Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. Also, thank you to everyone who let me know that the page uploaded incorrectly the first time around last time. You do not realize how popular a story really is until something goes wrong.
Warning: Sexual Situations and not all consensual. Also, detail talk about what happened on Tarsus IV. Nothing graphic, but it's not pretty. This chapter is a mix of angst and fluff.
Spock: Something Illogical Part Two
For the first time in his entire 29 years of existence, his mind could not function properly as Jim's mouth continued to consume him. The sensation of Jim's tongue mingling with his was overwhelming to the point where he could not think about how illogical the scenario was. After several unknown moments, they pulled apart gasping for breath. Spock was unsure exactly how long the kiss lasted because his internal sense of time was nonfunctional do to the fact he was finally able to partake in what his heart desired most. Because his highly advanced mind was still in a state bliss, he maintains that he is not responsible for what he said next.
"I was functioning under the assumption that you were heterosexual. Obviously I was wrong." He said that gasping as his James started sucking on his neck as their fingers mangled with each other.
"Spock, I am so in love with you that even if I was straight, I would switch teams for you." Spock's heart rate increased by 22.3% at Jim's declaration of love. Although that may have something to do with James bringing their now joined hands to his mouth as he kisses each one of Spock's fingers.
"You are in love with me?" Spock asked in a whisper as the majority of his control left him.
"As illogical as it sounds, I am completely head over heels in love with you. I don't know how it happen but I became instantly infatuated with you the moment I saw you at the hearing. You made me so angry that I couldn't think straight. I may be an emotional person but nobody has ever generated that type of emotional response from me ever. At the same time, off I wanted to push you up against the nearest wall and do all sorts of very inappropriate things to you."
"Why didn't you?" Spock was so lost in the sensation of James now licking and kissing his collarbone, that he actually used a contraction.
"Unfortunately, everything went to hell. We had to deal with a futuristic nut job, that had a very illogical Spock vendetta; your planet was destroyed like in that scene from Star Wars; your mom died; you tried to kill me; and I found out you had a girlfriend. I just didn't think more was possible."
"I was under the impression that you did not believe in no-wins scenarios?" Spock asked as he pulled James mouth back to his. James body was pushed back up against the wall again as they continued their clash of teeth and tongues.
"I don't." James said panting, out a breath, as he reluctantly pulled away. Their mouths broke apart but their body stayed pressed together so tightly against the wall that Spock could feel James's erection pressed up against his leg.
"I thought you were in love with her even if I knew something wasn't quite right with that relationship." James told him, as he placed another hot open mouth kiss on Spock's neck before pulling away to become serious for a moment.
"I don't sleep with my friends and I don't sleep with their boyfriends. Nyota became a friend of mine, without even trying and I just couldn't hurt her like that." Spock understood. Jim's integrity is one of the things that Spock admired most about his love.
"Then there was the other version of you."
"He is not me." Spock replied as he kissed his James gently on the cheek. He only wished he realized that months ago, before he used the fact the other two were merely friends as a means to justify not going after his James.
"I know he is not you, but in a way he is. In the cave on Delta Vega, he knew who I was before I even said a word. He looked at me with such admiration and love that it hurt. I never had anyone care about me like that before and I wanted so badly to have you cherish me like that. I was shocked when he said we were just friends in the other dimension. Partially, because you hated me at the time, but also because his feelings were so intense it was overwhelming."
"I never hated you. I have always been torn between wanting to kiss or kill you." Spock said giving James a gentle kiss upon the lips once more. It took all of his remaining control to not allow it to escalate further. However, Spock understood the importance of this conversation and restrained himself.
"I didn't know that at the time. I just knew I wanted you to look at me like that. If we could only be friends, I wanted that. When I found out about the girlfriend, I knew that was all we could have. So I did everything I could think of to cultivate that friendship."
"I did not love her. I love you." At Spock's declaration, the conversation was over and their mouths fused once more. He was so lost in the sensation of his James that he did not hear the door open or the several expletives screened by Nyota. The first thing that registered was Jim's body falling into the doorway from Nyota's punch. That is when he remembered he invited her there to let her know that he was perfectly OK with her dating James. It seems that his earlier hypothesis regarding this matter was also false due to inaccurate information.
"Fuck, I meant to hit you." Nyota screamed at him with more anger then he has ever felt from anyone before.
"I'm going to let you two talk, before I get punched again." With one last look, his James was out the door. Spock wanted to follow but did not.
The conversation that followed was painful as he realized just how much he actually hurt her. He should have never allowed the charade to continue. He should have told her from the beginning that he only saw her as a friend. When he realized that he was doing to her what Christopher did to him, he should have broken up with her immediately.
He should have spoken to her about his suspicions instead of trying to play matchmaker. He wanted to offer her comfort just like she offered him comfort the day of his mother's death, but she would not allow it. She was too hurt by his actions and he could not blame her. What he did to her was wrong. He left her as requested to find James.
Not only was he worried about his love but he also needed to convince him, for Nyota's sake, not to press charges. What she did was Spock's fault. He was the one who hurt her. Spock was the one who convinced her to come to that room. He was the one who most likely destroyed her friendship with James.
Even though his mind was filled with conflicting emotions relating to his feelings for James, he was still worried about her. She didn't have that many friends left and her outburst scared him. Before going to see James, he put in order for her to see the ship psychologist in the morning. Although he wanted to see James again quickly, he doubted he would have the presence of mind to put in the order in later.
Spock walked into sick bay just in time to hear the doctor accuse him of being the one to cause Jim's rapidly blackening eye. He was also under the misconception that Spock was heterosexual. After being around humans for most of his life he still does not understand their obsession with categorizing.
