Lonely Heart's Club




Deidara was going to be sacrificed to Jashin. He was sure of it.

He gulped as Hidan circled him, scythe at the ready, while the others looked on mercilessly. If this was his punishment for confessing to Sakura, so be it. They were just jealous that he beat them to the punch.

Suddenly, Pein let out a sigh, watching his group o' bitches with quiet disinterest. While it would be fun to watch Deidara be ripped to shreds in the middle of Itachi's living room, he was not going to be cleaning up any blood. So he gave Hidan a sharp look, and said; "Put the motherfucking scythe down, Hidan."

The silver-haired masochist gave his leader a hurt look, but retreated to the corner of the living room to sulk in peace all the same.

"Now," Pein stood up, gathering the attention of the Akatsuki. "As we all know, Deidara confessed to Sakura last night." He sent Deidara a look that caused the blond to nearly wet his pants. "While it may be true that you are all angry jealous bitches, I cannot have it that Sakura thinks of Deidara more than me-uh, us, I mean. Right. Us. So here's what I propose; I like to call it, Operation get Sakura to Fall in Love with One of us or die Trying. Any questions?"

Zetsu raised a pale arm.

"Yes, Zetsu?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Well," Pein said thoughtfully, wondering how to explain his motherfucking amazing plan, "basically, whoever gets Sakura to fall in love with them first gets to keep her as his girlfriend."

"Don't we need her permission for this?" Itachi wondered. The feisty pinkette would surely kill them all before agreeing to this, he knew.

Too bad Pein didn't give a shit. "Not if I say we don't. I am God, after all."

The Akatsuki all nodded their agreement.

"Wait," Sasori said, thinking of something. "Won't this be kind of hard to do with everyone else around?"

Pein put a hand on his chin, pondering this. "Yes." He decided, after a moment. The Akatsuki waited for him to continue. He stared at the newly painted wall.

"Leader?" Kisame prodded, careful not to sound to harsh. "Why don't we just give each of us one day with her?" He asked. Though the thought of leaving Sakura in anyone's arms but his pained him, he had to let her go to keep her. He knew that once she really got to know the other members of the Akatsuki, she'd come running back to his arms.

Pein, unaware of Kisame's evil intentions, seemed to like this idea. "I like it. A day for each of us it is, I'll go first." He declared.

"Wait a fucking second!" Hidan shouted. "Why should you get to go first?"

"...Because I am the leader and therefore have ultimate power over you?"

"No way in hell! I should go first!"

"No," Itachi argued, "I should."

"After you almost raped her? I THINK NOT." Sasori said, glaring daggers at him. "If anyone should go first, it should be me!"

Zetsu laid back on the couch and enjoyed the show. After all, it was not the first person that made the most impact, but the last.

Finally, Pein called an end to the fighting. "HALT OR DIE, BITCHES! Now, we shall play a game of Go Fish to see who gets Sakura first."

"Fine," Itachi consented, "but I am not gambling my dango again."






"Make me food!"


"Please? I'll love you forever!"


"Teme, how could you deny Sakura-chan food? Look! SHE'S GIVING YOU THE PUPPY DOG EYES!"

I let my eyes go wide and glassy, pushing out my lower look to create that adorably helpless look that Ino so long ago lost the innocence to use. It's funny that I can still look so innocent, after spending so much time with the Akatsuki.

Ugh. Thinking about the guys made my head hurt. It wasn't that I didn't miss them like crazy, it was just that my feelings were so mixed up...like, one minute Deidara is confessing his love to me and the next I'm thinking about the way Itachi rescued me from Gaara after homecoming. And then how Hidan rescued me from Itachi.

The truth is, I was a crush slut. There's no denying it. And until I get these feelings sorted out, it's not fair to flirt with the guys and lead them on. They meant to much to me for me to hurt them like that.

Sasuke grunted, pulling me back to reality.

"So are you gonna make me food?" I asked hopefully.

He sighed, "I'll order a pizza."

"YES!" Me and Naruto yelled, fist pumping the air. Currently, we were sitting at the small wooden table in Sasuke's kitchen, stomachs grumbling because his mother-the only Uchiha who can cook-was out shopping with some of her friends.

