Sigh...I don't get paid enough for this.
Wait a second - I don't get paid at all!
So with classes starting this week, I didn't have much time to learn how to write Tia's freakin' accent. I really suck at writing accents, and considering I couldn't find a lot on Jamaican Patois to help me write it (in English, to clarify), I just simplified it a lot.
WARNING: Epic FAIL ahead.
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, or any of the products mentioned. I wish I had something clever to say, but I'll save that for a day when I'm less tired XP
While Anamaria, Mr. Gibbs, Will, and Elizabeth all dealt with Jack, Barbossa was dealing with Pintel and Ragetti's whining.
"'Ey, Barbossa, can I get a happy meal at McDonald's?" Ragetti asked.
"Hey, if he's getting a happy meal, I want one too!" Pintel whined.
"Yarr! Why would you want a happy meal?" Barbossa asked irritably. "Those things are worse than scurvy, yarr!"
"B-but I wanted a toy to play with!" Ragetti said. He looked at Barbossa with big, huge puppy dog eyes –
"Fine, yarr!" Barbossa said. "Here, take a couple of coins and get your disease-ridden boxes of grease, you whiney brats!"
Pintel eyed the doubloons in Barbossa's hand suspiciously. "They aren't cursed, are they?"
Barbossa resisted the urge to pull his gun on the two idiots and merely rolled his eyes. "No, they're not. Now, if you'll be needing me – and I pray to God you won't – I'll be shopping for clothes." He looked up at his moth-eaten hat forlornly. "Yarr, it's about time to update my wardrobe."
As Barbossa walked away, the two pirates immediately ran gaily –
What was that, poppet?
Giddly! I meant giddly!
…please don't kill me.
Whew, they're gone. Anyway, the two pirates immediately ran giddily to the McDonald's, jingling the doubloons in their pockets. They quickly hopped into the growing line to the cashier, bouncing up and down in anticipation.
"Oh, I hope I get a Batman toy! Or the Batmobile! That would be so cool!" Pintel said excitedly.
"I want one of the little dollies," Ragetti said. "They have such pretty dressies!"
Pintel suddenly stopped bouncing. He turned to glare at Ragetti. "And you call yourself a pirate."
Ragetti smartly shut up and waited quietly in line…for about five seconds.
"Hey, hey Pintel."
Pintel felt a finger poking his shoulder. He scowled, trying to ignore the annoying sensation.
"Hey, Pintel. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Pintel!"
Pintel cringed as the pokes increased. Just ignore him, just ignore him…
"Hey, hey Pintel. Hey, hey - "
"WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT?" Pintel yelled, scaring a nearby baby and making it cry. Pintel cringed as the mom shot him a nasty look worse than her barely fitting tank top and her too-short-for-her-age shorts.
Ragetti watched the mom storm off in her plastic flip-flops before turning back to Pintel. "Hey, Pintel."
"What?" Pintel said, a little quieter this time.
"I was just wondering. How is it that Barbossa is alive? I mean, he got shot. We buried 'im and everythin'!"
Pintel opened his mouth to yell at Ragetti, then paused. He did have a good point.
"'Ey! You two! It's yer turn, now!"
Pintel turned to the cashier, who was no other than Tia Dalma. She was dreadlocked and dirty-mouthed like always, only now she was wearing a McDonald's shirt and visor. "What do ye want, child?" she asked in a very bored tone.
Ragetti hid behind Pintel, extremely frightened of the scary lady. Pintel, however, was unfazed. "Two cheeseburger 'appy meals, no pickles!" he said proudly.
"No ketchup on both?" Tia asked.
Pintel blinked. "Um…no. No pickles."
"On one or both?" Tia asked.
Pintel was becoming more and more flustered. "On both!"
Tia frowned. "Alright, child, no need to lose yer temper." She punched in the buttons on the cash register. "Would ye like fries or apple dippers in yer 'appy meal?"
"Apple dippers?" Pintel recoiled from the counter. "Who the bloody hell eats apple dippers with their happy meals?"
"Alright, dat's two apple dippers," Tia said, punching in the buttons, "and what would ye like to drink?"
"Wait a second, I never said I wanted apple dippers!" Pintel exclaimed.
"Ye don' want apple dippers?" Tia said, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I don't!" Pintel yelled. "I want fries!"
"'EY!" Tia Dalma grabbed Pintel's shirt and dragged him close to her rarely brushed teeth. "Just because you capture me and boun' me don't mean I can't curse you for eternity!"
Pintel gagged at Tia's breath. "Fine, fine, I'm sorry! Just let go of my shirt!" Tia obliged and Pintel gratefully took in a big gulp of semi-fresh air.
"An' what would ye like to drink?" Tia asked.
"Two cokes, please," Pintel gasped between breaths.
Tia punched in the buttons. "So ye want two cheeseburger happy meals, no pickles, with fries, and coca-cola as de drinks."
Pintel popped his head up, surprised. "Yes! Yes, that's exactly what we want!"
"Alright, dat'll be ten doubloons," Tia said, holding out her hand.
Pintel reached into his pockets – and only found eight doubloons. He looked back reluctantly at Tia. "Um…can you give us a second?"
Tia rolled her eyes. "Dere are other customers," she said impatiently.
Pintel bit his lip as he looked at the long line. Suddenly, he got an idea. "Hey, Ragetti, go find Barbossa and get two more doubloons from him, quick!"
Ragetti nodded rapidly. "Okay, Pintel!" He immediately ran off, on the search for Barbossa.
"'Ey! I can't just wait for him! I have customers!" Tia said angrily.
"Just make the food!" Pintel yelled.
Tia sighed and ripped off the receipt. "I don't get paid enough for dis…"
Will Ragetti find Barbossa in time? Will Pintel keep Tia's bad breath at bay? Will we get back to Jack, who is pretty much the only reason half my readers are here?
Well, you won't find out til Thursday.