So here's the last and final super-long chappie! Over 4000 words and 9 pages on Microsoft Word! Contains a lot of randomness and outrageous behaviour by Shinku which I'll probably be killed for. But it was just one of those things I had to do. Had to up the rating a bit too. Don't want to scar young minds. Oh, and before I forget, a bit round of applause to Sin Oan who was the mastermind behind the devilishly ingenious ideas of Jun accusing Shinku of cheating on him with Kunkun and 'The Bathtub Scene' later on in this chapter which you'll have to read to find out more about. So yes, a BIG thankyou to Sin Oan, thanks for letting me use your awesome idea, and I hope I didn't desecrate it too badly. You're a writer after my own heart :D
So here's the last and final super-long chappie! Over 4000 words and 9 pages on Microsoft Word! Contains a lot of randomness and outrageous behaviour by Shinku which I'll probably be killed for. But it was just one of those things I had to do. Had to up the rating a bit too. Don't want to scar young minds.
Oh, and before I forget, a bit round of applause to Sin Oan who was the mastermind behind the devilishly ingenious ideas of Jun accusing Shinku of cheating on him with Kunkun and 'The Bathtub Scene' later on in this chapter which you'll have to read to find out more about. So yes, a BIG thankyou to Sin Oan, thanks for letting me use your awesome idea, and I hope I didn't desecrate it too badly. You're a writer after my own heart :D
When You Wind The Wrong Way
"Is he breathing?"
They were gathered in a semicircle around the unconscious body of Jun, Suiseiseki poking his head gingerly with a chopstick. Even as he lay unmoving, a trickle of blood stemming from his nose made its way steadily down the side of his face. Kanaria watched fearfully as Souseiseki fanned him with the pages of her 'love bible'.
"Check his pulse. Is he alive, kashira~? Do we have to clear his airways? CPR?" The green-haired doll was suddenly pushed rather roughly aside.
"KA-NA-RI-A!" The outraged doll puffed her cheeks out indignantly. Shinku waved her sister aside as if she were swatting away an annoying fly.
"I must attend to my Junjie," she bore down upon him with a wet towel and a box of tissues.
"Junjie?" Suigintou spat, looking as disgusted as if she'd just stepped in dog crap. "Junjie?"
"Lord, Shinku, where on earth are you getting those nicknames?" Even Nori, for once, looked mildly disturbed by the doll's affectionate way of calling her brother. The said boy stirred suddenly, groaning, and his eyes fluttered open.
"JUNJIIIEEEE!" Shinku didn't give him even a second to recover as she squealed and flung herself at his neck, latching onto him with a vice-like grip.
"Argh…" Jun let out a weak grunt as Tomoe and Nori helped him up with some difficulty (well, he did have a rather avid living doll practically glued to his neck). His vision was slightly blurred and he felt groggy as his consciousness reassembled itself and his mind was able to function properly again. Unfortunately, it also meant he recalled the cause of the temporary liquidation of his brain, and that almost made him pass out again. Shinku's lips, closing in on him…
GAH! What the hell…what…the…hell…
The blonde doll was currently cuddling him like he was some sort of a giant Kunkun toy, blind and deaf to the rest of the world. He pried her off with great difficulty, only to have her release his neck and latch onto his arm with renewed zeal.
"Nothing's been working. It will be weeks, maybe even months before Shinku winds down." Suigintou, ever the optimist, folded her arms, that permanently disdainful glare pasted across her face.
"WHAT?" A lump of raw panic formed in Jun's throat.
"Nothing we've tried so far has worked. We might have to wait until Shinku just runs out of energy by herself."
"NOOOOO! I can't…I can't…" Barely even able to string words together to form a coherent sentence, Jun stared from Souseiseki to Suigintou, then down at Shinku rubbing her cheek adoringly against his shoulder. "I can't…how do you expect me to live…with…her?" he blurted out frantically, looking absolutely wretched.
"What's the fastest way to get Shinku to use up all her power?" asked Tomoe.