I never realized how much a mama's boy Sasuke was.

As if reading my mind, he sent me a patented Uchiha glare, which, after seeing Itachi's, didn't scare the shit outta me like it used to. I gave him a sugary sweet smile.

"You're the bestest friend ever, Sasuke-kun!"

Naruto looked over at me and pouted, "What about me, Sakura-chan?"

"You're useful."


I laughed and reached across the table to ruffle his soft blond hair, "I'm just kidding, you dope! You know how much you guys mean to me!"

"Unfortunately." Sasuke smirked, looking scarily like a younger Itachi.

I smacked his forearm. "What's unfortunate is that you can't cook crap unless your mom makes it for you."

"I don't see you getting out the pot and kettle."

"That's because I don't feel like making soup or tea, dumbass."

"You could make ramen!"

"Don't you think about anything other than ramen, dobe?"

Naruto put a finger on his chin, as if contemplating this question. He wasn't fooling anyone, though. Me and Sasuke both knew he didn't have enough brain cells for that.

"Well," Naruto said slowly, "I think about Sakura-chan sometimes, too."

I put a hand over my heart, "Good to know that my place in your life comes second only to ramen."

He shrugged, "Sacrifices have to be made."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at us, "Why do I hang out with you two again?"

"Because you love us?" I suggested, mocking smile in place.

"Because nobody else wants to hang out with your emo self?" Naruto wondered. I laughed at this.

"Whatever," Sasuke turned his head away from us stubbornly. He flipped open his cell phone and dialed a few numbers, "Pepperoni or cheese?"

"Pepperoni!" I said at the same time that Naruto shouted "Cheese!" Sasuke gave us both another look.

"I want Sausage and tomato." He stated.

"Oh hellno! Cheese pawns all, teme!"

"But I'm paying."

"Yeah, with your mommy's money."

"How can you not want pepperoni?"

"Ew. Just ew."

"Quite admiring yourself in the mirror, Sasuke-kun. We're trying to order pizza here!"


"Too bad. We're not taking a picture."

"Hn. Dobe."


And on we went.




Pein was not a happy mothafucker.

He had barely gotten any time with Sakura, what was WRONG with this author? Did she not realize the awesomesauce that is PeinSaku?

Well. He would have to do something about that.

Which is why he cheating during the Go Fish game.

Pein leaned back on the sofa, careful not to let any cards slip out of his shirt sleeve when he put his arms behind his head.

"I win, bitch."

His group o' bitches all looked rightfully offended; Sasori was sulking, Deidara was pouting, Kisame was growling, Tobi was...doing Tobi things, Kakuzu looked like he didn't give a shit, Hidan was snarling like a monkey, Itachi was glaring, and Zetsu was fertilizing, and he was smirking victoriously.

Those losers could eat his Pein-flavored dust.

Now, Pein wondered, what should me and Sakura do when she comes back?

"So whose day comes after yours?" Sasori asked bitterly, unfairly snapping Pein out of his lovely daydream of Sakura giving him a back massage.

"I say
I should go."

"Shuttup, Itachi."

"SMD, ho."

"Tobi thinks we should play candy land to decide!"

And so they did. Why? Because when you are badass gang members like those in the Akatsuki, the idea of playing candy land is a test of willpower.



"Somebody put leashes on Sasori and Itachi." Pein ordered, looking as dangerous as a Gaara without it's cookie.




"Sakura? Is something wrong? You've been zoning out alot, lately." Naruto said, waving a hand in front of her face. Sakura blinked owlishly.

"Sorry," She apologized, "I just can't shake the feeling that something weird is going to happen when I get home..." Sakura scratched her head, unable to identify the strange sensation.

Sasuke grabbed another piece of pizza from the box open in front of them. He took a bit and shrugged, "You'll figure it out later."

"Yeah...I guess, and don't chew with your mouth full!" She snapped, looking murderous.

Sasuke gulped down the bite of cheese pizza. "Yes, m'am."

"That's Sakura the Merciless, to you."





This was kind of a bridge chapter :/

Not much happened here...next chapter is when the fun starts :D

There's gonna be date crashers, and fluff, and WATER BALLOON FIGHTS!

If that doesn't make you want to review, than I don't know what will.