Title: Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me


Something's simmering below the surface and an Archeologist has gotten under the skin of a Time Lord. Desires are being disclosed as a dangerous game unfolds. Oh yeah – and the Doctor's in a flirty mood.

The game is on! Who will come out on top? (Pun intended) Doctor/River … perhaps with the appearance of … spoilers!

A/N: Enjoy.. and if the mere thought of a flirty, sex-maniacal Doctor is not for you - better leave :)

"Hello sweetie"

One of these days he was going to send a psychic note to himself reminding his future – nah – his past self that following 'hello sweetie' across the universe was like cavorting with trouble, if not worse. He even considered making a brief little time trip back to his much younger self and warning the alas poor bastard that he should beware of curly-haired tricksters – time paradox and rules be damned. He sighed, frustrated that despite everything he still felt a slight exhilaration flowing through his body, pulsating and throbbing with warm, molten hot lava. Bloody hell – he was much too old for this!

He had a sneaky suspicion though that even with a warning label he would still stick his nose into the river – so to speak. Admittedly he was beyond fascinated, like a fly caught in the spider's web he was entrapped in a lullaby of puzzlement. He'd always loved a puzzle… and no one was more of a puzzle than the woman in front of him, her frizzy ruby-blonde hair sticking in every direction, curly and entangled; a law unto itself. Her blue gaze was fastened on him, her eyes glowing in the faint light and shadows danced across her red-painted lips playfully. She turned her head slightly askew, fixing him with an inquisitive look.

"You, my dear River, have a dangerous penchant for trouble," he told her in a soft spoken voice, mischief hiding slightly beneath the surface while he kept his distance and tried to nonchalantly look away from her revealing figure. The woman had an unusual fetish for elaborate, sinful clothes he was sure; every time they met he was assaulted by another new outfit that left the last one lacking and possibly demure in contrast. The darn woman had changed her outfit once again. He struggled to appear calm and collected – in control – but he felt his body grow unbearable warm in a manner of seconds, the feeling spreading to his fingertips and lower regions in surges of sweet rushing heat. Sweet betrayal of the body. If he'd been human he would have been salivating and whistling – he would have been bloody bawdy. Thank the stars he was only bestowing her with a leering smirk and a voice that seemed to be soaked in basic covetousness; "and a strange predilection for playing dress-up."

"Only for you, Doctor," she spoke in a low, sultry voice that invaded his albeit weak defenses and penetrated through skin and bones – it left him tingling. River slowly moved closer, her eyes gleaming with dark delight while she trailed her line of sight from his black well-polished boots to his impossibly unruly hair.

A tremor shook him, drenching him in a cold shiver as her voice registered in his mind and as if sensing the unspoken implications it ran down his neck and spine like cold fire, devouring his skin. Prickly sweet, imaginative touches voyaging across his skin, lighting flesh afire and arousing his senses with the warm heat of passion. To cover his tremble and less than appropriate thoughts, he gave her a large, overexcited smile and positioned his hands firmly on her shoulders in order to keep her from advancing further towards him.

For a brief second their eyes connected and he felt more or less dizzy. However, he quickly spun her around and started marching her towards the door; the amber light of the Tardis suddenly casting a too dark and secretive shine to things and certain people. He needed to get out – he needed to get her out, away from the shadows playing tantalizing across her skin, leaving her shrouded in mystery and temptation. He needed – buggeration! River had resolutely stopped in front of the door, her hands steadying her against the wooden door as he collided into her. Thus blocking them from actually opening the door – they were successfully trapped on the inside now. Sly fox. He dared not contemplate what exactly rendered his veins wild and alive with fire, setting his skin alight with anticipation and pleasure but at the moment he was on the brink of bursting. Swallowing his nervousness he tried to hide behind the usual mask of joviality – Tried however belonging in the category of 'operation failure'.

