Summary: Bella is taking the subway when she notices that she's the only one wearing pants…Inspired by Improv Everywhere. One-shot
I should have known it was a little too normal for a day in New York. I had only lived here for five months since my move from Phoenix, but I already had a deep grasp on how weird this city was. But nothing strange had happened to me all day. It was January, so the snow was expected. I dressed accordingly and went to school. The cold, to a Phoenix girl like me, was a little odd, but that was the only thing I would label different about today.
I took the subway without any issues, not even a smelly old man to sit beside me. Just ordinary New Yorkers heading to work or school. Everyone was dressed for the bitter cold that was biting that day. It was perfectly average.
I plodded into class, after stopping in for a cup of coffee. I sat through my classes, took notes.
It was rather boring, to tell the truth.
I stayed at my university after my classes were over, having to finish a project before meeting up with some friends at Union Square. They said they had a surprise for me – probably another girls' night that ended up with us waking up wondering why we smelled like pot. My father would probably have an aneurysm if he found out about my wild New York friends, but I felt fortunate to have Rosalie and Alice. They had taken me under their wing when I was the new girl without a clue how to handle the differences between Phoenix and New York.
The time was ticking away at the library, and before I knew it I only had enough time to grab a quick, large, hot chocolate from Starbucks before I was on my to the subway. I'll admit I was distracted. I was worried about being bullied into doing illegal substances again. I had no idea what surprises were in store for the evening.
I sipped on my hot chocolate in between chewing my lip in fear. I turned on my iPod, aiming for a diversion from my anxiety. The sounds of Avril reached my ears as the doors opened for the subway car. I got on, recognizing without really looking that the car was stuffed. I had no option but to stand.
I was completely gone from the zone. So utterly checked out that it was probably a full two minutes before I realized I was the only one in my car that was wearing pants. I stared down at my hot chocolate, wondering what the hell Starbucks had put in it.
I looked back up.
Everyone was still bereft of pants.
I studied my warm jeans and my soft, animal-friendly boots. I sank deeper into my winter coat, hood frizzing my dark hair. It was not unseasonably warm for New York. In fact, it was terribly freezing. And snowing.
Was I dreaming? Why was no one wearing pants? It seemed to be the opposite of what most people dreamed. If this was a dream, shouldn't I be the only one not wearing pants? It was befuddling.
I glanced around to see several smirking faces. Clearly, they knew something I did not.
Then I spotted some familiar faces: Emmett McCarty, Jasper Hale, and Edward Cullen. They were all wearing matching superman briefs. Managing to drag my eyes up from the impressive packages, I saw they were bundled up for the cold, aside from their pants-less state. Not that they needed help from shrinkage – from what I could see.
And I could see it all too clearly. They were walking toward me. I pulled my headphones out, willing my blush to stay away.
Edward, I will admit, I had a bit of a thing for. Okay, humongous thing. Perhaps I had fantasized about seeing him in his underwear before. Perhaps I even fantasized about taking it off. He did not need to know that.
At least, I defended myself, in those fantasies I never had him in little boy's briefs.
Jasper approached me with an amused grin. "Well, look what we have here. Did no one send you the memo, my fellow Southern girl?" His twang came out a little stronger than usual.
I blushed, looking at Edward and Emmett's pitying expressions. I decided to play it cool. Literally. I gave Jasper my hot chocolate to hold.
I started to unbutton my jeans.
"No," I said, tugging them down over my lacy boy shorts. I hadn't even recalled putting this pair on this morning, but I was so glad I had. If I was going to get practically bare-assed in front of three gorgeous guys, I wanted to do it with Victoria's Secret's best. They were dark green, coincidentally matching a certain Mr. Cullen's eyes. I swear that did not occur to me when I picked this color.
I might have been thinking about what his bedroom eyes looked like when I made the purchase with Alice during our Christmas shopping. You won't get me to admit anything else.
"I did not miss the memo," I continued, fumbling only slightly with my boots as I finished taking off my jeans. "Though I am a little late," I finished.
