Onyxx: I'm sad now!

Dracula: Why?

Onyxx: Because … because …

Dracula: SPIT IT OUT, WOMAN!

Onyxx: … This story's almost over!

Dracula: … Wh … What? No! You can't do this! Why are you doing this?

Onyxx: IT HAS TO END. That's all I have to say.

Dracula: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Chapter Twenty-Two:

I held my hands over my chest with my eyes closed, my hair neatly parted down the middle and wearing my old Morticia Addams Halloween costume. It was my own funeral.

The coffin lid was closed. I heard Mary and Dracula sobbing quietly, even in my tiny prison.

I had the sensation of being lifted, and then dropped—then I was in the hearse, driving to my grave site. Then I was lifted again, then dropped. More words were said, and more crying was done. Then Nemo sang one of my favorite songs—"The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides.

I open my lungs, dear

I sing this song at funerals, no rush

These lyrics heard a thousand times …

Then I was dropped slowly into my grave.

Time passed, then earth started hitting the top of my coffin. Darkness even more profound than hell enveloped me, and I almost couldn't breathe.

Hours passed. I sighed, taking my cell phone out of the folds of my dress and dialing Nemo's number.

"Where the hell are you?" I shouted into the phone after he picked up.

"Jeez, love you too. We're right here. Tryniti's got the shovels and I'm leaning back, supervising."

I growled and hung up, then pounded on the coffin lid. It didn't seem as heavy, so I waited a bit before pounding again.

It opened, and Nemo grinned at me from above. Tryniti was covered in sweat and dirt, and she looked pissed.

"You could have helped," she growled at him.

Nemo laughed, then took my hand, helping me out. I shook myself off.

It was dark out. The moon shone bright and full in the October sky. I looked around, blinking, my eyes not used to the brightness after being in a coffin as deep and black as Hell.

Dracula's arms wrapped around my waist as he nuzzled my neck. "You're a wonderful actress, dear," he said, his lips at my ear.

I laughed. "Thank you." I turned to face him and pressed my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Nemo gagged behind me. "Get a room!" he shouted. Tryniti laughed.

Dracula made a rude gesture and kissed me with more passion than before.

Now my parents wouldn't ask me to come over on sunny days (or any days at all). No one mortal except Mo, Tryn, and Gerry's family knew I was even really alive—or something close to it.

I was happy. I was with my husband, my daughter, and my best friends.

All was well.

We booked our flight those years ago

I said I loved you as I left you

Regrets no longer in my head

I promised you, and now I'm home again …

Again …

Again …

I'm home again.

Onyxx: Epic cute ending!

Dracula: Onyxx, you gotz some DISCLAIMING to do!

Onyxx: Oh, yeah, right. I don't own those lyrics (duh). They belong to Andy Six and Black Veil Brides.

Dracula: Aaand? Forgetting something?

Onyxx: Special thanks to all my readers! This would never have happened without you guys! Celtic Authoress of America, Erik'sPhavoritePhangirl, I-Baby Jane-I, IamthePhantomoftheOpera, JDLuvaSQUEE, and The Mad Musician, and everyone else! (If I left you out, my most sincere apologies.)

Dracula: Aaaaaaand?

Onyxx: Extra special thanks to Gerard Butler for being the ultra-sexy god you are and for playing in such an awesome Dracula remake.

Dracula: AND?

Onyxx: … Oh, yeah. Thanks to my best friends and—

Dracula: (epic glare)

Onyxx: I'm kidding! Thanks to everyone's favorite vampire … EDWARD CULLEN.

Dracula: GACK. (falls out of chair gagging)

Onyxx: Kidding, kidding … I hate Eddie … Everyone knows that our buddy here is so much cooler than that idiot.

Dracula: THANK YOU.

Onyxx: Well, that's it, everybody!

Dracula: Goodbye!