I don't own anything. Not Mary Poppins, not Harry Potter. It's just me and my sick brain. I make no money and I do not intend to infringe the copyright.

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The Duel

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Severus Snape stared at the man opposite him.

Which kind of man, he wondered, did not have a last name? And which kind of man dared to even look at his woman that way?

He remembered old Muggle films, Western, and the men in them stood like they did now – the only difference being that Severus Snape had his wand drawn and the other man stood there with a bit of chalk between his fingers. Glaring, he raised his wand a little, then took a shallow bow.

The man opposite did the same with a wicked grin in his face. That grin, Severus wanted, and would, wipe off that stupid face.

"You might as well give up now," said the man, grinning manically.

"Never," said Severus Snape. "She is mine and you insulted her virtue and my honour."

"She was mine long before you were even born," said the man.

"She left you and she is mine now," growled Severus. "Let's duel, Bert."

Bert nodded and took another bow and without waiting for Severus to do the same again, the first curse flew from the bit of chalk. Severus Snape, however, was quick to cast a shield, quick to shoot hexes and curses back.

Both men were locked in a vicious duel of life and death over the hand of the fair Mary and neither noticed said woman rushing towards them, her many skirts flying, exposing her ankles, and putting an even rosier colour on her cheeks.

"Severus!" she cried in the same moment that he had almost been hit with a Musical Curse. "Bert!"

"Be careful, Mary," said Severus, worried about his woman and her getting into the crossfire.

Mary Poppins, always perfectly prim and proper and practically perfect in every way anyway, frowned, then grimaced and tapped her pretty umbrella on the ground which made the two men freeze immediately.

She looked utterly disgusted at Bert but her frown vanished and her features softened when her eyes fell on her Potions Master, on her Dark Hero. She came to stand before Bert and glared once more. "I have chosen him," said she in a stern voice. "And you'd do well to respect my decision. There are not many I can make and this was one of the few free choices I have. I choose Severus as my man, not you, Bert. This is the just ." She waved her umbrella and a second later, Bert vanished into a pavement painting, leaving her with Severus on a deserted back alley of London. She put her hands gently on his chest and he unfroze, his arms, the moment he could move them again, going around his love.

"Did he … again?" she asked, her voice very soft and very gentle.

"I couldn't let him say those things about you, Mary," replied Severus pulling her closer to his chest.

"You're my hero," she whispered before she pulled him down, her small fingers insistently tugging on his hair, to have his lips on hers, to move hers gently on his and to nibble on his lower lip. "Let's go," she spoke against his lips and he took her umbrella from her and opened it with his right hand, his left arms still busy holding his love to him. He held it over the heads and held her tightly and held onto the umbrella tightly when their feet left the ground.

And so, the stern Nanny and the stern Potions Master flew off into the sunset.

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The End.

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Just kill me now.