On Vulcan, those who are not forced into a premature bond usually partner with those who they found mentally compatible. If he were on Vulcan or rather the colony now since there is no longer a Vulcan, he would have approached James without worrying about his supposed sexual orientation because there is no such thing on Vulcan or rather now in Vulcan culture. Yet, because James was from earth, he decided to go buy human cultural norms. Now he wished he did not.
He will neither confirm nor deny that he purposely started kissing James on the Bio bed, just to irritate the doctor. He was completely unaware that the doctor even left the room. His decision to allow James to start removing clothing was purely instinctual. This probably would have happened earlier in the conference room if they were not interrupted. He sincerely regrets his earlier plan involving Nyota arriving at the room ten minutes later.
James was just about to unzip his pants when Leonard walked back into the room and kick the two out, without healing James injuries properly.
The walk back to James courter seemed to last forever. They looked perfectly normal as they nonchalantly talked about ship business on the 5.3 minute walk to James quarters.
The moment they walked into Jim's room, Spock felt himself pushed against the wall, as James once again removed his science top. Minutes later, Spock's black undershirt along with James entire ensemble were tossed across the room. Moments later James was wandering around his room in his boxer shorts trying to find lubricant and condoms that were not expired.
"If I actually believed that you were in love with me, or just wanted to have sex I would have stocked up on supplies. I just didn't want to jinx it." Jim said as he threw another expired pack of condoms in the recycling unit.
He will not admit that he was slightly happy that James had so many expired packs of condoms in his quarters, because that meant James was not engaging in sexual intercourse with anyone else. He will admit to himself that he enjoyed watching Jim practically tear his quarters apart nearly naked.
"Why do we need condoms? I do not possess any transmittable diseases." Spock said after a moment.
"Supposedly, I am clean too, but I did a lot of stupid stuff the first year at the academy. Also considering the amount of stuff we have been exposed to on different alien worlds, who knows what we could have. I do not want to hurt you. Because I don't want to hurt you, we need lube and I used my supplies up during private time. Do you have anything in your quarters? You did have a girlfriend up until a couple of weeks ago."
"I was not planning on having sexual intercourse with her. Therefore I did not keep any 'supplies' in the room."
"When I'm not 30 seconds from jumping you, you're going to have to explain that to me. There's no way in hell I'm going back to sick bay to get condoms." Jim told him right before a smile appeared on his face. He then grabbed an innocent looking gift box from under his bed. Spock could read from behind Jim that the package came from Jane Barnett, even if she signed it as 'your other mom'.
The card read, "I had a little talk with the object of your affection before I left. If he finally gets a clue, you will need what is in this box. Apparently, you have been a very good captain lately and are no longer sleeping with anything that walks. Do not open this box until you have your Vulcan lover about to rip off your clothes. Don't tell me any details. Love your other mom."
"Oh my god! She gave us condoms." James said as he pulled out the first thing in the box. Also inside the box were several bottles of pleasure enhancing lubricant, old fashion handcuffs with some red fuzzy substance around them, silk scarves, various toys, and an electronic copy of Inner Species Relationships for Dummies."
"I don't know whether to be disturbed or grateful." James said looking dazed for a moment. Spock decided to take matters into his own hands and pushed James on top of the bed as Spock grabbed one of the bottles of lubricant out of the box. Both of their Starfleet issued boxer shorts were unceremoniously tossed across the room, as he started kissing his way down Jim's chest, as he was trying to decide what would be the best way to prepare James for penetration.
"You can be disturbed about this after I make love to you." Spock said as he grabbed the bottle of lubricant once more as he prepared to pour some in his hands. He stopped as he noticed Jim pull away a little.
"Did I use the wrong term?" Spock asked quickly.
"That depends on you. Do you really love me?"
Spock kissed him once more before answering with a verbal and breathy, "yes".
"This isn't just sex or fucking?"
"No it is not. I am in love with you and have been for a very long time."
"This is the first time I've ever done this."
"There is a first time for everything." No more words were said after that as he started to prepare his lover for his first encounter with real lovemaking.
The difference between sex and lovemaking is not the speed, temple or even the positions but rather the emotions connected to the act. Even when he performed fellatio on James, or James was riding him as they utilize the red fuzzy handcuffs they were still making love.
However, the biggest difference is hours later after their physical urges were sated as they laid together, completely entangled as they talked about everything. James laughed as Spock explained why he invited him to the conference room earlier that day.
"It is not that funny James." Spock said as he placed an open mouth kiss on his lover shoulder blade.
"Yes it is. You thought I was in love with Ny, and broke up with her because you were so in love with me, that you couldn't bear for me to be unhappy. This was all cause because you were too scared to tell me that you were in love with me. I thought Vulcans didn't do fear."
"As you have pointed out several times, I am not fully Vulcan."
"I am very thankful for that. I seriously doubt a full Vulcan would be screaming so many dirty words as I came inside of him or when he came inside of me. I did not even know you knew the word fuck as your oh so tight Vulcan muscles were squeezing my cock the last time. I love that mouth of yours to as you are fucking me with it, got to love the lack of a gag reflex." James says as he pulled Spock in for another kiss.
"You do realize we cannot punish her for what she did, at least not formally. I was thinking maybe she could see the new ships psychologists tomorrow or rather today." James said looking at the clock realizing it was now 2:00 AM ship time.
"I already scheduled a time for her later today. I did not tell her because I believe she is not very comfortable with me right now."
"What gave you that Idea? Other than the fact she hit me when she meant to hit you. I think it is best if you guys are not on the same shifts right now. I will talk to her. Also, when she can finally stand to be in the same room with you again, I suggest you not tell her that you were planning to give her to me as a gesture of your affection. She will cut off your dick and I really like it." Jim said as he actually wrapped a hand around said appendage and triggered another round of various sexual activities.