"Unyuu, send her to the N-field, without Jun! She can only continue for a short while without a medium."
"You're a genius, Hina!"
"This is all very nice but might I ask just one teensy weensy little question?" Jun's eye twitched slightly. "How exactly are you going to get her away from me?"
~ Half an hour later ~
"Shinku, lookie lookie here!"
They were gathered in front of the large mirror that was the entrance to the N-field. Souseiseki flourished her hands like some game show hostess, trying to capture the besotted doll's attention.
"Shinku, listen up. Beyond this mirror is a huge collection of Jun porn, desu." Suiseiseki stood on top of a pile of boxes, screeching through a megaphone.
The collective response to her sudden announcement was both varied and amusing.
Shinku's head snapped up from its place on Jun's shoulder, her eyes widening, a look of sheer delight crossing her features. Tomoe stood up quickly and hurriedly walked out the door, muttering something about "just remembered I have something very important to do, so goodbye, I'm gonna leave now before this gets weird." Hinaichigo was asking Nori, who was unsuccessfully trying to stuff tissues up her nose to stop it bleeding, what 'porn' was whilst Kanaria leapt to block Hina's ears to prevent further 'corruption'.
"Suiseiseki…Souseiseki…when you said creative…" There was a nervous tic in Jun's forehead.
"Oh, don't worry, chibi." Suiseiseki pulled the megaphone away from her mouth and winked, whispering conspiratorially, "There isn't actually a secret Chibi Porn Stash, it's just bait to get Shinku wandering through the N-field. She'll be walking around looking for something that doesn't even exist – I think. Unless Souseiseki actually did go to the trouble of making one…"
"STOP COMING UP WITH WEIRD PLANS YOU PERVERTED, SICK-MINDED DOLL!"
Suiseiseki managed to look mock-offended.
"This was Souseiseki's – "
"YOU'RE BOTH TWISTED! AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT MEGAPHONE?"
Jun was just about to crack. Honestly, Souseiseki was possibly even more warped than Suigintou. And of course, Suiseiseki, master of subtlety, just had to go and announce the fact that he was the subject of some porn collection with a friggin' megaphone. He wondered briefly how long it was going to take for the neighbours to call the police to his doorstep and have him arrested for indecency.
Right now, though, he went with the only option available to him that could ease his suffering – curling up in a foetal position in a dark corner, rocking back and forth muttering "I'm in my happy place, I'm in happy place…" to himself over and over again.
He was by now, as you can no doubt tell, scarred for life.
Of course, ironically, that didn't concern Shinku in the least. In fact, she didn't even seem to realise the pitiful state he was in as she turned and said cheerfully,
"I must depart on a great quest to obtain the ultimate treasure – "
"Yeah, a gigantic stash of Jun-porn," Suiseiseki hollered through her megaphone (why she still needed it Jun didn't know – she already had Shinku's full attention, so she was just probably trying to spite him). At the words "Jun-porn", he flinched with every syllable as if the words were a physical blow to his body.
"It's hidden somewhere in the N-field, so you'll have to look hard for it, Shinku," said Souseiseki. "Like a treasure hunt."
"Come on, then Junjie," Shinku reached for Jun, but was stopped by Suigintou.
"No, you can't take him."
Shinku looked like she was about to burst into tears again.
"Because…um…er…he's too sick…to go into the N-field. Yeah…he has a weak body…"
Shinku's bottom lip trembled as she stared at Jun with wide, moist eyes, then back at the mirror, then back at Jun. For a moment, they feared she might give up the prospect of going into the N-field, but the temptation of "Jun-porn" was too much, and she clenched her fists and shuffled over to the mirror.
"Wait for me, Jun. I'll return with the most beautiful and exquisite collection of pic – "
"Yes, yes, we get the idea, hurry and go already!" Souseiseki gave her sister a push. Shinku stumbled into the glowing mirror.
"Just take your time!" Suiseiseki yelled, her shrill voice magnified by the megaphone causing a nearby vase to spontaneously and spectacularly disintegrate. "Oops. Was that expensive, desu?"
