said its just a man's way. And Chopper panicked and told Zoro to behave himself and not to hurt anyone, especially a guest.

Sanji thought it was stupid.

It had begun sometime last month, traveling on an Island port, looking for special ingredients for the coming travels at sea. Nami volunteered Zoro to be the blonde's personal pack-mule, and Sanji made sure to make the bastard work hard, carrying everything he had decided the crew needed.

While stopping at a fruit vendor, checking on the ripeness of the melons and judging on how long they'd last before their prime would be up, a drunken pirate from some no-named crew decided it would be a good idea to come up and flirt with the pretty blonde man. Sanji had calmly told the man to fuck off, not even batting an eye or turning in the man's direction, too busy with his task at hand.

But like most drunks, and a pirate no-less, he didn't listen. Instead, he chuckled before leaning in closer, slurring in his ear on how much he'd like to "fuck that tight ass."

And that's when it happened.

Before Sanji had a chance to kick the man in the face, the stinking pirate gave a startled, pained cry as non-other then Zoro slashed at him with Wadou Ichimonji. Blinking in surprise with his visible blue eye, Sanji opened his mouth, ready to give Zoro a lecture on letting him fight his own battles, when Zoro's deep, blood-lust voice announced to almost everyone in hearing distance;

"That's my ass to fuck!"

Sanji made sure to kick the idiot marimo good and hard.

Two weeks after that incident, the Mugiwara pirates were back on the Grand Line's open seas. It had been a normal day, as far as being under the Mugiwara flag goes, when non-other then Luffy's brother showed up.

Overly excited at the second reunion with his older brother since Alabaster, Luffy demanded Sanji to make a big feast with lots of meat. Sanji gave him a kick to the head, told him not to shout while the ladies were sunbathing not a few feet away, and headed for the galley to make a feast.

It was as Sanji was marinating the roast that Ace waltzed into the galley, with no little sibling attached. Arching a curly brow in queerie, Sanji instead informed the freckled brother that it would be another hour at best before all the food would be done and that he'd call everyone in when it was. Ace only smiled that charming smile of his, announcing, "That's fine." as he continued further into the galley anyways.

Confused, Sanji told him if he's thirsty, the refreshments are on the dining table. Ace again smiled with a "That's alright" and walked closer to the chef.

This time Sanji glared, an uncertain look crossing his features before scowling, "If you want anything to eat early, you'll just have to wait like everyone else."

"Even for this?" Ace had asked as he knocked his cowboy hat back, the string keeping it from falling on the floor while he made a sudden dive into Sanji's personal space. But just as Ace's face was an inch from the blonde chef's, the knowing clink of a sword flashed between them, causing the raven haired man to jump back to avoid being cut.

Not deterred, Zoro chased Ace from the galley and onto the deck, ranting all the way, in front of the entire crew even, that Sanji was his to kiss.

As thanks, Sanji refused to have sex with Zoro for a week-which was how long Ace decided to stay on board their ship.

Sanji complained to the lovely flowers of the crew on what a barbaric, foul, and idiotic man Zoro was. They only smiled at him sweetly and told him they were a cute couple. Sanji whined to Usopp and Chopper, who was busy patching the cook's earlier wounds he got from the last pirate attack, about why he should just dump the stupid swordsman so as to stop his embarrassing shouted claims on his ass. Chopper blushed and stuttered for a response, while Usopp shook his head and explained in a fakey-cool man voice, "Even if you refuse him, a man's claim won't die by mere words alone."

Sanji kicked the liar. But damn, he was right.

Sanji debated sending Zeff a letter, but thought better of it. He didn't need the old man teasing him being his "chibi-eggplant" that grew up into a "fruity-eggplant" or some shit like that.

"I'm the pirate who steals beautiful things!" a man who was far from attractive announced from the top of his ship, surrounded by beautiful women and even a few men in rather flashy, no doubt expensive, revealing clothes. Luckily for the Mugiwara pirates, said captain stuck to a traditional pirate garb for himself, sparing everyone from a sight full of overly chunky belly which was most likely covered in greasy gray hair like his face, legs, and the back of his hands were. Jutting said hairy hand at his "victims," he continued, "Hand over the lovely ladies and pretty blonde, and I will spare your ship!"

"Haha, this guy's funny!" Luffy laughed, completely unfazed by the other captain's demands and threats.

Nami gave an adorable huff of annoyance, crossing her arms over her lovely bust as she responded, "No way am I wearing that."

"It is a bit... exposing style," Robin hummed thoughtfully, shocking blue eyes studying the wear with a smile despite her uninterested in it herself.

Sanji glared daggers up at the captain, an expression that promised endless pain to whoever was targeted by its gaze. But before he was able to tell the hairy pirate his own refusal, the stupid marimo stood in front of the chef, three swords at the ready as he announced heatedly, "The pretty blonde is mine!" Sanji flushed, embarrassed and outraged that he was yet again being claimed and defended by the big idiot. His foot was just itching to give that stupid head a good kick and- "You can take the witch and Robin if ya want."

Sanji kicked him.

Yes, a possessive Zoro was worse then a stupid Zoro, but at least Sanji got more excuses to kick him in his ugly mug. Which he continued to reward the marimo-headed swordsman long after they defeated and sent the hairy pirate and his beautiful crew running. Sanji may grudgingly love the man, but damnit, you don't insult the women!