Spock was surprised to see Jim functions so well with only three hours of sleep that day.
When morning came, he was reluctant to leave and worried what would happen. Was this just a onetime thing? His love apparently had the same fears.
"Did you mean what you said last night in front of Bones?" James asked as he was getting dressed for the morning in their shared bathroom. During their final round, they somehow managed to break Jim's bed and decided it was best to actually sleep in Spock's quarters.
The only reason why their quarters are right next to each other was the original captain's quarters shared the ventilation system with the nearby botany lab. During his first night in command, James spent the entire time in sickbay due to a severe allergic reaction. The only option was for James to take the original first officer room and for Spock to take the adjoining room next door that was intended for the chief medical officer until major renovations were completed. Spock was quite thankful for the configuration that morning.
"I said many things last night. Could you please specify the specific instance which you are referring to?"
"Are you always this deliberately dense? Oh wait, you thought I was in love with your girlfriend when I was in love with you. You are the smartest idiot I have ever met. It would be endearing if this conversation was not so serious. Do you want a real relationship with me? I'm not exactly boyfriend material."
"I value our friendship too much to risk it for anything less. That was part of the reason why I was so reluctant to prove the heterosexual assumption false."
"Are you really sure you want a relationship with me? I am still a little screwed up on the inside even after two years of therapy. I'm highly illogical. I don't pick up after myself and I rarely clean. Last night, I threw out six boxes of expired condoms."
"I was quite pleased that you did not have any use for those devices recently."
"If I didn't have to deal with your ex girlfriend, I would wipe that smile right off your face right now. Unfortunately, I have to be a good captain and clean up your mess so we don't lose the best communications officer in Starfleet." Surprisingly he felt a moment of worry before James continued.
"I'm surprised I don't have a transfer request in my inbox yet." Spock let out a breath of air that he was completely unaware he was holding.
"The longest relationship I've ever had was in high school and it only lasted about four months. Unless your definition of relationship includes sleeping with the same person repeatedly as you both see other people? There were a couple of people at the academy I fooled around with for all three years." The angry look that he gave James told him he did not consider that to be a relationship.
"I require the occasional date to consider whatever we are doing as a relationship. Fortunately for you, I consider playing chess a date."
"I guess I should thank Chris for your low standards on dating." He froze when he heard the name.
"I know you broke up with him because you were tired of being his little dirty secret. I may not be ready to make an address over the PA system but I value you in ways that you probably will never be able to comprehend. So expect a few shore leave dates and desperate attempts at cooking." Jim said giving him a gentle kiss as he stepped back into the room.
"I find that prospect very appealing. In the interest of starting our relationship off with complete honesty, I must tell you that was not the real reason I terminated my relationship with Christopher. I asked Christopher to marry me. He said no. His explanation for rejecting me was illogical and therefore, I decided it was best to terminate are romantic relationship. I would have been amenable to keeping our romantic relationship with Christopher private if he was willing to get married. However, he found the prospect distasteful." Spock said without looking at his lover.
"So instead of telling him the real reason why, you told him some half truth just like you told Nyota some half truth." Spock's actions seem illogical when phrased like that.
"Your hypothesis is correct."
"I can't say that I am sad he turned you down but I'm sorry that he hurt you. Next time we are on earth I am going to buy him very a large bottle of some very high proof alcohol as a thank you present." He did not understand the purpose of such a gesture that said nothing.
"I'm quite pleased that he said no at the moment as well."
"I'm not ready for white picket fences or happily ever after. I'm not even completely ready to tell anyone about us but my good friends. I will say you are the first individual I can picture myself married to and that doesn't completely terrify me."
"That is enough for now, T'hy'la."
The next few months were a period of major transition as he and James went from friends to lovers completely. This period of adjustment probably would have been easier if he and Jim worked any of the same shifts that first month. Because he was the one responsible for the tension between him and Nyota, Jim decided Spock should be the one to work gamma shift.
During that time, he and Jim had very little free time together except on their day off. The only time they saw each other during work hours was when they were making command decisions together or during a crisis. Although Spock purposely cut his meditation time short so he could at least partake in one meal a day with his James.
During the time they served together, Christopher and Spock never had meals together because Christopher was worried it would be suspicious. Spock now wonders if Chris was just being paranoid.
He found it fascinating, how no one noticed the fact that he and Jim were now a couple. Despite the snide comments made by Dr. McCoy every time he and Jim sat together in the officer's dining room.
The doctor was still having difficulty adjusting to the fact that he and James were lovers. Dr. McCoy was also still convinced that he was the one responsible for Jim's bruises that first night. The doctor was constantly fussing over his friend whenever possible. Even going so far as to question Jim about some of his various bruises and bite marks after one of the few times the two were able to be together during that first month.
"Seriously Bones if you can't figure out why I'm covered in bruises and bite marks, no wonder you got a divorce. Your sex life must have sucked or maybe the lack of sucking was the problem." Jim said with a smirk.
"Thanks for the visual picture. I'm going to go see if I can find the industrial strength brain bleach now." The doctor said in disgust as he walked away. He rarely ate lunch with the two after that.
Surprisingly enough Nyota was much more accepting of his relationship with James then the doctor. Finally, after 33.2 days Nyota decided to have mercy on him and allowed the two of them to have shifts together again.
"I'm not going to break if I have to see you and Jim together during shift or in the cafeteria. I may even be able to handle some discreet Vulcan kisses on the bridge without adverse effect."
"I seriously doubt that would occur even without your permission. James and I have decided to keep our relationship private for the time being. We both grew up in a fishbowl, as James would say. Although, I don't understand what fish have to do with being under the constant scrutiny of the press.