"Usually you turn the doorknob and open the door before walking through it, River" he drawled to her wondrously curly hair, his voice loud and boisterous to his own ears and sounding slightly off. Too cocky! His hands upon her bare shoulders felt sweaty and awkward, tingling with something unknown. An almost imperceptible scent lingered in the air, tickling and teasing his nostrils with an undertone of lavender, creating the color of light purple before his eyes. He leaned closer to the reddish strands of chaotic hair in front of him and sniffed inconspicuously. Undeniably lavender.

"Yes indeed – if you assume that I am actually intending to exit the Tardis, Doctor," River replied in a voice reminiscent of dark chocolate and which sent scandalous images flashing before his mind's eye. Dang it! The warmth from her body ensnared him, entrapping him to stand behind her unmoving. The attraction burnt searing white-hot in his mind, covering him in a sheen of perspiration and uncertainty – so he quickly dropped his hands from her tanned shoulders. Free of restraints River spun around swiftly, her back now leaning leisurely against the door while she glanced at him brazenly. But he refused to step back – on principle. Stepping back would surely raise one of her delicate eyebrows and ensure a flippant comment.

So naturally he inched deliberately closer to her, closing the remaining space between them nothing but cloth separating them, so he could look into her blue gaze with a well-delivered smirk. He laced his fingers through hers and trapped them between the wooden door and her back in an iron grip. Sanity had apparently left him all together; all that was left was shimmering madness and stirrings of feelings that had been dormant for too long.

"You don't want to walk through the door?" he asked her in a low, amused voice as he pressed her harder against the door enjoying the feel of her hips burrowing into his and her breasts firmly against his chest.

"No – I'm perfectly content on this side." She declared with a serenity he admired as her blue gaze locked him in a twirl of pleasant warmth, begging him to come hither.

"But you do not know what's on the other side!" in a bold move he had placed his lips next to her right ear and was savoring trailing a teasing pattern down to her earlobe. Feeling even more daring he lightly scraped his teeth across the skin there, lingering as he breathed lightly next to her ear, soaking in the pleasure of eliciting a small gasp from her. However, she quickly regained her composure.

"Oh – I know" her voice carried an undertone of dark desire beneath the smugness. An edge that sent his neurons on an excitatory marathon, overloading his senses and overriding what was left of his sanity.

"Impossible" he managed to utter, his voice strained and his hearts thudding loudly in his ears.

"Why, thank you" she replied in a smug voice as she glanced at him from beneath long, dark lashes and a playful gaze of cerulean.

"River!" he mock-admonished while pressing her further back, taking delight in the small moan that escaped her shadowy lips.

"Impatient today, eh" she grumbled, her voice low and almost inaudible. She pushed her body towards him in a spoil for him to retaliate, her azure eyes daringly alight with an impish tinge.

"With you – always" he whispered, his face hovering inches from hers.

"Mmm - indeed" she cooed close to his ears, the burr of her voice eliciting a tingling sensation to travel across his skin and bringing forth an almost unbearable sweet desire in its aftermath. Oh. The darn woman was going to be the death of him.

"You! ... You are absolutely shameless – and-and blatantly overconfident" Somehow the insulting words came out as a compliment; a tone of flattery in his voice that caught him by surprise. Apparently his unconscious was in the middle of a devious mutiny involving wooing and seducing the woman before him – why it was unabashedly Machiavellian of him.

"A learned response," River responded without missing a beat, her crimson mouth curving upwards in a contagious smile.

He grinned at her, shaking his head. The unbelievable nerve of some people.

"River – you are incorrigible"

She grinned back, flashing her teeth in a – if possible – wider smile.

"I learned from the best"

"I bet you did"

The seductive flirting and close body contact was suspended in the air, like an invisible mist of heavy allusions, and it was slowly seeping into his being, settling in his consciousness to blossom – a kaleidoscope of fire and explosions which set his body ablaze with flickering flames of yearning. A fluorescent display of fiery colors. Slick flames of vermillion intertwined with an inferno of sizzling coral and blistering tangelo.