"Now we just have to wait. We'll go and get her sometime tonight," said Souseiseki, wiping her brow after the mirror's glow subsided. Everyone breathed a shared sigh of relief.
"Hmph. Looks like you were saved," Suigintou suddenly cracked a huge, unhealthily evil grin at Jun. "By a non-existent porn stash, no less."
"ARRRGGGHHH! SHUT UP!" Jun clamped both hands on his ears. "GO AWAY!"
"What happens if Shinku comes back?" Nori asked fearfully.
"That won't happen. Suiseiseki and Suigintou helped me seal this entrance. She won't be able to get back until we go in there and bring her out ourselves," said Souseiseki. Jun sighed and stood up, looking like he'd just been through a nightmare. There were dark bags under his eyes and he was surprised he hadn't yet broken out in premature aging. Thankfully though, he'd managed to maintain his youth; there were no wrinkles on his forehead and his hair hadn't turned grey.
Yes, his youth was intact, but his sanity, sadly…
He spent the rest of the day lying on the couch, recovering from the trauma of the morning. As promised, Shinku didn't reappear in the house. Suigintou left in the late afternoon, her boredom getting the better of her, and after a brusque, "I won't take your Rosa Mysticae today, but the next time we meet you won't be so lucky," she'd gone home via the bathroom mirror. Kanaria too, deciding she'd had enough for one day, returned to her own home. It was evening by the time Nori called him out of his slump.
"Jun, you've still got blood on your shirt."
"Huh?" He stared down at the red spatters on his chest from when he'd been out cold with that nosebleed.
"You look awful. Here, give Onee-chan your shirt and go take a bath, Jun."
Neither Nori nor the poor, ever-unfortunate Jun knew this would turn out to be possibly the biggest mistake he'd ever made in his life.
The thing about the Sakurada house bathroom is that when you are sitting in the bath with the door locked and the window closed, you can't hear very well what is going on in the rest of the house. Thus, Jun did not hear the strangled cries and choked-off scream from the other side of the bathroom door.
Perhaps, had these noises been detected by him, he would have been alert and maybe better prepared for what happened to him next. The hot steam rising from the bath made it difficult to see in the room – it fogged up the window and mirror. The water was frothy and bubbly as he'd put in a lot of soap, so he couldn't see what was beneath the water either. That, and the fact that Jun wasn't wearing is glasses, contributed to his utter lack of any form of protection.
He first realised that something was wrong when he saw a curious tube poking vertically out of the water, bobbing closer and closer to him. Squinting short-sightedly, he managed to see that it was in fact a drinking straw.
What the hell…
"Nori! You left a straw in the bath tub!" Jun called. There was no reply. He frowned. "Nori!"
There was no response.
A distinct feeling of foreboding was creeping up his spine. Still wondering how on earth a straw had managed to get into his bath, he reached out hesitantly and pulled at it. It didn't budge, and he felt something much heavier on the other end of the straw below the surface of the water. Unfortunately, the foamy, soapy lather meant that he couldn't see a thing.
Frowning, he gave the straw a sharp tug. It came out of the water, and there, the other in her mouth, was none other than Shinku.
"!" Jun screamed like a girl being sexually harassed and propelled himself in all his magnificent, naked glory out of the bath tub and onto the floor tiles.
"Juuunnnn…" Shinku, soap suds in her hair and absolutely soaking wet, spat out the straw with which she had been using to breathe whilst submerged underwater, climbed out of the water and stood on the edge of the bath tub. "Jun, you and my sisters have been very naughty, you know?"
Scrambling backwards to his feet, Jun managed, mercifully, to get his hands on a towel, which he quickly wrapped around his body and clumsily slid on his glasses. He fumbled at the door, trying desperately to unlock it but his wet fingers slipped on the latch. Shinku was advancing on him slowly, and the smile on her face terrified him more than any berserk Suigintou or jealous tirade she'd come up with before. The only word he could think of to describe the look on her face was anticipatory. And oh, how wickedly so. The look on her face told him that she was highly looking forward to whatever she planned on doing to him, and that meant he was probably about to go to hell.