"It's an expression." She said with a sigh before continuing. "I don't think you have to worry about anybody figuring out that you and Jim are together. You could go down on him in the middle of the bridge and some people would still be confused." Ironically enough, this would be how Mr. Scott discovers his relationship with James six months later. However, this particular incident happened in a supply closet near engineering.
"I already told James I would do no such thing even if he found a way to get everybody else off the bridge for the time it took to do such an act."
"I don't want details. I meant that in the metaphorical sense. How on earth or any other planet, did I think you were straight or actually into me? That was a rhetorical question. It's 2259 and people still have it in their mind that all gay men wear glitter and listen to show tunes. Jim Kirk fits the supposed heterosexual norm too well, like a modern James Dean." He instantly recognized of reference.
"According to the history files, James Dean was not heterosexual. Therefore it is illogical for him to be seen as a heterosexual model of human masculinity."
"Most people don't know that, just like with our James. That is why it takes a metaphorical knock in the head for him or her to realize the truth about Jim Kirk. In your case, it was him kissing you into a wall. Unfortunately, I had to walk in on that." She said with a lot less hostility than he was expecting.
"I have apologized for that incident several times."
"Yes and you will keep on apologizing for that incident for a very long time. Seriously, how could you think I was secretly into Jim? What makes you think you had the right to just give me away to make the guy you were completely in love with happy?"
"I thought James decided never to tell you about that incident."
"He can be manipulated quite easily under the right circumstances. Don't feel bad 79.2% of the entire ship now believe that Jim and I are screwing. 14.2 percent of the crew thinks you and I broke up because you found out that Jim had a crush on me and you decided to be a good friend and let me go so he would have a chance." Spock blinked at that, wondering how she acquired such statistics.
"What about the remaining 6.6%?"
"This is the percentage of the crew that actually knows that you and Jim are sleeping together. This small select group of people are made up of me, Dr. McCoy, the poor person who keeps having to replace Jim's bed after you two break it doing god knows what, and a few of Jim's ex hookups."
"Jim has ex boyfriends on the ship?"
"Of course, that is the only part you hear. What I am trying to tell you is I want a certain rumor to go away. Since Jim is unwilling to make out with you in the mess hall the only other option is for the three of us to get along."
"How will that alleviate the rumor?"
"The number of people who are assuming that I'm screwing my captain has increased by 38% in the last 32 days because everybody thinks that you are on gamma shift because you and Jim are fighting despite the fact that you two have lunch together every single day. I didn't work long and hard for my position for everybody to assume I got it on my back. I want the rumor to go away. You owe me."
"I will do as you ask." Unfortunately, three years later that particular rumor is still very prevalent around the ship. It eventually mutated into a threesome rumor as more and more people picked up on the closeness between him and James.
"Good. On another note, as one of Jim's friends it is my duty to threaten to tear off your dick with my bare hands if you do anything as stupid as what you did to me. How hard would it have been to say I like you just not in that way? I still would have loved to go with you to see Vulcan opera even if I wasn't under the delusion that we were dating. Do not even think about doing something like that to him. You will prefer a Klingon prison to what I will do to you. Do we understand each other?"
"Completely," He said as she walked away.
He endured the traditional threatening of the boyfriend from Dr. McCoy, Jane Barnett, Jim's mother who he has only recently started speaking to again, and oddly enough his own former boyfriend. After that conversation, Spock finally understood the human concept of awkwardness.
After being together for two months, they finally notified the Admiralty of their relationship officially even if Christopher already knew. Admiral Barnett was slightly upset because he lost a bet with his wife and would have to be her personal slave for a week.
Four months into their relationship, they gave up on the concept of having separate quarters and moved in together. It was another month before they realized that such a thing had occurred. Surprisingly enough no one noticed that Spock's room became a meditation area and office. Spock still found it fascinating that visiting crewmembers never asked why James has a full bed in his quarters or why Spock has a meditation mat where his bed should be.
Although their relationship was still not public knowledge, Spock did not feel as if James was ashamed of him. It was a mutual decision to keep their relationship private.
During their first shore leave together as a couple, they went to various restaurants and clubs together. Spock will admit the only reason why he accompanied James to that particular night club was to make sure no one else touched his lover.
Also by the fifth month mark, Spock accompanied James to two diplomatic events that required Jim to have an escort. When asked why he chose Spock as his escort, Jim would just make some joke about Spock being the only one who could keep him from drinking himself into a stupor.
Spock was more comfortable with the arrangement once he began to understand why James was not completely out, as they would say on earth. One night six months into their relationship after various activities the two were cuddled together on their bed, Spock begin to examine the old scars on James shoulders and stomach.
"Where did these come from?" Spock asked as he ran one finger slowly over the naked flesh. He instantly feels his lover tense up underneath his touch.
"You do not have to tell me if you are unable to T'hy'la." Spock said as he placed a gentle kiss on his temple.
"I want to. Just give me a minute to compose myself." Jim said with shaky breath.
"Okay," was his only reply.
"How much do you know about Admiral Barnett's wife's career?"
"I know her big break was her interview with your mother when you were a baby. For the next 11 years she mostly did pieces that are normally referred to as "fluffy journalism" before writing the award winning Child X series."
"What do you remember about the Child X series?"
"It was about a boy from Iowa who was continuously abused by his stepfather as the local authorities did nothing even after numerous reports." It was at that moment that Spock remembered that James was originally from Iowa.
"You were Child X?" Spock asked Jim as he wrapped his arms around his lover to protect him.