He could feel the heat increasing and expanding, traversing from deep within his hearts and dispersing outwards in blazing bursts of almost painful pleasure, leaving him aching and on edge. What are you doing! This is dangerous! His foolish inner voice remarked, Run you fool! He squashed the voice down and swept all doubt to the dark recesses of his mind, left worries and reservations to slumber by themselves. Alert responses were going off and red lights flaring, telling him to flee but he ignored them. For once, something was right with the universe – well mostly right. Most assuredly, somewhere, someone was in a megalomania-induced rampage that either had dire consequences for a species, a planet, a constellation of stars, the universe or time itself – or something in between. At the moment he could not bring himself to care – not enough to leave the lovely warmth radiating from River or the delightful electric spark that ran down his spine whenever he looked at her – or for that matter thought about her.

An audacious idea blossomed in his mind then and it was with inspiration gripping him in a tight hold, he tauntingly caressed her jaw, possessively turning her gaze upon him. "River?" he enquired.

"Mmm", she tipped her head to one side allowing him to trail his hand down her neck, brushing across the carotid artery where he rested, her pulse strong against his thumb.

"Do you by perchance have a pair of handcuffs on you?" he watched as her eyes brightened with genuine surprise and flecks of emerging mischief turned her eyes a vivid cobalt.

"Why, you barmy old codger!" she grinned, ripples of laughter vibrating through his hand from her throat.

"That'a yes?" he bent forward till their noses touched and he could feel her warm breath tickle his lips, prickling with promise and lure.

"Yes" she acknowledged, her lips moving slightly apart and her blue gaze holding an alluring shade of midnight blue.

"Where then?" he asked and with a quirked eyebrow he let his other hand wander teasingly across the warm skin of her neck down to her bared collarbone. Pushing cloth aside he traced a finger across to the other shoulder, across the expanse of her bosom and boldly dipping a finger into her plunging neckline. The hand on her neck felt the sturdy throbbing of her pulse quickening and he watched with glee as her pupils dilated. Pushing his hips against hers his hand drifted lower, across the supple swell of her left breast, tenderly eliciting goosebumps along the touched skin.

"Sweetie, I do believe you're fishing" her voice came out in a husky breath and despite her pursed lips he knew she was enjoying herself.

"Honey - You ain't seen nothing yet" he quipped, his voice warm with amusement and his eyes raking a deliberately 'inappropriate' trail from her feet to her face as he raised an eyebrow suggestively. He could do smug as well as anybody! Smug and brandishing hints and insinuations every which way the wind blew – payback was going to be sweet. Spoilers my arse!

"Betcha you always wanted to say that," River retorted back as she ground her hips into his in lovely vengeance, her eyes dancing with delight and her lips taking on a kissable pout.

"Yeaarh … Now the handcuffs?" he requested yet again as his hands came to rest upon her hips, their path traversing from her neck and chest in a teasing caress across the soft cloth separating his fingers from naked skin.

A devilish grin flourished across her lips then; "Well…It's getting hot." Her voice was silky smooth, caressing his skin at contact and creating illusions of salacious undertakings in dark alleys. Oh that voice could melt metal. For a brief moment he wondered if he had indeed dissolved and had become a pool of flesh on the ground – Time Lord liquefied.

"Hot?..." he asked in confusion bewildered by her expression of slyness incarnated. What was hot? Wait a tick – "Oh hot! You mean 'hot' as in 'I'm close!' yeah - How hot then?" Once again he raked his line of sight across her body, trying to mentally imagine a pair of handcuffs hiding somewhere. How in the name of all time was that even remotely feasible! The dress looked snug enough as it were, closely hugging every curve and leaving no space left to breathe – let alone a place for a pair of handcuffs. Slyness indeed, the little minx!

"Hotter," River replied suavely, either unaware of the struggle facing him or deliberately feigning. Well – in for a penny… With a rapacious glare he let his hands slide around her waist, spreading the expanse of one palm against the small of her back as he let the other trail its way down to the curve of her buttocks.

"And what about now?" he growled as he grabbed her and simultaneously thrust a knee between her thighs, trapping her further. His leg sandwiched between hers was enveloped in lovely warmth and he could feel himself straining against his trousers. The game was on – dangerously on.

