Warning!: Contains SasuNaru Lemony scenes (Kinda) and funneh.

Disclaimer:...oh if only I had thought of it first...

Sorry for any mistakes/errors I finished it at 4am. Might sound a bit choppy too. My bad :P but i finished yay!~ One-shot.~~~ENJOY!~

Text Without The T's and Add an S

"Stop looking at Fanfiction and get your teme ass over here!"

I ignored the idiot as I scanned the titles looking for something with a lemony sound to it.

After all I was going to need it after seeing Naruto eat his ramen with his face in the bowl. It was very…disturbing? I needed a good SasuNaru fic to turn me on again.

I found an interesting title as Naruto ranted.

Hmm 'Text without the T's and add an S' ? sounds pretty lemony to me…

I failed to notice the warnings near the bottom of the summary. All I saw in the description was,

'Stop looking at fanfiction and get your teme ass over here!'

Was that just odd feeling of Déjà vu?

I cast the thought aside and continued on my path of shame.

"I swear to God if your looking for porn again I will Fucking kill you."

"My have we picked up on the lingo at the truck stop?"

He snorted behind me and picked up the T.V remote. Flipping through the channels annoyingly.

My eyes read the first sentence on the laptop screen and became enticed,

"He sat in the most delicious seating position. His lips slightly parted as he struggled to free himself. The headband that he had clung to his entire life being the object that now made his vision impossible.-"

I licked my lips in anticipation and turned my head ever so slightly to make sure that Naruto's eyes were glued to the set.

"The raven haired boy inched closer the blonde.

'You look almost sexy in that position dobe.'

It was a tease and the boy wearing a black tank top and his delicious orange skinny jeans fell for the trap.

'Fuck you teme.' A deep chuckle followed as a milky white hand reached out and gently brushed the other's scarred cheeks.

'What I can't live my fantasies every once and a while?'


One move and the two boys were connected."

I sat back in my black chair thinking:

'how odd it was that one of my fantasies were to have Naruto tied to the bed and fuck him senseless while he was completely blinded by that headband that he seemed to enjoy more than he did me-.'

…ahhh what?

I mean… What an interesting story…

"The black haired boy quickly gained dominance and started to roam the blonde's body with light touches. The blonde whined impatiently,

'Ne Sasuke don't tease me!'

Sasuke smirked and leaned in to whisper sensuously in the other's ear.

'Now what would be the fun in that Na-Ru-To?'

Naruto shivered already under his seme's spell."

I could feel blood start to heat up and I looked back to make sure that Naruto wasn't looking.


'Sasuke I need you.'

'hn. I knew you'd see it my way.'

The raven haired boy attacked Naruto's neck.

Sucking lightly here and there leaving hickeys where he thought would be appropriate. A few torturous seconds passed before Sasuke slowly lowered himself downwards."

In that moment my head snapped backwards. It would probably hurt if my thoughts were not shouting "PANIC!" loud in my brain.

Naruto and I recently played out this event in this very room not too long ago…I shook my head. No. It couldn't be true. What a silly thought, someone knowing our every move like a stalker…

"Hey Naruto?"

"Not tonight Sasuke."

"No not that- hey remember last weekend…"

I turned watching Naruto's dumbfounded expression.

"When we helped that old lady get a can of Pepsi out of the-?"

"No. And it was a Coke you idiot."

Naruto narrowed his eyes,

"They're practically the same thing you bastard."

I waved my hand in the air as if I could erase our growing spat.

"What I meant was the…very interesting-"

I coughed as if hoping he would get what I was getting at. "You know…"

Surprisingly a few moments later his eyes widened and a small blush covered his features,

"I told you not toni-"

"I wasn't getting at that dobe. Can you just remember it?"

Naruto squinted treading dangerous water as he questioned,


"Well do you remember what you were wearing?"

He cocked an eyebrow incredulous.

"How could I remember that when I was a little busy with the task that I couldn't see?"

He was obviously still pouting.

"Get over it, you liked it."

He opened his mouth to protest but I stopped him,

"Anyways- I just want to know…"

He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the T.V flipping to another channel.

He mumbled something close to,

"Why of all things would you ask that?"

My forehead wrinkled in frustration and I turned back to the FanFic more in curiosity than need now.

"Leaving small kisses down those toned abs that he loved so much-"

'yah Naruto's abs are pretty sexy.'

I agreed with the machine in front of me.

"-to Sasuke his taste reminded him of sunflowers-"

'mmm he's so salty…wait, what..'

"The fuck?"

Naruto stopped channel surfing long enough to look over where I sat wondering what had triggered the outburst.

I could vaguely hear Naruto's question from the bed as I kept reading.

"- and he smelled like the laundry soap that they had used only earlier that morning after dressing."

My jaw dropped in shock.

We did Laundry that day.

I remember because that's how the whole thing got started…I knew he wouldn't ever do something like that so I suggested a test of will with a strip of fabric that later had his hands tied…

"Sasuke knew that Naruto normally wouldn't do something like this so the raven had to suggest Naruto's current struggle with a black piece of fabric that later tied his hands to the bed. Leaving him in his current…state."

My jaw must have been hanging on the floor by now.


"His kisses continued even lower and Naruto moaned as he reached the hem of his pants. The orange skinny jeans being difficult to deal with. Grinning wickedly the Uchiha zipped the fabric down revealing Naruto's long and very hard memb-"

I nearly chocked on my own spit.