Edward's eyes were focused on my panties. I waited until he made his way back to my eyes before I pointedly stared at his own choice of undergarments. A thrill of excitement shot through me at my own bravado.
"How did you guys ever fit into little boys' underwear?" I asked, noting that large S stamped across each of their packages. If there was any shrinkage going on, I was terrified of what would happen if these boys warmed up. Though, I was hopeful that I could help Edward get warmed up later…
Emmett laughed. "Very funny, Bella, these are all from the adult section."
"I'm sure it was the adult section." I was replying to Emmett, but was staring at Edward. Something about losing my pants had made me lose all my inhibitions as well. There must be a connection there. We should have scientists looking that up. It was a serious threat to mankind. No pants equals no brain function.
"It was," Emmett argued, completely oblivious to the hardcore eye-fucking that was going on beside him.
"Well, Alice and Rosalie are sure going to be disappointed," Jasper said, obviously trying to save Emmet from making an idiot of himself. And distract me from making an idiot of myself, I'm sure. I was about to be very stupid and jump Edward on the subway in front of dozens of people without pants. "They were convinced you had no idea about today."
I really had no idea, but I couldn't go back now. "Oh?" I decided to say instead.
"Yeah, my sister was telling me all about how she and Alice had tricked you into heading straight into a sea of half-naked people. She thought, since you were so new to New York, that you would be clueless."
I smiled nervously. "Well, word gets around," I said, trying not to concentrate on how cold my legs were now that my jeans were in my backpack. New Yorkers must be better trained for the cold than those of us from Arizona.
"I guess it does. People were talking about it in class all day," Edward commented, finally speaking.
They were? Why did no one mention it to me? It would be nice to know when I was going to be faced with so many partially dressed people. I'll admit, it was funny. Really funny.
I simply disliked being the one out of the know.
Of course, the closer we got to Union Square, the more ignorant people we met. I was relieved I was not the only person in New York who was out of the loop. There were gaping business people, laughing subway workers, and tourists taking pictures. Some elderly women were especially interested in taking Edward, Jasper, and Emmett's pictures. I stood dumbly beside them wondering what strange alternate universe I had fallen into.
I wondered if I could keep up with my improvising when we got to Union Square. I wondered what was going to happen when we got there. Would we be removing the rest of our clothes? I may have a small exhibitionist streak in me, but not around naked old men. Yes, it wasn't just hot undergrads without their pants. There were grandparents. Every type of New Yorker seemed to have forgotten the temperature and removed their pants.
I saw a member of the NYPD – with pants. They were unperturbed by the bare legs filtering through the subway. One woman officer even requested a picture with my superman boys. I didn't feel left out for long. Her partner, a handsome Native American named Officer Black, wanted his picture taken with me.
Feeling scandalous, remembering that my own father is a cop, I showed off my panties for permanent photographic evidence.
I think Officer Black was about to give me his number, when Edward came up and dragged me away. I pretended to look put-out that I was being taken away by a guy with a hot ass. I'm not sure that turned out too well. I think my face said something between mentally unstable and delirious.
Before I knew it, we were exiting the subway at Union Square. I was glad to be with the boys, since they were meeting up with Alice and Rosalie. Unsurprisingly, they were standing together, no pants to be seen.
Alice and Rosalie's mouths dropped open. "Bella, where are your pants!" Alice squealed.
"In my backpack," I said, willing my blush to go away.
Rosalie scowled at the three underclassmen. "Did they con you into it?" she demanded.
"No," I said truthfully.
Emmett was grinning like the Cheshire cat. "But we did get to see her strip down. Whew! What a show!"
"Shut up, man," Edward grumbled.
"What, did you know about this, Bella?" Alice asked, sharing a look with Rosalie.
Rosalie looked confused. "How could she find out? Did someone at school mention it to you?"
"Uh, well," I stuttered. I still had absolutely no idea what was going on.
"No way, Bella probably did it just to impress…" I stopped Alice in her tracks with a spine-chilling glare. "Uh, you guys."