River held onto his shoulders, her fingers digging into his shirt painfully as they climbed upwards into his hair, tangling in his unruly strands. She answered his question with "Hot… hot" in shallow gasps, her lips next to his ear bestowing a trail of kisses to the nook of his jaw.

"Yeah?" he breathed out in a weak voice – all air having left him the moment he felt the soft contact of lips against his skin, an raging inferno of fire devouring him.

"Steamy hot" she whispered against his carotid artery, her lips pressed firmly against the hammering pulse. For a brief moment he wondered if he would feel the sharp edge of teeth sinking into his neck and biting down hard but instead he shuddered as he felt the wet, warm feel of her tongue licking a slow, sensuous route back to his jaw.

Not to be outdone he let his fingers walk, one hand down the sides of her abdomen, tracing circles around her clothed navel and sweeping across her hips while the other hand caressed its way upwards, finding the supple flesh of a breast and lingering. "How about now?" Sweeping the cloth aside in a rough move, he bent his knees and leaned closer and slid his tongue underneath her bared nipple and sucked it into his mouth. Mad – he must be mad.

"Sweltering" she moaned as she squirmed, her back arching upwards as she pushed herself closer to his mouth.

"Uh-huh" he responded, his voice sliding like velvet across her skin, his tongue following in a wet pattern as he bared the other breast.

"Mm-huh" she affirmed, her voice shaky as she tightened her hand into a fist in his hair. He felt her snake a leg around his waist, her heel digging into his buttocks and bringing him flush up against her. Her pelvic ground into his and he pressed himself harder against her, his fingers digging into the skin at her waist and his tongue licking underneath her other nipple before he slid his mouth over it. His insides were on fire and he was single-mindedly focused only on the feel of her warmth and the bared skin in his mouth. Everything else faded away – blurring – and left him with the explosion of pounding emotions. Oh god! Baring his teeth he chafed the sharp edges across her nipple, teasingly nipping before he moved upwards, across the supple swell of her breast and up to her collarbone and neck. Standing straight once more he traced his lips along her jaw while his fingers left behind her hips in favor of her still slightly wet breasts, pulling her dress further down her shoulders and uncovering more tantalizing skin that needed to be touched.

"And what about here?" he teased in a silky voice as he ran fingers across erect nipples, circling them with his thumb.

"Molten… hot… magma," she panted, her warm breath tickling his chin. He looked down and caught her gaze – an azure shade of enjoyment covering her eyes and in the depths he watched the twirling blue luminous play of lust. It covered him, enveloped him in a blanket of desire as he rapidly felt himself melt once again. Fascinated he watched as her mouth drew another breath, the crimson stained lips drawing his attention. The color of blood – vivid – begging to be smeared.

And it was with an almost insane fervor that he pressed his mouth hungrily against hers, almost brutally plying her mouth open with his lips and slipping his tongue in to find hers. He felt her tongue slide against his and her leg around his waist tightening. He savored the little noises she made in the back of her throat and groaned himself when she bit down on his lower lip, sucking it into her mouth. She tasted faintly of orange, the bittersweet flavor of tangelo tingling his lips and taunting his senses. Time stood suspended for a sweet moment and nothing but her lips existed.

Then he felt her hand move from the tight hold in his hair down to his shoulder, then hip before she placed it on the buckle of his pants. He was straining almost painfully against the cloth and was on the brink of lunacy, he was sure. Her hand moved further south, a single finger running down the length of his erection while she continued to suck on his lower lip, cloth separating them still. He heard a hiss of indrawn breath escape him at the contact; a sound more animate than anything else. And just as he was about to pounce…

"Ar ye twae don yet! Jeeezz," the half-amused, half annoyed voice of Amy rang out across the Tardis, dousing him in a cold shower of momentary alarm and stopping him in the process of devouring River while she had paused in the middle of unbuckling his pants. He opened his eyes and looked directly into River's surprised eyes, red blotches slowly materializing on her cheeks as she glanced at Amy behind him. Crikey! How long had Amy been standing there! He felt the beginnings of a blush creep across from his back and neck and crawling upwards to his face, uncomfortably warm. Embarrassed his hands fell limply to his sides and he took a rapid step back only to realize that he was only making the situation worse as he was exposing the rumpled, half-dressed River for half the world to ogle. He quickly stepped back in front of River, tugging her dress back in place as he spun around to face Amy.

