Chapter Sixty Three

Admirers and Lists

"Oh, God, Remus, look out, that evil owl is coming again."

"Oh, no," groaned Remus, propping his newspaper up protectively as the furious bird swept down on him, cawing like a mad thing. It pecked him over the head fifteen times, basically threw a letter at him, and shot away.

"That thing is mad," said Peter conversationally. "What does your secret admirer say then?"

"Oooooh, yes," said Sirius with an evil grin, "what does Miss Many-girls-must-be-taken-with-you say?"

"Shut up, you," said Remus, tearing it open. He held it at arm's-length, as if it might bite him like the owl had, and read it through carefully, eyes widening as he did.

"Let's see," said James, looking greatly interested, in a completely evil way.

"No," said Remus, stuffing it in his pocket.

"Peter," said Sirius, chewing his bacon, "seize the bacon."

"Right," said Peter, reaching for it.

Remus snatched his bacon away. "All right, all right, here." He sighed and surrendered the letter. "Y'know, intercepting mail is a crime."

"Dear Remus, You are the light of my life, though I cannot say who I am," read Sirius.

Remus cast his eyes to the sky and pretended he was someplace else, ignoring James and Peter laughing and his own face burning.

"I realize that I may come off as a bit strange to you.." Sirius burst into laughter. "Yeah, just a bit! And this girl talks like she's from the fifteenth century or something mad like that!"

"Give it back."

"..but rest assured, I am a completely normal girl. I also know you. And I think you know me. Your friends know me, in any case, I even speak to some of them, on occasion. I wish I could speak to you, but when I see you, my voice simply disappears from my throat. When I look up at you – I like how tall you are, by the way – I simply flush and must run away, because I simply can't speak straight around you. Your eyes are like chocolate. I hope for the day that I can reveal myself to you. Until then, your secret admirer."

"Give it back."

Peter was almost doubled over, tears streaming down his cheeks. James was shaking with laughter. Sirius looked like he was about to be hysterical. Remus snatched the letter from him, face burning.

He folded the letter up and stowed it in the pockets of his robes.

"Your eyes are like chocolate!?"

"She likes how tall you are!"

"Ooh, Remus, my voice just disappears from my throat!"

"I cannot bear it!"

"Shut up."

It was going to be a rather long day.

That night, when Remus walked into his dorm, James and Sirius and Peter were sitting on the floor, debating something in low voices.

"Uh, guys? What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure out who your secret admirer is!" exclaimed Sirius, looking up.

Remus sighed and sat down. "Do you three have lives?"

"Why, yes," said James. "We're giving them up in order to work this out."

"We're giving up our lives for you, Moony," intoned Peter. "I hope you understand how much you owe me."

Remus passed a weary hand over his face. "I give up," he said to the general public. "All right. Who've you narrowed this down to?"

"We're making a list," said Sirius grandly.

"A list."

"A list!"

"A list."

"Would you like to see the list?" said James, picking it up off the ground.

"A LIST," shouted Remus.

"We've established this. Here." He handed it to him.

The list went as followed:

Lily Evans. (please, please no..) (James fancies Lily Evans!) (I DO NOT.)

Bellatrix. (Oh Merlin. Ew.) (What? It's possible!) (No, Peter! It is not!)

Narcissa. (Why my cousins? Why my evil cousins? Oh no – )

ANDROMEDA! (SHE IS ENGAGED!) (You know who else was engaged? MERLIN.) (Merlin? What the hell?) (Merlin. When he cheated on his engagee, Lady Macbeth, and got together with Gertrude!) (James, Merlin and Shakespeare are completely different.) (I thought Shakespeare was just the Muggles' word for Merlin? And all those ladies were his various girlfriends? (They were his characters, you idiot he was a writer!) ( do you know that?) (Andromeda, actually. You're an idiot.) (Thank you very much, Sirius.)

Merissa Anhem. (I don't think so.) (yeah, me neither, but it could be!) (it could also be Bellatrix.) (ARGH MENTAL IMAGES AHHHH)

Marlene McKinnon. (She's taller than him.) (You sound like a girl..) (What? She is! She can't like him!) (Anything. is. Possible.)

Cara Rahl. (She's pretty, that one.) (Ooooooooooooooh, Peter has a cruuuush!) (I do not! I just think she's pretty!) (Uh-huh..)

Remus put the paper down and sighed a long sigh. "Somehow," he said, "I do not think Bellatrix Black is the one writing me love notes."

Aaaaaaah guys thank you so so much for all the lovely reviews! 3 I honestly am going to try to update this more often! Hope you enjoyed this one?

So who do you think is Remus's secret admirer? Place your suggestions in the review box!