A/N: Title sucks and might change in the future. The rating is for later chapter(s). Anyway, I hope I got the characters right. It's my first time writing them.
Disclaimer: Gintama and its characters don't belong to me.
Hijikata inhaled his cigarette deeply as he stood outside the door. To be completely honest he didn't want to do this. Consolation was definitely not his specialty, especially at the moment. Consoling Okita was going to be difficult and it's not like Hijikata himself wasn't affected by the current happening. Okita wasn't the only was saddened by Mitsuba's death. Hijikata exhaled the poisonous smoke, wishing that his own suffering would leave along with it. It's not going to happen though. And trust Kondou to rub salt in his unrecovered wounds.
"Sougo, I'm coming in."
He paused briefly to wait for an answer and consider throwing away his cigarette. He decided to keep smoking. He had a feeling he would need it for the conversation that was bound to happen. Hijikata readied himself for an attack, knowing that it was highly possible to be assaulted the moment he opened the door. It's not like he couldn't see why Kondou asked him to do this favor. Other members of Shinsegumi would cower long before they reached Okita's door. Still…
The door slid open quietly. Hijikata waited to have his head fall off but nothing happened. Taking this as a permission to enter, he slowly stepped into the dark room. The air was humid in the room as it hadn't seen the sun and felt fresh air for days. The atmosphere was gloomy, understandably so. Hijikata eyed the unmoving heap of blanket in the centre of the room. Okita's sword was nowhere to be found so it was safe to assume that Okita had it with him.
"It's time for work."
There was a slight rustle and a movement from beneath the thick layer of the blanket. Hijikata eyed it carefully. There was no such thing as being overly- cautious when it came to Okita.
"Tell Kondou-san I don't want to work today." Okita muttered. While there was an edge to his voice, it lacked the arrogance it usually had. It was obvious that he hadn't been able to get over his sister's death.
Hijikata sighed. "You have to start working some time. You can't keep moping around like this."
There was a tense silence. Hijikata knew he had said something wrong. While it was the truth, he could've said it better in a less painful way. It's terribly unfortunate that he wasn't gifted with tactfulness.
"You're a very heartless man, Hijikata-san." Okita said, rage creeping into his voice. "Do you even notice that my sister is dead?"
The stinging pain wasn't unexpected. The thoughts of what he could have and perhaps should've done flooded his mind. Perhaps he had made a mistake. He was certain that he had made a mistake. He should've at least apologized but he was such a stubborn, arrogant man after all.
"Of course I…"
Hijikata had no time to draw his sword. It was his luck that Okita wasn't using his, either. He grunted when he was pushed to the floor by the shorter male. His cigarette fell away and he struggled to breathe as Okita wrapped his hands around his neck tightly. Hijikata struggled with all his power but Okita seemed unmovable. His red eyes showing nothing but anger and pain and no conscious awareness of the action he was taking.
"Do you even care that my sister died in sadness? In loneliness?"
"Sou-Sougo…" Hijikata gasped out.
"Did you care for her at all?" Okita demanded, his grip around Hijikata's neck tightening.
Just when darkness crept on the edges of his sight and he began to lose consciousness, Okita released him. Hijikata gasped for air, clutching his abused neck. He looked at the boy, still perched on top of him with that unreadable look on his face, in disbelieve.
"What do you…"
"You're terrible at consoling people, Hijikata-san. Please just go and die." When Hijikata didn't reply, Okita continued. "Did Kondou-san tell you to come? He should've known that a heartless person like you isn't suited for the role. You're so much better at pissing people of with that arrogance of yours."
"Do you pity me? Do you feel bad because now I've lost everyone in my family?"
Hijikata looked away, fearing that Okita might be able to see through him. Through the walls he erected to hide his emotions. "It's not pity. It's sympathy." He replied.
"Sympathy, huh? Is it really? Or is it just guilt?" Okita asked coldly.
Sympathy or guilt? Honestly Hijikata couldn't really tell. He was regretful of his past actions but he also knew that there was no point in lingering in the past. The past and Mitsuba were gone. What he had was the present. What he had now was his sword, Shinsengumi, and…
He was startled when he felt lips pressing insistently against his. He tried to push Okita away but the boy didn't budge, pressing their lips even harder. When Okita pulled away, Hijikata wiped his lips. The phantom pressure and taste was imprinted in him. No matter how hard he tried to wipe them away, they'd always be there.
"Do you want to repent, Hijikata-san?" Okita suddenly asked, drawing Hijikata's attention.
"Do you want to atone for your mistakes?"
The images of Mitsuba's smiles, of the day they left her behind, and the sight of her lying helpless on a futon as her disease consumed her flashed before Hijikata's eyes. His anger disappeared, replaced by immense sadness and regret. Was it guilt after all? Did he deserve Okita's hate after all? Hijikata looked at Okita and saw a lot of pain there, perhaps even more than what he himself experienced. How many people had he hurt? How much had he hurt them?
"Do you, Hijikata-san?" Okita asked again. When Hijikata didn't answer, he took it as a 'yes'. He leaned down slightly, a cruel smile spreading on his lips. Hijikata knew nothing good would come out of that look but was unable to leave.
"Then go out with me."
Okita watched surprise flickered across Hijikata's face with a detached feeling. He hadn't felt anything since his sister's death. Grief had taken away all his strength. Right now he was just very tired, very tired of feeling sad, feeling lonely, feeling angry, feeling guilty. Hijikata's visit was the last thing he needed. Pity was the last thing he needed.
Hijikata was silent, still shocked obviously. For some reason Okita felt some sort of enjoyment from seeing that expression. Not so aloof anymore, was he? That would serve him right for causing so much pain to his sister.
"Well, Hijikata-san? What do you think?" He asked, leaning down even more.
Okita's eyes strayed to Hijikata's lips briefly. He didn't know why he kissed him but it seemed like an interesting method of punishment. Humiliation was the least he could inflict on the man. Hijikata deserved that and worse for everything he did and didn't do. Sadly, nothing Okita could do would bring back his sister. It was far too late for that now. It was far too late for them.
"Don't you want to feel better, Hijikata-san? Don't you feel the least bit guilty for hurting my sister to the very end of her life?"
Ah, there it was. There was definitely pain in Hijikata's eyes. So he was hurt after all. It wasn't enough to appease Okita, though. Hijikata deserved more pain. He deserved much more pain. It was Hijikata's fault his sister couldn't experience true happiness in her life.
"Why don't you go out with me to atone for your sins?"
Okita wasn't sure what answer he wanted. He only knew he wanted to hurt Hijikata so badly. Whatever the reply might be, it wouldn't change his plan to cause grief in Hijikata's life.
Okita blinked. Had he heard it right? Hijikata's resigned look told him that indeed he had heard it right. Okita leaned back and smiled in satisfaction. Finally he could avenge his sister.
A/N: R&R, please.