Hi everyone! I'm back! ...you can stop screaming in agony, now. Anyways, since production on the second installment of Pirates of the Cocoabean has been slow, due to the amount of paperwork Lord Beckett gave me to fill out (the obnoxious little squirt), I've created this little nugget of randomness to keep you occupied. So if you'd love to see Jack kissing Elizabeth or Beckett being intimidating, then go somewhere else! But, if you'd love to see Beckett getting pushed around in a grocery cart or Barbossa clothes shopping (a very interesting experience indeed...), then look no further because today your fav POTC characters are going shopping...in Wal-mart!
Disclaimer: I do not own POTC or Wal-mart. But I do own a Jack Sparrow hat :)
It was an ordinary Wednesday morning when Jack went down to the galley of the Black Pearl and opened the cabinet. He groggily reached inside and suddenly discovered that his Fruit Loops were gone. "Mr. Gibbs!" Jack called.
Mr. Gibbs came running down the stairs. "Jack, what is it? Are we being attacked?"
"Mr. Gibbs, where are my Fruit Loops?" Jack opened the refrigerator. "And where's the milk?"
"Don't you remember, Captain? You invited those fangirls over for that slumber party and you had them compete in a cereal eating contest because you'd been watching that show on MTV and -"
"Yes, I remember, Mr. Gibbs!" Jack sighed. "Well, it's alright. At least we still have some pop-tarts left."
"Actually, that one girl, poeismyhero - really weird name, by the way - ate them all last night."
"What? But I thought she already ate that whole platter of hot 'n' spicy chicken wings!"
"Well, I guess that wasn't enough."
Jack frowned. "Do we have anything to eat, Mr. Gibbs?"
"Nope. Just this green apple." Suddenly, Barbossa came out of nowhere and snatched the apple away. "Never mind."
"Hmm. This is serious," Jack said, deep in thought. "And we won't be able to reach the next Publix for another two days." Jack sighed. "I suppose we have no choice."
Mr. Gibbs gasped. "You don't mean..."
"Yes, I'm afraid so. Head west, Mr. Gibbs. We're going to Wal-mart!"
And so a small band of adventurers from the Black Pearl, mainly Jack, Will, Elizabeth, Mr. Gibbs, Anamaria, Barbossa, Pintel and Ragetti stepped forward to brave the perils of Wal-mart.
Well, not all of them.
"I'm not going in there," Elizabeth stated.
"It's only for a couple of minutes, Elizabeth," Will said. "We're just getting some supplies."
"No! I'm not going in there! It's not sanitary! I mean, regular people shop in there!"
"Yeah, because not everyone can afford Gucci, Elizabeth," Anamaria muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.
"I'm not going, and that's final!" Elizabeth yelled.
"Afternoon, Elizabeth," a voice said.
Elizabeth screamed and hopped into Will's arms. Commodore Norrington smiled. "Norry? Why are you here?"
"Don't call me Norry!" Norrington said with a huff. "Anyway, I'm here to get...supplies for the East India Trading Company."
Suddenly, Beckett popped out from under Norrington's hat. "Commodore! Stop talking to these low life ruffians and get me my tea! I can't conquer the world and bug the hell out of everyone without my tea!"
"Um, why is Beckett under Norry's hat?" Elizabeth asked.
"It's LORD Beckett to you, Miss Swann. Anyway, to answer your question, I am under said hat because Commodore Norrington's wig is nice and soft, and I like my buttocks to be comfortable when I'm not in my fancy chair on my ship."
Jack's eye began to twitch. "TMI, Beckett! Ew! No one wants to know about your butt's cushiness!"
"Whatever. Let's go, Commodore!" he shouted. Norry sighed. "Yes, sir." But before he could take another step, he noticed something. The ground was shaking.
"It's an earthquake!" Anamaria screamed. "It's the T-rex from Jurassic Park!" Jack yelled. "It's the Subterranean Mole People from Sacremento!" Mr. Gibbs cried.
"Actually, it's just Davy Jones making a dramatic entrance," Will pointed out.
Indeed (Beckett, stop playing with my keyboard!), a section of pavement was beginning to rise in front of them. It burst open, revealing the long, moldy bow of the Flying Dutchman. Davy Jones leapt off the ship, coughing and sputtering. "Note to self: bursting through water: good. Bursting through pavement: BAD!" He stood, tall and intimidating, and turned to the pirates. "Didn't expect that, did ya?"
"No. And I also didn't expect to see you in that again," Jack said, laughing uncontrollably.
Davy Jones looked down at his bucket. "It's not funny!" he yelled. "You know I'm cursed!"
But Jack still laughed. "Davy's in a bucket, Davy's in a bucket, Davy's in a bucket!" he sang.
Davy, with his cool fishy powers, moved the bucket towards Jack. "I've put you in the locker once, and I'll put you in there again!"
Jack covered his nose and gave a little yelp. "No, not there! It smelled like gym shorts!"
Davy smirked. "Then it would be wise not to make fun of my bucket, savvy?" Jack nodded.
"Can we go inside? It's hot out here!" Elizabeth whined. Everyone agreed and they filed through the automatic sliding doors.
Jack stayed put, lost in the nightmarish memories of Davy Jones's locker. Suddenly, he realized something. "Hey! No one uses savvy but me, savvy?" He ran after Davy. "Davy Jones, I'm going to get you!"
Davy replied to this by grabbing Jack with his crab claw/hand and holding him up menacingly. "Or I could just make rude comments behind your back," Jack said wisely. Davy Jones, satisfied by this, let go of him and they walked into Wal-mart, unaware of the mayhem that awaited them.
Beckett! *Hits Beckett with a flyswatter* My keyboard!