Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Princess Bride. I make no money off of this.

Author's Note: I normally don't like this type of story, but here I am writing one and enjoying myself.

There are three seperate timelines going on here and so you won't be confused I will tell you what they are. First appears is roughly ten years after the Third Kira appears and depicts a happy family. For your information, the BB and Near named in this section are not the BB from Another Note or the Near from the second half of the series.

Second is a fictional story verse which is the Princess Bride story with L replacing Buttercup as Ryuga/Ryuzaki and Light replacing Westley as Light/Dread Pirate Kira. With appearances from Misa, Matsuda, and most of the Yotsuba Group. This part is told like the story in the movie "Princess Bride" with interjections (in italics) from Grandpa Soichiro (Light's father) and BB.

Third is a flashback timeline starting after Light gets handcuffed to L, but before the Yotsuba Kira is identified. This timeline is to explain how this happy AU ended up.

For further information, I plan to turn this into a series of Princess L/Prince Light stories and would like suggestions. I've already determined to do Labyrinth next.

Summary: Light is the Dread Pirate Kira, L is the "Princess" Ryuzaki, it's a tale of how True Love conquers all. BB likes his grandpa's stories. Not a crack fic. Warnings to MPreg, yaoi (Light/L), and cross-dressing.

Warning: If you dislike smut you might wish to turn around. I do keep it all M rated, though.

The Detective Bride
Chapter 1: Murdered By Pirates?

BB was very sick and his whole family knew it. He had caught the flu at school and then got sicker when his younger brother, Near, caught something else and passed it to his older sibling. BB looked like his mother, having the same messy black hair and facial structure, but with his father's brown eyes that often looked red. Near, on the other hand, had light hair like their father, but their mother's grey eyes.

Near was already well again and back in school, but BB was still home coughing up a lung and unlikely to return to school for quite some time. According to the last doctor's visit he had pneumnia and broncitus.

The door opened and in walked BB's mother, L, the greatest detective in the world...and also a very male mother. BB and Near had both gotten used to the fact that their mother was a man. But it often freaked out other people. Especially since at thirty, L, STILL consumed his weight in sugary snacks during the day, it was even worse when he was pregnant.

"Feeling any better?" L asked, checking BB's temperature.

"A little, mom," BB answered. It was the truth, he was lucid for the first time in awhile.

"Well your fever is down so that's a good thing, hopefully you're getting over this."

"Me, too, mom, I'm tired of being sick, and I never thought I'd say this, but I miss school."

L smirked, "Well, I have a surprise for you."


"Yep, Grandpa Yagami has decided to cheer you up with a visit," L said with a smile, pulling out a sucker and popping it into his mouth.

Retirement agreed with Soichiro Yagami. When the Kira investigation ended he had retired feeling the need to spend his remaining years with his family. He wasn't expecting his son and oldest child to give him grandchildren before he was fifty, but it had happened anyways. He also wasn't expecting Ryuzaki, also known as L, to be the "mother" of the child. The shock nearly killed him. Light had worried that his parents wouldn't approve of his relationship, but when Soichiro came to he told his son, "I don't care if you love another man. I don't care if you're having children with that man, though the thought does boggle my mind. What I care about is, are you happy? Does he make you happy? Does this child make you happy?"

Light didn't say many words in reply, but they had made his father give his blessing, "More than anything else in the world."

Soichiro had become the most doting of grandparents, which Ryuzaki secretly enjoyed due to the fact that he didn't know his own parents.

"How you feeling, sport?" Soichiro asked brightly. He had a book in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Better, grandpa," BB said with a smile.

"Good to hear. I brought you a gift. It's a book and I'm going to read it to you," Shoichiro said.

"What's in it?"

"Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles. It's an excellent story for kids," Soichiro said.

"It doesn't sound bad, I'll try to stay awake," BB said.

"You won't have any problem when the story gets going," Soichiro promised and opened the book. "The Princess Bride, by S. Morgenstern. Chapter One. Ryuga was raised on a small farm in the country of Manchester. His favorite pass times were riding his horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Light, but he never called him that. Nothing gave Ryuga as much pleasure as ordering Light around."

Ryuzaki smiled as he heard the story begin, he had read the book that Soichiro was reading and knew that Soichiro was twisting it to make BB like it more. He wondered if it would be told the same way to Near years later and the still unnamed child that was just beginning to take form.

"Farm boy," Ryuga said. "Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

Ryuga was the most beautiful man ever to exist, but he didn't take care of his appearance. His hair was a black mess that stood on every end. He wore a baggy pair of pants and a baggy shirt that did nothing to enhance his figure. However, even with the lack of adorment, people came from miles around to pay court to the farmer's son.

"As you wish," Light said softly. He was a very handsome boy who despite his job, took care of himself. He had short cut dirty blond hair that at the beginning of the day looked like it was cut from a magazine, but at the end of the day was matted with sweat and took much effort to clean up. He wore fitting clothes, though they weren't nobel's clothes. They looked good on the figure of the poor farm boy.

"As you wish" was all he ever said to him.

