NOTE: Fixed some typos and things, Sept 28th 2010.

The Damocles Solution 29

(Or, a stupid epilogue. :oP)

About to press his lips to her again, he groaned, and winced. He ended up bypassing her head, and leaned heavily against the wall, breathing hard, and almost sliding all the way to the floor. This time, his troubles were stemming less from lust than from the poison.

She barked his name in concern, and hooked her arms around him. Even though she was concerned and was trying to keep him up, she still managed to release an exasperated, heavy breath. Dammit! she thought. I coulda had it all right here if it weren't for that STUPID damned Jormunger thing! She shook her head, and leaned against him, doing her best to prop him up. Oh well, that's OK. Dr.V would just parade in with a Polaroid if he could anyway.

"You should get back to the bunkroom", she whispered. "You're gonna wear yerself out."

He picked his head up, but his eyes still were shut. He was moving as if he were dizzy. "I'll be fine…I want to head downstairs. Can't sleep yet."

"Egon, you—"

"I'm fine," he said, holding up a casted hand to silence her. "I…I really am. If I had someone to guide me down the stairs, that'd be sufficient. I'm…just…rather dizzy…"

Janine rolled her eyes. "Oh…alright, if yer sure. We'll go." She now had a wicked, impetuous glint in her eye. "But first, let me hold you a bit."

She gathered him close, and gave him a strong hug…while she dug that unmatchable tube of dark lipstick out of her pocket she stuck there before leaving for work, thinking she'd drop by the clothing stores on the way home that day. He was so dizzy, even if she blatantly reloaded her lips an inch away from his nose as opposed to furtively, as she was doing, he never would have noticed anyway.

And reload she did. Very heavily, and more than once…and, moving his shirt away here and there, kissed him in a few more pointedly interesting places before finally burying her face in the material of his shirt to remove any suspicion that any out-of-place lip color might create.

When finished, she spoke a quick "let's go", and helped Egon slowly haul himself up, and out of the lab.

As they appeared at the top of the stairs, Winston and Ray, on the couch, smiled broadly. He looked so much better now.

Peter snapped his head up in genuine concern. Janine was a strong albeit petite girl, yes, but considering that Egon was so much taller and so much heavier than she was, he felt leagues better when he spent the effort to race up the stairs to them.

"Hey, Janine, if he insists on being sadistic and hanging out with us like this, I'll handle this fer ya." He almost didn't get the last word out when he saw out of the corner of his eye what he didn't see on the way up—the deep, dark red that was smeared all over Egon's face, and appeared here and there as perfect round circles on his neck and far down his chest and torso, too. Waaaaay down. And that obnoxious smear on his shirt to boot!

"Thanks, Dr. V. I'll get the crutch." She grinned wider than the Cheshire cat seeing Peter's reaction to her work, and his new facial adjustment—as he now sported a huge black and blue on the side of his jaw—and disappeared into the lab.

Peter, on the other hand, was sure he overdrew his account at the self-control bank when he didn't immediately wolf whistle at Egon, who was already recklessly heading for the stairs on his own.

And so, that gave him an opportunity. In a split second, Peter Venkman considered. Should I tell 'im that he's got something probably called "Sugarplum Purpleberry Passion" smeared all over 'im? Should I point it out? Should I hand him a tissue? Gosh, I'd be such a gooooooood friend if I did, wouldn't I?

He frowned.

Then cogitated.

Then grinned.

Then smiled.


Instead, he thought it much more amusing for everyone to simply let the physicist be, and get their jollies as he'd predictably have no idea what was going on. Peter knew someday he'd get his own, but that wouldn't be until Egon recovered enough to be able to think of something truly worthy of his powers of mental creation. He ran to catch up with Egon, who was already down his first step, and hooked one of E's long arms over his head, and wrapped one of his own around e's waist.

Peter cocked an eyebrow, the most stupid grin on his face he ever cracked as he continued to furtively scan Egon's face and chest. "Sooooo….have fun making up?" Janine, now bearing Egon's crutch, happened to also catch Peter's question. She humphed loudly as Peter and Egon let her go by. She headed down the stairs, leaned the crutch against the couch when she got there, and finally sat at her desk.

Egon glared at Peter out of the corners of his eyes furiously, his head threatening to throw too much green at him at any momnt. "Is that why you offered your assisstance just now?" he grunted painfully as he was helped down the stairs. "Solely to inquire about the progression of my private affairs?"

When they made it down, Ray straightened where he sat, looking terribly concerned for Egon on first sight of him, convinced that he was bleeding. Peter put a finger up to his lips, and Ray finally saw the discolorations for what they were when they finally got close enough. Ray's eyes went wide open, then he grinned broadly and nodded ever so slightly, getting the drift.