"I thought you two were bickering," Rory joined in, standing next to Amy his face split in a suspicious grin. W-what!... What was this! Humiliate the doctor day! How the heck had he forgotten about Amy not to mention Rory! She and Rory had been in the swimming pool, waiting for him to get rid of River after their latest daring adventure together. Weelll – they had been bickering. He remembered the loud, angry voices River and him had thrown at each other, bellowing and gesticulating, while sprinting away from the swimming pool. But somehow, along a corridor, he'd discovered that behind his livid anger something else was simmering. And he had been stupid enough to look at her then – and he had seen a reflection of his own emotions. And from there it had gone downhill – that's where he had started complimenting her dresses and her knack for finding trouble. Apparently flattery was going to be his undoing.

"Ahhh – just explainin' to River the theory behind… erm "

Rory was giving him a most snide knowing look, his white teeth flashed in a wide smug smile while Amy had crossed her arms and was fixing them with an amused stare. They both looked like two, small children who had come down to find Santa trapped in their chimney – eyes alight with childish glee.

"Deoxyribonucleic acid imprinting and transfer," River supplied her voice awfully close to his ear. She looped her arm through the crook of his elbow and stepped up to his side. Looking askew he was surprised to find her looking calm and collected – her dress once again respectable. The only tell of their earlier activities seemed to be her slightly bruised lips and a red, angry welt at her throat which was rather a mystery – he couldn't remember biting her let alone hard enough to leave a mark behind. A bite mark – how deviously possessive of him.

Straightening himself, he stared back at his two companions, trying to convey the same serenity as River, "Yes, just clarifying a few details"

Rory sniggered most unbecomingly, his eyes darting back and forth between River and him while Amy arched an eyebrow; "Clarifying! It's tha what they call it in Time Lord lingo!"

Bloody, obstinate companions! He could feel a headache settling behind his skull, a dull but slightly annoying aching that would be a relentless hell in mere minutes if this kept up. Beside him he heard River laugh as well, her voice floating through his skin and bones and lighting his hearts on fire once again. Bloody hell!

"She had some lint in her eye – I was just trying to get it out!" he lied defensively, desperately hoping that Amy and Rory had not been observing the pair of them that long.

"With your mouth -" Rory whispered but Amy's loud voice interrupted before he could yell at Rory; "Doctor! We're not complete dunderheads! You're practically undressed!"

"What! I am not," he declared throwing his arms out, "Hell – I even have my socks on!"

Amy laughed and Rory snickered. What was wrong with them? He looked at River and was slightly annoyed to find her smiling as well, her lips turned upwards in a bemused grin.

"Sweetie," River cooed, "your bowtie," and she pointed to the floor where the said article lay on the floor in a disheveled heap.

Ah – he felt mortified beyond reason. Why was he blushing furiously! The unfairness of it all – them ganging up on him – he should have suspected. Humans – phew!

"Aaargh – you're bloody impossible," River fumed as she marched away from the damn, all-mighty Time Lord who had practically been scolding her since she'd said hello. What was with him! From the moment she'd waved her hand and said – rather innocently mind you – 'hello sweetie' he'd been in a bloody mood; irritable and snapping at her with no reason or rhyme. Apparently everything she did or said got on his frail, frazzled nerves. It had been driving her crazy but nonetheless she'd patiently ignored his outburst and tried her best to just move along with their investigation of the Titian Time Distortion.

"Damn woman! You're the one jumping off the bloody rooftop," the Doctor yelled heatedly somewhere behind her as he was without a doubt following her to make sure she didn't accidentally ruin something else on her way. The nerve of that damn man – damn alien.