"What?" Jasper asked, cozying up to her. "You think Bella didn't know ahead of time? She acted pretty convincing back there."
I suddenly felt trapped. What would Edward think of me? That I just pretended to know what was going on to save face. He would think I was a fraud.
"She knew what was going on the whole time," Edward said.
Emmett snorted in disbelief. "Oh really? How do YOU know that?" I was still frozen on the spot, unable to get a word in edgewise to say anything.
"Because I told her about it at school today."
"What?" Everyone asked, turning their attention on him. I was as baffled as ever – I was never going to discover the secret to the evening of no pants.
He nodded. "I told her so I could see her take her pants off, " he admitted, even going so far as to look sheepish. What a little liar! Where was he going with this?
"Damn Edward, you ruined the joke just to see her in her skivvies?" Emmett asked, before roaring with a big, rumbling laugh. "I wish I'd thought of that." Rosalie smacked him.
"Personally, I'm ashamed of you Edward," Alice sniffed.
I had no idea what to think except – Edward wanted to see me in my skivvies?
Jasper narrowed his eyes at Edward suspiciously. "You sure looked surprised earlier when she took them off."
"That's because I didn't know her underwear was going to be so sexy," he said with a shrug.
Everyone was buying it, Jasper included. I was off the hook as far as most of them were concerned. The only one I had to be worried about was Edward. Why had he covered for me? Wouldn't it be more fun to tease the girl from Phoenix?
Then I remembered. He had said my underwear was sexy.
Before long, my ignorance of no pants day was in the past and we were making plans for what to do for the rest of the night. No one was up for anything too crazy, having taken a trip on the subway without pants. That was enough crazy for the day. We settled for heading to Starbucks for coffee. I steered clear of the hot chocolate.
I started to piece together, over our conversation at Starbucks, what had actually happened that night. There was a group called Improv Everywhere, and for the last several years they had held this event, causing chaos and laughter on the subway system. This was the first time Rosalie and Alice had participated, but this was the boys' second year.
Only New Yorkers, I decided, would want to take off their pants in winter.
"Well, I need to get home," I said when the night was winding down. Alice and Jasper, along with Emmett and Rosalie, were getting a little t=o cuddly for my tastes. Edward seemed to agree, because he jumped out of his chair as soon as I stood up.
"I can escort you home, if you'd like," he offered.
"Uh, sure," I agreed. Inside, I was planning a variety of ways to get him into my bedroom.
As soon as we were out of range from our friends, I asked the question that had been burning in my mind. "Why did you lie?"
Edward gave me his sexified, crooked grin. "I couldn't leave you to the wolves when you were standing in your underwear."
"My sexy underwear," I added unthinkingly.
"Very sexy," he breathed. Suddenly, he pulled me out of the way of all the busy walkers. I felt my coated back hit a freezing wall. "I can't stop thinking about them," he whispered into my ear.
I suddenly couldn't feel my legs, and it had nothing to do with the temperature this time.
I tilted my head up, he tilted his down and our lips met. It was one of those moments where even if you're self-conscious, you could strip naked. He was torturing me slowly, making the cold New York weather seem tropical. His tongue worshiped mine, and then he leisurely trailed his lips down my neck.
"This coat is in my way," he muttered.
"We better do something about it," I answered breathily.
Edward quickly took my hand and dragged me to find a cab. "I think a cab is necessary," he whispered to me, before instructing the cab driver to go to what I assumed was his apartment.
I felt my thighs tremble while he stealthily walked his fingers up them and to the button of my jeans.
"What are you doing?" I hissed.
"I've been wanting to see those panties since September. I think I deserve another look."
"That still doesn't explain what you're doing," I gurgled out as he found his way into my jeans.
He kissed me, long and slow. "Bella," he gasped out. "I call this a little bit of improv."
Author's Note: If you haven't heard of Improv Everywhere, check them out. They have hilarious videos on Youtube of all their different antics. The first one I ever heard of was the No Pants Subway Ride, but they do a lot more than that.
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