"NORI! SOUSEISEKI! SUISEISEKI! HINAICHIGO!" Jun managed to finally burst through the door and ran down the hallway, not caring anymore that they would see him in naught but a towel. He could only be thankful that Tomoe had at least already left. Behind him, Shinku giggled.
He'd never in his life heard her giggle like that before, and he honestly hoped he'd never have the misfortune to hear it again.
"Jun," the doll purred as she followed him down the hall. "Do you know what happens to people who have been naughty? They get punished."
"HOLY SHI-#$&^!*(#&!(*$%(*#$#!" Jun chose some of his choicest swear words to bellow at the top of his voice as he clattered upstairs to his room. As he reached the door, he turned back to glance at his pursuer only to suddenly find himself staring at the ceiling of his room, pain running down his spine. Shinku had tackled him to the floor whilst he hesitated and he had landed heavily on his back.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE ($*#&$$(% KIDDING ME!" Turning his head, he caught sight of Souseiseki, Suiseiseki, Hinaichigo and his sister tied up against his bedpost, their muffled cries stifled by gags. Their eyes widened at the sight of Jun lying on the ground in a white bath towel.
"Oof!" Jun looked down, and almost fainted when he realised Shinku was now sitting on his waist, that petrifying smile playing on her lips. He struggled to sit up, only to find that in his stunned state, Shinku had cuffed his hands to the same bedpost the others were tied to.
HOLY MOTHER OF – !
He didn't even want to think about where she'd obtained those fluffy pink handcuffs. Damn it, where were Suigintou and Kanaria when you needed them? He'd give anything for Suigintou to burst in right now, screaming something about junk and giving Shinku a few good swings at with her sword.
Oh god, somebody, anybody…
"Jun…" Shinku cooed, her voice sickeningly sweet. It dripped with honey, which, in the situation he was in, honestly felt more like deadly venom to Jun.
"Let go of me!" His voice was strangled and shaken.
"You know, Jun," Shinku made no indication she'd heard any of what he'd just said. "I was so excited, going to the N-field and finding a delicious stack of pictures of you…"
He gulped. So she'd discovered their deception.
"…so you can imagine my disappointment when I happened upon that Barasuishou girl, and whilst she and I were having a good stoush she let slip the fact that such a collection of memoirs does not exist." Shinku's smile widened, and there was a strange glint in her eye. She leaned on his stomach, edging closer and closer to his face.
"Naughty, naughty, Jun. It's bad to lie."
"H-How did you get back? How the hell did you end up in the bath tub?"
"I came back through the bathroom window." She giggled again. "You didn't honestly think I could be kept away from you so easily, did you? Wherever you are, wherever you go, heaven or hell, on land, in space, under the sea, I'll always find you…"
You sick stalker!
She leaned closer, the tips of her long blond curls brushed against his shoulder.
"It was very exhilarating, seeing you in the bath…I found myself wanting to get closer…"
Inside his head, Jun was screaming himself silly. Outside, he'd lost his ability of speech, his ability to move, and practically every other function of his physical body.
"Unfortunately, all that soap made it very hard…"
Thank GOD someone invented soap that BUBBLES…
"So you'll have to make it up to me now, since that porn stash didn't exist and I didn't get to see you in the bath, Jun. I'll make you pay me back twice as much…"
"Shinku…please…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN BACK TO NORMAL!"
"Tut tut, Jun. I will now exact my punishment on you," Shinku purred like a cat, running her tongue over her lips like he was some delectable snack she was about to sink her teeth into.
"I WON'T EVER WIND YOU THE WRONG WAY AGAIN, SO I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE!"
Again, his pleas fell on deaf ears. Shinku made no indication that she was aware at all of the near-hysterical state he was in. Nori and the other dolls were struggling at their bonds, making muffled noises of protest.