Light chopped wood and Ryuga came to him with two large buckets, "Farm Boy. Fill these with water...please." For a moment Ryuga's breath caught in his throat, as Light had stopped in his chopping to look up at him with eyes that were as red as the setting sun, they were beautiful.

"As you wish," Light whispered, his eyes never leaving Ryuga until Ryuga glances back.

"That day, he was amazed to discover that when Light was saying, 'As you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.'"

Light brought the firewood into the farmhouse to find Ryuga staring off into the distance with his thumb on his lips, his thinking position.

"And even more amazing was the day Ryuga realized he truly loved Light back."

Ryuga suddenly stood and looked around, "Farm Boy, fetch me that pitcher." He pointed at a pitcher hanging only a little over his head.

Light reaches up and takes the pitcher down and hands it to Ryuga. "As you wish," he whispered softly.

Ryuga doesn't reach for the pitcher, but Light's hand and looks up into his eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered softly. "Come watch the sunset with me."

"As you wish," Light said with a happy smile.

"HOLD IT! Is this really about mom and dad?" BB interjected.

"No, but I think your parents fit the roles very well," Soichiro answered.

"But they're going to be doing all that kissing stuff," BB said with a tad bit of disgust.

"Okay, no kissing parents," Soichiro said. "Let me continue."

Light had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the sea. Ryuga was very depressed about Light leaving.

"I fear I'll never see you again," Ryuga whispered against Light's chest where he was being held.

"Of course you will," Light said, lifting Ryuga's face from his chest to look into his eyes.

"But what if something happens to you?" Ryuga asked with worry in his voice.

"Hear this now: I will come for you," Light said.

"But how can you be sure?" Ryuga asked, shedding a few tears.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" Light asked. He smiled and received a smile in return. He then lent down and stole a last kiss goodbye.

Unfortunately for Light and Ryuga, destiny had plans for the two. One day at sea, the ship Light was on was attacked by the Dread Pirate Kira, who never left captives alive. When Ryuga heard the news that Light was murdered he changed completely he made a vow and part of him died.

"I will never love again," Ryuga whispered, staring out of his bedroom window. He then stood and went to his parents room. There he undressed and put on one of his mother's dresses and brushed his hair down. From this point on sleep was a very rare thing for Ryuga and nothing passed his lips that wasn't covered in sugar. Ryuga hoped that the sugar would at least grant fake emotions since his heart died with Light.

Five years later, in the main square of Manchester City, the prince was prepared to make an announcement. Prince Higuchi stood with his parents and his best friend, Count Kida, on a balcony of Manchester Castle looking down at the peasants. The peasants had flocked to the castle square to hear Higuchi's announcement of a bride.

"My people...a month from now, our country will have its five hundredth anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves," Higuchi said, "but perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?"

The crowd answered in a loud affirmative. "My people...the Princess Ryuzaki!" Higuchi presented. It was Ryuga looking splendid in a gown fit for the princess he was pretending to be.

"Wait, I don't get it," BB said.

"Ryuga had decided to leave his male self behind when Light died, so his parents let him pretend he is their daughter. Higuchi is an idiot, he doesn't know any better."

"Oh, I was worried that mom was really female and that would be weird."

The crowd of peasants all drop to their knees with no instruction. Ryuzaki stood with tears shining in her eyes as she remembered that not long past she was a he and she was loved.

"Ryuga's emptiness consumed him. Although the law of the land gave Higuchi the right to choose his bride, Ryuga did not love him."

After the appearance of the third Kira, L agreed to let Misa and Light out of prison, but only if they were under constant surveillance. For Misa that met a private room with video cameras every where and an agent that was really a member of the Kira taskforce.

For Light, that met being handcuffed to L so that the detective could watch him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This, of course, led to problems. Both Light and L were healthy males with healthy male "problems" that came up in the mornings. Both had no privacy from the other to take care of these problems. L thought Light's problem was caused by the blond second Kira suspect, and had seriously considered giving them the illusion of privacy, but had decided that they were too dangerous together.

L didn't understand his own thinking. Despite Light being suspected of being the first Kira, the smart one who to him was more dangerous than the second who could kill by just knowing the person's face, L wasn't certain why he insisted on being with him at all times. He could have easily put him in a room like Misa and watched him, but he opted for much closer surveillance.

Things came to a head one day when L was in the shower. He had expected things to get out of control sooner or later, there was only so long a person could take before they snap and insist on some sort of privacy. For Light that day came while he was waiting for Ryuzaki to finish his shower. He stood naked from the waist up, he insisted on waiting with no shirt on due to the chance of it getting wet from water droplets on the cuffs, which were, thankfully, waterproof.

Light proved to have the patience of a saint, though. It was a month after being handcuffed to one another and Light hadn't snapped, yet. But today proved too much for him.

L had a habit of moaning when he shampooed his hair. Secretly Light thought he should get out detective work and move to America to be in Herbal Essence ads, well, if it wasn't for the fact that Ryuzaki absolutely hated that brand. The first time that it had happened and he had emerged from the shower to see a red faced Light with a blush that actually turned his chest red, Ryuzaki had explained.