Winston made sure one of his large hands stayed across his mouth so Egon wouldn't see his amused, upturned lips.

The physicist sat at the first seat available, Peter next to him. Directly to Peter's left, there was Winston and Ray, glancing at each other, well aware of the deep red, kiss-shaped elephants in the room.

Peter was the first to break the tense silence. "So…what's for eats?" he began, amused in contemplating seeing who would crack first during some small talk. He predicted it'd be Ray.

"Nuthin'," said Winston, annoyed. "Slimer ransacked the whole fridge. Again. Ray went out to the store to get more, and now it's gone before I even got done puttin' it in there. Again."

Egon rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and before he spoke, he cocked an eyebrow. He was starting to sense that the three other men were desperately averting their eyes from him. "Well, I suggest we rely on takeout until Slimer returns to equilibrium. This way we'd be able to guard our sustainence more closely. And the leftovers would be easier to give up, too as they'd be drastically less appetizing than anything we make here."

Peter leaned forward, and threaded his fingers together. He continued to give the two men on the other seat, each in their turn, such a buffoonish, stupid, grinny stare, they both turned red from not allowing themselves to explode in laughter. He just…sat there, silently daring them both not to break.

Egon looked dumbfounded at their behavior. "Would you gentlemen please consider informing me what you find so amusing?" He nailed his dark glare on Peter,who held a hand to his heart, and leaned back, eyebrows raised…as if to say, "who, MEEEEE?"

Winston pointed at him, trying subtley to come to his aid. And not look at Peter's idiotic expressions. "Looks like you got a big PROPERTY OF MELNITZ all over ya, man. Might wanna rent that out for ad space," he teased, positively not able to hold a straight face much longer.

Egon turned to him, clueless. "Excuse me? I am not exactly wearing a racer's uniform or anything similar which tends to obnoxiously sport multiple patches of sponors."

Ray by now was beet red. "Maybe we can raise some good money for new equipment that way! Whatcha think, guys?"

Their only answer was to ever so slightly lose control over their laugher.

Elegantly miffed, the tall physicist unsteadily rose from his seat. "If you'll excuse me gentlemen, I will be in the restroom, as that is obviously the place I will have to delve into researching what you all think is so amusing about my presentation." He grabbed his long crutch, and slung himself toward the restroom, muttering ascerbically about the "repressive secrecy" and "juvenile furtiveness" of the rest of the 'Busters.

After watching Egon arise and leave the area, Peter turned to Ray and Winston. "You know, you guys, I'm not sharing one dime of that money I saved up to treat your stomachs to takeout every day. You're on your own. That's what happens when you don't listen to Dr. Venkman!"

"Ah, Slimer'll get over it soon enough," said Winston, waving his hand. "I think I gained a few extra pounds by my food actually being there where I expected it for once."

Soon enough, they all heard a loud, exasperated, "aaaaaaaaaggghhhhhh!" in a familiar bass voice coming from out of the restroom, making the guys burst into loud, long laughter that reverberated around the firehouse.

The three men looked back at Janine, who only raised her eyebrows from her paperwork, grinned, shrugged, and bit the top of her pen.

End note: This fanfiction is the result of being a silly Egon/Janine 'shipping fangirl for over TWENTY years, and I refuse to acknowledge material that says otherwise (throws multiple rotten tomatoes at Aykroyd and Ramis). God bless JMS, and his view of this awesomely hawt sorta-couple, all the top notch voice actors (especially the super-awesome Lorenzo Music, RIP), all the animators, and everyone else that made the Straczynski-approved Real Ghostbusters episodes. Awesome stories like these are what made my childhood worth it amidst all the garbage and crapola.

Stay "Real", folks! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed the show.


Lysol, for their Scrubbing Bubbles!

The back of a Pantene bottle, for the word "methylchloroisothiazolinone" :o)

The Ectozone

Wild Kingdom!

Freakazoid (it's awesome, go and watch some episodes.)

Begin To Spin (yo-yos FTW!) BegintoSpin DOT com

Ecto Web Episode giude: ecto-web DOT org

Baby names—for my characters! ^_^ Babynamesworld DOT Parentsconnect DOT com

TV Tropes: TV Tropes DOT org

Why God Why? A forum that used to be God Awful Fan Fiction…for showing me what NOT to write ^_^ WhyGodWhy DOT org

BugGuide DOT net

Norse Mythology: ancient-mythology DOT com

Encyclopaedia Brintannica is out, Wikipedia is in. Woot! And "print is dead", too.

Crime DOT about DOT com

Thesaurus DOT com

Dictionary DOT com