Author's Notes: Already did one of these for ZADF and ZAGR, so now onto my favorite popular pairing, DATR. ;-) I hope you enjoy!
At first Tak couldn't understand why Zim had chosen to actually give up Invading and settle for a quiet little exile on Earth. The more she was around Dib, though, the more she wondered if that little defective may have had the right idea for once.
He knew it wasn't healthy, he knew she must be working some kind of an angle, but her human disguise was so pretty, she actually listened when he talked…I mean, spending more time with Tak couldn't really hurt, could it?
"Hey! I have evil plans that need foiling, quit hogging him!" Zim screamed, dragging Dib away from yet another evening spent at Tak's palatial base.
Granted, Zim was trying to stop her, but with all his constant screaming about how pitiful she was and how victory would be his and blah blah blah blah blah, Tak was glad to know that she had at least one foe who actually seemed to believe she could take over the Earth.
Sometimes, when she walked around with her hologram up for hours on end, Dib had a really hard time remembering that she wasn't just a beautiful, amazing but totally human girl.
"I 'promised?'" Tak laughed, as Dib's face fell even more. "Oh, you poor little Earth-monkey, so touchingly naïve."
Do you even remember how many people have died because of her plans? Dib berated himself, his mind feeling ready to burst. How could you ever love somebody stained with so much blood?
I'll put the plan off for one more day, Tak decided. After all, she was actually looking forward to tomorrow's lunch with Dib.
"Tak is an alien? So all those times I was thinking about kissing her, I was…ugh! I need to go take a bath now…"
She had seemed like the only friend he ever had. So of course, it had to have been a lie by the end.
He should have been madder, but really, he thought as he tightened a bolt on her fallen spaceship—a real, live, actual alien spaceship! in his garage!—he honestly didn't feel like making that big of a deal out of this one.
"Well, I don't care what some giant computerized brain said, I don't think you're a loser."
Dib growled and paid for another baseball, biting his tongue as he aimed. He didn't know why Tak wanted that stuffed animal, it was much pinker and fluffier than anything else she owned, but he was going to win it for her no matter how long it took to hit that stupid target.
"I'm really sorry that this happened, Tak," Dib said gently, as Tak, her face as expressionless as possible, lowered MiMi's broken pieces into the hole he had dug.
He wanted to ask her to the skool dance, but somehow once he opened his mouth all that came out was a kind of gasping, choking noise.
"Well, it's either you take the 'miserable human placebo' or let your burns hurt until you get back to your base," Dib said sarcastically, holding the ice-blue ointment bottle in one hand and rolling his eyes.
"Hey, did you change your hair? Er, your…holo-hair?"
"What? Uh…yes, actually, I liked it a bit longer."
"Oh." Pause. "It looks nice."
"You know, Dib, you really are the smartest little dirt-monkey on this planet…it almost makes me feel bad for tricking you the first time we met."
Dib's eyes widened as Tak twitched, covering her mouth. Oh dear Irk, please say the word "boyfriend" hadn't really just slipped out of her mouth.
Dib smirked as Tak's jaw dropped. Sure, he got brilliant one-liners in on Zim all the time, but out-bantering Tak was quite an accomplishment.
"Humans break too easily," Tak muttered, as Dib moaned deliriously from the medical bed beside her.
The Swollen Eyeballs would be furious if they knew about this. So would the Irken Armada, for that matter. Dib thought about all this as he stared into Tak's violet eyes, wondering what he should do.
"What's done is done," he muttered, waving his hand as if to dispel her memory from his mind. There was really nothing else he could do about it.
Dib's face burned as Tak burst out laughing, finally considering that maybe, just maybe, dressing up as the elf hero from his favorite fantasy novel wasn't such a brilliant Halloween costume after all.
It wasn't the perfect arrangement, Tak admitted. It certainly couldn't go on forever, and both of them knew that. But for now, it was good enough.