"Yes, I was Child X. A couple of weeks before Jane wrote that article I drove my biological father's antique car into a ravine so that Frank could not sell it. Frank got so mad that he literally beat the hell out of me. Jane discovered me a few days later because she thought it was weird I wasn't there at the dedication ceremony for the George Kirk Memorial shipyard at Riverside." Jane has always been observant, so Spock was not surprised by this.
"Frank did a lot of damage that time, lots of internal bleeding and broken bones. That is where the scars on my shoulder and a few other places come from. The doctors said that if Jane didn't get to me when she did I most likely would have died because Frank wasn't planning on getting me medical care any time soon." Spock shivered at the thought that his love may not be with him now if circumstances were different.
"The worst thing about the whole thing was my mom wouldn't have bothered to even come back to earth and divorce Frank if Jane didn't frighten her into doing something. The woman has always been oblivious to the truth even if she was on planet."
"This was not the first time your stepfather hit you?" He asked with concern.
"No. I don't remember a time when Frank didn't hit me. He has always had a volatile temper. I didn't have to give him a reason to be violent. I just didn't feel like giving him a reason not to be. When I was five, I lit a teddy bear on fire in my bedroom to try to get my mom's attention. It didn't work. I can't even remember why I did it anymore."
"What about the scar here?" Spock asked as he ran a finger over the very old scar tissue on one of James' muscles.
"I was six years old I think. I had to be in second grade, it was right around Valentine's Day. Mom just left for a six-month mission a week or two before. Frank found my Valentine's card to Andy and decided to punish me for my 'deviant behavior'." Jim said with bitterness.
"What particular behavior did he find deviant? Spock asked not understanding why James's stepfather would do such a thing.
"Andy was a guy. The entire time Frank was hitting me, he was calling me every single derogatory term for homosexual in standard and a few other languages. This sort of thing happened a lot. No one was around to stop it from happening. Mom was just never there. Instead of being a good big brother, Sam just watched it happen. Sometimes he would join in the verbal abuse. Nothing like your big brother calling you a f#*$ to screw up your self-image and create all sorts of trust issues. It continued like that until I drove dad's car off the cliff hoping mom would come back. She didn't, but Jane came for me." He just held on to James for a moment as he saw a few tears fall. He could feel his lover's anguish through their physical contact.
"Is that why you keep your sexual orientation a closely guarded secret?" Spock asked as he made the obvious connection.
"Yes and no. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I just don't trust people that much or really at all. My mom essentially abandoned me to a homophobic child abuser with a drug and alcohol problem. My brother blames me for our father's death and made my life miserable until he ran away to college. I haven't talked to him in over a decade and I don't plan to. Even Jane didn't save me the way I wanted her to." Jim paused for a moment before continuing.
"It isn't that I don't want people to know. It's just I don't trust them to see the real me." No one knows the real Jim Kirk until he is ready for you to see who he really is. Spock understood what it was like to be uncomfortable because of who you are.
Even though he faced cold indifference from his father for the majority of his life he never had to deal with physical abuse. He was thankful for that.
"Did you not trust me early on in our acquaintance?" Spock wondered in that moment if that was the reason why he didn't know originally.
"Even after you tried to kill me I still trusted you with my life. I would not have asked you to be my first officer if that wasn't the case. I just did not trust you with my heart. I'm over that now." Jim said with a kiss that ended all conversation.
Nine months into their relationship, Spock finally tells his father about his romantic acquaintance with James. He did not want to say anything until he knew this was not going to end. Spock was shocked to find out that his father was not surprised at all even after Spock explained that he was planning to bond with Jim eventually.
"You are not shocked by this news?" Spock asked his father as he stared at the communication screen motionless.
"Vulcan's do not become shocked. Honestly, I think your human boyfriend is a bad influence on you. You are becoming more human."
"I am half human. It would be disrespectful to mother's memory to completely forget that she is part of me."
"Your argument is logical. I did not find the news that you are not only engaged in a romantic relationship with your captain but it is also serious, unexpected. First, during our communications for the last 13.3 standard months you have on average mention James name 17.6 times per conversation. Second, on three separate occasions James has answered your com station when I called when you were on duty or in the lab. Third, on one of these occasions he answered in only his boxer shorts. The lack of a shirt allowed me to see the various bite marks on his skin." Despite all his control, Spock felt an unusual amount of blood rushed to his cheeks causing the skin to become green in color.
"Is that all father?" Spock asked hoping to end this conversation as quickly as possible. At that moment, he really wished he forced James to take part in this awkward discussion. He would rather be talking to his ex boyfriend about his current lover again, than engage in any conversation about his sex life with his father.
"No it is not son. I am sure that you are well aware they your counterpart has taken his place on the Vulcan council. It took me less than 3.4 minutes to realize that he was my son, despite being significantly older than you and having a new name. He melded with me for a reason that I am unable to tell you. He was bonded to his James in the other dimension, although they had an open relationship. I hope you and your James will not do such a thing." That last part was mumbled under his father's breath. Spock was shocked to hear his father mumble anything. He was not shocked that the other Spock was bonded to his James.
"That is good to hear. I expect to see both of you when Enterprise is at the remembrance ceremony for the destruction of Vulcan in 5.1 month's time." Before Spock could respond, his father was no longer on the screen.
5.1 months later Spock and James will survive the initial visit with Sarek with minimal damage and Spock only eating two chocolate bars. His relationship with his father is improving, but it is still complicated. He tries to tell himself that at least he did not have someone like James former stepfather to contend with.
For Spock's sake, James survived the snide comments that are not meant to be snide and the subtle insults. James has way too much fun responding to the idiots that call him very insulting things in Vulcan completely unaware that James knew exactly what they were saying.
