Science According To Yuffie


There is a super secret element called Clownium which is so dense it cannot exist outside of a clown. (Because of Clownium's density, it follows naturally that a black hole is just a very, very unhappy clown.)

The circus: a strange and wonderful place. Popcorn, cotton candy and animals brought on a sense of drug-like euphoria...And then came the clowns. When you felt like you'd been taking crack, clowns were completely terrifying. Especially when they tried to do the high-wire act and pretended to fall, laughing and crying with their faces. She always wondered that, if the net was gone, would anyone care enough to run underneath and catch them? Who, exactly, would deign to love a clown? Maybe that's why they were so depressed.

For the record, Vincent is not a clown. Although, considering those shoes...


Puppies are the fourth side of the fire triangle. Fires cannot start without the existence of a puppy, and a puppy lies in the very centre of every fire.

When Yuffie was young, she always hoped that the school would burn down. Not because she actually went to the school, but because if it burnt down, someone could get trapped inside and she could save them. The thing she imagined getting trapped was always either the same little boy from first grade (she had no idea what his name was), or a brown puppy. Puppies were cute and cuddly and always seemed to be getting on fire, at least in her imagination, and they would make her look good. Boys, on the other hand, deserved to be on fire.


If it glitters and is worth more than 721 gil, it is gold. FACT.

She presses a bag into his hands. It contains so many coins that he can't count. He shifts it, and it doesn't jingle; only then does he realise that all the coins are made of chocolate.

"Yuffie, why?"

"It's a thousand of them. I coulda bought you a gold watch for that much, but you can't wear one because of your funky metallic arm. So I considerately got you chocolate."

"I don't eat chocolate."

"I know. So you can use them as my present, because you didn't buy me one. Considerate."

Christmas. Yuffie has it sussed.


A/N: Three attempts to turn cracky prompts into non-cracky drabbles. All these prompts are in jokes with me and my friends. Not used were the ones containing boingium, the secret heaviest element, so named because people would try and see if it bounced and would therefore make a hole in the floor. Also not used was the law that I (as in, me, the author) am a legitimate measure of science. For example, "This story contains 16 kilo-[my name here]s of Science!" My third not-used in-joke is, simply put, "Guys? I broke Physics." (Actually, biology is the only science that I haven't yet broken.)

I might continue this, if I get more 'science' to continue it with. It's pretty pointless as it is.