A/N This is the last of my fics for charity, just under the one year anniversary of me offering to do them!
This is for cephalopinguin's donation to the Teenage Cancer Trust.
It's Harry and Ron in only dialogue.
Boys Don't Do That
"I didn't grow up in a hugging family. I don't hug hello or goodbye or really ever. Hermione is a bit of a fling into your chest hugger but she's an only child who was blessed with hugs for everything."
"That's not the same though. I grew up with hugs and punches and hair ruffles and farts into the face and when I was still small enough dad used to carry me upstairs to bed every night. I had a dad who would pick me up, when I was covered in sick and snot and tears, and carry me to bed. I don't go around cuddling people either."
"But still, I think my not being a hugger is down to the life I had before your family. I'm still frozen and taken by surprise by your mother's hugs."
"Yeah, there was that awkward phase when my head was level with her boobs. Thankfully I grew out of it."
"Ron! This is your mother we're talking about."
"Exactly, that's why it was awkward for me. I was just getting to think that boobs were something...nice to look at and at the same time I grew a few inches and she was jamming my face between hers. I was so confused because I loved boobs but I didn't want to rub my face against hers."
"You really do have a way with words."
"I like it that I can rest my chin on the top of her head. She's brilliant for cuddling now."
"My point? Are we going to address my point?"
"No, Harry, no boys our age, no matter what their upbringing, are comfortable hugging each other."
"We've been through a lot."
"Yes we have."
"No but, a lot."
"I know, I was there."
"And for all that we've been through and nearly dying, falling out and being miserable without each other, and then seeing each other hurt and... and bereaved."
"Bereavement is always different, Harry."
"I know, that's not the point of what I'm saying, I'm saying that we've gone through a bloody lot and even then we've only hugged once."
"No, I'm sure I've got you in a couple of the slappy on the back loose hugs once in a while."
"Hugs, Ron, real hugs that men don't do with each other. We've done it once."
"Life or death situations permit it."
"We've seen each other cry more than we've hugged."
"No we haven't."
"You saw me. I blubbed all over your mum and you watched me. I really hated that you saw that by the way."
"Bereavement is different, I just said."
"And I saw you."
"I'm feeling like a broken record. Bereavement..."
"Not funerals, not crying on Hermione at Dumbleddore's funeral, not cracking up at Fred's, not any of that. That night, I looked away because you didn't need to be stared at but you cried and I saw it."
"I'm hardly the best example of masculinity am I? You got me, I cried when nobody died."
"And we hugged."
"Life or death situation."
"That had been a while before though. We didn't hug because you saved me from drowning. It was after that."
"I wouldn't suggest you go there, mate, because I'm not going with you."
"We've only hugged once despite everything. Yet we're not butch or pumped up with bravado. You're from a hugging family. I'm just saying you would think, of all people, we'd have needed to hug more often."
"Boys don't do that."
"Boys don't do that."
"Boys do that."
"Oh we do that very well! So anyway, did I tell you that I had to caution George today? best day of my life, I'm telling you. I could have arrested him and everything."
"He chased a shoplifter down Diagon Alley, right? The length of the Alley he ran after him, and when he caught up he kicked him up the bum. A good old fashioned toecap up the arse. Brilliant it was!"
"Where's the fucking bottle opener? Oh, don't worry, got it. Anyway, it's essentially vigilante behaviour so I had to step in. George is all, he's the thief, what kind of shit Auror are you? I then warn him for abusing an Auror, nearly pissing myself laughing, and Tobamory is arresting the thief, right? Harry?"
"You're not. So somebody came in and slapped you with a wet fish did they?"
"Boys don't sulk."
"Are you pissed off with me?"
"Give me my drink."
"Oh well aren't you fucking grown up?"
"Grown up? The grown man who can arrest people and let people off with cautions and was classified as a war veteran at nineteen years old, that man..."
"You're calling me a... You're calling me something!"
"I'm calling you a boy."
"I'm calling you a boy, boy."
"Because I don't cuddle you more often?"
"Because you said boys don't hug. What about men?"
"Y'know what? You're right. Next time I've got a meeting with Kingsley I'll greet him with a manly embrace. Shaking hands? What childishness!"
"Don't be pathetic."
"Don't be a prat."
"All I did was bring up how odd it is that we still have this no hugging barrier between this, especially after the barrier came down when we actually did hug."
"Are you saying you want us to have a touchy feely friendship?"
"No, I was just talking about...real stuff, deep friendship stuff, and you dismissed the most honest and emotional moment we've ever had with a wave of the hand and 'boys don't do that' as if it was a weak, girly moment for us both."
"I don't think girls are weak. I grew up with Hermione and Ginny!"
"You think that was a weak moment for us."
"Did I say that?"
"Boys don't do that!"
"Fuckin' hell. If I'd known you were going to repeat whatever I said to that so much I'd have said 'Ron has a massive cock' instead."
"Oh like you need affirmation about that."
"Ron, your jeans are tight and your packet is big, you're hiding nothing."
"Oh-kay. So you've been looking at my penis and you want a cuddle."
"Ughhh! You drive me insane!"
"If you need me I'll be in the kitchen getting drunk."
"Don't go walking away."
"Don't be following me."
"I know it's a bad memory for you and you were really messed up in the head and you'd been possessed and abused and tormented and it had been happening to you for weeks and we didn't notice which added to you thinking we didn't care and..."
"Mind if I sit down? Only this is going on quite a bit."
"You are such an arse."
"But don't feel bad about myself because all that crap the Harry from the locket said was bullshit eh?"
"You know it was."
"I need another drink."
"You're only halfway through that one."
"Yeah but... Look now only a quarter left, and oh look... Now it's empty!"
"Don't be stupid."
"You want to have a talk about one of the worst days of my life and how you enjoyed it? Okay so when Fred died and we buried him, wasn't that wreath the Delacours brought really nice?"
"And that time Hermione got tortured. I don't know about you but all I could think was how it was so nice to see Dean again."
"And I'll tell you something, if we weren't tied up I'd have hugged him."
"Please stop it."
"Because there's nothing like wishing you were dead and then cuddling one of your male friends."
"For fuck's sake STOP!"
"Where did this come from? Where did this hugging shit come from?"
"It came from me realising that you..."
"I've never hugged anyone like that."
"I felt like shit at that moment."
"I was so happy."
"Really? You need a cuddle that much?"
"No, you daft sod. You came back. You saved me and you beat that thing and I finally understood you...the only thing about you I never got, I saw. You came back and you were strong and you...were exactly the person I thought you were."
"That's the kind of person you thought I was? A snivelling coward?"
"A hero I could always depend on."