After the mandatory time with his father, forced public appearances, and avoiding invasive questions from reporters that care more about Jim's personal life than anything else, the rest of their time on the colony became a restful vacation with vast quantities of sexual intercourse. They both preferred this.
Four weeks after the second anniversary of the destruction of Vulcan and their subsequent visit to see Spock's father, the Enterprise was assigned to lead the relief efforts the planet $#%#% or Money for short. (Most people refer to the planet as Money in standard due to the first character in the native name resembling the old dollar sign of earth.)
Planet Money had a very small population of 509,067 people do to decades of war and famine. However, that planet was very important to the Federation due to being rich in various minerals and elements, the same minerals and elements responsible for most of the warfare. As a show of good will, the Federation sent Enterprise to deliver supplies and assist with the overall relief effort.
Spock should have known that something was wrong from James's initial response of, "Starfleet and the Federation wouldn't give a fuck about the dying children if it wasn't for all the dilithium on the planet." Because his partner usually gets upset over the less altruistic motives of Starfleet, Spock did not realize that Jim's reaction was caused by a completely different reason.
It was not until three days later when he saw his James literally shaking as they visited one of the refugee camps that Spock realized something was very wrong.
"Are you okay?" Spock asked as he pulled James away from the rest of the team.
"I'm fine." Jim said with shaky breath as he refused to look Spock in the eye.
"As I have told you several times, the term fine can mean various things in standard from 'I am actually okay' to 'I am falling apart but I am not going to tell you that'. In this case is it the former or the ladder?"
"The latter, I think we have been together too long. You know me too well."
"What is wrong?" Spock questioned as he wrapped his hand around James not caring who saw. Most individuals on the crew would not understand the intimacy of the gesture and those that understood would already know that they were together. However, at that moment he did not care about the consequences.
"I can give out rations and help triage those who need medical care but I cannot be in charge right now. I thought I could do it. Every time I see a starving child I keep flashing back to when I was a desperate 15 year old, even if the children here have purple hair and lavender skin."
After being together for 15.3 months Spock doesn't know certain things about Jim's childhood including anything that happened between the ages 13 to 15. What he does know of Jim's childhood is enough to make him not ask questions. Instead, he takes over the mission without Jim actually saying that he was "emotionally compromised". Spock knows his lover enough at this point to know that is true without hearing the words.
They went back to the ship instead of staying on the planet as originally intended that night. Dr. McCoy was the one who suggested it and Spock was grateful for that. The moment they walked into their shared quarters, Jim had him pinned against one of the walls as he devours Spock's mouth. Uniforms were ripped off in the haste to connect physically. Even though Spock was technically topping in this specific physical encounter, he was the one who ended up covered in bruises and bite marks.
Spock still found it fascinating that most people on the crew have no idea that James was the one responsible for these marks. The current rumor circulating through the ship is that he and James were both dating Nyota.
After that particular round of lovemaking with James, he began to hear the entire sorted story.
"When I was 13 I got caught by my junior high principle making out with some boy that I can't even remember the name of. Probably because the principle already hated me for some of my less than ideal student behavior, he made a big deal about it. Instead of hearing my side of this story, my mom ships me off to live with her sister and her husband. It isn't until years later that I learned that my mom only did it so she could take some off planet mission." There was so much pain in Jim's voice it was consuming.
"I am sorry about that."
"I thought apologies were illogical especially when you were not responsible. At first, it was not that bad. It was kind of like a vacation. It was also nice for once to have parental figures that actually love me. At least one did anyway. Then the famine came."
"I don't remember hearing about any severe famine that would have taken place on earth at that time?" Spock asked as he held onto his lover more tightly.
"Did I forget to mention that this all took place on Tarsus IV?" Spock stayed quiet at that.
"When we were on the new colony a couple weeks ago, I had lunch with the other you that day your father insisted that the two of you have lunch together privately. I was curious to find out if the other me, with the supposedly perfect childhood, avoided the entire Tarsus thing. He didn't." Jim became quiet at that.
"That is most unfortunate."
"He ended up on the planet for almost the same reason. In the other dimension dad got a new position that was not child friendly. Instead of mom staying behind, Sam got shipped off to college early and I got shipped off to Tarsus IV or rather, the other me. The only difference is the famine occurred two years earlier in the other timeline."
"How could that happen?"
"Thanks to all the scientific breakthroughs in this dimension, the scientists on Tarsus were able to synthesize an anecdote for the fungus that was killing the crops. It worked well for two years. Then the fungus mutated and the anecdote was completely useless. Because everybody trusted the scientists so much, nobody thought to store extra supplies. The scientists were the first to 'disappear'." James said in a whisper as he held onto Spock so tightly he was becoming extremely pale.
"What do you mean by disappear?" Spock asked his boyfriend trying to remember everything he could about the tragedy.
"I'm sure you know a lot about what happen on that planet. Most people don't realize that the majority of the people didn't die because of starvation but because they were murdered by the government and the governor. In the other dimension, according to other you, it happened all of the same time. In this dimension, it happened in stages." This was something that was not public knowledge and obviously classified.
"You do not need to continue." Spock said in a whisper as Jim started shaking again.
"Yes I do. You are the only one I trust to know the entire story. First, it was the scientists, but nobody asked questions because everybody blamed them for the famine. They put so much faith in the scientists, no one prepared for a worst case scenario and therefore the famine hit hard quickly."
"Then the non-humans started to disappear. Apparently, when people start panicking, the first thing that comes out is their inner xenophobia." This did not surprise Spock given his childhood.
"The next people to disappear were those with disabilities. By this point, people were starting to ask questions so they lied and said that they were taking individuals with unique needs to a special place. That special place just happened to be an execution chamber." James's voice became shaky again like earlier that morning as a single tear fell.
