Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

A/N: I know this is silly, but it has been stuck in my head ever since someone in a fanfic had something Replicated that I thought would be really awkward. XD


It was a little-known and thoroughly overlooked duty of the captain of any Federation Starship to glance over the list of what his or her crew had been ordering over the Replicator in their quarters. While annoying, this procedure made a great amount of sense- if you can find out a lot about a person from their garbage, imagine what you can find out from what they specifically request. It was intended to and largely succeeded in serving as an excellent heads-up to developing drinking problems or other dangerous behavior.

Picard would have expressed, however, had anyone cared to ask him, that it was an awkward task that gave him more information about his crew members than he ever would have voluntarily sought out.

As interesting and useful as it could be, he, for example, did not want to know that Worf Replicated anti-gas pills every evening, probably because of all the worms he insisted upon eating live. He also would have been content to not know that Data seemed fond of Replicating copious amounts of various types of flavored sexual lubricant. (Picard had no idea what Data did with that much lubricant, but he strongly suspected that he ate it in some kind of confusion towards its intended purpose. He would have to speak to the android about that. Later. Much later.) Then there was Deanna's persistent rash that she really should see Doctor Crusher about, especially since it was bad enough to explain the way she had been sitting at her place on the Bridge, lately. And while it shouldn't have surprised him, Picard regretted the fact that he had a list of every old-fashioned paper romance novel that his honored first officer had ever read.

But the reason Picard really hated looking over these lists was because it showed him just how many cups of Earl Gray tea he himself ordered monthly.

It was impossible to deny his addiction when he saw that, in the last thirty days alone, he had ordered 157 cups.