"I enjoy washing my hair," L said. "Is it a problem?"

Light had answered, "No, but..." and had trailed off looking away. L hadn't understood and the conversation, what little of it there was, bothered L more than it should.

Light slammed his fist against the counter and L jumped a little. The chain rattled and Light said, "I can't take this anymore."

He had expected the shower curtain to part and to be punched. He had expected a fight with Light ruining his "Dry Clean Only" pants by jumping into the shower with them on. He had not expected what actually happened. First the chain rattled as Light took his pants off. Then when the shower curtain did finally part and Light entered it was too a sight that L, despite their forced closeness, had never seen, a fully naked Light.

Most would think this was odd as they were everywhere together. However, this wasn't as odd as it seemed. L was actually polite and adverted his eyes when Light was removing his pants for the shower or using the toilet. The strange thing was, he knew when Light needed the digestive medicine, quite a bit more than he would have thought had it not been for the week he had the Yagami household surveillance. Light Yagami had slight lactose intollerance. He knew this, yet had never seen Light naked.

He knew that Light's favorite fruit was apples, but he disliked oranges. He knew that Light would rather eat a steak than sushi. He knew Light ate his rice with chopsicks and Light was the only person, other than Watari, who knew that L did eat a meal that was made up of non-sugary foods, two actually (though breakfast was half sugar). He knew lots of Light's little secrets, Light disliked porn, but did sometimes read a porn magazine for the articles. He knew Light's quirks, he had to fall asleep on top of the covers and migrate under them during the night. He knew that Light preferred strawberry scented shampoo, yet had never seen the other man naked.

Their relationship was rather strange and now Ryuzaki was tensed for a hit. Only instead of Light's fists hitting him in anger and frustration, Light's hands grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss. He had not been expecting this, but damn did he want it.

Contrary to popular belief, he was not a virgin. When a case got too much and he needed to relax or just not think for awhile, he found someone in a club that was just looking for one night of passion. He never asked for names, and none were given, he only made sure that the person wasn't infected with something and made sure that the other knew he didn't have anything. He didn't need to ask Light, he already knew.

He needed this. He returned the kiss wrapping his arms around Light's neck bringing him closer. He was warm and wet from the water. And when their bodies met it was like sparks. L frowned mentally, that was a rather cliche thought. Light broke the kiss and said, punctuating each word with a brief kiss, as if he couldn't get enough, "If...you...want...me...to...stop...tell...me...now..."

"Don't," L managed to get out before Light's now wondering fingers found the place at his sides that he liked stroked. Light's fingers stilled and a look of panic appeared in his eyes, "Don't stop." Light smiled and kissed Ryuzaki again allowing his fingers to begin their exploration again. Warm water ran over both of them as Light kissed and suckled the older man's neck. L wrapped one of his legs around the back of Light's legs, trying to bring him closer.

Some people turn into mindless zombies during sex, L was one of those. It wasn't so much that he couldn't think, it was more that few thoughts could break through the pleasure induced fog around his mind. Sex had a drug like effect on him, which surprisingly, he didn't mind. He, in fact, craved it. He craved not having to think for at least a little while.

A scent of strawberries hit his nose breaking through the fog. 'Cake?' he wondered, but no it was just Light's strawberry scented shampoo being used for makeshift lube. He made a happy groan as those talented fingers found his internal pleasure points. His hands moved from around Light's neck to bracing himself against Light's shoulders, and he did need bracing especially when the fingers were replaced.

"Light," he murmered. He moaned and arched his back against the shower wall, a few vertebrae making popping sounds.

"Ryuzaki, you should get better posture," Light murmered with a small smile against the other's neck.

"Move," L said.

"As you wish," Light murmured.

"Light, Light, Light," L chanted. His thoughts were totally centered on the teenager who was entirely too talented. He wanted this to last, but knew that realistically it would be over far too soon. Neither had any for the past few months, both were on razor edges, both were entirely too needy for anything but a quick fuck against the shower wall. Plus, well, they were having sex in a shower, showers were not known for long sessions.

And it was over in a sudden eruption that centered their worlds on each other. Light's hands gripping his waist in a bruising grip. L's finger's gripping Light's shoulders in a sure to bruise way. They tensed together and fell over the edge. Light's lips sought and captured the detective's. As they came down from the high they sunk to the floor of the tub. L let Light lay between his legs, holding him. Light kept his arms around L's waist, though lose and softly stroking the purpling skin.

"I'm sorry," Light whispered.

"For what?" Ryuzaki asked. This was confusing.

"I don't think we should have done it. You still see me as a suspect and therefore we should be rivals and rivals don't have sex in shower stalls," Light said.

"I still see you as a suspect," L agreed, "however, I really wanted to do that, and I hope that we can do it again."

Light looked up startled, "Really?"

L nodded, "I don't understand it, but sex with you is good and addicting. I want more. Though I hope it won't be in the shower."

EDITED: 10/9/2010