"At this point, the colony just received word that the Federation was not sending help for months. That was when the real chaos began. There was looting and people being shot for whatever food they had. At the same time, my next door neighbors Robert and Jack disappeared along with their son Aaron. I didn't know at the time, but the couple were murdered a week before their seventh wedding anniversary. I don't know what happened to Aaron." He has never seen his lover so unhinged before and this frightened him. James actually broke down in tears as he described his aunt's murder at the hand of the protection forces.
"My uncle blamed me for some reason and decided to turn me in. I couldn't believe that someone who supposedly loved to me was willing to send me off to die. I think I was worth an extra week of rations. I don't know. He didn't live long enough for me to ask him why he did it." The tears were gone again replaced with a hard expression that worried him even more.
"I was picked off the street without warning and thrown into a black van. Normally when this happens, no one sees you again. Fortunately, for me the woman who interrogated me found me attractive. She couldn't believe such a beautiful boy like me was gay and gave me the opportunity to prove it. She was the first person I had sex with." Although Jim did not use the terms rape or sexual assault, it was obvious that the situation was anything but consensual.
"As long as I kept having sex with her I had food and I did not end up in the execution chamber. I used my position to save anyone I could. From the Child X situation, I learned that public humiliation and outcry were great motivators to actually get things changed. I put together a video file of what was going on and sent it to Jane. Under threat of a public relations nightmare, Starfleet showed up in time to keep another 1000 people from being executed. Too bad we didn't have some really important natural resource like on this planet, then maybe 16,000 more people would still be alive."
"Although on the bright side, in this dimension Kodos was arrested and subsequently executed, because the rescue team knew to bring peacekeeping forces. In the other dimension he escaped and went into hiding for nearly 20 years."
"You do not have to go back down there tomorrow." Spock said to his lover. Spock was literally sickened by this story. He would be up the entire night meditating to recover from a mental anguish he was feeling.
"Yes I do. I have to find a way to exercise my own demons. It will be cathartic or so I have been told. You'll be there the entire time anyway."
"I will be wherever you need me to be."
"I feel better just talking to you. Nobody else knows everything that happened. Jane knows most of it, but but I told her I was sent off to be executed because of my allergies not my sexual orientation. You're the only one I Trust to know everything about me."
"I will never do anything to lose your trust." Spock said as he continued to stroke James's stomach until he fell asleep.
As the child of an ambassador, as well as, being one of the first human Vulcan hybrid Spock spent a great deal of his life under close scrutiny of the media. However, that was nothing compared to what he went through during his relationship with James. Due to his good looks, Jim instantly became the poster boy for Starfleet and brought Spock along despite his protest.
Due to the massive amount of casualties during what is now referred to as the battle of Vulcan; recruitment and rebuilding the image of Starfleet became number one priority. According to Jim 98% of their missions were PR related. Those were not the exact words James used that Spock prefers not to repeat those specific expletives. Spock could not help but agree with his James when the Enterprise was assigned to appear at the remembrance ceremony on the new Vulcan colony for the third year in a row. Being used as Starfleet's token Vulcan was becoming quite distasteful.
The interviews were invasive before they started asking relationship questions. Most journalists, and Spock uses the term loosely, only saw him and James as means to increase their hit count. The only reporter that Spock did not find highly intrusive was Admiral Barnett's Wife as her public persona of Jane Que Public.
Rather she was not intrusive on camera. She has asked him many highly inappropriate questions over the years. Fortunately, all were asked in private. He will never forget her 'congratulations you finally figured it out' present even if he wished he could.
It was foolish for him and James to think that the general public would be oblivious to the sexual nature of their relationship indefinitely. Six months into his relationship with James, 10.3% of the crew knew for sure that he and James were lovers. Another 12.6% suspected such a thing.
(Spock is still not sure how Nyota came about such statistics. Spock was just happy that they were actually speaking to each other again. They were friends again after she forced him to take her shopping one shore leave and made him buy whatever she wanted under duress. He despises shopping. He does not understand why she made him buy her three pairs of highly expensive vintage 21st century Prada shoes that are completely impractical for even diplomatic dinners let alone every day use.)
At the same time, many reporters were starting to figure out that he and James were more than friends. The reporters were always fascinated with James's dating habits. Therefore, reporters and others notice when he was no longer as promiscuous as his legend would indicate. Many were suspicious early on for that reason alone.
When Spock started escorting James to almost every single diplomatic event some people who were more open minded began to question their relationship. Others went completely into 'denial mode' as is the human expression.
He and Jim decided early on in their relationship, that they did not want to go public but their friends and family would know the truth. They did not go out of their way to hide that they were in love with each other, but were not planning to have a press conference. Surprisingly, Spock was the one who suggested this arrangement because he knew James valued his privacy. Even if it made him slightly, uncomfortable, James was willing to go public if it would make Spock happy.
It was only logical for rumors to occur in the media given the amount of time they spent together. Suspicion increased dramatically once images started showing up of the two spending shore leave together or of the two exiting his father's house on the new colony. Fortunately, because nothing overt occurred in these images, most people assumed they were just friends. For some people it was still enough to cast suspicion.
By the two-year mark, reporters were starting to ask specific questions about the possibility that he and James were lovers. By mutual agreement, they did not necessarily lie, but merely chose not to answer with the entire truth. Spock did enjoy using his superior logic against the invasive reporters who had no respect for anyone's privacy whatsoever.
By the time of the Babel conference almost three years into his and Jim's relationship, it was obvious that it was time to let everyone know.