"Twit," River flung back over her shoulder as she glared back at him, narrowing her eyes in indignation. The insult alighted his eyes with further ferocity and she took great delight in the dark glint of fury in the depths of his eyes. He looked ready to burst, on the brink of pouncing on her, she thought. Not that she would mind.

"You're a bloody disaster waiting to bloody happen, River" his voice had taken on a dangerous edge – its connotation sending tendrils of burning fire in her veins and her lips quivered with raw tension.

She spun around, crossing her arms across her chest in a defensive stance, staring him to a halt. "I'm not the one who won't listen to advice, Doctor!" she told him as she tried to ignore a feverish wish to somehow lunge out and hit him squarely on the jaw. The smug bastard.

His eyebrows climbed to his hairline as he gave her an incredulous look; "Advice! Listen!" he spluttered, "River, you don't advice! You bloody command!"

"What! You saying I'm bossy!"


"Y-you… You!" she was too angry to come up with anything to throw back at him, so she turned on her heel and started striding down the corridor again, her fury burning hot and intense. She was beyond furious – she could feel it come alive inside her, burning like a furnace from hell, setting her alive with pounding emotions. That damn impossible man! He was impossibly in this regeneration – not to be reasoned with. Completely insufferable! Utterly bonkers! And too goddamn young!

"At least I'm not condescending!" she yelled as she strode forward, once again fueled by the fire inside her. It burned, prickling and tingling with an almost unbearable playful pain. A yearning to attack and sink her teeth into her prey.

"Oh – the insult" the Doctor said in a sing-song voice behind her, his boots clicking relentlessly against the floor as he matched her step for step. She distinctly heard the undertone of roguish laughter in his reply and for a moment she considered turning around and tackling him. But somehow the image of straddling him on the floor brought a slight warmth to her cheeks and she opted for name-calling instead.

"Woolheaded mule"

"Know-it-all," he delivered back, his voice too close for comfort.

"That's the best you've got," she taunted him, her voice heavily laced with sarcasm.


The word stopped her in her tracks, surprise gripping her. Confused she spun on her heels and found him to be only inches away. He had a most impossible wide smile plastered upon his face and a devilish glint in his eyes. What was he playing at!

"That's the best insult you can think of?" she asked him, her voice sounding incredulous to her own ears, "You are slipping, Doctor!"

"You, my dear River, have a dangerous penchant for trouble," he told her, his voice soft and his eyes glinting dangerously with something rather indecipherable.

"Doctor," she smiled at him, wondering why he chose now of all times to flirt.

"And a strange predilection for playing dress-up," he continued in a velvety tone, underlined by a dark, devious edge – as if daring her to disagree. Fascinated she watched his eyes travelling down her body before they quickly reverted back to her face but she saw the tell tale signs; the small glint of mischief and delight in his eyes, the small lecherous curve to his smile and the slightly dilated pupils.

Oh – so he was going to play it that way.

"Only for you, Doctor," she played along.

Two can play that game.

"It's gone all quiet – Do you think they've killed each other?" Amy asked Rory.

"I'd imagine River knocked the Doctor out," Rory answered drily.

Amy laughed.

"That'll be the day"

"No seriously – did you see the punch she threw at the blue-alien-gator-thingy?"

"Rory – it's called a Titian!"

"Tomato, tomahto – I swear she knocked the poor thing of its feet – erm paws."

"It really is awfully quiet!"


"Maybe we should go check – you know, just in case"

"Yeah – just in case River decides to throw the Doctor out into space"

Amy laughed again – and the two of them went in search of the odd couple.

Somewhere in a mad box, sometime later, the Oncoming Storm gazed upon the universe and all of time, and he said:

"Alone at lastSo where were we!"

The impossible woman at his side answered:

"Thrill me, kiss me, kill me"

And the Oncoming Storm kissed her - It was the most effective way to shut her up indeed.

Bwaha... Had fun writing this. :)

Reviews save lives you know, /Iso =)