Both dreamed about serving their people and finally gaining the honor and glory they deserved. Now, if only that hadn't involved annihilating each other…
All that intelligence and dedication, somehow winding up in a single member of a species doomed to conquest or extinction from its own stupidity. I mean, really. What a waste.
"I, ugh…hope you like it," Tak said quickly, as the wrapping paper fell to the ground and Dib's face lit up with delight.
Are you really dating Zim? Dib scribbled, passing the note back to her when Ms. Bitters wasn't looking.
Technically, she wrote back. Trust me, he's hardly my first choice.
Dib wasn't quite sure what to make of that statement.
This feels much nicer than it should, Tak thought warily as Dib wrapped his arms around her.
Zim and Gaz's relationship was a series of threats, screams and attempts at bloody, terrifying violence. Dib and Tak, however, could get all the intensity they needed from a quiet conversation.
Somewhere in the back of his mind Dib knew that he shouldn't be holding her, he should just let her fall to her death for the good of the world, but he gritted his teeth and started pulling her up anyway.
"You Irkens don't even understand the concept of morality, do you?"
Dib had no answer for that, other than to shake his head sadly and walk away.
"Maybe I could help you study for the next test?" Dib suggested kindly, as Tak merely growled at the numerous X's on her Earth Literature exam.
It was odd; his mind was too strong for the most advanced Irken mind control technology to break through, but give him a little attention and he was like putty in your claws.
Dib stares mesmerized as the wind blows Tak's long blue hair away from her face. How could a hologram not only know to do that, but somehow make it look so beautiful at the same time?
"For the last time, Dib, I went over there to kill him and nothing else! I mean, really—me and Zim? Who else do you think I'm cheating with, the bloody Presidentman?"
Sometimes, they could pretend everything made sense and that this relationship wasn't a problem. It never lasted, though.
"Okay—snrk—that's enough, that's enough, stop!" Dib said, trying to suppress his insane giggling as Tak hypnotized some of his more bullying classmates into singing an a cappella rendition of "Barbie Girl" for his enjoyment.
Tak was cruel, vindictive and evil, just like Irken Invaders were trained from smeethood to be. So no, no matter how nice Dib was to her, she refused to be "touched" by it.
Tak rolled her eyes. "My PAK provides me with an internal thermal regulatation, and you're shaking like a Krog-beast in a windstorm," she said, rolling her eyes. "Now just take my bleeding jacket before I staple it to your shoulders, alright?"
Gaz warned him that no girl would ever really like him.
Why did she have to be right all the time?
"Huh. Alright, you're not so crazy," Tak conceded calmly, as Dib held up his spell drive to try to repel the attacking demon.
To Tak, stars were stars, big balls of gas to avoid hitting with your spaceship. It was only after she started flying with Dib that she really realized how truly wondrous they could be.
"I mean, I know it's a lot to ask, but…one day, could You let me meet a real girl like her?"
Once, feeling nostalgic for his old conversations with Tak on the playground, Dib had climbed into her ship's cockpit and to try to engage the computer in small talk. Even when he got it to stop trying to kill him, though, it just wasn't the same.
What Tak really wanted was a slave to control. The fact that Dib wouldn't be that, however, somehow made this particular sometimes-ally even more intriguing.
"I really am sorry it had to end this way, Tak," he said emotionlessly, leveling the ray gun directly at her chest. She wouldn't have believed him from his tone, if not for the silent tears streaming down his otherwise blank face.
There were times where each of them felt like they were drowning, but the other was always there to keep them from ever completely going under.
050. Writers' Choice—Hope
The way Dib saw it, there was a ninety-nine percent chance that their relationship was doomed. But he never quite gave up on that last, measly chance.
A/N: Admittedly a bit dark or cynical in some places, but hopefully still enjoyable. I'm not sure if I'll do more pairings in this style, but given how many crack ships I support you never know. ;-) Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and please review!