"When I was shopping with Nyota this afternoon she mentioned that Barbara Sawyer is now going through my trash in hopes of getting a big rating grabbing story for sweeps." James said as they were laying completely naked post orgasm in their room. For some unknown reason most of their most important conversations have happened immediately after intercourse. The rest usually happen in the bathroom.
"I assume you mean that in the metaphorical sense. Due to the fact that almost all waste on Enterprise is recycled, it would be quite difficult for her to find actual trash."
"She is snooping around trying to find an ex boyfriend or even girlfriend that want their 15 minutes of fame, even if it means trashing me. Barbara is currently stalking Nyota's old friend Shawn. He is back in San Francisco working on his law degree. That makes him an easier target compared to many of my other living former partners. Fortunately for me, Shawn believes in the importance of privacy." James said as he wrapped his arms more tightly around Spock.
"You are worried." He said it as a statement not a question.
"You're so good at reading me. I don't want to wake up and find my dirty laundry aired on Gossip World, not that I consider you dirty laundry. If we are going to go public, I want it on our terms and not theirs." At that, moment Spock picked up on James's 'I am planning something big' expression.
"What are you planning, T'hy'la?"
"I love it when you call me that." Jim said as he started placing hot open mouth kisses across Spock's chest and abdomen. "It makes me want to do all sorts of inappropriate things to you." James started licking his belly button at that.
"Do not distract me with your tongue."
"I don't know. There are a lot of things I can do with my tongue that are very distracting." Before Jim could prove his point, Spock physically pulled him up.
"I will allow no such thing until you answer my question."
"Sometimes you are no fun whatsoever. Fine, I think we should tell Jane when she comes here with the Babel Conference delegation."
"Jane already knows. If you remember correctly she figured out we were in love with each other before we did."
"I mean we tell Jane on camera. I don't trust any other reporter not to ask stupid questions. Also, we owe her for keeping this a secret for three years even though it would boost her ratings."
"I find that plan acceptable."
"Is this conversation now over?"
"Can I blow you now?"
"I find that agreeable."
Of course, he was not expecting James to reveal their relationship in that particular interview. Spock was under the impression that it would be a pre-taped segment that they would do later on. He was also not expecting James to propose marriage during a live broadcast. He blames his unbelievable happiness for practically jumping Jim during the 'live' transmission. The fact that three members of the Vulcan delegation ended up in sickbay for heart palpitations was an unexpected bonus. His father was not shocked at all and expected the engagement.
The media fallout was also expected. They had to assign three people just to handle all the press request. Due to her producers finding out she kept their secret for three years in addition to what happened during a certain interview, Jane was fired again even if she owns half the show. James was not surprised at all.
"Don't worry. She gets fired a lot. In this case, it was more like they were mad at her and she just decided to resign. Because she now has a lot of free time and has no desire to find a new project any time soon, she has offered to take over planning the wedding as the 'mother' of the groom." Jim said as they were getting ready in there bathroom one morning.
"Why did she make such an offer?"
"She was a little bothered by the wedding invitation. There may have been a couple of spelling mistakes. How was I supposed to know not to use spell check? I think Nyota talk her in to it because we are driving her crazy. Where's my razor?"
"Underneath the sink, where it is supposed to be. Will Winona get upset at this?" Spock asked with a sigh.
"Probably, Jane has always been more of a mom to me, so she should get the privilege. We'll just need to keep them away from each other at the wedding."
Of course, this did not actually happen and he was forced to utilize the Vulcan nerve pinch to prevent a scene or an arrest.
He also had to deal with the uncomfortable situation of seeing his former boyfriend out with his new lover. The awkwardness of the situation was increased by the fact Christopher's new lover was Shawn who Jim slept with when he was at the academy.
Two weeks later after their honeymoon in an undisclosed very remote location where the most interesting activity was sex and Jim modeling his new leather pants, they returned home to find their quarters officially modified and filled with wedding presents.
"I thought we agreed that in lieu of gifts people were supposed to give cash if they felt it necessary to give us something." Spock said as he picked up a package of dishware that they will never use until at least retirement.
"Like the people on our crew ever listen to instructions. That is why they're the best crew in the entire galaxy." Jim said as he began looking at the presents. "Here's one from Nyota that is really heavy. I wonder if she got me those new sex toys I asked for." Spock wasn't quite sure if he was being serious or not.
"That would probably be Jane. I hope she doesn't get her biological children those type of presents."
"Baby, let it go. It was a gag gift that happened to be very useful that first time." James said as he disregarded the card without reading it any further. Inside were about 30 books from the 20th century. Some seem to be duplicates of the poetry books that James was always borrowing from Nyota. For some reason he noticed a few tears running down James face.
"Why is her present making you upset?" Spock asked wiping the tears away.
"I am not upset. Trust me, I am very happy. A long time ago during the beginning of the mission she asked me why I didn't keep any hard copy books even though I preferred them to digital copy. Back then, I'd told her it was because I never had a home to keep such things. I never had anybody before who loved me unconditionally exactly the way I am. I've never had someone who really saw me and still loved me. I did not know what home was."
"You are my home." Spock could not agree more as he kissed his love again.
This was supposed to be a very short story and its well over 50,000 words.
I would like to thank everybody who has read this story or added it to his or her alerts. Thank you to Teddy Bear for looking over some of these chapters.
I'm considering doing a sequel about Jane making a wedding video and doing interviews with everybody about Jim and Spock's relationship. I just have the urge to write Sarek being interviewed about his son's relationship. Let me know if you're interested.
I won't start immediately because there are a few Trek Pod stories I want to do based on the Outcast song Ms. Jackson and the Eminem song Beautiful I would like to do first. I also need to finish my four works in progress. I would like to finish at least one more story before I start on another major project. However, my creative energy never listens to me, so who knows.