"Sasuke what the fuck are you doin-"

"Hey go to the bottom of our hamper and see what's at the bottom will you?"

"Why? There are…really dirty clothes in their Sasu-"

"Just do it, we did laundry the day we had that specific…event…so the clothes we wore are most likely at the very bottom…"

"Why the hell are you so interested in what I was wearing?"

I growled.

"Just do it."

Giving up and probably thinking I was becoming crazy stood up from the bed and started to rummage through our laundry that was piling up…yet again.

Not wanting to tempt myself with more creepy information that we are being stalked I turned and watched Naruto.

He made a disgusted face as he pulled out a pair of not too clean boxers.

"How many times have we done it this week?" He asked dropping the orange trousers to the floor to be closely followed by another pair.

I shrugged.

When he reached the bottom I couldn't help but ask,


"Umm…looks like…my black tank top-"


"My orange skinny jeans-"


"Your black Tee-"


"and your black shorts…"


Naruto looked up and was about to make some type of comment on my taste in clothing before he saw the stricken expression on my face.


I blinked astonished.

The room was filled with silence as I whipped my head back around to the computer screen.

I scrolled to the top of the story to click on the author's name/link.

Naruto becoming curious crossed over to look at what was so interesting.

I could practically feel his frown.

"Ah! Teme you are looking at porn aren't you?"

I ignored his ranting as I scrolled through the list of titles this stalker had created.

Clicking on the first one I saw My eyes scanned the content.

My stomach flipped as I realized it was the time when Naruto and I had some fun while baking in the kitchen one time…

Naruto's eyes scanned the fast moving text as well.

"Wow this reminds me a lot of that one time we…"

Naruto's voice is lost as he comes to the same conclusion as I.

Who the fuck has been in our house?

I crane my neck around the bedroom in search of cameras or any type of tool that would pick up voices.

Naruto leaned over me, eyes wide as saucers as he clicked on random title listings.


I turned back around to follow what Naruto was reading.

My eyes burned and so did my face as I realized that whoever was watching us was good to have tricked us for so long...and in so many places.

(Don't judge! Uchiha manor is huge and when something goes down…well let's just say we don't always have the desire to walk all the way to the bedroom.)

Naruto turned big eyes in my direction.

Our expressions matched for a moment before we leapt into action.

"How the hell do they know our every move!..-"

He continued to look at the laptop screen as we ran down the hall towards the kitchen.

"-AND our thoughts!"

"Why are you asking me!"



I barely protected the back of the computer as we ran full force into the kitchen door. Our eyes searching all surfaces.

Naruto leaned down to one cupboard and pulled out two glossy black pans.

He placed one on my head and then followed to do the same on himself.

"What the fuck is this for?"

I felt uncomfortable, not being able to my emo bang's flick to the side.

"Shh! Just keep it on! If they can hear our thoughts than we should wear these to protect ourselves!"

I rolled my eyes.

"You watch too much Sci-fi."

Naruto ignored me as he moved his hands over the white marble counter tops and underneath them.

I followed suit holding the laptop in one hand and searching with the other.

I looked over to see Naruto rubbing one spot over and over.

"Dobe. What are you doing?"

He shifted uncomfortably and whined,

"I don't know I'm so confused!"

I raised one of my brows high wondering if he had gotten into the skittles again.

I walked over to the spot and placed the laptop down gently before running both hands across the surface Naruto had recent pulled away from.

Suddenly my brain became numb and life lost meaning.

"What the..?"

I pulled away from the spot remembering that feeling come over me a lot.

Naruto sat in a corner telling himself that the bad rock was telling lies as I reached into a drawer and pulled out a wooden spoon.

Turning around I lashed out with the wooden object and a dull thud could be heard.

With encouragement I continued to whack in the same place as slowly the form of a broken camera came into view.

Sounds of A pan being banged against the wall could be heard coming from the corner.

"HA! I knew I wasn't emo! It was these stupid cameras…confusing us!"

Naruto looked up for his fetal position and sniffed.


"Shut up and help me!"

Naruto (surprisingly) caught on quick and grabbed a spatula from the same drawer that I had pulled my weapon from.

With vigor Naruto and I ran around the kitchen; holding the pots to our heads as we whacked around furiously.

After sweeping the kitchen for a good ten minutes I suggested something,


Naruto and I ran out the kitchen door leaving behind the broken (oddly confusing and depressing) camera.

Wooden spoon and spatula flying we searched the mansion.

Michiyo stood from her chair in her kitchen.

She stretched and headed into her 'special' room wondering what the boys were up to this fine day.

When she entered the dark T.V filled room she noticed that one of the video receptions was broken.

"aww…damnit I loved that kitchen one…"

Two flashes of black made her turn to a different screen. She scrunched up her forehead in confusion as she watched Naruto and Sasuke with pots on their heads run down the halls screaming and hitting the walls with a wooden spoon and a…spatula?

She let out a small laugh sitting down at her computer screen.

She sighed knowing that they had deliberately taken out camera number seventy.

Oh well there was more where that came from.

She grabbed a can of 'Ninja Be Gone' from its current shelf to check the expiration date.

Seeing as it still had a good three years on it she shrugged and tossed it behind her head.

Cracking her knuckles she spoke out loud before she started typing,

"Wait until the readers get a load of this one."



Well there you go!~ I hope you liked it. My first SasuNau. I love this pairing... *Drools* (lol) FANGIRLS KNOW ALL!~ Poor Naruto and Sasuke :D