I woke up screaming from another nightmare, sweat covered my forehead. I sat up and wiped the moister off, This wasn't my usual nightmare .Him. leaving. had become fixed in my mind, replaying every night, I am broken, sighing loudly and collapsed back into my bed ,I clutched my face trying to shake the dream away, failing I turned back around to my clock -3:28am.
"Fuck!" I muttered, It was too early. I reached for my joints, lighting it half asleep.
I couldn't care less about myself anymore, most people had given up on me including Jacob , I had nothing to live for, Phil and Renee had died in a car accident a year ago, but I couldn't get myself to cry. I was too numb. But I couldn't kill myself, that will brake Charlie like .HE. had broken me.
I hated myself for falling in love, especially with a vampire, was I only a pet to them, a weak fragile human, I was much more now, I've changed.
Charlie knew I was messed up, he decided against sending me to a mental institute in Seattle because I had become catatonic for while, I snapped out of it 2 months later anyway, I thank him for giving me time.
I groaned, hopping out of bed, I know it was early but I didn't feel like another nightmare thank you very much!.
I made my way to the shower, Charlie was away for the week, probably finding an excuse to get away from me.
I don't blame him.
Smiling I pulled out my good old razor, it had helped me a lot since they left. It was my own relief, it makes me feel somewhat, alive. I didn't hallucinate about Edward much anymore ,which was depressing.
I cut deep into both my wrists, but not enough to kill myself , unfortunately .blood oozed out onto the floor as I got into the shower, slowly I put my bleeding arms under the hot water, feeling the pain searing from the cuts. I washing my hair gently and climbed out to get a towel.
I screamed loudly has I slipped covering myself in the blood on the floor. What nearly kills us makes use stronger right? I thought. My head was hurting from the impact against the floor,
It had been almost 2 years since they left, they wouldn't dare come back, I hate them all.
What would have happened if Edward didn't leave, I would have defiantly married him and loved him, but now it too late to love I'm Philophobic for sure.(Fear of being in love or falling in love).
I quickly got up off the floor and grabbed a rag covering the floor with bleach.
My nose started to burn as I rubbed it around the bathroom getting rid of the blood.
My alarm suddenly went off, I looked around it was 6:00am, Time for my pill, this was the only exciting part of today, I wasn't really into the whole drug abuse thing, but it did make me feel better so I don't really care.
Razors' and drugs are additive.
I smiled again.
I realised my wristed were still bloody, I went to the cabinet and got some bandages as well as the pills. I Cleaned the blood off my naked body and got dressed into Jeans and a black T.
I ran down the stairs, without tripping and picked up my keys .
Jacob and I had built motorbikes 1 year ago, that was before he started to hate me. But I still have it to ride to school.
I walked out the front.
My black jumper was seating on my motorbike soaked in rain.
I sighed staring at it.
I guess I could where a wet jumper for today, I'm not trying to impress anyone, But I'll be fucking cold!
I started my Bike and speed off for my usual morning ride before school, I was surprised Charlie agreed to letting me ride this baby, I would have rode it anyway, it makes me feel free, I would never get off it, if I could
I did a sharp turn at the corner, It had started to rain.
I actually like the rain now, I don't know why?.
I started to hum a tune as a rode, it soon turned into my lullaby, I immediately regretted humming.
I got out my "school razor" and cut a light line on one my wrist, not enough to make a bloody mess though.
I reluctantly decided to make my way to school in the freezing rain.
Turning into the school I saw a shiny Silver Volvo parked by itself.
"Great I'm hallucinating" I frowned sarcastically.
I could have stayed home and tried hallucinated.
I speed into school parking lot, parking as far as my motor bike would allow from the Volvo.
This was weird I never saw a Volvo in any of my hallucinations.
"It's the pill" I said to myself.
I ran into the building. I was 100% sure I was seeing things, why would they come back now. I ran to the bathroom and pulled out my Razor yet again, but stopped realising I left my school stuff on my bike.
"shit" I hissed
The Volvo's probably gone I thought, Why did it seem so real?
I ran back out at full speed to get my stuff. People stared.
Jessica and Lauren blocked my path.
"Fucking move Guys" I spat.
"Bella, what you gunna do?" she started
I punched them both in the face they collapsed shocked. I had enough of those sick bitches, saying stuff about my past.
"That's what I was going to do you biatch's" I smiled.
I reached my bike, But my stuff was gone.
"What" I whisper confused.
Who would steal my fucking bag.
"This is crazy" I thought
I bared a glimpse to where the Volvo was before.
"Still there" I sighed angrily.
Mike decides to approach me.
"Fuck off Mike" I glared at him.
He ignored me.
"I was wondering-"
"No Mike FUCK OFF!" I screamed.
He ran away scared like a little girl.
"Ha" I laughed.
I couldn't stand it here anymore, I hopped back on my bike and rode out of the school.
"BELLA!" I heard a familiar voice.
I shrugged it off.
I was going home.
school wasn't usually this chaotic.
I arrived home shortly after, lighting up another joint.
"God.." I breathed in the smoke with relief.
The house phone rang.
I ignored it .
My phone rang. (Fuck you by Lily Allen)
I smashed it into the wall like a spastic idiot, that's when I saw from the window a car parking.
I felt sick, I hadn't eaten in about 2 weeks.
I bolted to the bathroom, puked.
I lifted by head to just see red.
I felt a set of hands holding my hair back.
I spun around.
No hints for the next chapter..I'm sure you've got a pretty good Idea though..or not. :0
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