"SOUSEISEKI! SUISEISEKI! NORI! HINA! HELP MEEEE!"
Suddenly, Shinku cast her eyes downward in a coyly bashful manner, a blush sprinkling her cheeks. She traced circles on his chest with the tip of her finger, looking like some shy, uncertain young maiden.
"But you know, Jun," her gaze crept tentatively to his face and though her movements and tone indicated hesitance and timidity, her eyes spoke of the complete opposite with their wickedly saucy glitter. "This is my first time, so please…"
"…please… be gentle." She was now sitting with her legs on either side of his chest. Still soaked from the bathtub, water dripped off the tips of her golden hair and off her chin as she leaned in closer and closer to his face...he snapped his eyes tightly shut, resigned to his fate…
Holy crap, oh crap crap crap crap crap…ancestors in heaven, your descendent is about to die in hell…this is it…the bloody end is #*$$ nigh…
"MMMMHHHMMMM!" Nori and the other dolls made frantic noises, and Suiseiseki tried to block Hinaichigo's sight with her head.
"Ju-" Shinku's lips were millimetres away from Jun's when she broke off halfway through whispering his name and her head slumped forwards suddenly, her forehead colliding with his chin.
"Huh?" He tilted his head up, staring down at the blonde who lay unmoving on his chest. He waited. Nothing. No movement. No "Junjie's" or "I will now punish you" or creepy girly giggles. Her eyelashes didn't even twitch, so much as flutter.
Jun almost felt like crying tears of joy and relief. He'd been saved. The ancestors, the gods, the angels, whatever was up there had been listening to him.
"Oh my god…"
The only problem that remained now was the issue with how he was currently chained to a bedpost with fluffy pink handcuffs, and the only other people in the house were also tied to that same bedpost and unable to remove their own bonds.
It was lucky then, that Souseiseki was the Doll of Ridiculously Enormous Scissors. She summoned the Gardener's Shears and proceeded to snip herself, then all the others, free. And finally, after much snickering on Suiseiseki's behalf, and many deathly glares from Jun, they managed to separate the luckless medium from his bedpost.
"Oh god, I don't want to go through anything like that ever again. I never knew Shinku could be so dangerous."
"Heeheehee…dangerous indeed…" drawled Suiseiseki, nudging Jun knowingly. He swatted at her, but missed.
"What exactly did she do to you guys?"
"It was horrible, Jun," Nori said, hugging Hinaichigo. "She snuck up behind us and sort of lassoed us all together – even Souseiseki was no match for her with her Shears, Shinku reinforced the rope with her rose petals or something, though that seems to have worn off now that she's…well…"
"The fighting with Barasuishou used up her energy. Also, her gears were probably a little waterlogged from her…ah…spying in the bath," explained Souseiseki, giving Jun an awkward look. He was still rather scantily clad in a bath towel, and being the only member of the male gender in a room full of those of the X-chromosome sex did nothing to help.
"Quick, Jun, wind her up. We can't have Shinku lying around all wet and dripping and unconscious. And watch which way you're turning the key this time, for goodness sake. I doubt we'll be able to scrape through alive and sane if something like this ever happens again.' Souseiseki handed Jun the key, and he made special effort taking notice that he was winding clockwise, in the correct direction.
I hereby swear to God. I will never wind a Rozen Maiden the wrong way. Ever. Again.
They waited tentatively for Shinku to awaken, holding their breaths, tension rife in the air. It didn't take long; a few moments afterwards, the blonde doll stirred, her lids fluttering open. As her eyes came into focus, her gaze directed itself at Jun. He gulped nervously.
Please…be normal again…
"Jun, what on earth are you doing clad in nothing but a towel? Vulgar, uncouth servant, your lack of decorum disgusts me. Are you not aware that there are ladies present in the room? Your absence of appropriate clothing is most distasteful. What took you so long in waking me? Look, it is almost dinner time. Don't tell me it took you an entire day just to wind me up again? And why am I dripping wet? This is unacceptable. What in the world have you been doing, Jun?"
