Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince - A Parody -
Chapter 6 -The Book -
Chaos, utter chaos, that's the only way to describe the limbs flailing about, the noise of chatter, hundreds of students piling their way down the halls towards the day's first class. Let's zoom in on the poor Professor McGonagall as he's uselessly giving directions to the kids. Wait, we lost him, zoom back. Uhhhhhh. Hold on here, wait. Ummm. There he is ! Zoom in on him quick before we lose him again.
" History of magic is up, not down ! Mr. Davies, no peeing in the hall ! " The stressed out professor eyed Harry and Ron sitting on a ledge, clearly enjoying themselves.
" POTTER ! " The stressed out professor screamed.
Harry Potter stopped smiling as he eyed the professor beckoning him with his finger.
" This can't be good. " Harry mumbled as he slid from the ledge.
" You have no choice, " The professor loomed over the small boy, who would be chosen, " report to Slughorn at once, and don't ask any questions! Take that loser Ron with you too, I HATE HIM ! "
" But ..." SLAP ! Harry was slapped hard by the older man, the poor boy fell and was nearly trampled by the passing herd of students.
Inside Slughorns's classroom ...
Harry and Ron stumbled in the door giggling like little girls. Everyone turned and stared at them. There was a moment of awkward silence that followed, the two boys stood there, taking in the silence with a blank expression on their faces.
The silence continued...
1 Hour Later, still inside Slughorn's classroom ...
" Harry m'boy ! I was beginning to worry. I see you've brought a little girl with you today. " Slughorn beamed.
" Ron Weasley, sir. I'm a boy. I'm not very good at potions, horrible really. So I'll be going..." Ron made his way to the door, quickly.
Nobody stopped him, Slughorn just shrugged. He waved his hands and announced for the class to - take out your books - whatever the hell that means. Screw him !
" Cough, I'm sorry Professor, I don't have a book, until this morning..."
" Harry, did you just say - cough - ? " Slughorn smiled.
" Sir, I..."
" Never mind, get what you need from the cupboard. " Slughorn turned and helped a young Spanish kid.
Harry turned and eyed the old cupboard a few feet away. I'll have to walk there I guess. He walked to the cupboard. He searched and searched until he found what he was looking for. He took his seat near Hermione.
" ...love potion can have the..." Slughorn winced at a loud crunching noise, " ...the
same effects of the..." CRUNCH, " ...effects they had before..." CRUNCH, SLURP , CRUNCH CRUNCH CHEW , CHEW CRUNCH CH-CH-CH-CH-CHEW ! " ...they were, what was I saying ? Who's eating anyhow ? "
Harry raised his hand.
" What is that ? " Slughorn angrily pointed at Harry.
" A bowl of Lucky Charms. You said I could get what I wanted from the cupboard."
" Get a book, please. " The Professor smiled, the entire classroom laughed loudly at the-boy-who-eats-Lucky-Charms.
Harry sighed and returned to the old, scary cupboard. He searched and searched until he found a really old text book. He grabbed it and returned to his desk. He started to flip through the book, not paying any attention to the important lessons being taught by the underpaid Professor Slughorn. Each page had some really wild sketches all around the borders of the page.
" That doesn't sound so bad. " Ron whispered in the seat next to Harry. Somehow he returned without the knowledge of the entire classroom. But nobody cared ! Poor Ron !
Harry takes out a large hunting knife out of his robe, who gave this knife to this kid ? What the hell is he doing walking around with this huge knife in school ? DAMMIT ! I WANT ANSWERS !
Ron tried to cut his bean, but it shot out across the classroom and punctured the back of a girls head, she died two days later.
Harry found secret instructions to crush the bean on the edge of the page. Draco sliced his finger off, he screamed but nobody seemed to notice. Herminone scalded her face somehow. Ron was fast asleep on his desk. Professor Slughorn was half a mile away in the teachers lounge, telling everyone else how much his students sucked.
8 Hours later ...
The chapter ended abruptly.
" That was odd. " Harry said, shaking his head.
" What is ? " Ron asked him, moving closer.
" The chapter, it just..." Sniffle , " it just ended. Like that. " Harry snapped his fingers as a tear rolled down his cheek.
" Don't worry, ol'boy. " Ron choked as he put his arm around Harry.
" We were (sob) just getting to the (sob) good parts too. " Harry was on the verge of wailing now.
" Shh, shh ,there there, my friend. " Ron held his finger to Harry's mouth.
" Don't you worry about it Harry , " Ron whispered , " it will continue. I promise you that. I promise. " Ron turned Harry's chin towards his face and removed his glasses.
" Thanks, you really are my...SMURFFIN ...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING RON ? " Harry wiped the saliva from his mouth. Ron took a step back, red faced.
" Sorry Harry. I tripped. " Ron stammered.
" Tripped ? With your tongue out ? You're a bleeding pervert is what you are ! "
Thankfully, the author ended the chapter...