Chapter 9, Illusion
"Edward?" I breathed.
Edward's eyes pierced through me. He didn't respond or move, and I wondered if he was really there at all.
"Edward?" I said again.
Still, Edward didn't move. He just stared at me and I felt panic come over me.
"You're not real, are you?"
Suddenly, Edward faded away like smoke. I was left staring at the empty room, my dead heart on fire.
So now I was loosing my mind. I wanted to scream and shout or bang my head against the wall, but my feet stayed glued to the ground. I felt like such a fuck head, imagining Edward was here. I didn't care that he was dead, I didn't care at all.
But the illusion begged to differ, and I felt myself begin to shake as I stared at the spot where the fake Edward had stood. The room seemed to have become cold and bare, and I had to get out.
I turned around and ran down the hallway. I ran at a normal, human speed, just letting the walls slowly go past me. I felt like I was walking.
Not looking where I was going, I bumped into someone. I braced myself for it to be another fake Edward, but it wasn't, it was Bella.
"Are you alright?" she asked, looking actually concerned.
"Yes… No…" I didn't know what to say. I was loosing my mind, or at least I thought.
"You look terrible." She muttered, brushing my face with her cold hand. I wanted a hug, or another light touch, anything to make me feel real.
"I just saw Edward." I blurted out. I wanted to take it back the second I saw her confused and scared face.
"What do you mean…?" she asked, taking a small step back. No, I'd scared her, that wasn't what I wanted.
"I just saw him. Just standing in his room. He was there." I pointed behind myself with my thumb. I didn't want Bella to go and check because I knew she wouldn't see him. Also, I might see him again.
"He's alive?" she choked on her words, and I couldn't tell how she felt.
"No." I said quickly. Her eyes fell to the floor, but went straight back to my face. What are you thinking, Bella Swan? "I think I've lost my mind."
"I doubt it." she shrugged. "You've seen so much death, maybe it's just wearing you down."
"Or maybe Edward meant something to me." I didn't know I felt it until the words slipped out. No, take it back, rewind time and take it back.
"What do you…" she trailed off.
"He was my friend, while I was… confused." I paused and felt myself stumble to find the right words. "I didn't want to hurt you or Jane, and I didn't want to keep loving her the way I did." I sighed and blinked slowly. "Edward was there, just like someone to talk to… It was hardly even a friendship but…"
I guessed she'd seen the burning tears forming in my eyes, because she cut my off by hugging me. I felt her grab the short hairs in the back of my head and hold onto me like her life depended on it. It was an amazing feeling that made me feel real, and happy. I realized my sister felt this love everyday, and I wished I were as lucky as her.
Bella let go of me and backed away. She rubbed her arm and her eyes darted about. "I'm sorry, Alec." She muttered, her lips barely moving. "His death hurt me too."
She didn't speak Edward's name. I could tell she couldn't bring herself too.
"We've just got to move on, I guess." I muttered, thinking it wasn't even the right thing to say. But I'm not good with words, I guess.
"Yeah." Bella agreed to my surprise. She whipped her eyes with her hands and smiled weakly. "It's the past, even if it just happened. We've got to move on and just… live."
It was such a funny thing for a vampire to say, though it didn't make me laugh.
"Well, I'll be going, then." Bella said, motioning to nowhere in particular.
"Okay." I sighed and watched her turn around and walk away. She disappeared around the corner and my knees suddenly became weak. I fell to the floor and tears fell from my eyes, no holding them back anymore.
I held my head with my hands and cried and cried, and I felt something. I felt so much. I felt mostly pain and sorrow, and it was in that moment I felt human again.
I smiled as Bella Swan came into my room, though the smile faded as she told me about Alec.
"I just feel really bad for him." Bella muttered. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine. Was she afraid of what I would say?
"Bella, he'll get over it. He wasn't even friend with Edward."
Bella sighed and shrugged. I saw the look in her eyes. The look that meant she still had feelings for Edward. The look that made me loose her so many times.
"I can't loose you." I muttered, taking her hand. Though both our hands were cold, I felt the red hot shock go through my body at touching her.
"You won't." she promised, finally locking eyes with me.
"I feel like I am."
There was a pause, and I wanted (needed) her to say something. I felt her slipping away, and it pained me so bad. And it wasn't the good, amazing pain I felt with her every night.
"Jane." She muttered. "You'll never loose me." her eyes fluttered back up to my face and stayed there, our eyes swimming with love. "It's only you. I swear."
I gulped, trying not to cry. I was the tough one, not the girly one who will break down and cry. I squeezed her hand. "I love you."
"I know." She grinned and leaped forward and hugged her. She fell backwards and I was now on top of her. I felt the hot energy go through my again, and I wanted to feel her against me. I needed to see her naked body and touch her everywhere. I needed to sweat and scream and laugh and cry with her. I needed Bella Swan, and nothing else.
Jane never gets tired of staring at my face as she pains me. I know she's watching me, though my eyes are squeezed shut so tight I don't know if I'll ever open them again.
I can feel her focusing on me, making me feel that pain we both adore so much. I don't want her too stop making me feel this weird, twisted feeling I'm feeling, but she does. I know she doesn't want to make me feel like I'm dying, though I was way past that point.
She falls down next to me, both of us taking hard, short breaths. I stare at her face and she stares at mine. Nothing is more perfect then her. Nothing is more perfect then the pain.
I climb on top of her and kiss her, pressing out naked bodies together. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. Every feeling we share together on this couch is. Not one is better then the next.
Jane smirks now, and I wonder what she's planning. Whatever it is, I don't dare fight it, because I want it so bad. Anything to become closer to her. I want to be so close to her that not even the strongest person could pull us apart.
"Pain." The word is short and barely heard, but I feel it. I feel it hard.
The pain rushed through my body again, coursing through my veins and sinking into my cold sink. I throw my head back and breath hard and quick.
"Oh!" I shout. "Oh I how I adore you, sweet, sweet pain!"
Cheesy ending is cheesy.
Oh well, yeah, that's it. There won't be anything to continue this story, I'm done with it. I hoped you enjoyed it.
I will continue to do one-shots, probably a few with Jane/Bella, so check back with me if you want.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! 3