There were many things Jun could have replied to that with, but at that moment, Shinku's usual cool, detached tone was music to his ears. He drank in the sound of her familiar strict lectures and cold insults with overwhelming happiness. Even better, she seemed to have no recollection whatsoever, much to everyone's relief, of the events of that day. They could safely bury those traumatic times in the deepest, darkest parts of their minds, never to be mentioned or thought of again.
"Shinku…" his voice came out almost as a sob. There were tears of pure, sheer joy in his eyes. "Shinku...you're back. Oh, thank god you're back!" He threw his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug.
"Amen." Souseiseki removed her hat and bowed her head. "She has returned."
"What is going on? Jun, let go. I will not tolerate being handled so roughly. What on earth happened to all of you? Why are you behaving so strangely?"
"Ah, it's nothing, Shinku, desu." The corner of Suiseiseki's mouth twitched as she glanced quickly at Jun out of the corner of her eye. "The chibi really was so stupid that he took an entire day to figure out how to wind you."
"Hmph. Such a useless servant. Why am I soaking wet, then?"
"J-Jun-kun dropped you in the bath tub when he was about to take a bath, nano!" Hinaichigo piped up, looking fearfully at Jun. There was a brief moment of stunned silence on Shinku's part.
"He dropped me in the bath tub? Whilst he was about to take a bath? What, Jun, were you planning on taking me into the bath with you?" Shinku's eyebrow was arched incredulously.
"Umm…you looked like you could use a nice, relaxing wash?"
"Is that why you are in such a state of undress?"
"Well, don't just stand there, get some decent clothes on. Honestly, must I instruct you on everything?"
Despite all her slapping and scolding, Jun couldn't help but feel incredibly light and cheerful. He felt a sort of unspoken agreement between himself, Suiseiseki, Souseiseki, Hinaichigo and Nori to never speak of this again, lest the truth be known to Shinku. The explanations she had now, however ludicrous or just plain stupid they were, were at least better than what had really occurred. Jun hated to think what Shinku would do then. Nori and the other dolls left his room soon afterwards.
"I really think I ought to punish you."
"WH-WHAT?" He spun around wildly, and let out a strangled half scream, half yelp at the sight of Shinku pulling her ribbons loose, removing her bonnet, and letting her dress fall to the ground. She turned to stare at him, garbed in nothing but her undergarments. And he was in nothing but a towel…
"What is it? My clothes are all sopping wet. I can hardly wear them like that, can I? Nori's washing them and hanging them out to dry."
Jun breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, he'd thought the Wrongly Wound Shinku had resurfaced.
"Make me a cup of tea when you go down, Jun."
"We say yes only once, correct?" Shinku asking for tea again in that familiar way of hers made him tear over with blissful relief. Even her reprimands felt like soothing old friends after all the mind-screw he'd been through today. She lectured him severely as she slipped on one of his sweaters and prepared to leave the room.
"Do not take so long winding me up next time, and do not, under any circumstances, take me with you to the bath, as not only is it highly inappropriate for a lady to bathe with her servant, but it will interfere with my mechanisms if I stay too long in the water. I am a doll, after all, and should be handled delicately – oh, and Jun?" Shinku stopped in the doorway, her back to him. The temperature of the room seemed to plummet suddenly to extreme negative figures. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on the icy, brusque, terse quality of a cold and frosty winter wind.
"Do not accuse me of having an affair with Kunkun, do not drink tea mouth to mouth with me, do not make me hand feed you flower-topped hamburger, do not lie to me about some secret collection of pornography, do not attempt to seal me in the N-field without a medium to cut off my energy and get rid of those scandalous pink hand cuffs."
Jun froze. She didn't just…
"And lastly, Jun, do not ever again, for as long as you are my medium, wind my key the wrong way again."
Sakurada Jun never made that particular mistake again.
He knows now, that's what happens.
When you wind the wrong way.
It was such a blast writing that. A humongous thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love you and send all of you cookies and hugs~!